One Giant Leap To A Nonsensical Conclusion

I'm not sure what to make of Tebow-mania. His stats are shaky, he doesn't fit the mold of the prototype NFL quarterback, and I have my doubts about the likelihood of his long term success. And yet, as his disciples acolytes supporters say, all he does is win.

Without getting into the football-related arguments regarding his ability, success, and future, I will note with dismay that some people just don't get that football is a game, not a religion (unless you're talking about high school and college football in Texas - then it is THE religion of the masses).

Anyway, via Jammie Wearing Fools, we have this example of Tebow hysteria taken way too far.

People are always looking for signs of God’s beneficence, and a victory by the Orange Crush over the blue-clad Patriots, from the bluest of blue states, will give fodder to a Christian revivalism that has already turned the Republican presidential race into a pander-thon to social conservatives, rekindling memories of those cultural icons of the ‘80s, the Moral Majority and “Hee Haw.”

If Tebow wins the Super Bowl, against all odds, it will buoy his faithful, and emboldened faithful can do insane things, like burning mosques, bashing gays and indiscriminately banishing immigrants...

WTF?!? Sounds like something a MSNBC commentator would say.

If you think that's a little over the top, you're not alone. The post has disappeard, and has been replaced with the following bland statement:

The piece has been taken down and I apologize to all those whom it has offended. Some additional reflections will be forthcoming. Thank you.

However, as JWF points out, nothing ever really goes away on the Internet. You can go here to see the piece in its entirety.

One Person, One Vote - Unless You're A Democrat

Alright, boys and girls, today we're going to review that most fundamental of all democratic principles, the one most of us learned in our first civics course - the concept of one person, one vote.

Underlying that simple concept is the premise that the person casting the vote is a valid and legitimate member of the body politic, fully qualified to cast his or her ballot as part of the democratic process.

The question before us is how to determine the legitimacy of an individual seeking to vote. Several states have recently passed legislation stating that possession of a state-issued form of identification is not only acceptable, but required.

The obama administration and its usual coalition of out-of-touch leftist drones and clones are now voicing outrage that people must prove who they are in order to vote.

Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. on Tuesday entered the turbulent political waters of voting rights, signaling that the Justice Department would be aggressive in reviewing new voting laws that civil rights advocates say will dampen minority participation in next year’s elections.

This is the same Eric Holder that saw no problem with thugs carrying clubs and hollering racial epithets while patrolling in front of polling places during the 2008 presidential election. Since the thugs were black instead of white, Holder didn't consider that voter intimidation.

Decrying a common-sense identification requirement is bad. Turning a blind - or racist - eye to blatant intimidation is worse. But the really scary thing is Holder's vision for the future.

Mr. Holder also laid out a case for replacing the “antiquated” voter registration system by automatically registering all eligible voters...

No potential for abuse there.

This year, more than a dozen states enacted new voting restrictions. For example, eight — Alabama, Kansas, Mississippi, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas and Wisconsin — imposed new laws requiring voters to present state-issued photo identification cards.

There is precedent regarding the legality of such laws. However, previous cases were decided on the basis of states vs. federal rights. Holder's position is that the Voting Rights Law - a federal law designed to protect the voting rights of minorities - trumps the equal-protection clause of the Constitution. I'm not a legal scholar, but I always thought the Constitution was the supreme law of the land. I guess that's no longer the case.

Pity.

In 2008, the Supreme Court upheld an Indiana law requiring voters to present photo ID cards, ruling that the state’s interest in preventing fraud outweighed the burdens the law placed on voters. That case, however, was based on the Constitution’s equal-protection clause and did not address the different standards imposed by the Voting Rights Act.

In a 2009 case involving a Texas water board, the Supreme Court said that a key section of the Voting Rights Act, despite its “undeniable” historic importance, “now raises serious constitutional concerns” because it intrudes on states’ rights. However, it declined to strike down the law.

Another perspective:

Hans von Spakovsky, a scholar at the conservative Heritage Foundation, said Monday that Holder’s stance is driven by “ideology and politics.’’ He noted that courts have found laws requiring voter identification in Georgia and Indiana to be nondiscriminatory. “Georgia’s law has been in place for five years and not only did the turnout for African Americans not go down, it went up,’’ said von Spakovsky, a Justice Department official in the George W. Bush administration.

Holder said the laws could depress turnout for minorities, poor and elderly people and those with disabilities who would have difficulty securing valid identification documents. He rejected any notion of politics influencing Justice’s decisions on the new laws.

“We’re doing this in a very fair, apolitical way,’’ he said. “We don’t want anybody to think that there is a partisan component to anything we are doing.’’

Yeah, right. And obamacare will reduce health care costs, improve health care quality, and reduce the budget deficit.

Proponents of such restrictions — mostly Republicans — say they are necessary to prevent voter fraud that could cancel out the choices of legitimate participants. Opponents — mostly Democrats — say there is no evidence of meaningful levels of fraud...

No meaningful levels of fraud, huh? I guess it depends on what your definition of 'meaningful' is.

Never mind the fact that Mississippi NAACP leader Lessadolla Sowers was recently sentenced to 50 years in prison for vote fraud, that the now-defunct ACORN recently received the maximum fine possible for vote fraud by a Nevada judge or that Holder’s own Justice Department is accused of making a sweetheart settlement with members of the New Black Panther Party who were accused of voter intimidation in Philadelphia on Election Day 2008.

(Never mind that) "The chairman of the Indiana Democratic Party announced his resignation Monday, as investigators probe allegations of election fraud stemming from the 2008 Democratic presidential primary."

Dan Parker, who served for seven years, did not cite the scandal as a reason for his decision. But the uproar over possible fraud in a race for the White House has already claimed the job of one county Democratic Chairman, who sources say was forced out because of the allegations.

