Sunday Funnies 2013.04.14

Tomorrow is April 15th. We all know what that means...

A man, called in for an IRS audit, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper."

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Wear your most elegant suit and tie. Do not let them intimidate you."

Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.

"Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck,' said her mother. But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."

The man asked, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

The rabbi replied, "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"

A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting "Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up.

A man elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man.

"Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?"

"I am an IRS agent," gasped the man.

"In that case," said the first man, "take my hand!"

The man immediately grasped the other man's hand and was hauled to safety.

The rescuer turned to the amazed bystanders and declared, "Never ask a tax agent to GIVE you anything, you fools!"

A man walks into a bar accompanied by his pet alligator.

"Do you serve IRS agents?", he asks the barman.

"Of course", says the barman.

"In that case," replies the man, "I'll have a beer, and my alligator will have an IRS agent."

I wouldn't mind paying taxes so much if only the money was used for really valid expenses.

Finally, if only it were this easy...

What's Sauce For The Goose...

I'm a longtime member of the NRA - and damn proud of it. I'm also a member of two other gun-rights groups that might be considered a little more extreme than the NRA; the Second Amendment Foundation, and Gun Owners of America (I can hear the drones beginning to circle overhead now...).

The Second Amendment Foundation was founded by a man named Alan Gottlieb. Gottlieb is an interesting person. He is a successful businessman, author, and political activist (conservative, of course) - a self-described "anti-communist, free-enterprise, laissez-faire capitalist."

He can also at times be a bit of a loose cannon, albeit one that makes you think.

Gottlieb recently suggested that politicians at all levels be required to pass background checks similar to those proposed for gun-buyers.

“If politicians want universal background checks, we should start with them,” said Alan Gottlieb, chairman of the Citizens Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms.

He pointed to recent political scandals in the New York Legislature, which just passed a new restrictive gun control law, where a state senator and state assemblyman were arrested last week, as “one small example.”

“But look at politics in recent years,” Gottlieb observed. “From state and federal scandals, to arrests involving several members of Mayors Against Illegal Guns, we have had example after embarrassing example of public officials being charged with violating various laws. Does anyone think former Congressman Anthony Weiner, who had to quit his post over a lewd e-mail scandal, whould clear a mental health screening to buy a gun?

“If you compare percentages,” he continued, “the rate of criminal activity by politicians is probably far higher than the rate of crimes committed by the general public.

“What this underscores,” he said, “is the reason gun laws don’t work and never will. People who make the laws we have to live under break them anyway, just like criminals routinely disobey gun laws. Based on their own experience, politicians should know that the gun laws they pass will not prevent crime.”

Gottlieb pointed to crooks like former Louisiana Congressman Bill Jefferson, sent to prison after authorities found $90,000 in his freezer during an investigation. He cited former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, now in prison for racketeering and extortion.

“It is both sad and disgraceful that the list goes on and on,” Gottlieb said. “There are politicians with domestic violence problems, others who accepted bribes, some who stole money or were involved in other criminal acts.

“No wonder citizens are disgusted with politicians and don’t trust them,” he concluded, adding tongue-in-cheek, “And these people want to know why there’s a run on guns and ammunition?”

He may be on to something. Here's another example.

There is a bill working its way through the Texas state legislature that would require drug testing of welfare recipients and those receiving unemployment benefits. Fail the test and either enter a drug treatment program or lose your 'entitlements.' Sounds like a good idea to me.

There was an amendment to the bill that was proposed, but unfortunately defeated, that would have required members of the state legislature to also take drug tests. Fail and you're kicked out. That makes even more sense to me.

The point, of course, is to make our political 'masters' play by the same rules they want to impose on us. Below is an updated version of an email that's been floating around for a while. You've probably seen it. I would not only vote for, but actively support and campaign for anyone with enough cojones to run for public office on this platform.

Tea Party members ... Libertarians ... 'None of the Above' ... are you listening?

Congressional Reform Act of 2013

1. No Tenure/No Pension

A Congressman/woman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they're out of office.

2. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security.

All funds in the Congressional retirement fund move to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, and Congress participates with the American people. It may not be used for any other purpose.

3. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan, just as all Americans do.

4. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise.

5. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

6. Congress must equally abide by all laws they impose on the American people.

7. All contracts with past and present Congressmen/women are void effective 06/01/2013.

The American people did not enter into such one-sided contracts with congresscritters. Congress made all these benefits for themselves. Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career.

The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators who served their terms and then returned home and went back to work. Since when did politicians achieve elite status?

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2013.04.12

Dedicated to all those old hippies out there - you know who you are...

No Catholics Allowed

Just when you think you've heard it all, something comes along that raises the absurd-o-meter to another level.

Catholic University Bans Catholic Group

Gonzaga University will not allow students to organize a Knights of Columbus chapter because the group only admits Catholics – a violation of the school’s non-discrimination policy.

Students told The Cardinal Newman Society they had been trying to get university approval for the group for about a year – but school officials have been less than helpful.

“To embrace the diversity and yet endorse a group based on faith exclusivity is a challenge that cannot be reconciled at this time,” (said Sue Weitz, the university’s vice president for student life) — adding that it was a decision about “social justice, equity, and the desire of the university to create an environment in which none are excluded.”

Ah yes...'embrace the diversity'. That's more important than everything else.

