Relocating A Weiner

Given all the brouhaha over Anthony Weiner's weiner, perhaps he should give some thought to relocating. Germany and Switzerland have recently opened up trails for nude hiking, making them natural destinations for our boy Tony. (Warning: there are images of nude hikers at the links below - old, fat, ugly male nude hikers. DO NOT go there without eye drops and brain rinse on hand!)

When "Germany's first hiking trail for nudists" opened on May 29, 2010, near the town of Dankerode, enthusiasm was running high ... The trail was an instant hit ... (it gives) many people an opportunity to experience the "bodily freedom" that only hiking in the nude offers — an experience that "fills you with happiness" ...

Even among backers of the birthday-suit lifestyle, nude hiking can be a prickly issue. The president of the German naturists' association called naked hikers "neurotics and psychopaths." Fans of the activity reject the labels flat out.

"We are careful," Puistola Grottenpösch explains, citing by way of example an outing he took near Toggenburg (Appenzell, Switzerland), where he came across a group of people celebrating a religious service in a field. Grottenpösch conscientiously hid his privates with a scarf, something he carries for just such occasions. "You quickly wrap it around yourself and all conflict is avoided."

The Swiss aren't far behind.

Baby, it's cold outside. But the early-spring chill doesn't deter Thomas B. from taking a brisk walk along Appenzell's hilly trails to enjoy the green landscape of this rural canton in northeast Switzerland.

There's a good reason why Thomas, 24, doesn't give out his last name: he is concerned that his bosses at a nearby bank may not like his unconventional hiking attire, consisting of shoes, socks, a backpack — and nothing else.

Hiking in the buff might shock Thomas' bosses, as well as some of Appenzell's 15,000 inhabitants, but it's no skin off his back. "Hiking in clothes is too constrictive," he says, adding that he has never had any negative reactions from the fully clothed hikers he meets on the trails. "I like to feel comfortable. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?"

... although the tourist board does not "actively promote" this particular pastime, "in this kind of spectacular environment, one can hardly resist the temptation to hike naked."

In either case, the biggest problem facing Weiner would likely be shrinkage...