Sunday, July 3, 2016

Sunday Funnies 2016.07.03

July 4th Weekend - yay America!!!

The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. 'We live in a great country,' she announced. 'One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.'

Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, 'I'm not free. I'm four.'

Message from Her Majesty The Queen

    To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen

    In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

    Her Majesty will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. Look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

    2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.

    3. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Q: If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get?
A: George Squashington

Q: If you crossed a rooster with the first signer of the Declaration of Independence, what would you get?
A: John Hancock-a-doodle-doo

Q: If you crossed a Patriot with a curly-haired dog, what would you get?
A: Yankee Poodle

Q: If you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy, what would you get?
A: A bald beagle.

Q: What protest did dogs hold in 1773?
A: The Boston Flea Party

Q: What did one flag say to the other flag?
A: Nothing. It just waved.

Q: How come there's no Knock Knock joke about America?
A: Because freedom rings.


Well Seasoned Fool said...

(except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Wise woman.

Anonymous said...

Happy 4th, CTT and All real Americans every where. (Texas currently is a State but for how long?)!

CenTexTim said...

WSF - Actually, I'd keep Kansas and get rid of California, New York, Massachusetts ... well, you get the idea.

Toejam - thanks, and the same to you. We may go down, but by God at least we'll go down fighting...