Social justice and equality, at least to me, means that people are free to associate with whoever (whomever?) they choose, as long as all such groups are treated equally. If I want to form a club consisting solely of bald-headed overweight over-the-hill Shiner guzzling reprobates then I should be able to do so. But the school should not grant my club special privileges or treat us differently than other groups. And it should not ban the formation of other self-selecting groups.

Especially those that so closely reflect the university's mission and core values.

The Knights of Columbus are a Catholic organization composed of men -- Catholic men -- who organize and participate in a wide variety of community, charitable, and church service projects.

That would seem to be in agreement with Gonzaga's mission statement, which says in part "Gonzaga University is an exemplary learning community that educates students for lives of leadership and service for the common good. In keeping with its Catholic, Jesuit, and humanistic heritage and identity..."

I don't see a problem there.

Patrick Reilly, president of The Cardinal Newman Society, told Fox News that the ban is absolutely ridiculous.

“It boggles the mind that an institution that is Catholic can’t figure out a way to allow exceptions to the rule,” He said. “This is a Catholic organization...

Yes, but Gonzaga, like most universities, is run by bureaucrats who are deathly afraid of being accused of not being sufficiently politically correct. Still, there has been enough of a ruckus raised over this nonsense that common sense may yet carry the day.

The outcry has been so significant that Gonzaga President Thayne McCulloh said they will review the decision.

In bureaucracy-speak, that means we'll stall for a while and hope this whole thing just goes away...

Update To Today's Events

An earlier post today mentioned a firearms company leaving an anti-gun state (Oregon) for a gun-friendly state (Texas).

Now there's a report that another firearm manufacturer is leaving another anti-gun state (Connecticut) for someplace where they'll be more welcome.

Rifle manufacturer PTR Industries kept true to its word when it announced on Tuesday it planned to move the growing company out of Connecticut.

PTR chief exective officer Josh Fiorini told the Republican-American on the eve of legislature's vote last week that it planned to move its company to another state if the new law banned gun hardware. On Tuesday, the company posted a message on its Facebook page announcing it planned to move.

PTR hasn't said where it's headed, but the ripple effects of its announcement have already started.

...the move is something local vendors are watching nervously.

Sam Cavallo, owner of CavTech Industries, said if PTR stops buying parts from his manufactured products company after the move it will affect his company. Products for PTR make up a third of the business for CavTech, according to Cavallo.

It appears that states which pass knee-jerk ill-considered feel-good legislation are learning that the consequences can be fast and furious (sorry...).

Updates To Yesterday's Events

First, the weather: Yesterday's high of 108 was an aberration (Thank God!). Today is much more seasonable. It's 30 degrees cooler, with a forecast high of around 80. Much, much better.

I think I'll celebrate by polishing off those leftover Shiners...

In other news, last night obama threw an extravagant party at the White House.

The “sequestration” budget cuts may have halted public tours of the White House — but they didn’t stop President Obama from partying the night away at a celebrity-filled private concert in the executive mansion last night, with taxpayers footing part of the bill.

Take a good look. That's as close as us common folk will get to seeing the inside of 'our' White House for a while.

A Pair Of Win-Win Items

Somehow I missed this bit of good news.

COLT COMPETITION RIFLES COMING TO TEXAS..WHERE IT BELONGS!

Texas rules. I’m sorry my yankee friends stuck behind blue state hellhole lines! But the Lone Star State kicks culo! You just have to live here to understand how @#&*ing great Texas is! In keeping, Texas has picked up another gun manufacturer fleeing the blue state statists trying to destroy the 2nd Amendment.

Okay, that's a little bombastic, so I did a bit of digging. Those involved seem to be trying to low-key the news, but here's what I found.

Firearms Company Relocating To North Texas

A firearms company that makes AR-15 style rifles for the iconic brand Colt, will open a plant in Breckenridge in Stephens County (TX). Oregon company Bold Ideas confirmed the development Friday.

Bold Ideas goes by the name Colt Competition, making high accuracy rifles for competition shooting.

Company website here.

Evil Black Rifle picture below (image courtesy of Colt Competition).

The company has not officially announced the opening, but employment applications are already available at the Breckenridge Chamber of Commerce.

The move by Colt Competition into Breckenridge comes as the CEO of Colt Manufacturing in Connecticut has said there will soon be few good answers to keep his company in the state. Connecticut passed some of the nation’s most restrictive gun laws this week.

It also comes weeks after Governor Rick Perry reportedly sent letters to gun companies, encouraging them to move to Texas.

Let me be one of the first to welcome the fine folks from Colt Competition to the great State of Texas (aka God's Country). And let me say to all you other firearm-related firms out there .. Come On Down! Not only is this a firearm-friendly environment, but we don't have a state income tax.

Just sayin'...

I'm not a big Rick Perry fan, but I'll give him major props on this one. He brings new jobs into the state, while at the same time tweaking the nose of libs and anti-gunners. A true win-win.

And speaking of win-win, the image below (hidden because it's NSFW) is a true win-win for red-blooded American males (and some females...) who oppose islamic nonsense.

I have no idea what the backstory is, but the message comes across loud and clear.

Click to embiggen.

Romance Pants Set The Mood

Back in the day, when I used to entice young ladies to come visit my bachelor pad, I depended on black lights and speakers the size of shipping crates to set the mood.

Now, thanks to modern technology, a young Lothario can achieve a similar romantic effect with just his pants and a very special zipper.