(Never mind that) Adolf Hitler and Mickey Mouse signatures will be counted in the effort to recall Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, so long as they are properly dated and bear a Wisconsin address.

The Government Accountability Board reviewing the petitions unanimously approved a plan that would allow questionable names to be counted if they are signed within the circulation dates and have a proper address...

In a delicious bit of irony and an outstanding example of hypocrisy, "As each person entered (to hear Holder talk) they were required to present their photo IDs in order to be allowed in to hear the speech."

Finally, a picture is worth a thousand words. Unions, of course, are huge supporters of the democrat party, and contribute millions if not billions of dollars to its campaign coffers.

As you’ll note in the photo below the union requires its own members to produce a photo ID in order to vote.

In America, one needs an ID to vote in a union election, buy liquor, drive a car, board an airplane, use a credit card and a slew of other things in our society. Yet, the Democratic party refuses to back the idea of requiring an ID to vote in state and federal elections under any circumstances. A sensible voter ID law that respects the rights of the poor, elderly, and minorities is a great idea. What are Democrats afraid of?

Don't Mess With Grandma

A supposedly true story from a Kansas Highway Patrol officer.

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73  just East of Sedan, KS.

I asked for her driver's license, registration, and  proof of insurance. The  lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

Along with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a concealed carry permit. I looked at her and asked  if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed had a .45  automatic in her glove  box.

Something---body  language, or the way she said it---made me ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a  9mm Glock in her center console.

Now I had to ask if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what was she so afraid of.

She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a freaking thing!"

If it's not true, it should be.

Early Holiday Celebration

I just finished posting my last grade for the semester. I'm done (with classes, at least) until next January.

In related news, I just opened a celebratory Shiner. Now it's time to go online and do some Christmas shopping.

Shiners and online shopping - it's gonna be a very merry Christmas...

CBS Disgraces Itself - Again

I ran across the following at Irons in the Fire. It made my blood boil. If you get as riled as I did, please take a moment to let CBS know how you feel.

No excerpts; you need to get the full flavor of this. CBS, screw you; I've seen the show a time or two, but I won't be watching it again. I think I'll wander over to their feedback form and say so.

I'll provide one excerpt, and one picture, just to give you an idea of what got me so upset.

... to discover the actors and crew walking ON the graves (of Pearl Harbor and other WWII veterans). The production equipment was laid over the grave stones. I was amazed at the audacity of the crew to treat the graves as just a prop in their show, their lack of respect augmented by walking on the grave stones.

If you read the entire thing you will notice that there is some disagreement over exactly what was said and done. However, for me the photographs clinched it. They make it pretty clear that CBS' actions were disgraceful and inexcusable.

What else is new...?

Life Is Good

I gave my last final tonight. I'll grade them tomorrow, but in the meantime I'm luxuriating in the feeling that comes from being done with classes for another semester - kind of like post-coital afterglow, but not quite as fulfilling.

It's still damp and cool down here, so I threw together a quick-and-dirty tortilla soup for dinner. I had some leftover chicken breasts from last weekend's rained-out hunt. They were wrapped in foil with bacon, chopped onion, garlic, and spices, then dropped in the campfire for about 45 minutes. Yummm...

The rest of the ingredients should be on hand in any reasonably well-stocked kitchen.

Normally when I make tortilla soup it's all from scratch, including the stock. However, since I'm at my bachelor pad in South Texas, rather than my fully stocked and equipped home kitchen, I opted for speed and convenience. It still came out pretty damn good.

Ingredients:

    1 onion, chopped
    2 cloves garlic, minced
    2 tablespoons veggie oil
    4 teaspoons chili powder
    2 teaspoon ground cumin
    1 teaspoon dried oregano
    1 14 oz. can Rotel tomatoes
    4 15 oz. cans chicken broth (or 2 32 oz. boxes - I like the free range organic stuff)
    juice of 1 lime
    1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
    2 cups shredded leftover chicken or turkey
   
Optional Toppings:
    crushed tortilla chips or shredded fried tortillas (shred first, then fry)
    sliced avocado
    shredded Monterrey Jack cheese
    chopped green onions

Sauté onion and garlic in oil until soft. Add remaining ingredients. Stir well and simmer for at least 10 minutes.

The basic recipe is a little on the bland side, so feel free to adjust the seasonings to your taste. For example, you could toss in a diced jalapeño to kick it up a notch. Another option, and one I really like, is to add a couple of tablespoons of chipotle flavored salsa or enchilada sauce. That gives it a nice smokey flavor.

I couldn't decide whether red or white wine would be best with this soup, so I went instead with Shiner. Of course, margaritas would also be a good choice.

Enjoy...

Golf Is More Dangerous Than What???

In my profession, we try to base our opinions and decisions on data, not conjecture. A good example of the difference between what everyone 'knows' and what the facts tell us is exemplified by the following. Plus this is the middle of hunting season, so I thought it was timely.

Contrary to public opinion, hunting is safer than golf

... hunting with firearms is one of the safest recreational activities in America.

... hunting ranks third in safety when compared to 28 other recreational pursuits, ranging from baseball to wrestling. Hunting with firearms has an injury rate of 0.05 percent, which equates to about 1 injury per 2,000 participants, a safety level bettered only by camping (.01 percent) and billiards (.02 percent). For comparison, golf has an injury rate of 0.16 percent (1 injury per 622 participants), while tackle football topped the list of activities with an injury rate of 5.27 percent (1 injury per 19 participants).

This did come as a bit of a surprise to me. I knew hunting was relatively safe, but I had no idea that it was safer than golf. How on earth do you get hurt playing golf? Of course, if you play like me you could throw a club in disgust after a lousy shot and hit someone. Or drink too much and drive the cart into a tree.

