Sunday Funnies 2011.06.19

Happy Father's Day!!!

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes?” replied the teacher.

“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,

"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice:

"The big sissy."

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

~Author Unknown

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2011.06.17

I've been trying to lose weight this summer - unsuccessfully. I blame it on Texas Cooking.

A Long Dry Week

It's been a long week. We had the post-nephew's-wedding chores, followed by some to-do odds and ends around the house. But what really killed me was the irrigation system at our lake cabin.

It all began last winter, when temperatures up there dropped to single digits for three days in a row. The place is just not equipped to handle low temperatures like that. I had the house pipes wrapped and drained, so we had minimal damage there. But we water the lawn by running a PVC pipe down to the lake and using a pump to draw the water up and pressurize the sprinkler system. There was no way to wrap or drain that pipe, so it burst wide open

I replaced it early this spring. Since then, however, there has been a succession of split fittings in and around the pump house. The only thing I can figure is that they were weakened enough by the freeze so that they burst when under pressure. I finally replaced all the plastic fittings with brass ones, which seems to have solved that problem.

Next, however, the system couldn't maintain a high enough pressure to achieve full coverage. At first I thought it was a leak, but after careful inspection that was ruled out. Turns out the pump has plastic impellers (an impeller is kind of like an internal propeller - it slips over the pump motor's shaft and draws water up from the lake, then boosts it up through the sprinkler system). The threads on the impellers that connect them to the motor shaft were worn, so the impellers weren't spinning as fast as the shaft, resulting in low pressure. I replaced the plastic impellers with brass ones. Success!

Sadly, like many other things in life, success was just temporary. Much of Texas is in the middle of an extreme drought. The eight months from October 2010 through May 2011 have been the driest eight-month period on record for Texas since 1895. Temperatures have also been unseasonably high, averaging about 10 degrees above normal. As a result, 'our' lake (Lake Buchanan) is about 15 feet lower than usual. It's been dropping about half a foot per day over the last couple of weeks. Last week it dropped low enough to expose our input line's foot valve. (The foot valve sits at the end of the pipe in the lake. When the pump kicks on the suction opens the valve and lets water flow into the pipe. When the pump isn't running a spring holds the valve shut, preventing sediment and wildlife from entering the pipe and clogging it up.)

When the foot valve is above water, it can't suck water into the intake line. This causes the pump to run hot, which damages it. So sometime last week a spacer disk in the pump burned out, leaving the lawn without water for the nth time this year.

So this week was occupied with replacing the burned out spacer and extending the intake line another 100 feet into the lake. Where we are on the lake the bottom slopes so gradually that going out 100 feet horizontally only gets about an eight foot vertical drop. That means that if the lake keeps going down at the same rate the foot valve will be exposed again in about two weeks.

Bottom line - the lawn is the color and texture of straw. The landscaping, such as it is (a couple of rosemary bushes and crepe myrtles) is dry and shriveled, but just barely holding on. Fortunately the grass is zoysia, which just goes dormant when it doesn't get enough moisture. A little water will perk it right up.

We desperately need rain down here. A nice tropical depression floating up from the Gulf and hovering over Central Texas would be very welcome about now...

Of Hamsters and Men

Just two days after the Senate rejected a bill to end $6 billion in tax subsidies for ethanol producers, it reversed itself and overwhelmingly voted to end the subsidies. It seems the initial vote had more to do with hurt feelings than ending bad energy and economic policies.

All but six Democrats had voted against that measure because its sponsor, Sen. Tom Coburn (R) of Oklahoma, bypassed Democratic leadership to bring it to the floor.

Political bullshit.

The importance of the vote is likely to be more symbolic that actual. The bill to which the amendment is attached is unlikely to pass. Moreover, the Obama administration has said it would veto any attempt to cut subsidies for ethanol producers entirely.

More political bullshit.

Presidential hopefuls made a quadrennial ritual of going to Iowa and pledging to support the tax breaks, tariffs and mandates that supported production of ethanol motor fuels from corn. This year, however, some Republican presidential candidates have pointedly refused to endorse ethanol tax breaks.

Thursday's vote doesn't by itself doom federal support for the corn ethanol industry. The House is expected to reject the repeal as unconstitutional because tax bills must originate in that chamber, and the White House opposes it. But the 73-27 vote signals that once-unassailable programs could be vulnerable.

Still, there is a faint flicker of hope that this might signal the beginning of the end for a tax break that "benefits the ethanol industry, which is dominated by commodity giants such as Archer-Daniels-Midland Co., of Decatur, Ill., by sweetening the financial incentive for gasoline retailers to use ethanol."

A little history:

The government began subsidizing ethanol use in the late 1970s amid hopes that it would help wean the country from foreign oil. But food companies and livestock farmers have complained that their costs have exploded as five billion bushels, or 40% of all the corn grown in the U.S. last year, was consumed in ethanol production. The price of corn has traded above $7 a bushel for much of the spring, twice the year-ago level.

Some economists doubt that the tax credit is now crucial for the industry. The ethanol industry only began to grow rapidly five years ago when new energy legislation required gasoline retailers to use corn ethanol: 12.6 billion gallons this year, moving to 15 billion gallons in 2015.

Note the last sentence above. It's not just the tax subsidies for ethanol producers that's bad policy, it's the legislation that requires gasoline retailers to sell ethanol. We need to get rid of all legislation that artifically props up this bogus industry. Let the free market work.

Ethanol is nothing but a scam perpetrated on the public by large commercial farming interests. It does nothing to reduce carbon footprints. In fact, it enlarges them. It also raises the price of corn and other foodstuffs, adds to the cost of automobiles, has no substantial effect on oil consumption, and primarily benefits large commercial agricultural firms and related special interests. Even that paragon of environmentalism, Mother Jones, has acknowledged that ethanol hurts more than it helps.