Sexy time officially begins when these pants are unzipped. You can probably say the same for most pants involved, but the pair we’re talking about is pretty special and it’s aptly called the Romance Pants. That’s because these pants are fitted with sensors that set certain things into motion once attempts are being made to take them off the wearer.

It all begins when the Romance Pants are unzipped. The lights are dimmed and the stereo’s volume will go up a notch to set the mood. Just make sure you’ve got sexy music playing because rap will probably kill the mood. When the pants are unbuttoned, candles flicker to life like magic thanks to nichrome wires and shaved match tips. Once they’re off, well, it’s all up to you now.

Check out the video below for more info. Don't worry, it's PG-13.

Weather Update

The current temperature here in South Texas is 104 - and it's not yet the hottest time of the day.

The A/C in my little apartment is struggling to keep the place at some semblance of cool.

I have a dry, sticky mouth, a slight headache, and I'm a little light headed - all symptoms of dehydration.

I'd better go consume some cold beverages and take it easy...

UPDATE: the high temp today topped out at 108 degrees. It's almost enough to make me believe in global warming.

Real-World Star Wars

OLDNFO recently posted about the Army's reaction to North Korea's nuclear saber rattling.

Missile defenders preparing for the deployment of the Terminal High Altitude Air Defense (THAAD) System to Guam are ready for the mission, the Army general at their home station reported, noting his full confidence in the ability of U.S. air defense systems to protect against North Korean missiles.

/snip/

The THAAD deployment will strengthen defense capabilities for American citizens in the U.S. territory of Guam and U.S. forces stationed there, the Defense Department said in an April 3 news release announcing the deployment that’s expected in the coming weeks.

Sounds good, right? However, as NFO points out:

...there are ONLY three of these systems in existence that are actually deployable, and note the last sentence, ‘expected’ to deploy in the coming weeks… How? There will have to be a massive reshuffle of lift capability to get them there, and a couple of weeks may be too late…

Meanwhile, in another part of the world:

The U.S. Navy is preparing to deploy an experimental laser weapon to the Persian Gulf, where it could be used to deter Iran from using small boats to attack American warships.

Adm. Jonathan Greenert, the U.S. chief of naval operations, on Monday unveiled plans to place the laser cannon aboard a U.S. ship in the Gulf, where swarms of Iranian attack boats have posed a worrisome challenge for the American military.

The $40 million system will be installed aboard the USS Ponce, an amphibious assault ship used in the Gulf for mine clearance and humanitarian operations.

While still in development, the laser system has succeeded in destroying all 12 of its drone and small boat targets in testing, officials said. To bolster its capabilities, the Navy released a video of the laser weapon setting an aerial drone aflame and forcing it to crash into the water.

I have no idea how effective either system will be. I do, however, have the former infantryman's mistrust of high-tech solutions. We prefer a more low-tech approach.

Bomb the shit out of both places. Destroy the NORK missile launchers and Iran's harbor facilities. From the grunt's perspective that's an ideal solution because it requires the Air Force to earn their pay for a change. As an added bonus, we don't have to get out of our bunks.

I know, I know - oversimplification and wistful thinking. But a guy can dream...

Another "Boy Do I Feel Old" Post

It was bad enough hearing about the passing of Iron Maggie. But on top of that came news of the death of someone who meant much more to me, at least in my formative years.

Annette Funicello, one of the best-known members of the original 1950s "Mickey Mouse Club" and a star of numerous 1960s "beach party" films, died Monday at a California hospital, the Walt Disney Co. said.

As a prepubescent youngster, I was glued to the TV when the Mickey Mouse Club came on. Annette was without a doubt my favorite, but in a big sister kind of way.

A few years later, my appreciation for her in the Beach Blanket Bingo flicks was no less enthusiastic, although for entirely different reasons. Annette had blossomed, and so had I.

For you kids out there, that thing she's holding in her hand is not a cell phone. It's a transistor radio.

Tame by today's standards, the images of Annette in a bikini stirred unfamiliar feelings within me ... and my loins.

Mickey would have been appalled...

FOD 2013.04.08

As a soon-to-be-retiree I noted with interest a provision in obama's pending budget. In his plan he proposes a limit on how much money individuals can hold in IRAs and other retirement accounts. Of course, he dresses it up as restrictions that will only affect 'wealthy' people, and that will impose 'fairness' on the system.

President Obama’s budget, to be released next week, will limit how much wealthy individuals – like Mitt Romney – can keep in IRAs and other retirement accounts.

I'm not sure why Romney was included, other than to further demonize so-called 'wealthy' people.

The proposal would save around $9 billion over a decade, a senior administration official said, while also bringing more fairness to the tax code.

Again, I'm not sure how capping IRAs will makes things 'fair' - unless, as I fear, this is the first step in a process that will continue to lower the amount of money we can have in our retirement accounts. The next step will be to confiscate funds over a certain ceiling.

Don't think that could happen? Recall recent events in Cyprus, where the government took money not just from retirement accounts, but from regular bank accounts as well.

Now, with that in mind, read the next paragraph.

The senior administration official said that wealthy taxpayers can currently “accumulate many millions of dollars in these accounts, substantially more than is needed to fund reasonable levels of retirement saving.”

So now obama and the progressives want to determine what "reasonable levels of retirement saving” are.

Limiting magazine capacity. Limiting retirement savings. Limiting privacy, free speech, and just about every other right we used to have.

When does it end?

Sunday Funnies 2013.04.07

No theme today. Just a random collection of jokes and cartoons.