"Many people have the misconception that hunting is unsafe, but the data tells a different story," said Jim Curcuruto, NSSF's director of industry research and analysis. "Comprehensive hunter education classes that emphasize the basic rules of firearm safety and a culture of hunters helping fellow hunters practice safe firearms handling in the field are responsible for this good record."

To put hunting's safety standing into perspective, compared to hunting a person is . . .
• 11 times more likely to be injured playing volleyball
• 19 times more likely to be injured snowboarding
• 25 times more likely to be injured cheerleading or bicycle riding
• 34 times more likely to be injured playing soccer or skateboarding
• 105 more times likely to be injured playing tackle football.

Furthermore, in the big scheme of things, firearms account for a miniscule 0.5% of all unintentional fatalities.

Of course, all this means nothing to the anti-gun nuts. Their motto is "My mind is made up. Don't confuse me with the facts."

FOD 2011.12.12

A picture is worth 1000 words...

And in related news, in Sunday night's 60 Minutes puff piece on obama, alleged journalist Steve Kroft strayed from the White House approved script and snuck in one semi-tough question when he asked the commie-in-chief which Republican contender he would prefer to face in 2012.

obama's answer: 'It Doesn't Really Matter' Who GOP Nominates

He boiled down the 2012 campaign to a single question to be answered by the voters: “Do they see a more compelling vision coming out from the other side?”

Hell yes.

In spite of their tendency to self-destruct, whoever (whomever?) the GOP nominates will have a pretty good chance of defeating the loser-in-chief. Especially if he continues to blame Bush, four years later. More obama:

"... we can't have an honest conversation about the irresponsibility that resulted in the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, without somebody saying that somehow we're being divisive.”

obama also refused to answer when asked why there have been no criminal prosecutions of anyone on Wall Street responsible for the financial collapse in 2008. That could be because the people most responsible are democrat congresscritters, most notably Barney Frank and Chris Dodd.

Left unasked were the really tough questions, like why did the White House refuse to turn over to congress documents related to the $535 million loan guarantee that the Obama administration gave to now-bankrupt solar panel manufacturer Solyndra?

Or why aren't there any criminal prosecutions in the case of Jon "I simply don't know where the money is" Corzine, former democrat U.S. senator, former democrat New jersey governor, former obama economic adviser, and former CEO of MF Global, which collapsed into the eighth-largest bankruptcy in U.S. history while an estimated $1.2 billion in client funds is unaccounted for.

Or why hasn't Eric Holder been indicted, impeached, or at the very least forced to resign for, among other things, the Fast and Furious fiasco?

So many questions, so little time.

Only 60 Minutes...

Random Thoughts - Sunday Evening Version

I just finished fixing dinner. Is there anything that smells better than sautéing onions and garlic in bacon drippings?

After dinner I checked my email. A friend of mine who is a retired Air Force F-16 pilot, and who now flies for UPS, sent me the following. You aviation-minded folks may have already seen this, but I got a kick out of it. Enjoy.

* * * * * * * * * * 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident....

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one...

Sunday Funnies 2011.12.11

Things didn't work out quite as expected, but still ...

Two hunters went deer hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female deer costume and learned the mating call of a female deer. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck.

They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call.

Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

When the buck was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"

The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

Rained Out

Well, we tried. The Friday afternoon hunt was okay - didn't see anything much, but at least we were out in the field. There were a few sprinkles Friday evening and overnight, but nothing serious.

Saturday morning started off okay as well. Then about 8:00 the weather changed. The wind picked up - WAY up - from hardly noticeable to 30+ MPH, with gusts much higher.

As the wind speed went up the temperature went down, from mid 50s at daybreak to low 40s a couple of hours later. At the same time the rain began. Not sprinkles or drizzle, but RAIN - big, fat drops, and lots of them.

Low 40s is tolerable, but when you add in high wind and heavy rain it gets intolerable pretty damn quick.

We were expecting the weather change, and had appropriate gear, but still ... when everything you have is damp and muddy, and the only time you're warm is when you're sitting in the truck with the heater cranked up to High, a lot of the joy goes out of the hunt. And the weather forecast was for more rain and continued cold temperatures.

To top things off, on our lease here in South Texas the soil is predominately caliche. It is relatively impervious to rain - that is, the rain doesn't penetrate caliche like it does loam or regular topsoil. So the rainwater is funneled into the ranch road ruts, making them a slippery, soupy mixture that clogs up tire tread and robs them of traction.

My hunting truck is an old 1995 Ford F-150 with 4WD and off-road tires, so I was able to get around without too much trouble. But after I pulled out a couple of other vehicles we decided it was time to head for home.

The good news is that the South Texas rut starts in mid-December, and the season doesn't end until late January. So we still have plenty of time to put Señor Muy Grande on the wall...

UPDATE: It was still raining and chilly this morning. Yesterday set a one-day record for rainfall down here - almost 2.5 inches. (That's a one-day record for that specific date, not all time.) Still, that's a lot of rain for down here. The news last night was nothing but car wrecks and localized flooding.

Gone Hunting

Back Monday ... sooner if I get lucky.

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2011.12.09

By the time you see this, I'll be on my way to the deer lease. My wife isn't too thrilled, what with all the holiday chores piling up at home, but I pacified her with the promise of fresh venison.

The only problem is, I'm pretty bad at hunting deer...

More Why Professors Drink

The semester is winding down. I only have one more final to give and grade, and then I'll be done with classes for a few weeks.

The students are actually behaving themselves so far (relatively speaking, of course). But the administration is picking up the slack in foolishness. Two examples:

#1 - I apparently got some kind of award based on something I did my first year here (Sep. 2008-May 2009). I'm still not sure what I did or why I got the award.

The award was dated Feb. 2010 (remember, this is for the academic year ending May 2009).

I must have missed the award ceremony. I don't even remember being informed about it.

I received the award today via interoffice mail.