 

And if that's not enough, Europe's highest court warned that France's increased production of corn is threatening the Great Hamster.

Europe's highest court warned France Thursday that it needs to do more to protect the hamster: the Great Hamster of Alsace, to be precise, which is western Europe's last remaining species of hamster in the wild.

The Great Hamster likes to eat things like alfalfa and grass. And French farmers have gradually replaced those crops with corn, "which is not ripe in the spring when the hamster awakens from six months of hibernation," hungry and ready to mate.

Well, we certainly don't want hordes of hungry and horny Great Hamsters swarming over Europe looking for something to eat and/or screw...

Relocating A Weiner

Given all the brouhaha over Anthony Weiner's weiner, perhaps he should give some thought to relocating. Germany and Switzerland have recently opened up trails for nude hiking, making them natural destinations for our boy Tony. (Warning: there are images of nude hikers at the links below - old, fat, ugly male nude hikers. DO NOT go there without eye drops and brain rinse on hand!)

When "Germany's first hiking trail for nudists" opened on May 29, 2010, near the town of Dankerode, enthusiasm was running high ... The trail was an instant hit ... (it gives) many people an opportunity to experience the "bodily freedom" that only hiking in the nude offers — an experience that "fills you with happiness" ...

Even among backers of the birthday-suit lifestyle, nude hiking can be a prickly issue. The president of the German naturists' association called naked hikers "neurotics and psychopaths." Fans of the activity reject the labels flat out.

"We are careful," Puistola Grottenpösch explains, citing by way of example an outing he took near Toggenburg (Appenzell, Switzerland), where he came across a group of people celebrating a religious service in a field. Grottenpösch conscientiously hid his privates with a scarf, something he carries for just such occasions. "You quickly wrap it around yourself and all conflict is avoided."

The Swiss aren't far behind.

Baby, it's cold outside. But the early-spring chill doesn't deter Thomas B. from taking a brisk walk along Appenzell's hilly trails to enjoy the green landscape of this rural canton in northeast Switzerland.

There's a good reason why Thomas, 24, doesn't give out his last name: he is concerned that his bosses at a nearby bank may not like his unconventional hiking attire, consisting of shoes, socks, a backpack — and nothing else.

Hiking in the buff might shock Thomas' bosses, as well as some of Appenzell's 15,000 inhabitants, but it's no skin off his back. "Hiking in clothes is too constrictive," he says, adding that he has never had any negative reactions from the fully clothed hikers he meets on the trails. "I like to feel comfortable. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?"

... although the tourist board does not "actively promote" this particular pastime, "in this kind of spectacular environment, one can hardly resist the temptation to hike naked."

In either case, the biggest problem facing Weiner would likely be shrinkage...

More FOD 2011.06.13

File this under "Obvious."

Obama: Debt fight hinders jobs growth

President Obama listened to dozens of jobs-spurring recommendations suggested by his jobs council Monday -- and then he made one himself on deficits and debt.

"We need to solve our medium and long-term debt problems, not just for abstract reasons, but because they're a concrete impediment to growth and jobs," Obama said at the second meeting of the President's Council on Jobs and Competitiveness.

"We need to solve our medium and long-term debt problems"...?

WE?!?!? He and his brother libs are the reason we have debt problems.

Obama also took a swipe at Congress, noting that most of the suggestions his jobs council offered were things that private industry or the executive office could do that wouldn't require congressional action.

Let me get this straight. There are things that the executive office - that is, the office of the President of the United States - "could do that wouldn't require congressional action."

So why the hell hasn't he done them?

For example, jobs council members suggested speeding up the permitting process for construction projects. But the president noted there's only so much power the executive office has on that sort of thing, since local communities get a say on what gets built in their neighborhoods.

Oh yeah. Like the EPA or the Interior Department or some other federal hack agency doesn't require companies to jump through multiple hoops. Ask any businessman whether he'd rather deal with the feds or with local government. I'll buy you a beer for every one that says "feds."

But Obama didn't offer any specifics...

Gee, there's a surprise. But what else can you expect from someone who's mantra is "I'll lead from behind?"

FOD 2011.06.13

As the deadline to raise the country's debt limit draws closer, the following quote is going to appear more and more often.

"The fact that we are here today to debate raising America's debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government can not pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government's reckless fiscal policies.  Increasing America's debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that 'the buck stops here.' Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better."

SENATOR BARACK H. OBAMA, MARCH, 2006

We Americans certainly do deserve better than the empty suit currently wasting space in the Oval Office...

All's Well That Ends Well

My nephew's wedding has come and gone. Despite a few minor glitches (when he started to get dressed he discovered that he'd left his pants back at his parent's house) those magical words were eventually uttered; "I now pronounce you man and wife."

For me, the highlight of the evening was my 93 year-old father doing the Cupid Shuffle with two young cute bridesmaids. I'd never heard of the Cupid Shuffle, and neither had Dad, but he didn't let that stop him. Boogie down, dude.

For those of you that have never cared for elderly parents, it's a case of role reversal. You become the parent, and the parent gradually transitions into a child-like state. For example:

Last night was warm (it was 96 degrees when the ceremony started at 6:30 p.m.). Everything was outdoors - the ceremony, the dinner, the bar, the dance floor. The only indoor facilities were the restrooms, and they weren't air conditioned. So dehydration was a concern, especially because older people tend to eat and drink less than they should.

So after Dad had a couple of beers I put a bottle of water down in front of him and said "No more beer until you drink the water." While I was standing next to him a couple of people came over and I got caught up in a conversation. I happened to glance over at Dad and caught him pouring the water out into a potted plant. I flashed back to him telling me "No dessert until you finish your vegetables" and me slipping them under the table to our dog. So I pretended not to notice and got him another beer. I figure after 93 years an extra beer or two isn't going to do any long term damage.

Bottom line - the wedding went well. Everyone had a good time. I took Dad back to his place around 11:00, well past his regular bedtime, but he had a great time, so no harm, no foul.

Three straight nights of socializing, however, have taken their toll on me. I think a nap is in my future this afternoon...

Sunday Funnies 2011.06.12

In honor of the institution of marriage...

Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what am I going to do with the BODY?"

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,

"Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!"

ADVICE FOR THE GROOM

Remember this line. It will come in handy some day. "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"

She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.

ADVICE FOR THE BRIDE

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

Welcome To The Family

My nephew's wedding is this evening. Over the last couple of nights we've had the opportunity to socialize with various members of the bride's family. She's a charming girl - half French, half Greek, which caused my 93 year-old father to tell the prospective groom that she'll be great both in the bedroom and the kitchen.

Fortunately, she has a sense of humor.

She also has some interesting relatives. For example, there's the cousin who creates 'art' (portraits, landscapes, etc.) out of assorted beer bottle caps. The results are interesting, to say the least. They're also highly prized by various members of her family, which says something about them, although I'm not sure what.

At last night's BBQ she had a container placed right next to the ice chest so people could save the caps as they opened their beer. She was greatly pleased by the contributions our family made to her art.

This could be a marriage made in heaven...

God Save The Prince

Great Britain's Prince Philip recently celebrated his 90th birthday. Evidently he was born without a PC filter or Pause button in his brain, as evidenced by the following.

As Prince Philip turns 90, relive some of his most hilarious gaffes

His incredible energy, remarkable good health and strong sense of public duty have seen Prince Philip through countless official engagements over the course of his 64-year marriage to our Queen.

Yet it is the unashamedly politically incorrect comments he makes that have attracted the most attention over the years.

As the Prince celebrates his 90th birthday tomorrow, we pay tribute to what Philip himself described as ‘Dontopedalogy . . . the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practised for a good many years . . .’

ON STATE VISITS

‘Do you still throw spears at each other?’ To Aboriginal leader William Brin during a visit to the Aboriginal Cultural Park in Queensland, 2002.

‘We don’t come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.’ On a trip to Canada in 1976.

‘You managed not to get eaten then?’ To a British student who was trekking in Papua New Guinea, during an official visit in 1998.

‘Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?’ To residents of the Cayman Islands in 1994.

ON SCOTLAND

‘How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?’ To a Scottish driving instructor in 1995.

ON CLASS & MONEY

‘People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.'

‘If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort, provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.’

‘We go into the red next year. I shall probably have to give up polo.’ On the Royal Family’s finances in 1969.

ON FOOD & DRINK

‘Get me a beer. I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!’ On being offered fine Italian wines by Prime Minister Giuliano Amato at a dinner in Rome in 2000.

A man after my own heart.

And here's my personal favorite.

ON WOMEN

‘When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.’

No wonder the Brits love their royals....

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2011.06.10

My nephew is getting married tomorrow. That takes me back to when my (current) wife and I got married. Our first dance was to this song.



I hope my nephew and his bride are as happy as my wife and I.

One Of These Days Someone Is Going To Get Hurt

Remember Yogi Bear vs. Ranger Smith? Well, now it's Texas Game Wardens vs. Mexican narco-terrorists.

Dozens of Texas state game wardens descended on Chimney Park (a state park in Hidalgo County on the Texas-Mexico border) along with Border Patrol agents and Texas Rangers. They saturated the area after a shootout between game wardens and drug smugglers.

Authorities in Austin have released only basic information, saying a suspicious vehicle was spotted on the U.S. side of the river around 6 Thursday morning. They then saw two cartel drug recovery boats loaded with people and what appeared to be marijuana.

As they approached, that's when gunfire broke out. Gunmen on the Mexican side opened fire on American boats. Game wardens aboard returned fire, injuring three of the smugglers. We're told Mexican authorities were made aware of the incident.

US Senator John Cornyn has also released a statement, saying, "Despite the repeated assurances of President Obama and Secretary Napolitano that our border is secure, [this] brazen attack on law enforcement provides further evidence for what Texans already know. Cartel-related violence along our border is real and escalating, and the Administration cannot continue to deny it when American lives - particularly those of our law enforcement - are directly in harm's way."

Since when is it the responsibility of state (state!) game wardens (game wardens!?!) to secure our national borders? How can anyone take obama's and napolitano's claims of border security seriously when incidents like this are commonplace?

It is not the first time shots have been exchanged along the Texas-Mexico border. Since January of last year, DPS has tracked at least a dozen incidents of shots being fired from Mexico and into Texas, with U.S. officers shooting back in some cases.

I'm telling you, the day is coming when there's going to be a serious loss of life on this side of the border. Sadly, that's what it's going to take to wake up the rest of the country to what's going on down here.

Our Second Amendment

If the following story isn't true, it should be.

I've had my share of misplaced cars and senior moments. I can identify...

Run Tim Run

My new flavor-of-the-month republican presidential candidate is Tim Pawlenty.

He was on Rush yesterday, and I liked what I heard.

He also gave a major speech on the economy yesterday that was full of good stuff (go here for a recap).

He has expressed a willingness - nay, an eagerness - to go head to head with obama in debates. I like that attitude. Many politicians are afraid to go after the empty-suit-in-chief because they're afraid of being labeled racists. But Pawlenty made the point that the policies are the man, and visa versa. If the policies are failures, then the person behind them is likewise a failure.

President Obama has had three years to turn things around, and all we have to show for it is 3.7 trillion dollars more debt. Nearly 2 million fewer jobs. A Congress that hasn't passed a budget in more than 2 years. A health care takeover he pretends we can afford, and a fiscal crisis he pretends we can ignore.

We've tried President Obama's way, and it has only made the economy worse. Other countries around the world have tried President Obama's way and have met with ruinous results. We have a choice: just because we followed ancient Greece into democracy doesn't mean we're doomed to follow modern Greece into bankruptcy.

Read the speech. It's good stuff. 

So I'm now a Pawlenty supporter.

Until the next candidate comes along...

Happily Ever After

My nephew is getting married this weekend. Thursday night is the rehearsal dinner (actually, an outdoor BBQ), Friday night is an informal get together, and Saturday evening is the actual wedding.

He's a good kid and he's marrying a sweet gal who is much too good for him. However ...

They are both blond, with everything that implies. For example, they have decided to have an outdoor wedding ... in central Texas ... in June.

It's broken 100 degrees down here the last three days. We're in the middle of an extreme drought. And for two out of the next three nights we have outdoor events. I don't care how cold the beer is, it's going to be a tough few evenings.

As for the wedding itself, it's being held at a place called the Swanderosa. No, I'm not making that up. It's name comes from a combination of the family that owns it - the Swans - and the old Bonanza ranch - the Ponderosa.

By all accounts it's a lovely, romantic setting, but I keep coming back to that outdoor thing. Did I mention the 100+ temperatures?

In fitting with my role as the black sheep uncle, I plan on wearing a Guyabera; that is, a Mexican wedding shirt.

It's either that or my Dogs Playing Poker shirt. (Yes, I really have one. Yes, I really wear it. Usually to monthly poker games, but sometimes to social events, to the never-ending dismay of my wife and daughter.)

In any event, blogging will be light (but not nonexistent) for the next few days.

It may also be incomprehensible (or at least more incomprehensible than usual) at times...

Pay Up Or Else

In yesterday's post I discussed a fouled-up SWAT team raid conducted on behalf of the Department of Education. The subject of the raid was behind in repaying her student loans (let that percolate in your brain for a while).

In the post I questioned why the Dept. of Ed. needed paramilitary powers to collect past-due debts. Turns out the DoE has a law enforcement arm.

Why is the Education Department purchasing 27 Remington Brand Model 870 police 12-gauge shotguns (all new, no re-manufactured products, thank you)?

The guns are to replace old firearms used by Education’s Office of Inspector General, which is the law enforcement arm of the department.

Here’s a statement from the office in response to a question about why it needs 27 shotguns with a 14-inch barrels:

“The Office of Inspector General is the law enforcement arm of the U.S. Department of Education and is responsible for the detection of waste, fraud, abuse, and other criminal activity involving Federal education funds, programs, and operations. As such, OIG operates with full statutory law enforcement authority, which includes conducting search warrants, making arrests, and carrying firearms. The acquisition of these firearms is necessary to replace older and mechanically malfunctioning firearms, and in compliance with Federal procurement requirements. For more information on OIG’s law enforcement authority, please visit their Web site at : www.ed.gov/oig”

I asked department officials for specific examples of when the rifles might be used, but was referred to the above statement. Perhaps agents need some muscle while apprehending folks charged with fraud.

It's still not clear to me why they need firearms and body armor to detect "waste, fraud, abuse, and other criminal activity involving Federal education funds, programs, and operations." I doubt if 20-something year olds put up much resistance to bill collectors. Visa and MasterCard don't need armed thugs to collect their past-due accounts.

Maybe it has something to do with the dismal job market college grads are facing...

At Least They Didn't Shoot Any Dogs

The Whited Sepulchre posted recently about the habit of SWAT teams in Columbia Missouri to break down doors, use flash-bang grenades, and shoot dogs while executing search warrants on people with no prior criminal record in the process of 'investigating' non-violent offenses.

Now, via JammieWearingFool, we hear about the federal Department of Education using SWAT teams and violent-entry techniques to serve a search warrant for past due student loans!?!?!

Kenneth Wright does not have a criminal record and he had no reason to believe a S.W.A.T team would be breaking down his door at 6 a.m. on Tuesday.

"I look out of my window and I see 15 police officers," Wright said.

Wright came downstairs in his boxer shorts as a S.W.A.T team barged through his front door. Wright said an officer grabbed him by the neck and led him outside on his front lawn.

"He had his knee on my back and I had no idea why they were there," Wright said.

According to Wright, officers also woke his three young children ages 3, 7, and 11 and put them in a Stockton police patrol car with him. Officers then searched his house.

As it turned out, the person law enforcement was looking for was not there - Wright's estranged wife.

"They put me in handcuffs in that hot patrol car for six hours, traumatizing my kids," Wright said.

Wright said he later went to the mayor and Stockton Police Department, but the City of Stockton had nothing to do with Wright's search warrant.

The U.S. Department of Education issued the search and called in the S.W.A.T for his wife's defaulted student loans.

"They busted down my door for this," Wright said. "It wasn't even me."

According to the Department of Education's Office of the Inspector General, the case can't be discussed publicly until it is closed, but a spokesperson did confirm that the department did issue the search warrant at Wright's home.

I wasn't aware that the Dept. of Ed. had the power to issue search warrants, much less mobilize paramilitary units to assist in what is essentially a civil, not criminal, matter. Yet another reason to abolish that bloated, worthless federal agency.

This is so contrary to the Founding Father's notion of limited government that it makes one pause and wonder just how the hell things have come to this. Have we really allowed, over the years, so many of our rights and civil liberties to be eroded?

Evidently so.

I weep for the future...

UPDATE: I should have included mention of the horribly botched raid by the Pima County (AZ) sheriff's office in which fully armored SWAT team members burst into the home of  Jose Guerena, an honorably discharged Marine who served two tours of duty in Iraq. After unleashing a barrage of 71 shots at Guerena - hitting him 22 times - the SWAT team then left him to bleed to death on the floor in front of his wife and kids, denying him medical attention for more than an hour (details here.)

While each of these raids are in and of themselves tragic and reprehensible, they are symptomatic of a troubling trend towards militarization of the civilian police force, as expounded on here.

OBL Postscript

Well, it's started. Some enterprising chap has begun organizing pilgrimages to osama bin laden's grave.

On the other hand, since they dumped his body in the ocean, every time I go to the beach I piss on his grave...

FID 2011.06.08

A teenage Muslim girl was stoned to death under 'Sharia law' after taking part in a beauty contest in Ukraine.

Katya Koren, 19, was found dead in a village in the Crimea region near her home.

Her battered body was buried in a forest and was found a week after she disappeared.

Police have opened a murder investigation and are looking into claims that three Muslim youths killed her, claiming her death was justified under Islam.

One of the three - named as 16-year-old Bihal Gaziev - is under arrest and told police that Katya had 'violated the laws of Sharia'. Gaziev has said he has no regrets about her death.

The saddest part of this story is that it is not an aberration.

Defenders of islam will often say that acts like these are committed only by muslim extremists; that moderates oppose them. There may be a grain of truth in that. After all, the wackos of the Westboro Baptist Church claim to be Christians, yet perform acts that are opposed by mainstream Christians. There are, however, a couple of critical differences.

The Westboro jackasses and others like them do not routinely maim and kill people. And they are actively opposed by many other Christians. There are counter-protests and other actions taken to contain, minimize, or eliminate the extremists' behavior. Those two elements are conspicuously absent in 'moderate' islam.

Until I see signs of the same in the islamic community I will continue to harbor doubts regarding the ability of islam to co-exist with other religions.

From The In Box

Every once in a while I receive an email that IMO is worth sharing. Below is one such missive.

I have no idea if this is true or not. For the sake of the author, I hope not...

* * * * * * * * * *

Insurance claim

S.C. Anderson
PO Box 1302
Minnetonka, MN 55345
Superior Health Insurance
ATTN: Claims Review
1423 W. 90th St.
New York, NY 05016

Dear Sir:

This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an expansion in reference to Block 21A.(3) of the claim form (reason for hospital visit). On the original form, I put 'Stupidity'. I realize now that this answer was somewhat vague and so I will attempt to more fully explain the circumstances leading up to my hospitalization.

I had just finished a quick bite to eat at the local burger joint, and now needed to use the restroom. I entered the bathroom, took care of my business, and just prior to the moment in which I had planned to raise my trousers, the locked case that prevents theft of the toilet paper in such places came undone. Feeling it striking my knee, unthinkingly, I immediately, and with unnecessary force, returned it back to its normal position.

Unfortunately, as I did this I also turned and certain parts of my body, which were still exposed, were trapped between the device's lid and its main body. Feeling such intense and immediate pain caused me to jump back. It quickly came to my attention that, when one's privates are firmly attached to an unmovable object, it is not a good idea to jump in the opposite direction.

Upon recovering some of my senses, I attempted to reopen the lid. However, my slamming of it had been sufficient to allow the locking mechanism to engage. I then proceeded to get a hold on my pants and subsequently removed my keys from them. I intended to try to force the lock of the device open with one of my keys; thus extracting myself.

Unfortunately, when I attempted this, my key broke in the lock. Embarrassment of someone seeing me in this unique position became a minor concern, and I began to call for help in as much of a calm and rational manner as I could. An employee from the restaurant quickly arrived and decided that this was a problem requiring the attention of the manager.

Betty, the manager, came quickly. She attempted to unlock the device with her keys. Since I had broken my key off in the device, she could not get her key in. Seeing no other solution, she called EMS (as indicated on your form in block 21(b)(1)).

After approximately 15 minutes, EMS arrived, along with two police officers, a fire-rescue squad, and the Channel 4 'On-the-Spot' news team. The guys from the fire department quickly took charge as this was obviously a rescue operation. The senior member of the team discovered that the device was attached with bolts to the cement wall that could only be reached once the device was unlocked. (His discovery was by means of tearing apart the device located in the stall next to the one that I was in. Since the value of the property destroyed in his examination was less than $50 (my deductible) I did not include it in my claim.) His partner, who seemed like an intelligent fellow at the time, came up with the idea of cutting the device from the wall with the propane torch that was in the rescue truck.

The fireman went to his truck, retrieved the torch, and commenced to attempt to cut the device from the wall. Had I been in a state to think of such things, I might have realized that in cutting the device from the wall several things would also inevitably happen. First, the air inside of the device would quickly heat up, causing items inside the device to suffer the same effects that are normally achieved by placing things in an oven. Second, the metal in the device is a good conductor of heat causing items that are in contact with the device to react as if thrown into a hot skillet. And, third, molten metal would shower the inside of the device as the torch cut through.

The one bright note of the propane torch was that it did manage to cut, in the brief time that I allowed them to use it, a hole big enough for a small pry bar to be placed inside of the device. After levering the device off the wall, the EMS team then loaded me, along with the device, into the waiting ambulance as stated on your form.

Due the small area of your block 21(a)(3), I was unable to give a full explanation of these events, and thus used the word which I thought best described my actions that led to my hospitalization.

Sincerely, (name withheld)

6 June 1944

Today is the 67th anniversary of D-Day. As I was browsing web stories about the Allied landings at Normandy I came across a series of remarkable photos from LIFE that show people and places before and after the landings. They are in color, and for the most part bright and cheery, a notable contrast to the dark, grainy B&W pictures of grim subjects that we usually see.

They're well worth looking at. Check 'em out.

In one of life's interesting coincidences, the first picture in the series (below) is of a couple of combat engineers using a crate of ammunition as a makeshift table prior to the invasion. My father was a combat engineer who landed at Omaha Beach on 6 June 1944. (No, he's not in the picture. That would have been too much of a coincidence.)

American combat engineers eat a meal atop boxes of ammunition stockpiled for the impending D-Day invasion

More FOD

I hadn't intended to post this many FODs today, but the guy is such an easy target.

This is another 'compare and contrast' exercise (H/T OldNFO).

George W. Bush speech after capture of Saddam Hussein:

The success of yesterday's mission is a tribute to our men and women now serving in Iraq. The operation was based on the superb work of intelligence analysts who found the dictator's footprints in a vast country. The operation was carried out with skill and precision by a brave fighting force. Our servicemen and women and our coalition allies have faced many dangers in the hunt for members of the fallen regime, and in their effort to bring hope and freedom to the Iraqi people. Their work continues, and so do the risks. Today, on behalf of the nation, I thank the members of our Armed Forces and I congratulate 'em.

Barack Obama speech after killing of bin Laden:

And so shortly after taking office, I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority of our war against al Qaeda, even as we continued our broader efforts to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat his network.

Then, last August, after years of painstaking work by our intelligence community, I  was briefed on a possible lead to bin Laden. It was far from certain, and it took many months to run this thread to ground. I met repeatedly with my national security team as we developed more information about the possibility that we had located bin Laden hiding within a compound deep inside of Pakistan. And finally, last week, I  determined that we had enough intelligence to take action, and I authorized an operation to get Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice. Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad , Pakistan.

"I" sure does luv my personal pronoun...

FOD Follow-Up

In a follow-up to last week's FOD regarding obama's Memorial Day schedule (lay a wreath, then scurry off to get a quick 18 holes in before dark), Mostly Cajun contributes this gem.

FOD 2011.06.06

Facts - we don't need no stinkin' facts. We'll just say what we want and the media will fall in line behind us.

President Obama and his union allies have decided that the 2012 reelection will prominently feature a defense/justification of the General Motors and Chrysler bailouts. This nascent effort included Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's op ed in the Washington Post this week, which was both inaccurate and ill-timed.

Geithner's op-ed was also noteworthy because it came the day before GM's stock price plummeted on disappointing May sales numbers. Year-to-date, GM is selling more cars than last year, but its sales were down year-over-year for May. And it is selling all those cars only by offering incentives more than 50 percent more generous than the industry average. The company has now lost more than 10 percent of its value since its IPO just seven months ago, and its stock is off about 25 percent from its peak in February.

Actually, GM isn't really selling that many cars. It's using a bookkeeping trick called "channel stuffing" to artificially inflate sales figures.

The phrase "stuffing the dealer channel" describes a method that automobile manufacturers use to pad their sales numbers. They deliver vehicles to dealers, count them as sold, but until actually (purchased) by customers, the cars just languish on lots.

However, obama and his handlers don't let little things like facts and the truth get in their way.

The White House has spent almost every day this past week drawing attention to the industry comeback and taking credit for Obama's unpopular decision to bail out Chrysler and General Motors and guide them through bankruptcy in 2009.

Technically, George W. Bush initiated the bailouts in 2008. Obama merely continued and expanded them But that's another one of those pesky fact things that obamamaniacs blithely ignore. Here's a few more.

Obama's address did not mention the bleak unemployment numbers announced Friday for the month of May. The Bureau of Labor Statistics said the economy last month created only a net 54,000 jobs and unemployment inched up to 9.1 percent.

Also note this comment from the president, which he has probably forgotten, or that he hopes everyone else will forget:

President Obama, July 29, 2010: “We are going to get all the money back that we invested in those car companies.”

Cut to last week's report from the government's National Economic Council:

 ... the government will lose about $14 billion in taxpayer funds from the bailout of the U.S. auto industry.

Brace yourself. Here comes the spin.

... officials said that figure is down from the 60 percent the Treasury Department originally estimated the government would lose following its $80 billion bailout of Chrysler and General Motors in 2009.

Got that? It's good news because taxpayers are out 'only' $14B, not the $48B originally estimated. Only in obamaworld is a $14B loss a good thing.

The report's release coincides with the administration's efforts to tout the bailout's role in the revitalization of the U.S. auto industry after last week's announcement that Chrysler is repaying $5.9 billion in U.S. loans and a $1.7 billion loan from the Canadian government. Those payments cover most of the federal bailout money that saved the company after it nearly ran out of cash in and went through a government-led bankruptcy.

Most, but not all. It's the same story at GM.

GM previously announced that it had repaid a little more than half of the $50 billion it received in federal aid.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said U.S. auto companies are now at the forefront of a comeback in American manufacturing.

"While we will not get back all of our investments in the industry, we will recover much more than most predicted, and far sooner..."

To summarize, we the taxpayers have lost billions of dollars as a result of the bailouts. GM and Chrysler sales remain stagnant. The media trumpets how obama saved the auto industry. 

Sigh...

Sunday Funnies 2011.06.05

Don't ask me why, but today's Sunday Funnies are dedicated to summer vacation and Bill & Hillary Clinton.

Last summer Bill and Hillary Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. One day they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love.

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today.”

She smirked and replied, “No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States.”

It is near the end of the school year and the teacher has already turned in her grades. There is really not much to do. All the kids are restless because they are ready for the summer break. The teacher says, "The first person to correctly answer each question I ask may leave early."

Little Johnny thinks to himself, "Good. I wanna get outta here. I'm smart. I'll answer first."

The teacher asks, "Who said 'Four score and seven years ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Susie said "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right, Susie. You may leave."

Johnny was mad that Susie answered first.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'I have a dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Mary said "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right, Mary. You may leave."

Johnny was even madder that Mary answered first.

The teacher asked "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth Nancy said "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right, Nancy. You may leave."

Johnny was BOILING MAD that Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher said "WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny said, "Bill Clinton. May I go now?"

A plain-looking coed home from school on summer vacation calmly confessed to her mother that she lost her virginity while at school.

"How did it happen?" gasped the parent.

"Well, it wasn't easy," the girl admitted, "but three of my sorority sisters helped hold him down."

Bad News or Good?

Taking pleasure in the misery of others. The Germans have a word for it: Schadenfreude.

I'm not taking pleasure in the misery of those who are unemployed, underemployed, or have lost their homes due to obama and the dem's bungling of the economy. But viewed dispassionately, there is a silver lining in the gloomy economic clouds.

How the economy could break Obama

Is President Obama moving closer to a one-term presidency with every disappointing economic datapoint, unemployment report and stock market stumble?

We can only hope that there's change in 2012.

Democrats of course hope that isn't the case, but political scientists say that in almost every election, the economy does indeed turn out to be issue No. 1.

Right now, that's just flat out bad news for Obama.

On Friday, a government jobs report indicated that only 54,000 jobs were added last month and the unemployment rate rose to 9.1% -- troubling signs that the recovery is wavering.

And it's not just jobs. Manufacturing growth is slowing both in the United States and abroad. Home prices are in a confirmed double-dip. Consumer confidence is declining.

To top it off, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has dropped almost 5% in the past month.

It's a trend that should be setting off alarm bells at Obama's 2012 campaign headquarters.

"There is a close connection between the economic data that comes out and how people feel. If bad numbers keep coming out, that is going to translate to voters," said Randy Stevenson, a professor at Rice University who studies the relationship between economic conditions and electoral politics.

Voters are already making the connection.

Obama's overall approval rating has edged up in CNN polling, thanks to his performance on international issues and national security.

What?!? He gets lucky on the osama execution and throws Israel under the bus, and his approval rating goes up? WTF? But I digress.

But the number of Americans who approve of his handling of the economy is stuck at a dismal level -- only 41%.

And in May, only 39% of Americans said they think things are going well in the country -- another crucial polling test.

An election victory will require more. In the four instances since 1976 where the incumbent party retained the White House, an average 67% of Americans said things were going well in the month before they went to the polls.

I don't see things getting much better by Nov. 2012. To improve things would require obama and the dems to take actions that they have historically and consistently opposed. Just to give one example, encouraging more domestic oil and natural gas production would:

• increase employment (directly by creating jobs in the energy sector, indirectly by creating demand for support services and products, consumer staples such as food and shelter for the workers, clothes, entertainment, and so forth);
• decrease energy prices (more supply = lower cost); and
• create a ripple effect of more dollars being spent on goods and services while at the same time decreasing the cost of consumer goods (the savings on transportation costs due to lower gas prices alone would bring down the cost of just about everything).

But to do so would require ending the moratorium on drilling in the Gulf, opening up ANWR, and allowing the construction of more pipelines and refineries. The obama administration has actively opposed all of these.

In short, things aren't looking good for obama and the dems in 2012. But never underestimate the ability of the repubs to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory...

Welcome To My Home

I live in Central Texas, near a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

Yesterday, my neighbor Klaus was driving down county road 474 near our ranch. Klaus noticed a man using his hand to drink water from a stock pond.

Klaus rolled down the window, and shouted, "Sehr angenehm!  Trink das wasser nicht.  Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen," which  means "Glad to meet you!  Don't drink the water. The cows have pooped in it."

The man shouted back, "I'm from New York, and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you.  Please speak in English."

 Klaus replied, "Use both hands. You'll get more."

I Stand Behind What I Write

I am a college professor. I am free to research whatever I want, but I am also compelled to stand behind my published articles. Anything I submit for publication is subject to review by at least three of my academic peers. If my product doesn't pass muster then it is summarily rejected.

Compare and contrast that with what Administrator of the Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs Cass Sunstein had to say when he testified in front of the House Energy and Commerce Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations about the Obama administration’s plans for reviewing and reducing federal regulations.

President Barack Obama’s regulatory czar retreated from a 2003 academic report he wrote advocating that government assign a higher monetary value to the lives of young people than to senior citizens during testimony to Congress on Friday.

“Things written as an academic are not a legitimate part of what we do as a government official.”

Bull-Fucking-Shit!!!

Excuse the fuck out of me, but as a professional academic I strongly argue that “Things written as an academic" are a legitimate part of our professional identity. For example, I do occasional consulting. My research definitely is a part of what I do as a consultant. I put a lot of time and effort into what I publish, and I stand behind it 100%. Otherwise it's just one big mother-fucking sham.

Which would make us politicians...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2011.06.03

I went to a high school graduation party for a friend's daughter last night. It brought back memories of my summers way back when. Chuck Wicks does a pretty good job of putting those memories to music in this video.

I Can't Believe He Said That

Posted with minimal comment:

Obama solicitor general: If you don't like healthcare mandate, earn less money

President Obama's solicitor general, defending the national health care law on Wednesday, told a federal appeals court that Americans who didn't like the individual mandate could always avoid it by choosing to earn less money.

Doesn't anyone in this administration have the slightest clue about how the real world works works?

The Leadership Vacuum

"To be able to lead others, a man must be willing to go forward alone." (Harry Truman)

Which brings us to last Wednesday's meeting between House republicans and obama.

Republican sources in the meeting said House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan, the initiator of a budget proposal that includes the Medicare overhaul plan, called on Obama to show more leadership on the issue.

MORE leadership? I haven't seen any from the big O.

The sources said Ryan, R-Wisconsin, urged Obama to stop playing politics with Medicare reforms, saying leaders can either solve problems "or exacerbate them." Ryan also said Obama appeared more focused on winning the 2012 election than solving the nation's problems, according to the sources. After he spoke, his fellow Republicans in the room gave him a standing ovation...

Another GOP congressman took the opposite approach. Rather than call out obama, Jeff Landry decided to ignore him.

A freshman GOP lawmaker rejected an invitation to the White House on Wednesday, saying he didn't want to be “lectured” by President Obama.

“I have respectfully declined the president’s invitation to the White House today,” Rep. Jeff Landry (La.) said in a statement. “I don’t intend to spend my morning being lectured to by a president whose failed policies have put our children and grandchildren in a huge burden of debt.”

“Until the president produces a responsible deficit reduction plan, I’m not going to the White House to negotiate with myself. Our conference has put out for months where we would start the process,” Landry continued.

Two examples of people willing to "go forward alone" to solve a problem. On the other hand, the failure of the dems and their 'leader' to address this issue is beginning to have real consequences.

"Moody’s Investors Service said today that if there is no progress on increasing the statutory debt limit in coming weeks, it expects to place the US government’s rating under review for possible downgrade..."

Moody’s also chastises Washington for its shocking, shocking politicization of the debt issue:

"Although Moody’s fully expected political wrangling prior to an increase in the statutory debt limit, the degree of entrenchment into conflicting positions has exceeded expectations. The heightened polarization over the debt limit has increased the odds of a short-lived default. If this situation remains unchanged in coming weeks, Moody’s will place the rating under review."

Hey, at least something’s exceeding expectations these days!

Downgrading the U.S. debt rating would start us down the same path as economic giants Greece, Spain, and Portugal.

A downgrade would drive up the cost of borrowing and throw into question the global role of the U.S. Treasury bond.

Paul Ryan and the republicans have presented a plan that address many of the factors driving the budget deficit. Obama and the democraps have offered nothing resembling a serious plan, choosing instead to mischaracterize, distort, and outright lie about the Ryan plan. That is not the leadership this country needs and deserves.

Here We Go Again II

A couple of days ago I noted that economic indicators were trending negative, and economists were forecasting trouble for the U.S. economy. Evidently investors got around to reading that post, because yesterday the stock market cratered (sources for this post are here, here, and here).

"Weak economic data has started to snowball," said Michael Sheldon, chief market strategist at RDM Financial. "Initially, we just had bad news from the weekly jobless claims data, but now we're starting to see a broad-based economic slump."

The first of this week's jobs-related economic reports showed that the pace of planned job cuts edged higher in May, according to a report from outplacement consulting firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas.

A separate report by ADP showed private-sector payrolls added only 38,000 jobs in May. The number fell well below the 170,000 private sector jobs economists were expecting.

More jobs being cut than expected. Fewer new jobs being created than expected. Higher unemployment claims than expected.

Pessimism continued to mount after the Institute for Supply Management said the manufacturing sector slowed sharply in May. U.S. auto sales also dropped in May from a month earlier, the auto industry's first significant setback in more than 18 months.

The signs of a stalling recovery have been building during the last several weeks, prompting stocks to deliver their worst monthly performance in May since August 2010.

Wednesday's data add to a string of reports in recent weeks that indicate the U.S. economy struggled in May. Regional factory reports were weak, initial claims for unemployment benefits remained high, and the Conference Board's consumer-confidence index fell sharply last month.

All this begs the question "Why were the economic indicators expected to improve?" Because of obama's vast understanding of matters economic? Or perhaps because of his crack team of tax cheats economic advisers.

And what is our fearless leader doing about all this?

Republican leaders said they told President Barack Obama at a White House meeting Wednesday that he needs to offer up a detailed plan to reduce the federal budget deficit, a call they said Mr. Obama rejected.

House Majority Whip Kevin McCarthy (R., Calif.) said he urged Mr. Obama during the 90-minute meeting to release a plan so that negotiations between Democrats and Republicans could proceed. He said the president was reluctant to put forward a plan.

"He didn't want to write one," Mr. McCarthy said in an interview. "He said 'I just want one plan at the end.' "

Asked about whether the Obama administration intended to release a budget plan, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney said at a daily press briefing Wednesday, "we don't need another proposal out there."

There's some real leadership for you. I don't want to do anything. You do it, and I'll tell you what's wrong with it.

House Budget Committee Chairman Paul Ryan (R., Wis.) told reporters that he gave Mr. Obama a detailed explanation of the House Republican budget plan for fiscal 2012 and beyond, including his proposal for revamping the Medicare program. Mr. Ryan said he explained how his plan works so the president wouldn't in the future "mischaracterize it."

"Mischaracterize" my ass. The clown-in-chief and his cronies out and out lied. Old folks will die. Women and children will starve. Orphans will be kicked out into the street. It'll be the end of the world as we know it if we cut spending.

Carney disputed Ryan's suggestion that the White House is mischaracterizing his Medicare plan. "We don't think it is demagoguery...it is a different assessment of the facts," Carney said at his White House briefing.

Well, assess these facts, asshole. There's not a single one of them that's better today than in January 2009 when this incompetent imbecile took office.

FID 2011.06.01

I have a daughter. I'd like to think she'll be a virgin on her wedding night, but I'm realistic enough to not believe that's going to happen. I'm also tolerant enough to give her and her figurative sisters some free rein. After all, girls just want to have fun.

Too bad the islamists aren't as tolerant.

Female protesters in Egypt were forced to submit to ‘virginity checks’ after being arrested.

Open wide and say ‘ahhh’

Women arrested by the Egyptian police during protests in Cairo’s Tahrir Square were subjected to forced ‘virginity tests’, according to Amnesty International. ... Amnesty today said that the women had been beaten, given electric shocks and then subjected to strip searches while being photographed by male soldiers. They were then given ‘virginity checks’ and threatened with prostitution charges if medics ruled they had had sex, according to the charity.

Curious about what life under Sharia law would be like? Wonder no more…

So where are the outraged liberals? Thank God (oops, excuse me)  - thank goodness for the deity-neutral umbrella of Amnesty International.

Amnesty International issued a statement Tuesday demanding that Egyptian authorities bring to justice those responsible for ordering or conducting forced “virginity tests” on female protesters.
. . .  

An Amnesty International  researcher said accounts gathered from women who were subjected to the tests showed they were done to check whether their hymens were broken.

In the interests of gender equality, I think we should subject all the male reporters and government figures to the equivalent 'virginity tests.' After all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

And while we're at it, let's test those holier-than-thou imams.

Go do some deep-knee bends over a fire hydrant, Abdul...