Q:  What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A:  If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

Q: What does it mean when your husband is in bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

Why Retired Professors Drink

I'm retiring effective 31 May 2013. However, since I work for a state university I am still subject to government nonsense, regardless of my impending retirement. For example, the state mandates that we complete certain training courses annually, no matter whether or not they are related to our job duties. Case in point:

I received an email today reminding me that I need to complete a training module on Effective Hiring Practices. Never mind that I teach and do research - I do not hire people. And never mind that in a few weeks I won't be around to hire anyone. The government, in its infallible wisdom, has decreed that I shall complete this training or else I won't be allowed to retire.

Someone once said that government policy is like cancer. No one knows where it comes from, but it can't be ignored.

I can't wait to get away from this nonsense.

Friday Follies Happy Hour - Generation Gap

I have a daughter - 16 years old going on 25. She alternates between being Daddy's little girl and an independent woman (too damn independent, at times).

All my parenting experience is with boys - sons and nephews, no daughters or nieces. So to say I'm clueless when it comes to raising a girl is a massive understatement. It's like a mother dog that is given a newborn kitten to care for. She nurtures it and protects it, but will never understand it.

And since I was a boy once, and I've had that experience reenforced by the subsequent hordes of boys that have swarmed around us over the years, you might say I'm just a tad bit overprotective. For example, for our daughter's 16th birthday her mother let her get her ears pierced - without my knowledge. In the ensuing conversation the phrase "reactionary old fogey" came up.

Now I like to think I'm as cool and hip as the next guy, but I fail to see the point of poking holes in perfectly good body parts. Getting her ears pierced once was bad enough, but it turns out she got two count 'em TWO holes in each lobe.

Madness...

Anyway, that was several months ago, and I've slowly come to accept the pierced ears. In fact, yesterday I noticed that she was wearing small lightening bolt earrings.

"Cool," I thought, "ZZ Top lightening bolts."

When I complemented her on them and mentioned that I was impressed that she liked ZZ Top so much, she got a blank look on her face. "Who?" she asked.

Turns out they were Harry Potter earrings.

Sigh...

Let's Spread This One Around

Sometimes you run across something that just makes your day. Here is one such item, reposted in its entirety from OldNFO.

An interesting question/statement is posed with this one from the Custer County Chronicle, Feb 6, 2013 page 5A.

Sure would be nice to see this one go viral...

Give The Devil His Due

Funny, isn't it, how demands on our time ebb and flow. Since I'm retiring at the end of this semester I thought I'd have plenty of time on my hands as things wound down. After all, I've wrapped up my research projects, I am blissfully ignoring all my administrative and committee demands unnecessary wastes of time, and I don't have to worry about preparing for next semester's classes. So one would think I'm wallowing in leisure time, just lounging about and sucking down various adult beverages.

Unfortunately, that's just not the case.

I can't pinpoint where all the much-anticipated free time is going, but for some reason there is a steady stream of small but consistent and continual time-eating tasks. The net result is that I've got a great pile of notes regarding issues that deserve more of an in-depth treatment than I can give them right now. So this post will be more of a macro-level observation, with (hopefully) a more detailed treatment of the various issues to follow at some point in the (again, hopefully) near future.

What we have today is a grudging admiration for the obama machine's ability to manipulate the public's attention. Like a pickpocket who artfully manages to distract his mark with one hand while the other snakes into the victim's pocket and deftly removes his wallet, barry and his merry band of weasels have skillfully focused our attention where they want us to look -- gun control, immigration reform, basketball, Hillary in 2016, the sequester, and other distractions -- while adroitly turning our attention away from an array of scandals and failures such as Fast & Furious, Benghazi, obamacare, the persistently high unemployment rate, closing Gitmo, and many, many more.

Aided and abetted by his allies in the mainstream media, those of us who oppose the socialist-in-chief's destruction of this country have been conditioned to run howling after the latest trendy issue-of-the-day while neglecting to pursue those truly significant matters that have much more significant implications.

If only they would use their powers for good instead of evil...

Global Warming Update

The latest evidence of global warming - polar bear attack in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada.

The polar bear was driven to attack a human because global warming has melted so much of the ice pack the bear was forced to migrate southward.

These are photographs of an actual polar bear attacking a man.

The pictures were taken while people watched and could do nothing to stop the attack.

Reports from the local newspaper say that the victim will make a full recovery.

The photos are below....

Quack Attack

Just in time for tonight's new episodes of my favorite TV show, Duck Dynasty, comes this story.

A&E's breakout pro-hunting hit "Duck Dynasty" returned Wednesday night to record ratings. The season three premiere delivered 8.6 million viewers.

That's huge. It's not only the most-watched "Duck Dynasty" episode ever, it's A&E's most-watched telecast ever and ranks as cable's biggest reality show telecast so far this year. The 10 p.m. episode (the first of two back-to-back airings) was up 132 percent vs. the second season premiere. Plus, a full 5 million of the viewers were in the adults 18-49 demo.

The return of "Duck Dynasty" benefited from an unexpected gift-from-the-PR-gods when British singer and animal rights activist Morrissey cancelled his planned Feb. 26 performance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" at the last minute in protest of the "Duck Dynasty" stars appearing the same episode. Morrissey called the show's stars — who own a family business that makes products for hunters — "animal serial killers."

I didn't even know who Morrissey is - or was. I had to google the dude. Here's what I found.