To summarize:

• award for year ending May 2009
• dated Feb. 2010
• received Dec. 2011

I emphasize to my students that consequences for behavior should be adminstered as closely as possible to that behavior in order to maximize the effect. Management 101, right?

Did I mention that the president of the university received his PhD in English Lit, and the provost comes from the Biology department? 

#2 - Like many other organizations, we have been affected by the current budget crunch. In response, faculty are being required to teach one additional course with no pay increase. On the plus side, this has allowed us to avoid layoffs, so there is minimal grumbling.

In conjunction with the increased teaching load, the minimum class size has been increased. For upper level courses the new minimum is ten students. That doesn't sound like a lot, but the effect is to cause the cancellation of small, specialized elective courses.

The mindless enforcement of these two edicts, with no employment of common sense, has resulted in the cancellation of two electives for graduating seniors in the Spring 2012 semester. This leaves them with the choice of hanging around until Sep. 2012 - nine months from now - in order to graduate, or else taking some fluff elective that has absolutely no relationship to their major, and will be of no use in the real world ("Leadership Traits of barak obama: Theory and Application").

Furthermore, it leaves one professor without a class to teach. So we have figured out a way to game the system. We are dividing a course I teach in half, creating two sections instead of one, each with half as many students. Sounds like a good idea - smaller class size, more personal interaction, all that good stuff - except that it's an online course.

The course material is delivered through a content management system (an application that was created specifically for online teaching). Homework and exams are given and graded by the system. I do have a running discussion forum where we talk about current events in the field and how they are related to the course material. It takes an hour or two per day to maintain, but it's like blogging. The amount of time and effort is relatively the same, whether you have one reader or one hundred.

So instead of one instructor (me) teaching 60-70 students (which, because it's an online class, isn't that big of a deal) we will have two instructors teaching two classes of 30-35 students. It won't improve the quality of instruction, and it will cost twice as much in terms of instructor time, but it satisfies the whim of the administrators.

Sigh...

Dead Man Walking

The guy who did this is dead - D.E.A.D.

But it is funny as hell.

Caution: do not watch while drinking liquids.

Oh No - Not Again

Brace yourself for another round of anti-gun hysteria after this latest tragedy.

Virginia Tech Locked Down After Two Killed

Virginia Tech University, the site of the country's worst massacre, is on lockdown after two people, including a police officer, were shot and killed on the campus.

The school said the suspect is at large and students are being told, "Stay indoors. Secure in place."

Of course, the only ones armed on campus are the shooter and the police. Look at how well that turned out for the dead officer and the second victim.

I hope no one else - other than the criminal - is harmed, but this is sure to reignite the debate about who should and should not be allowed to carry firearms on campus.

If nothing else, it again shows the fallacy that anti-guns laws keep people safe.

The World Has Gone Mad

Just two in a long line of examples.

Example #1 - Administration Calls Fort Hood Massacre 'Workplace Violence'

Sen. Susan Collins on Wednesday blasted the Defense Department for classifying the Fort Hood massacre as workplace violence and suggested political correctness is being placed above the security of the nation's Armed Forces at home.

Remember when Major Nidal Hasan went on a rampage in 2009, killing thirteen people and wounding dozens of others while shouting "Allah Akbar" (which is arabic for 'I love to take it up the ass'). That wasn't workplace violence. It was a terrorist attack, pure and simple. Calling it anything else is a perfect example of being politically correct at the expense of the truth.

Example #2 - Medicare Spends a Quarter Billion Dollars on Penis Pumps

"...Medicare has spent more than $240 million of taxpayer money on penis pumps for elderly men over the past decade..."

Well, why not. The government is screwing us every time we turn around. We may as well let senior citizens do the same thing.

The penis pump market has grown so large (ha!) that websites dedicated solely to that have sprung up (ha! again).

Medicare Penis Pumps - Medicare may cover the cost for you! - Call us toll free

So have marketing videos.




And of course, where there's money to be made. there's con artists.

Man pleads guilty to penis pump Medicare scam

An Illinois man pleaded guilty in Rhode Island on Thursday to charges he shipped unwanted penis enlargers to diabetes patients as part of a Medicare fraud scheme that cost $1 million to $2.5 million from 2005 to 2009.

And I guess if there's a problem with the product there most likely would be a recall.

What a strange, crazy world we live in...

The Day That Changed The World

Today, December 7, 2011, is the 70th anniversary of the day that changed the world.

Better known as "a date which will live in infamy" the consequences of the attack on Pearl Harbor led to the emergence of the United States as a world superpower. We still hold that distinction, although our grasp is becoming somewhat shaky.

The 'day of infamy' quote is, of course, from President Franklin Roosevelt's speech to Congress asking it to declare war on Japan. Roosevelt went on to say:

Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.

With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounded determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God.

The first of those is still true today. Only the enemy has changed.

The second ... well, can you imagine the current 'occupy the White House' buffoon saying anything along those lines?

Me neither.

Anyway, please take a moment to remember and give thanks to those who served - then and now.

For more insight into the events surrounding Dec. 7, 1941, the National Museum of the Pacific has a special exhibit and accompanying material available here.

And Life has just released some previously unseen photographs of the aftermath.

With the few remaining survivors of the attack now in their 90's, this will likely be the last major anniversary commemorated with living participants.

 So go forth and learn ... and remember...

The Bitch Did It Again

Re: the obamas Million Dollar Hawaiian Vacation - why the hell can't she and the kids fly with her hubby like the rest of American families do?

This year, the president’s wife and family flew ahead of the President on an Air Force C-40B Special Mission Aircraft, a 32 passenger plane, which according to a White House Dossier analysis, cost taxpayers an estimated $63,000 or $6,330 per hour. “By leaving early, she (Michelle Obama) forced a large logistical support – including a retinue of Secret Service agents – to get itself up and running,” the Dossier reports.

Oh yeah - it's because she and her worthless lesbian lover husband aren't paying their own way...

More News Of The Absurd

When I saw the headline below, I was anticipating a humorous out-of-the-ordinary story. Well, it's definitely out of the ordinary. However, the humor is tempered by the fact that ... well, why spoil it ... go ahead and read it for yourself.

Couple injured after naked bodybuilder attack

Police say a naked, 300-pound bodybuilder savagely beat a Southern California couple at their home, leaving them in critical condition.

The Sun of San Bernardino says 22-year-old Ruben Arzu apparently was under the influence of steroids and other drugs, and it took four police officers, two stun gun blasts and four sets of handcuffs to restrain him.

Police say the couple came home late Saturday to find Arzu naked on the front porch of their home in Colton.

When Arzu was confronted by the 35-year-old husband, police say the bodybuilder attacked the man, causing major head trauma.

The man's wife called 911. Police say Arzu then picked her up and threw her around, causing facial injuries and multiple cuts to her head.

Arzu was booked on suspicion of attempted homicide.

First of all, I hope the victims recover without complications.

Second, call me old-fashioned, but I'd rather see the cops blast the guy a couple of times with a .45 instead of a stun gun. It would save a lot of time, trouble, and $$$ down the road.

And of course this happened in Kalifornia, home to naked bodybuilders and steroid freaks. Why don't we ask the victims how they feel about the CA ban on handguns and right to carry. Since I'm blessed to live in the Great State of Texas, I don't have to worry about whether or not I can physically subdue an assailant. I have today's equivalent of Mr. Colt's equalizer on my side.

And I can be damn sure that any naked bodybuilder who attacks me or my family isn't carrying a concealed weapon...

Good News x 2

Every so often it's nice to hear some good news for a change. Yesterday gave us two examples of people subhumans getting what they deserved.

Story #1:

Surveillance video shows the moment a store clerk shoots an armed robber twice

Mark Headstrong had never fired a gun before. But, when a robber pointed a pistol at him, the Wilmington, North Carolina, convenience store clerk acted fast and shot his assailant twice.

But Mr. Headstrong's boss, store owner Musa Agil said his employee should have shot the robber dead: 'He should have killed him ... this guy was soft on him.'

First of all, dig the clerk's name - Headstrong. I used to be married to his sister...

Second, I can't decide if the guy's boss is cool or a jerk. I like the way he thinnks - "He should have killed him " - but I'm not too sure I'd want to work for a harsh dude like that.

The in-store cameras show Anderson walk into the store wearing a mask and black hood pulled over his head. He draws a gun and points it at Mr. Headstrong.

The clerk draws his own handgun. Mr Headstrong, a soft-spoken man, told the Star News of Wilmington that he instructed Anderson to drop the gun. But the convicted felon didn't. Instead, he steps closer to the counter, so Mr Headstrong fired a warning shot into the floor.

The bullet ricocheted and struck Anderson in the leg. But Anderson still didn't drop the gun. So Mr Headstrong, wearing shorts and flip-flops, shoots again, hitting the assailant in the finger.

 Not exactly a crack shot. I doubt if he was aiming for the robber's finger.

The robber finally lets go of his silver handgun and falls to the floor.

'You'll be hailed as a hero,' Mr Agil told his employee during a news conference.

'But you'd be a superhero if you'd dropped him dead.'

IMO if some thug pulls a gun, don't do something stupid like firing a warning shot or trying to wound him. Aim for center mass and fire away.

And speaking of doing something stupid, we have this fool.

Police say around 11:30 p.m. Friday, Anthony Miranda, 24, walked up to a car parked at 55th Street and Kenneth Avenue, just a few blocks from Midway International Airport.

Miranda asked the driver for a lighter, and the driver said he didn’t have one. Then Miranda pulled a handgun and demanded that the driver hand over his money, police said.

Even after the driver complied and gave up some money, Miranda ordered him out of his car, police said.

At some point, Miranda’s attention was diverted and the victim was able to grab control of the gun and the two wrestled.

During the fight, Miranda accidentally discharged his own gun, shooting himself in the ankle, police said.

What a loser.

The victim — who told police he is a martial arts expert and ultimate fighter — was able to pin Miranda down until police arrived.

Police arrived to find Miranda with a face full of lacerations and two black eyes. He was taken to Holy Cross Hospital for treatment, police said.

Mr. Miranda should be glad he got off with only a few bruises and black eyes. If I was some UFC badass who got jumped like this I'd do my best to break a few bones...

False Alarm

I arrived today at my South Texas apartment to begin the work week. As is my custom, I left home with a travel mug of coffee and a bottle of water, both of which I empty on the drive down here. It's a three hour trip, so for a man my age with the subsequent 'fluid retention' issues the timing works out about right. I get here just as my internal pressure gauge is moving from yellow to red.

We're having our first really chilly weather down here, so as I entered the apartment I flipped the HVAC unit from Cool to Heat for the first time this year. After going through the usual 'coming home' routine (keys and wallet on the dresser, phone plugged into the charger, computer booted up, etc.) I headed for the restroom.

I unlimbered the necessary apparatus and began the process of fluid elimination. I had just reached that point familiar to most men - a feeling of relief and relaxation, accompanied by a heartfelt sigh, a stout stream, and a general sense of well being - when the heater kicked on.

It's an electric heater that hasn't been used since last winter, so very shortly the air was filled with the smell of burning ozone and toasted dust. Very shortly after that the air was filled with the sounds of various smoke and carbon monoxide alarms going off.

Evidently the apartment complex owners are quite concerned about the threat of litigation if a tenant should suffer injury from fire, smoke, or carbon monoxide, because these weren't the piddling residential alarms that one can purchase at Home Depot. No, these are industrial strength alarms that remind one of those strident klaxons in old WWII movies - on steroids.

There were three different alarms of varying pitch, intensity, and character all competing for attention. Meanwhile, I was doing my best imitation of a fire hose (remember the three hour drive while intaking a quart or two of liquids?). As my fellow men will testify, one simply doesn't shut down that type of flow in mid-stream. Furthermore, the sudden onset of the alarms caused me to involuntarily turn around in search of the source of all that clamor.

I leave the rest to your imagination.

Fortunately, the alarms shut off fairly quickly as the heating elements burned off the year's accumulation of dust and debris. All that remained was the clean-up...

FOD 2011.12.05 - Two Parts

Part I:

It must be nice being President... Obama to jet off to Hawaii for SEVENTEEN DAY Christmas vacation

While most Americans are lucky to get a few weeks of holiday every year, it seems the country’s leader gets a little more freedom in the matter.

President Barack Obama has announced his Christmas vacation to Hawaii – for a staggering 17-day trip.

He was just there two weeks ago for an economic summit. I guess he liked it so much he wants to go back.

His wife and kids will be there as well. No word on whether they'll fly together, or take seperate flights like their Marth'a Vineyard summer vacation and last year's Hawaii winter vacation.

Gosh, was it just last August when the obama clan spent eleven days on vacation at Martha's Vineyard? Let's see ... eleven days in August, plus seventeen days in Dec. is a total of twenty-eight days - FOUR FRIGGIN' WEEKS!!! - of vacation in a six-month period. That's about one month out of six on vacation. Nice work if you can get it.

I guess he's just plumb worn out from ... wait, give me a minute ...

What the hell has he done to need a vacation?

He must be exhausted from ruining the economy, putting hundreds of thousands of Americans out of work, running guns to Mexican drug cartels, bowing to foreign heads of state, endless rounds of golf … oh yeah, and all the campaigning and fund raising he's been doing lately.

As Harper points out, this little trip will cost the taxpayers in excess of $1M.

What an asshole. We'll all be better off when he's on a permanent vacation…

(Don't miss Part II below the bobblehead.)

Part II:

NJ governor Chris Christie asks, and the NY Post's Micheal Goodwin amplifies on, this question:

“What the hell are we paying you for?”

On Monday, (Christie) called Obama “a bystander in the Oval Office” for ducking the congressional committee charged with finding $1.2 trillion in deficit reductions over 10 years.

“I was angry this weekend, listening to the spin coming out of the administration about the failure of the super committee, and that the president knew it was doomed for failure, so he didn’t get involved,” Christie said. “Well, then, what the hell are we paying you for? ‘It’s doomed for failure so I’m not getting involved?’ Well, what have you been doing, exactly?”

The questions are rhetorical in that we know what the president has been doing and why. He plays golf and campaigns. Governing is beneath him.

He doesn’t talk much to members of Congress or his own Cabinet. They’re beneath him.

His connection to the public consists of speeches before large crowds, and he ducks behind the curtain and into the security bubble as soon as he finishes. The people are beneath him.

Warped by a sense of entitlement and self-aggrandizement, Obama refuses to take responsibility for finding practical solutions to problems. He prefers the glory of transformation rather than the roll-the-sleeves-up work of reform.

When he can’t get his way, he appoints a czar and ignores Congress. Democracy is beneath him.

He could have brokered a deficit deal, but doing so would have demolished his campaign slogan that Republicans are to blame for everything. Any deal would give him ownership of the results, and end the fiction that politics are beneath him.

In fact, he’s all politics, all the time. His idea of bipartisanship is that everybody agrees with him.

He’s so bad at the job that the frequent comparisons to Jimmy Carter are unfair to Carter.

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Happy Birthday Dad

My father turns 94 today. He's still in pretty good shape - great shape for someone his age. His mind is sharp, he gets around without help, and he's still enjoying life.

Every so often I stop and think about how his life intertwines with history. He was born in 1917, the youngest of 13 children. He lost five siblings in the 1918 flu epidemic. He grew up in a small town in western Pennsylvania, in a house with no electricity or running water. Light was provided by oil lamps. Water came from a well and hand pump in the back yard, which was next to the single-seat outhouse. His father, uncles, and older brothers were all coal miners. After watching them grow stooped and old before their time from working on their hands and knees hundreds of feet underground, and dying of black lung disease, Dad decide to take another path.

He joined the Civilian Conservation Corps at the age of 16. He entered the service in 1940, one year before Pearl Harbor. He landed at Normandy and was later wounded at the Battle of the Bulge. When he got out of the hospital he transitioned to the Army Air Force, which in 1947 became the U.S. Air Force. He participated in the Berlin Airlift, one of the first confrontations of the Cold War. Then came Korea and Viet Nam, followed by retirement from military service.

But that didn't mean retirement. He worked as a post office letter carrier for the next 20+ years, getting up in the wee hours and going to work every day, regardless of 'rain or sleet or snow or gloom of night.' Did I mention that he had a walking route, complete with 20-30 pound bag of mail slung over his shoulder? But he came home every day with a smile on his face (often because of a stop on the way at the local ice house).

After his second retirement he and my mother traveled around the country in an old pick-up with a drop-in camper. They were devoted to each other throughout 60 years of marriage, until Mom passed a couple of years ago. Now Dad lives in a small apartment in a senior living facility (definitely NOT a nursing home or rest home). He and a bunch of the other old farts there hang out, tell stories, and have a tipple or two. He's still enjoying life.

So Happy Birthday to the man who taught me so many things - how to throw a baseball, how to drive a stick shift, how to sweep the girls off their feet - but most of all how to be a man, in the truest sense of the word.

Sunday Funnies 2011.12.04

Today is my father's 94th birthday. More on that later, but for now...

Some of Dad's favorite sayings:

Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.

At my age I sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

My joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

Better to be an old fart than a young shithead.

If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

My wild oats have turned to mush.

I'm so old, I fart dust.

 

Beware The Vicious Deer

This appeared in my email in-box. I can't vouch for its veracity, but it certainly reads true. If you've ever spent time around ranchers, farmers, or hunters, this is how they think.

Why we shoot deer in the wild

(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this.)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope ..., and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ...... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -- like a horse -- strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Farmer

I knew that deer are vicious, evil things. They willfully and joyously destroy gardens and landscaping. They take great pleasure in darting in front of vehicles, startling the unsuspecting driver into swerving and hitting something substantial like a tree or guard rail.

I also knew that they are amazingly (and deceitfully) strong for their size. I even knew that they will rear up on their hind legs and pummel you with their front hooves. But I did not know that they bite. Nor that they hold a grudge, and once having got you down, will kick you joyfully and repeatedly.

Their only saving virtue is that they are delicious...

This Is Just Wrong...

... on so many levels.

Looking for a special Christmas gift for that hard to please someone? Or that hard to please canine? 

May I suggest the Love Doll for Dogs (H/T Doctor Grumpy)

This love doll for dogs is shaped to be grabbed easily by the dog’s paws like female hips. Hotdoll is designed in 2 sizes to be used by little dogs and by big ones! Its contrasted colors are made to be easily distinguished by dog’s eyes. The body is made by a plastic structure covered with a 1 cm technogel skin to create a soft touch. All orange parts are made of rubber, that way the doll grips the floor. The pink hole needs to be washed regularly for hygienic reasons. (insert your own joke here)

This should be of interest to the Kennedy and Clinton dogs hounds...

Thank You Sir May I Have Another

I've worked in many different organizations - big, small, corporate, non-profit, the military and so on. But my current place of employment wins hands down as far as having an endless succession of pointless and non-productive meetings. The academic world likes to pride itself on faculty governance - the notion that the faculty, consisting of wise and benevolent individuals with only everyone's best interests in mind, will be responsible for making all major decisions.

In reality, it seldom if ever works out that way. Faculty meetings quickly degenerate into a who-can-yell-the-loudest contest. I've seen pre-schoolers resolve problems with less fuss. (Definition of a faculty meeting: “Wasting an hour or more in a high-volume discussion about unresolved issues that remain unresolved.”)

The number and fruitlessness of meetings, combined with detached-from-reality administrative pronouncements (the latest: our Monday/Wednesday classes are being rescheduled to Mon./Wed./Fri. because the president felt that the number of empty classrooms on Fridays indicated we were underutilizing our facilities - no matter that the total number of classroom utilization hours remains unchanged) and clueless students, leads most professors to be on a first-name basis with bartenders and liquor store owners throughout town.

So I was pleasantly surprised to receive the item below in interoffice mail today. The SECC (State Employee Charitable Campaign) is a once-a-year initiative that encourages employees to make charitable contributions. If you donate at a certain level, you get a small token of appreciation.

Since this place drives me to drink (and to paraphrase W.C. Fields, it's the only thing I'm grateful to it for), it seems only fitting that I receive a tool designed to help open cans and bottles.

All In The Family

By now most people know that Barney Frank is (thankfully) not running for reelection.

In a just world, he would be running to stay out of prison for his role in the Fannie-Freddie scam, but that's another story.

Anyway, this is turning out to be a case of when life hands you lemons, make a Flaming Lemon Drop.

Democrats surprised by Barney Frank retirement turn to Kennedy family

Massachusetts Democrats left reeling by Barney Frank's unexpected retirement announcement Monday are seeking to take advantage of a political brand that's very familiar to state residents, and recruit Robert F. Kennedy's grandson Joseph P. Kennedy III to run for Frank's vacant 4th District seat.

What is it with Bay Staters? Do the citizens of Massachusetts feel incomplete or unfulfilled if they don't have a Kennedy representing them?

Of course, it's very early in the process. And plenty of other democrat pols are interested in Frank's old seat (sorry...). So we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Or, as the Kennedys say, "We'll drive off that bridge when we come to it."

A similar story is playing out on the local front. Long time San Antonio congresscritter Charlie Gonzalez is retiring unexpectedly.

Rep. Charlie Gonzalez’s decision to retire at the end of 2012 will end the congressional tenure of a Democratic family whose name has been synonymous with the city of San Antonio for more than half a century.

Charlie's father, Henry B. Gonzalez, was an old-time hard-core liberal who was elected to the U.S. House with the help of President John F. Kennedy and Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson. He 'served' for 37 years. When he retired in 1998 he bequeathed his seat to son Charlie, who kept it in the family for another 14 years. His decision not to run for re-election ends over 50 years of representation by the Gonzalez family.

It also presents a political opportunity for state Rep. Joaquín Castro, twin brother of San Antonio Mayor Julián Castro. The Democrat will seek Gonzalez’s 20th Congressional District seat...

The Castros are San Antonio's version of the Kennedy brothers from 50 years ago. Young, dynamic, smooth, polished, ambitious - keep your eye on them. They will choose safe districts as their home base, spend a few terms in the House to build up credibility, and then make a bid for either governor or senator - or beyond.

I'm not sure just when we as a nation became comfortable with the notion of family dynasties holding onto public offices for decades. It runs so counter to the notion of the Founding Fathers. Remember, George Washington refused to run for a third term, even though he was urged to by many of his peers, and even thought he would have easily won.

On the other hand, the backlash against FDR led to a constitutional amendment limiting presidents to Washington's two terms.

Remind me again, what party did FDR belong to...?

Let's See The MSM Spin This One

You know, Muslims aren't that different from us. Diversity is good - as long as it's us accommodating their beliefs, and not the other way around.

Posted with minimal comment (mainly because it's so absurd that nothing I can say could top it):

Saudis fear there will be ‘no more virgins’ and people will turn gay if female drive ban is lifted

Repealing a ban on women drivers in Saudi Arabia would result in ‘no more virgins’, the country’s religious council has warned.

A ‘scientific’ report claims relaxing the ban would also see more Saudis - both men and women - turn to homosexuality and pornography.

The startling conclusions were drawn by Muslim scholars at the Majlis al-Ifta’ al-A’ala, Saudi Arabia’s highest religious council, working in conjunction with Kamal Subhi, a former professor at the King Fahd University.

Their report assessed the possible impact of repealing the ban in Saudi Arabia, the only country in the world where women are not allowed behind the wheel.

The report warns that allowing women to drive would ‘provoke a surge in prostitution, pornography, homosexuality and divorce’.

Within ten years of the ban being lifted, the report’s authors claim, there would be ‘no more virgins’ in the Islamic kingdom.

This makes the global warming disciples seem almost rational...

Quick Hits

From a random walk around that interweb thingie...

Dog bites man - no big deal. Dog shoots man - now that's another story.

Dogs are man's best friend. Except, you know, when they're shooting a gun at you.

And strangely enough, that's what really happened to a hapless dog owner in Brigham City, Utah. The man in question ... got a behind-full of birdshot courtesy of his loyal canine companion when he was out duck hunting over the weekend.

KSL.com reports the man and his dog were traveling in a canoe-like boat when the man stepped out into a shallow marsh to set up some decoys. His left his 12-gauge shotgun resting across the bow of the boat, according to Box Elder County Sheriff's Deputy Kevin Potter.

That's when the dog "did something to make the gun discharge," Potter said. "I don't know if the safety device was on. It's not impossible the dog could have taken it off safety."

Apparently excited to join his owner in the marsh, the dog jumped up on the boat's bow and stepped on the gun. The gun was fired, hitting the man in the buttocks with 27 pellets of birdshot.

I don't know about that. I guess it's possible that the dog could have bumped the safety, but IMO it's stretching things to suggest the dog somehow released the safety and then pulled the trigger. It's more likely that the hunter neglected to ensure the safety was on - or better yet, that the gun was unloaded. If so, he learned a lesson the hard way. He's lucky the only serious injury was to his pride.

If getting shot in the rear end doesn't make you cry, this next one surely will.

Whiskey Spills After Pickup, 18-Wheeler Collide On I-35

A pickup truck towing a travel trailer collided with an 18-wheeler in the southbound lanes of Interstate 35 just south of Loop 340 (outside of Waco, TX.).

The 18-wheeler was carrying a load of Jack Daniel’s whiskey.

No one was hurt, but some whiskey spilled as a result of the crash.

Waco firefighters responded to clean up the liquor.

I'll just bet they did - equipped with sponges and highball glasses.

Finally, we have another entry in our ongoing series of Why Professors Drink (here and here). Final exams are approaching, and the requests for special treatment have begun. From today's in-box:

"I'm not going to be in town on the day of the test. Is there anyway I can take the test tomorrow or yesterday?"

If you can figure out a way to take the test yesterday, I'll be happy to let you do so...

A Glimpse Of The Future

A friend of mine recently retired after working 30+ years for a government agency. As part of his separation processing, he was warned to expect a significant lag time between his retirement date and the beginning of his federal pension checks.

He retired at the end of August. He has yet to receive his first pension check. The current estimate for when he will begin receiving them is March 2012. His story:

I was forewarned of this by the HR retirement specialist and advised to accumulate as much annual leave as  possible, which would be paid to me as a lump sum with my last pay check. I accumulated 6 weeks and I have this as a little buffer. Otherwise I would be SOL and have to dig into savings.

In the interim he does get monthly checks equal to an estimated two-thirds of his regular check (less the full deductions for insurance premiums, taxes, etc.), with the promise of a full accounting and catch-up check at some unknown point in the future.

He's not alone.

(The federal government's Office of Personnel Management) (OPM) has a backlog of 60,000 retirement claims to be processed, with no business plan to bring claims procedures up to date.

As more federal agencies push to reduce payroll, there will soon be many more retirees ... the upcoming wave of retirees combined with OPM's dwindling resources and already slow pace would create a "perfect storm" for the agency.

"This is a mess and it can't continue, and it looks like it's going to get worse..."

The logjam in OPM retirement processing dates back to the 1980s. Since 1987, the agency has made four separate failed attempts to automate its retirement processing. Its most recent effort was launched in 2008 and terminated in February.

Four failed attempts?!? FOUR!?! Back when I was in the corporate world I made a pretty good living replacing outdated legacy systems with more modern ones. Quite a few of those systems were on the large side, with hundreds of thousands and even millions of records. We never had a total failure, although there were a few that took longer and cost more than the original estimates. So why can't the government do what just about any corporation can?

Perhaps because no one in the government is ever held accountable. Were the project managers and senior executives involved in the OPM fiascoes fired, demoted, or even reprimanded? Highly doubtful.

The same story goes on to discuss OPM's attempts to run its own job posting website.

During questioning from members of the House Oversight and Government Reform Subcommittee on the Federal Workforce, Director John Berry stood by OPM's decision to bring the redesign of the federal jobs board in-house rather than contract it out to Monster.com.

"Taxpayers are now paying for a system that doesn't work, costs more and takes money away from the private sector," Rep. Dennis Ross, R-Fla., chairman of the subcommittee, said in his opening statement.

Part of the reason given by OPM for bringing the job site in-house was a security breach of Monster.com in 2009. The OPM spokesman claimed that by bringing the system in-house they could ensure its security.

Yeah, right.

Reports of network security incidents at federal agencies have soared 650 percent during the past half-decade, jeopardizing the confidentiality and integrity of sensitive government information, federal auditors charged in a congressionally mandated report.

And these are the people who claim they can improve the best healthcare system in the world...