He is a beautiful, poignant poet/lyricist. Essentially, a Dr. Marten-donning pied piper to masses of brooding, romantic fatalists.

WTF?

Another source:

He is a vegetarian and an avid supporter of PETA and animal rights. He once boycotted the country of Canada (yes, the ENTIRE country) for their practice of seal clubbing.

I'm beginning to understand.

Popular opinion amongst fans and critics alike is that Morrissey developed his famous wail and "lonely, misunderstood outsider" persona quite early in life. Steven Patrick Morrissey was born on May 22nd, in Davyhulme, Manchester, to working-class Irish-Catholic immigrant parents. The doctors and nurses all agreed: Ma and Pa Morrissey's baby boy let out the finest crying any of them had ever heard. Surely this boy would grow up to utilize his skill to make a name for himself in a profession where whining and self-indulgent blubbering are welcomed and encouraged: the entertainment industry.

Now it all makes sense.

So who would you rather hang out with? A depressed, self-indulgent vegan who wants to spoil everyone else's fun...

... or a bunch of bearded rednecks who hunt, fish, shoot, and drink?

Will Wonders Never Cease?

CNN, of all places, published a well written, well thought out article chronicling one woman's journey from anti-gun advocate to Second Amendment supporter and NRA member. She begins:

I am the mother of three amazing children. Before having children, I was a firm believer that guns were dangerous. But I did nothing to educate myself about guns or gun safety. I feared the unknown and the danger guns seemed to possess.

Then she married a Marine who obviously had different views on the matter. A few years later she had an unsettling experience at her rural home. Here's her conclusion.

So Mr. Obama and your gun control advocates: I am not physically capable of stopping a 200-pound man from raping me or my daughters. I am not physically capable of stopping a 200-pound man from entering my home and doing what he may. However, my gun is very capable of stopping such a criminal if such an act were to occur.

We live in a society where no one is there to protect us. The police come after the crime, not before. I do not have 24/7 armed protection like you do, Mr. President. Neither do my children.

So until you can explain to this nation why your old city of Chicago has rising murder rates by guns, despite some of the strictest gun control laws in the country, I will continue to support the NRA, I will continue to urge others to support the Second Amendment and I will continue to vote for those politicians that support my views. I will also support the notion of placing armed police, veterans, etc. in our schools.

Why should your children, Mr. President, be of the select few children in this country who are protected by armed guards? Why are your children more special than mine?

The fact is they are not. All children are special and have the right to be cared for and protected.

I am a mom, and I am proud to support the NRA and my right to bear arms.

 Well said. Go here to read the entire article.

A Breath Of Sanity - Maybe

There is a nasty rumor going around regarding the possibility of a Hillary-Michelle 'Dream Ticket' for the 2016 presidential race.

...reports indicate a buzz growing for a potential Democratic “dream” ticket featuring Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama.

There are already bumper stickers in the marketplace with messages such as “2016-Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama,” and “Hillary-Michelle 2016 First First Lady Ticket For President,” and Cafe Press reports a 60% hike in sales of the Hillary-Michelle sticker from December to March, with the largest jump in March.

Well, if bumper sticker sales are up I guess that makes it official.

“Both women are proven effective leaders who’ve raise children, so dealing with Congress would be a snap!”

My wife is a proven effective leader -- she was quite successful in the corporate world before stepping down to, yes, you guessed it, raise children -- so she also should be able to deal with congress with little or no problem. After all, she has many years of experience in dealing with strong-willed, opinionated males (at least one...). So that makes her as qualified as either one of those two hags.

Some have suggested putting Mrs. Obama at the top of the ticket and having Mrs. Clinton run for VP, especially after Michelle announced the Best Picture Oscar at this year’s Academy Awards.

Oh my achin' butt. Since when does announcing the Best Picture award make a person suitable for one the two highest offices in the U.S. of A? Last year Tom Cruise made the presentation. How many of you would feel comfortable with Tom "Church of Scientology" Cruise in the Oval Office?

Sadly, voters in this country have began giving more credence to celebrity status than qualifications. The first significant instance of that was when a heretofore unknown junior senator from Illinois gave the keynote speech at the 2004 democrat national convention. I didn't get what all the fuss was about back then, but the media damn sure fell in love with him at that point.

Anyway, back to the so-called dream ticket.

While libs, dems, and other assorted brain-dead fools are drooling all over themselves at the possibility of those two harridans running hand-in-hand for prez and veep, at least some folks out there are having second thoughts. All snark aside, there are a few of significant obstacles to a Hillary run in 2016.

The first is her age. She'll be 69 (*snort - that's more appropriate for Bill*) in 2016. That doesn't necessarily disqualify her. After all, Ronald Reagan was only 9 months older than her when he was elected. But it will undoubtedly be an issue raised during the campaign.

Then there's her health. She has a history of blood clots and concussions, which will again undoubtedly be a campaign issue.

And of course, given that she's a Clinton, a dem, and a lib, there are various ethical questions.

One particular quarrel that a Hillary Clinton nomination would bring forward is the quarrel over the ethical standards of the Clinton White House -- and, maybe even more, of the Clintons' post-White House careers. Relying on Hillary Clinton's annual financial disclosure reports, CNN reported last year that former President Bill Clinton had earned $89 million in speaking fees since leaving the White House in 2001. Many of these earnings came from foreign sources. In 2011 alone, the former president earned $6.1 million from 16 speeches in 11 foreign countries.

Is it an ethical problem for the husband of the person charged with the foreign affairs of the United States to earn so much foreign-sourced income? Let's rephrase that question: How much time do Democrats wish to spend arguing the ethics of Bill Clinton's foreign earnings over the 2016 political cycle?

Not to mention assorted Whitewater and Lewinsky-gate issues...

There's also an interesting political slant.

Yet the biggest risk to Democrats from a Hillary Clinton nomination is not that it would be generationally backward-looking -- or that it would reopen embarrassing ethical disputes -- but that it would short-circuit the necessary work of party renewal.

After eight years in the White House, a party requires a self-appraisal and a debate over its way forward. Bill Clinton offered Democrats just such a debate in 1992 with his "New Democrat" ideas. Barack Obama offered another in 2008 with his careful but unmistakable criticism of Clinton-era domestic policies and Hillary Clinton's Iraq war vote. But if Hillary Clinton glides into the nomination in 2016 on the strength of money, name recognition, and a generalized feeling of "It's her turn," then Democrats will forgo this necessary renewal.

That's the republican model - the idea that the party's nomination should go to the "next person in line." See Dole, Bob; McCain, John; and Romney, Mitt. We all know how well that's worked out for them.

Finally, there's the perception issue.

Pollster John Zogby, however, questions if the ticket would sell. "Hillary and Michelle are both very popular and accomplished, but this smacks of too much celebrity and is a tad too dynastic for American voters," he said. "An interesting reality show, yes. A ticket, no."

Which brings us back full circle to the question of whether today's low-information voters make their choices based on celebrity status or qualifications.

Given the bozo currently wasting oxygen in the White House, I'm not optimistic...

Truth In A Nutshell

I am not at all familiar with the political process in Luxembourg, or with any of their political figures. However, I think I could learn to like the prime minister, Jean-Claude Juncker, based on a single quote of his:

“We all know what to do, we just don’t know how to get re-elected after we have done it.”

Word...

Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

Around a month ago I posted a couple of examples of what I call the Iron Triangle theorem . That's the notion that in a situation with three interrelated variables it is possible to maximize two of them, but not all three at the same time. Here's the examples I gave back then.

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Here's a third example.

 

A lot of truth can be conveyed with simple pictures...

FOD 2013.04.01

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Man Bites Dog

There's an old journalism saying meant to illustrate the principle that a rare or unusual event is more newsworthy than a common everyday occurrence:

"When a dog bites a man, that is not news. But if a man bites a dog, that is news."

What brought that to mind is a recent story from New York. But first, the set-up.

Among other things, Islam suffers from a barbaric tradition of so-called honor killings in which Islamic women are murdered, often by stoning or beheading, for violating their families' honor. Those violations can include such things as not adhering to a strict dress code, objecting to an arranged marriage, pre-marital sex or marital infidelity, or even failing to serve a meal on time. Perhaps the most egregious example of honor killing is the murder of rape victims by her own family.

With that in mind, the following story falls squarely into the "man bites dog" category.

A soft-spoken Muslim woman tried to slit her Staten Island husband's throat as he slept - enraged that he made her eat pork and wear sexy skirts...

"It's time for you to die!" screamed Rabia Sarwar as she pounced on hubby Sheikh Naseem, sources said.

He woke early Wednesday to find her straddling his chest and hacking at his neck with a knife.

The burly 41-year-old, a teacher at Susan Wagner High School, overpowered the pretty petite Sarwar, 37, and grabbed the weapon.

The two have only been together for five months. For Nasseem, it was his third try after his first two marriages failed. The Pakistani-born Naseem was not a practicing Muslim but sought a traditional wife; their pairing was arranged through family friends.

Shades of Lorena Bobbitt...

In related news, the charges against Lorena Bobbitt were dismissed because the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.

Her husband was happy to see her set free. He said he didn't have any hard feelings.

Lorena Bobbitt is now dating a golf pro. She wants to improve her slice.

Sunday Funnies 2013.03.31

Have a Happy -- and Blessed -- Easter!

Q: What do Easter Bunny helpers get for making a basket?
A: Two points, just like anyone else.

Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been screwing chickens.


After the big egg hunt on Easter Sunday, a farm boy decided to play a little prank on all of the chickens. He went into the chicken coop and replaced every single brown egg with a brightly colored one from his Easter basket.

A few minutes later the rooster walked in and saw all of the colored eggs. He let out an outraged "Squawk" and then stormed outside and killed the peacock.


Why I Wouldn't Want To Be An Easter Egg

It takes you three minutes to get hard.
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.

God Forgive Them

I've avoided mentioning anything about this story, because it's so damn depressing, especially when we're supposed to be enjoying Spring and celebrating Easter. But the latest development just begs for comment.

The story began with a truly horrific crime.

Baby shot dead in stroller

According to Sherry West, the baby's mother, "A boy approached me and told me he wanted my money, and I told him I didn't have any money. And he said, 'Give me your money or I'm going to kill you and I'm going to shoot your baby and kill your baby,' and I said, 'I don't have any money,' and 'Don't kill my baby.'"

The boy tried to grab her purse and opened fire when she said tried to tell him she had no money, West said, with the shot grazing her head. She said the boy then shot her in the leg.

West continued, "And then, all of a sudden, he walked over and he shot my baby in the face."

This took place in Brunswick, Georgia, a small town of about 15,000 with a low crime rate and a reputation as a safe, family-oriented place. But the latest development makes that description sound a little shaky.

The investigation into the shooting of a baby in Brunswick, Georgia -- a crime that's grabbed national headlines -- has taken yet another turn with the arrest of a local politician.

The politician, Brunswick City Commissioner James Henry Brooks, is related to one of the suspects worthless scumbags arrested and charged with shooting the baby.

Brooks' charges stem from a Monday courthouse incident in which he allegedly tried to block a county investigator from speaking with the mother of De'Marquis Elkins, one of the suspects in the case...

Brooks was also indicted on unrelated racketeering charges in neighboring Camden County earlier Thursday...

...Elkins' mother, Karimah, who is still in custody, faces a second charge of possession of a firearm by a convicted felon...

Sounds like a great family. Racketeering, parole violation, and now murder.

De'Marquise Elkins, 17, and Dominique Lang, 15, have been charged with murder. Elkins' mother, aunt and sister have also been arrested on various charges alleging that they have hindered the investigation.

The family that slays together, stays together.

Look, I get a family coming together and supporting one of their own in a tough situation. That's what families do. But I would hope that most of us draw the line when a family member deliberately and cold-bloodily shoots a baby in the face because the child's mother doesn't have any money.

In the interest of fairness (innocent until proven guilty, and all that good stuff) I should note that there are some who doubt the mother's story.

(An older daughter of the baby's mother), 21-year-old daughter of the baby, Ashley Glassey, says she doesn’t want to wrongly accuse her mother but now has serious doubts about her story.

Speaking to First Coast News, Glassey, who lives in New Jersey, claimed her mother may have killed the baby for the insurance money. She said she started to question her mother’s account of what happened when she began giving conflicting stories.

And on the defendants' behalf:

The lawyer for one of the Georgia teenagers charged with murder in a baby's shooting said Monday his client is "absolutely" not guilty and the grandmother of the second suspect said her grandson would never be involved in such a crime.

I don't know who's right and who's wrong in this case. The police seem convinced that they have the shooters, although the police have been wrong before. All I know is that a little baby is dead for no good reason.

Tomorrow is Easter, a day of forgiveness and rebirth. I'll leave that to better people than me, because I'm having a very difficult time mustering up any forgiveness for those involved in this tragic and heinous crime.

I'm leaning a little bit more towards the Old Testament today...

Psalm 58

Easter Treat

Easter is tomorrow. Here's what the CenTexTim clan will find in their Easter baskets.

In case you can't make it out, it's a wind-up Easter Bunny that you load with jelly beans, then turn loose. Every time he hops he poops a jelly bean.

The kids will love it.

My wife will be appalled.

Win-win...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2013.03.29

It's Easter time!

Ignore the music. Concentrate on the video.


If I was Peter Cottontail I'd be coming too...

Makes Sense To Me

This is one of those ideas that sounds so good I can't figure out how anyone would object to it.

I guess that's because liberals think differently from folks with common sense.

Federal employees who don’t pay taxes would be fired under bill that passed committee

Citing figures indicating that more than 100,000 federal employees owe more than $1 billion in federal taxes, a House committee on Wednesday approved legislation that would require the firing of government workers who are “seriously tax delinquent.”

$1 billion!?! That would go a long way towards offsetting the sequester cuts. Why, we might even be able to open up the White House again.

The Federal Employee Tax Accountability Act of 2013 requires the termination of employment for tax delinquent federal employees, while also prohibiting the hiring of new federal employees with a substantial amount of delinquent tax debt.

Like I said, it makes sense to me. It seems only reasonable that those responsible for administering and enforcing our laws should first abide by them. However, democrats on the committee opposed the bill.

No surprise there. After all, their fearless leader has stocked his cabinet with numerous tax cheats...

Serendipity

Generally speaking, serendipity refers to the accidental discovery of something useful while not specifically searching for it. Since I started this blog I've been constantly amazed at the number of times I'll be working on something and a related piece falls into my lap from a totally unexpected source. Here's the latest example.

I just finished reading an in-depth profile of Lance Armstrong in a recent issue of Texas Monthly. The gist of the story is that Armstrong is neither hero nor villain. On the plus side of the ledger is his determined battle to overcome cancer, and the great amount of time and effort that he has devoted to helping others battle that curse. On the negative side is the lying about his use of performance enhancing drugs, and his bullying of anyone who dared object or challenge him. In short, he is neither black nor white, but a complex mottled shade of gray.

What makes this serendipitous is that shortly after I finished reading the story, I posted something about Debbie Wasserman Schultz whining that congressional staffers were starving because the sequester caused prices to rise in government cafeterias. In a comment on that post, Toejam mentioned that DWS has endured multiple surgeries for breast cancer, including a double mastectomy. I didn't know that.

I did a little research, and found out that not only is that true, but that Wasserman Schultz has mounted a campaign to inform doctors and young women that breast cancer can strike women in their 20s and 30s, something that many people aren't aware of. (Schultz had just turned 40 when her cancer was discovered. Three years ago her doctors declared her cancer-free.)

Furthermore, she has the balls (metaphorically speaking, of course) to stand up and joke about the experience. At last year's Gridiron Dinner (a white-tie extravaganza where the Washington press corps makes fun of itself and the politicians it covers) Debbie detoured into standup comedy.

“By the way, my health battle wasn’t all bad. I got these,” she said, gazing at the bodice of her long red gown. “I like to call them my ‘silver linings.’ Some people who know my story ask: “Debbie, are they fake?”

“I say, hell, yes, they’re fake.  The real ones tried to kill me...

...although the fake ones feel very real. At least that’s what the TSA agents tell me.”

Gotta give the gal her props. She took on a killer disease, kicked it in the teeth, and can laugh about it. I now have a degree of grudging respect and admiration for her.

However, I still agree with Toejam that she's a commie bitch...

Let Them Eat Cake

Yesterday we heard from a couple of democrat congresscrittters moaning and groaning about how the sequester is eviscerating the creatures that serve on their official staffs (boo-friggin'-hoo).

Today we have a brief summary of how our overlords the obamas are faring during that same time period.

More than a Vacation a Month for Obamas in 2013

In the first three months of the year, members of the first family have been on three vacations, averaging a vacation a month...

The Obamas began the new year in Hawaii. "President Obama departed Hawaii this morning for Washington, after spending NINE days vacationing with family and friends in his native state...ABC reported on January 6, 2013.

Then (in February) the first lady and their daughters vacationed in Aspen over President's Day weekend...

While the rest of the family was in Colorado, Obama went to Florida for a golf weekend (with) one of golf’s most famous guys, Tiger Woods...

As if that wasn't enough, the first daughters are now spending Spring Break at a luxurious resort in the Bahamas.

Sasha and Malia Obama are quietly vacationing at the Atlantis resort on Paradise Island in the Bahamas...

I don't have a problem with people taking a few days off every once in a while. And I certainly don't object to the kids having a good time over Spring Break. But what does chap my ass is that (1) we the taxpayers are footing the bill for these boondoggles; (2) they're taking place during a time when so many people are struggling to make ends meet; and (3) obama is spending all of his time when he's not on vacation pissing and moaning about how the government doesn't have enough money, so taxes should be raised.

Oh yeah - and at the same time the White House tours have been cancelled due to lack of funds.

The hypocrisy is mind-boggling...

For Toejam

If you've been visiting this blog for a while, you've probably noticed a regular commentator who goes by Toejam. He's a Yank who lives in Ireland, and as such he has kindly taken the time on occasion to correct some of my mistaken impressions of the Irish people. So when I saw the following article I immediately thought of him.

Irish Town Passes Motion to Allow Drinking and Driving

The Irish town of Kilgarvan passed a motion this winter calling for some members of its community to be allowed to drink and drive.

Proposed by local pub owner and politician Danny Healy-Rae, the motion calls for the minister of justice to allow police to decide whether to "issue permits" for people who live in country areas to be able to have two or three drinks before they drive home, The New York Times reported. Healy-Rae told the Times he thinks the measure will help preserve pub culture, lower the risk of suicide and attack isolation in the small town.

...Healy-Rae says it isn’t supposed to apply to everyone, mainly "elderly people who live in very remote places."

"What is the alternative for them where no public or other transport is available? Staying at home lonely, staring at the four walls?”

Toejam, aren't you one of the beneficiaries of this change? An elderly person who lives in a remote place, staring at the four walls...?

Toejam sharing a pint with his close Irish buddy Barry O'Bama.

Oh The Humanity

Good ol' Debbie Wassername Shultz is alerting anyone who will listen about how the sequester is wreaking havoc on a bunch of mistreated and underpaid congressional staff members.

It seems that the sequester has cut funds used to underwrite meals enjoyed by those unappreciated staffers. This obviously ranks right up there with cutting funds for subsidized schools lunches.

Something must be done! The politicians' lackeys are suffering!

Debbie Wasserman Schultz: Sequester nearly starving staffers

Automatic federal cuts are bringing staffers to the brink of starvation, suggested Debbie Wasserman Schultz, at a recent House Legislative Branch Appropriations Subcommittee hearing.

Restaurants on the House side of Congress are increasing in cost so much that aides are being “priced out” of a good meal, she said... The comments came by way of a discussion about the impacts of the sequester on lawmakers’ office budgets. Rep. Jim Moran said he may be forced to lay off a staffer...

FWIW, in the fourth quarter of 2012 Moran had 17 people on his official staff.

...and then Ms. Wasserman Schultz weighed in with her tale of hard times.

Just to clarify: An 8-ounce bowl of Ham and Bean soup at the Cannon Office Building’s carry-out café costs $2. A gourmet wrap or sliced bread sandwich sells for about $5. And in the Longworth Building’s sit-down cafeteria, a serving of stuffed chicken, asparagus and mashed potatoes sells for about $7, Fox News finds.

Meanwhile, Ms. Wasserman Schultz’s staffers earn between $60,000 and $160,000 per year...

Imagine having to fork over $5 for a sandwich, or $7 for a full meal. Why, that's in line with what us peons constituents have to pay (unless, of course, we brown-bag it. I wonder why the staffers can't do what millions of us who perform actual work do).

It's just not fair...

Debbie Wasserman Schultz, concerned staffer overseer

FOD 2013.03.25

It looks like Jay Leno is on his way out at NBC. Which is a shame, since it seems he is becoming one of the few media figures with enough cojones to make fun of obama. A few recent examples:

“Did you hear about this? A 28-year-old woman from Serbia has a rare brain condition where she sees everything upside down. The good news? She’s now been given a job at the White House as President Obama’s economic adviser."

"Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations."

"President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He's concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that's just in his administration."

And my favorite: