Happy Tax Day

We laugh to keep from crying...

(click to embiggen)

Words Of Wisdom From People Smarter Than Me (Granted, it's a large club)

A few choice tidbits harvested from a random walk around this inter-thingy.

This first quote nicely puts into context the hubbub regarding Romney's tax returns:

Apparently, I’m supposed to be more angry about what Mitt Romney does with his money than what Barack Obama does with mine.

The next few quotes come from Thomas Sowell. If you're not familiar with him, I urge you to become so. His life reflects the classic American rags-to-riches success story. Born into a poor black family at a time when discrimination was both overt and covert, he nevertheless overcame. After serving in the Marine Corps during the Korean War, Sowell went on to graduate magna cum laude from Harvard, followed by a Master's degree from Columbia and a Ph.D. in economics from the University of Chicago.

If that's not sufficient bona fides, he has been criticized by the Democratic National Committee and Media Matters, among other liberal groups, perhaps because Sowell is the insightful articulate intellectual that barack obama aspires to be, but falls far short of.

Sowell has published numerous books and articles. He also is a nationally syndicated columnist.

A brief sample:

Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. ... The amazing thing is that this history of failure and disaster has neither discouraged the social engineers nor discredited them.

In politics, few talents are as richly rewarded as the ability to convince parasites that they are victims.

If you have always believed that everyone should play by the same rules and be judged by the same standards, that would have gotten you labeled a radical 60 years ago, a liberal 30 years ago and a racist today.

And finally, one that is particularly relevant given that our taxes are due tomorrow:

Elections should be held on April 16th - the day after we pay our income taxes. That is one of the few things that might discourage politicians from being big spenders.

FOD 2012.04.16

Last week the fit hit the shan over remarks made and subsequently apologized for by democrat strategist and obama adviser Hilary Rosen about Ann Romney, wife of the likely republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

obama and his goon squad tripped all over themselves trying to contain the damage.

When Democratic activist Hilary Rosen dissed Ann Romney Wednesday, saying she has “never worked a day in her life,” the president, first lady, and countless other Democrats swooped in and condemned the slam on the wife of presumptive GOP nominee Mitt Romney. Ms. Rosen apologized for her “poorly chosen” words.

Of course, even when 'apologizing' obama managed to mangle the truth. In his own words: "We Didn't Have the Luxury for Her Not to Work."

Speaking Friday at what the administration called “The White House Forum on Women and the Economy,” President Barack Obama said that after his two daughters were born, he and his wife—both Harvard Law School graduates—could not afford the “luxury” of having her stay home with the children.

. . .

In 1997, the year before Malia was born, he (barack obama) was elected to the Illinois State Senate.

I don't know what Illinois state senators got paid back in 1997, but I suspect that it was enough for a family of three to live on comfortably. Especially with the outside income opportunities traditionally available to Illinois politicians.

Three years later, in 2000, the first year that the Obamas' tax returns are available, they had a combined gross income of $240,000. Assuming barry made about half of that, they would have had a family income of somewhere around $100K - 120K. Most families could enjoy a comfortable middle-class life style on that in 2000.

In 2005, when Obama began serving in the U.S. Senate (and his daughters turned 4 and 7), he and his wife were earning a combined annual income of $479,062. Barack Obama was paid a salary of $162,100 by the U.S. taxpayers, and Michelle Obama was paid $316,962 to handle community affairs for the University of Chicago Medical Center.

So please explain to me why a base salary of $162,100 isn't enough to allow a mother the 'luxury' of staying home with her children, especially a decade or so ago.

My wife stayed home with our kids when I was making less than that. We had a nice house in a nice suburb, nice cars, took nice vacations, paid our bills, and generally lived a nice, comfortable middle-class life style.

I guess that wasn't good enough for the obamas...

 

P.S. In what should come as a surprise to no one, Bill Maher -- noted misogynist (at least when conservative women are involved) -- came out in support of Hilary Rosen.

At least one high-profile supporter of President Obama is defending Hilary Rosen, although it likely won’t help matters.

Bill Maher, the comedian who gave $1 million to a pro-Obama super PAC earlier this year, offered his own interpretation of the Democratic strategist’s remark Wednesday that the wife of GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney "has never worked a day in her life."

Rosen's comment spurred both a rejoinder from Ann Romney, who tweeted she "made a choice to stay home and raise five boys," and a rebuke from Team Obama, which called on Rosen to apologize while taking pains to praise stay-at-home mothers.

What Rosen meant to say, according to Maher, "was that Ann Romney has never gotten her a-- out of the house to work."

Maher said on "Real Time," his HBO talk show. Maher added during his HBO show “Real Time with Bill Maher” on Friday, that while being a mother is "a tough job," there is "a big difference between being a mother and getting getting your a-- out of the door at 7 a.m. when it’s cold, having to deal with the boss, being in a workplace, where even if you're unhappy you can’t show it for 8 hours, that is kind of a different kind of tough thing."

Right, Bill. Moms never have to get out of the door at 7 a.m. - or earlier - when it's cold. They never have to deal with a boss, only grumpy and whiny kids and husbands who think they are the boss. They never have to put on a happy face no matter how tired, depressed, and angry they are. And of course after 8 hours thay can put that whole Mom thing behind them until the next day.

What an asshole...

A Modest Suggestion

A little while ago, the Whited Sepulchre published a post asking in essence why, if the liberals thought everyone should pay their 'fair share,' they took advantage of all the deductions they could squeeze into their Form 1040s.

In the ensuing comments, Harper suggested that as part of our tax-paying process we should be able to specify what part of the federal budget we wanted our tax dollars allocated to.

Well, it seems that Harper is not the only one thinking along those lines. At least one enterprising blogger has even crafted a new and improved 1040 form that incorporates that suggestion. (click to embiggen)

Makes a lot of sense to me...

Sunday Funnies 2012.04.15

Went to a crawfish boil last night. I'm not big on eating mudbugs -- at least not the head-sucking part -- so I took advantage of the fact that there was plenty of beer available to wash the little critters down.

Mmmm ... beer ...

 

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.

 * * * * *

Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again.

Such hilarious visions clamber

Through the chamber of my brain.

Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies

Come to life and fade away.

What care I how time advances;

I am drinking ale today.

 -- Edgar Allen Poe

 * * * * *

For every wound, a balm. For every sorrow, cheer.

For every storm, a calm. For every thirst, a beer.

A statesman is an easy man, he tells his lies by rote.

A journalist invents his lies, and rams them down your throat.

So stay at home and drink your beer and let the neighbors vote.

 -- William Butler Yeats

 * * * * *

In Vino Veritas. In Cervesio Felicitas

 -- "In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is joy."

 * * * * *

Hey, this blog just oozes class...

Stop And Smell The Roses

I've grown weary of what seems like an unending barrage of depressing news - the liberals' war on women, the liberals' war on racial coexistence, the liberals' war on the economy, the liberals' war on freedom of religion, the liberals' war on ... well, you get the idea.

So last night was a welcome respite. The weather here was enjoyable  -- cool, breezy, clouds scudding across the sky -- just right for sitting outside with my wife and sharing a bottle of wine. Then inside to a nice meal and a screening of Casblanca on Turner Classic Movies. What a truly fabulous movie.

And what a truly fabulous night. Just what was needed to refresh one's outlook on life.

The next several months are going to be dominated by nasty, vicious politics. It's going to be very important to maintain some sort of balanced perspective.

Nights like this one help...

Why Professors Drink 2012.04.12

I typically assign my students an individual project that is due towards the end of the semester. For this semester that will be next week. A few early submissions have begun to trickle in. If the one below is any example, it's going to be a long, looonnng grading process.

This particular project was submitted by a 'non-traditional' (read: older) student. I usually have a few in my class, but this one, however, is apparently older than most.

Being born in the 19th century makes it a little bit harder to understand the constant growth of technology and how it is used to gather information.

What I post here are usually the more extreme examples of student ineptitude. To be fair, however, there are many more instances of students who do a good job. They're just not as entertaining. Case in point:

In addition to the individual project, I also assign a group project. It involves the students going out into the community and working with a business or non-profit organization on some sort of technology implementation effort. In this specific case, a small group of students worked with a local charity that provides assistance to the families of veterans who have been wounded or killed while on active duty.

The charity collects donations from individuals and companies, sells it in a thrift shop, and uses the proceeds to buy food, clothes, school supplies, and the like for families in the program. As you can imagine, there is a lot of record-keeping involved, from simple banking activity to inventory management to enrollment records to IRS forms to ... well, you get the idea.

When the students first got involved, everything was paper based -- literally kept in shoe boxes and manilla folders. In a few short months a PC was acquired and installed, systems were developed and implemented, the charity's volunteers were trained, and all the data was transferred from paper to the PC. The man hours required to handle the record keeping, back office, and administrative chores have been reduced from around twenty hours per week to about five. Quality is up, errors are down, and frustration has been reduced. The volunteers are spending more time soliciting new donations and have expanded the hours the store is open. The funds generated to help the families have tripled since January. Not all of that is due to the new systems, of course, but they have helped. In addition, the students have worked to spread the word about the efforts of this charity, resulting in more volunteers and more corporate involvement.

So while at times I may poke a little fun at my students, or get exasperated with them, at others times I am very, very proud of them.

This is one of those times...

Rock Paper Scissors River

Sometimes I feel like a rock in the middle of a river. I firmly stand my ground, immovable and resolute.

But over time the river wears me down.

That's a metaphor describing how tired I get of reacting to the seemingly endless barrage of nonsense foolishness assaults on common sense from the left. Peter provides the latest example.

Warwick School Superintendent Peter Horoschak is stepping in after a student mural at Pilgrim High School was deemed inappropriate and painted over because it depicted a man holding the hand of a woman and child.

. . .

The mural was meant to depict the life of a man and it ended with the scene with the man, woman and a child. The student artist, 17-year-old Liz Bierendy, said that she depicted the man and woman as married with wedding rings. According to Horoshack’s press release the scene was painted over because “some of the members of the Pilgrim High School community suggested that the depiction of a young man’s development from boyhood through adulthood as displayed may not represent the life experiences of many of the students at Pilgrim High School.”

According to the release, the assistant principal approached the Bierendy after the concern was raised from the school and “asked her to look at other ways to show the outcome of the subject’s progression to adulthood.”

Has it really come to this? Depicting the traditional family -- a man, a woman, and a child -- is now considered inappropriate, which is just a PC phrase for "it offended someone."

Thankfully, someone in Rhode Island has a modicum of common sense.

When School Superintendent Horoschak learned about the incident, which was first reported on WPRO’s John DePetro’s Show, he contacted the assistant principal at the school and requested that Bierendy be allowed to finish the mural the way she saw fit.

Peter's closing comment:

Would someone please tell me why showing a man and a woman getting married and having a child is somehow objectionable? Would it be less so if they had the child out of wedlock, or if each entered into a gay/lesbian relationship and adopted kids with their same-sex partner(s), or if they had children using artificial insemination and/or host mothers?

My closing comment:

(H/T the Whited Sepulchre for the image.)

This Message Brought To You Courtesy Of...

Due to time constraints, this post is shamelessly stolen borrowed linked to from Moonbattery:

In the race to achieve the status of America’s worst president, Barack Hussein Obama has left Jimmy Carter choking on his dust.

Obama has hit one more Carter benchmark – both saw gas prices double in their first term of office.

In fact, while just barely, Obama has seen an even higher gas price increase than Carter dealt with under his administration.

Under the Carter administration, gas prices increased by 103.77 percent. Gas prices since Obama took office have risen by 103.79 percent. No other presidents in recent years have struggled as much with soaring oil prices. Under the Reagan administration, gas prices actually dropped 66 percent.

The difference is that Obama has been causing gas prices to rise on purpose, as part of the insane, antihuman green ideology that animates his hard left base. This is why the Keystone XL pipeline was nixed, why drilling is not allowed off most of our coasts, why the BP spill was seized upon as a pretext to strangle the Gulf oil industry, why drilling on government-owned land is down, et cetera.

Thanks, guys.

And Then There Were Three

Yesterday Rick Santorum dropped out of the race for the GOP presidential nomination.

Rick Santorum, who pitched himself as the true conservative in the race and used a platform focused on social issues to come from well back in the pack to be the main challenger to Mitt Romney, announced (Monday) afternoon that he is suspending his effort for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination.

Santorum, a former Pennsylvania senator, told a gathering of reporters in Gettysburg that his three-year-old daughter's battle with a genetic disease, and her hospitalization over the weekend, "did cause us to think ... about the role we have as parents." And he concluded it was time to step aside from the campaign trail, where his campaign no longer appeared to have time left to stop Romney from being the nominee.

I can't really blame him. Family should come first. Regardless of your political leanings, I hope you will take a moment to say a prayer for Santorum's daughter.

Shortly after Santorum's announcement, Gingrich made a play for Santorum's supporters. Ron Paul's people likewise argued that their man deserved the allegiance of Santorum backers.

Vultures...

But that's beside the point. Of the three remaining candidates, Romney is the odds-on favorite to win the nomination. Ron Paul has been relegated to the role of after-thought. He's a novelty act that appeals only to a small number of fanatics. That's a shame, because I share his libertarian views to a certain extent. However, I think he goes too far on a number of them.

Newt is an interesting case. In my opinion he is the smartest and most articulate of anyone still running -- including obama. I like his approach to many of the issues: big problems call for big ideas, not just tinkering with existing policies. I also think he'd flat-out destroy barry in a head-to-head debate.

But Newt also has baggage - lots of it. There are ethics questions regarding his use of campaign funds. And of course, there is his history of infidelity. The press paints him as a cross between Bill Clinton and John Edwards, and there is some basis for that characterization.

Some people say a politician's private life is irrelevant. That was the liberals' position during Monicagate. Conservatives, on the other hand, argued during the entire blue dress kerfluffle that "character counts." Today everyone has switched sides. Newt's detractors argue that he's shown he can't be trusted to keep his word, while his supporters say his marital history doesn't matter.

I side with the "character counts" folks. I said it with Clinton, and with Edwards, and I hold that position with Newt. As much as I like his ideas, I can't get past the fact that he broke his oath "to forsake all others." Why should I believe that he'll keep an oath to "preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States of America"?

That leaves us with Romney. By all accounts he is a good family man, a man whose personal life is above reproach. But he's also an incremental thinker, not a radical one. By that I mean he has small ideas to improve the status quo, at a time when big ideas are needed to address big problems. To borrow an overused phrase, he can't think outside the box.

He also doesn't have the most scintillating personality. He's not exactly Mr. Electricity. Women don't swoon when he walks in a room. He comes across as privileged and out of touch with most people. He's Mormon, which shouldn't matter, but will to some people. And there's that whole Romneycare thing hanging around his neck.

Still, Romney has one great big thing going for him.

He's not obama...

Then The Democrat Wins

I recently posted about voter fraud and the democrats opposition to any form of a voter ID law.

One alternative might be some sort of current events or civics test that a prospective voter would have to pass before being issued a ballot. You know, sort of a “Don’t let ignorant people vote” proposal.

Is it constitutional? In a word, yes.

The Constitution specifies several factors that cannot be used to deny someone the right to vote—most notably, race (15th Amendment), gender (19th Amendment) and age (26th Amendment). No amendment forbids putting citizens to the test before they can register to vote, so the idea is fair game.

Is it a good idea? IMHO, not only yes, but "Hell Yes!" 

Will it ever happen? Regretfully, probably not.

Why not? The answer is below.

The Big Lie - Big Oil Version

It is often said that if you repeat a lie often enough, people will begin to believe it. obama and his flunkies in the media have mastered this technique. Case in point: the myth that energy companies are reaping billions of dollars in government subsidies.

Listen to any liberal or democrat. Read any paper. Watch any news broadcast or talking heads opinion show. The story is remarkably similar. Big Oil is raping the American taxpayer, enjoying record profits while receiving billions of dollars in taxpayer subsidies, all resulting from a massive lobbying campaign.

The only problem with this narrative is that none of it is true.

First, start with the definition of "subsidy." In economic terms it is "A payment from government to individuals or businesses without any expectations of production."

That definitely describes the solar, wind, electric car, and ethanol industries. But it's a far cry from oil and natural gas production. There, we are talking about the tax code, not government handouts. Here are the tax treatments targeted by democrats.

Domestic manufacturing tax deduction -- $1.7 B.  This is a tax deduction given to every manufacturer in the US.  Per CNN, it was "designed to keep factories in the United States."  If that deduction were eliminated for oil companies only, it would mean singling out oil companies from all other manufacturers.

Percentage depletion allowance -- $1 B.  Any industry can write down a portion of the cost of its capital equipment as part of the cost of doing business.  Right now, oil in the ground is treated as capital equipment.  Again, this "subsidy" amounts to how the cost of doing business is defined.  All companies get it, not just oil companies.

Foreign tax credit -- $850 million.  Companies get credit for taxes they pay to other countries.  All companies get this "subsidy," not just oil companies.  Should a company pay tax on tax?  Should only oil companies pay tax on tax?

Intangible drilling costs -- $780 million.  According to CNN, "[a]ll industries get to write off the costs of doing business, but they must take it over the life of an investment. The oil industry gets to take the drilling credit in the first year."  Among these four tax "breaks," this smallest one was the only one that treated oil companies differently.

The above address taxes that are not collected from the oil companies. What about actual tax payments?

Exxon recently released its first quarter results for 2011.  The number grabbing the headlines was Exxon's profit: $10.65 billion in a single quarter.  The number not given quite as much exposure was the taxes it paid in that same quarter:  $8 billion, or 42% of income before taxes.

And what does Exxon do with all that money it has left after paying $8 B in taxes?  It put $7.8 billion into capital and exploration, as part of its plans "to invest between $33 billion and $37 billion per year over the next five years to develop new energy supplies."

In any other industry, that would be called "research and development."  Exxon is plowing 73% of its after-tax profits back into R&D.  Who would be better at spending $4 billion of energy companies' earnings in an attempt to provide our energy in the future: the energy companies or Obama's energy czar?

But there is at least one member of the Big Oil club that gets subsidies from the U.S. government. Any idea which one?

It's Petrobras, the state-owned Brazilian oil company.

The U.S. is going to lend billions of dollars to Brazil's state-owned oil company, Petrobras, to finance exploration of the huge offshore discovery in Brazil's Tupi oil field in the Santos Basin near Rio de Janeiro. Brazil's planning minister confirmed that White House National Security Adviser James Jones met ... with Brazilian officials to talk about the loan.

A few more tidbits:

• The amount of earnings not collected in taxes is about $4.3 billion per year -- about 0.2% of this year's deficit and enough to fund about 10 hours of current US government spending.
• A full $3.55 billion of that amount (82%) is due to the way taxes are treated for all industries or manufacturers.  To change these tax laws only for oil companies would require singling them out among all industries for special mistreatment.
• The only tax in which the oil industry seems to get special treatment compared to other industries is intangible drilling costs.  The amount of that subsidy?  That would be $0.78 billion per year -- enough to fund less than two hours of federal spending in 2011, and not even half the amount we are lending a foreign-owned and state-owned oil company for drilling offshore Brazil.
• Oil companies already pay tax rates of 40-50% of income.

As for the notion that Big Oil gets special treatment because of its massive army of lobbyists, consider this.

... the Oil & Gas industry ranked only 19th in the amount of money contributed to politicians in the 2008 election cycle: $17.7 million.  Who was number one?  Lawyers, who contributed $126.9 million, or over seven times as much as the Oil & Gas industry.  The Education lobby gave $37.4 million, more than twice as much as Oil & Gas.

Of course, lawyers and teachers unions are obama allies, so the lapdog media would never report that fact.

One final point, again unreported - nay, buried - by obama's lackeys in the MSM:

According to the DOE's Energy Information Administration, every time you fill up your gas tank, more of your money goes to taxes than goes to refining costs and profits combined.

Facts are such inconvenient things when you're trying to spin a story...

Vote Early And Vote Often

An article in Monday's San Antonio Express-News noted that "Sixteen small counties across Texas appear to have more registered voters on their rolls as of 2010 than qualified citizens of voting age." The article carefully skirts the issue of voter fraud, much less the controversy over Texas' voter ID law that is currently being tortured to death in the courts. However, other commentators have noted the long and colorful history of the somewhat informal approach to voting in South Texas.

... elections in South Texas have not always been left to chance. In May, Texas Watchdog, an independent investigative website, provided a startlingly detailed look at political corruption in Jim Wells County, due south of San Antonio and named after a nineteenth-century Democratic boss. Reporter Steve Miller showed how the grunt work of vote harvesting is performed by politiqueros, tactfully translated as “canvassers” (“fixers” if you’re politically incorrect).

One of the politiqueras, Zaida Bueno, not only went on the record but, with cameras rolling, also showed Miller how the process of vote-coaching and absentee ballots actually works. At the going rate of three dollars for every successfully returned ballot, personal contacts generate volume — and volume counts. Meant to aid the aged, the infirm and the illiterate as well as genuine absentees, Ms. Bueno was forthright about why manipulation of the less fortunate is modest but steady work. “I have to push [the candidates]…to push their name.” While the voter may ask for suggestions, “…I vote for the one I want, the one I am helping.” And finally, “They say ‘yes,’ I put [the ballot] in the envelope, and nobody knows but me, you.”

Jim Wells County keeps popping up in South Texas voting fraud lore.

The complaints filed by Jim Wells County residents have a familiar ring ... residents said they went to the voter polls on Election Day 2008, only to discover that they had already voted ... This is a scenario that has been seen before.

In 2006, Duval County officials said that nearly half of the ballots cast in that year’s primary — 2,800 out of 5,445 primary votes — were by mail-in ballot. A woman said that her deceased father’s name was among those that showed up on a mail-in ballot.

Of course, the most famous - or infamous - South Texas ballot fraud of all time took place in 1948 when Lyndon Johnson first ran for the U.S. Senate. It appeared that he had lost the primary, until all of a sudden Box 13 from Jim Wells County appeared out of nowhere. It contained 203 ballots, 202 of which were for LBJ ... in the same ink ... and the same handwriting ... and in alphabetical order. That resulted in a new nickname for him: Landslide Lyndon.

South Texas aside, the democrats have been carrying on similar shenanigans across the nation.

...four Democratic officials in Indiana were hit with felony charges related to petition fraud in the state's 2008 primary ... Without the phony signatures, there's a significant chance that Obama would not have qualified for the primary ballot -- throwing the validity of the entire election into question.

... a New York judge set new trial dates for Democratic officials and political operatives accused of another ballot fraud conspiracy...

... in Wisconsin, the state's Medical Examining Board decided last month to investigate 11 additional doctors for writing fake sick notes for public union teachers who ditched their classrooms to protest GOP Gov. Scott Walker. Nine other medical professionals have already received slaps on the wrist.

There's more, of course. One of the most notorious locations for old-style machine politics is Chicago, obama's home town. And one of the most notorious examples took plaice in 1982, resulting in "one of the largest voter fraud prosecutions ever conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice ... the U.S. Attorney in Chicago at the time, Daniel Webb, estimated that at least 100,000 fraudulent votes (10 percent of all votes in the city) had been cast. Sixty-five individuals were indicted for federal election crimes, and all but two (one found incompetent to stand trial and another who died) were convicted"

So the next time some head-in-the-sand liberal says there's no need for voter ID laws because there's no evidence of fraudulent voting, just refer him to South Texas ... and Indiana ... and New York ... and Chicago ... and the list goes on ... and on ... and on...

FOD 2012.04.09

It's been a long holiday weekend, I'm tired, and the week ahead is shaping up to be a royal pain in the butt. So I went searching Amazon.com for something to inspire me. Instead, I found a whole bunch of books by or about barack obama. Here's just two (and no, these aren't a joke - they are real honest to goodness books that sheep people are buying).

Words That Changed A Nation: The Most Celebrated and Influential Speeches of Barack Obama

Michelle Obama: First Lady of Fashion and Style

Now I'm really depressed...

Sunday Funnies 2012.04.08

Have a happy and blessed Easter!

"Why You Wouldn't Want To Be An Easter Egg"

It takes you three minutes to get hard.
You only get laid once.

 * * * * * * * * * *

Years ago in Ireland, there was a priest who was very anti-British. Every Sunday he would blast them from the pulpit. He became so notorious that the Pope himself summoned the priest to Rome for an audience.

"Father," said the Pope, "I want that there should be peace between the British and the Irish. You're not helping matters at all. I want you to kiss my ring and swear by the Blessed Virgin that you'll never so much as mention the British in public again."

"But Your Holiness, I - I - " the priest stammered.

"No buts," said the Pope. "Swear it here and now or there'll be trouble!"

"Aye, Holy Father," sighed the father. "All right. I swear it."

The very next Sunday just happened to be Easter, and the priest was back at his pulpit in Ireland, giving his annual Easter sermon.

He got to the part of the Easter story where Jesus said, "And one of you shall betray Me."

The priest continues: "Saint Andrew jumps up and says, 'Is it I Lord?' and the Lord says, 'Nay, Andy darlin', it's not you. Sit down now and dunna worry. Eat your supper.'

Then Saint John the Divine gets up with tears in his eyes and cries, 'Is it I Lord?' And the Lord says, 'Nay, Johnny me boy, it's not you. Sit down now and dunna fret yourself. Eat your supper.'

"Then that dirty dog Judas Iscariot slowww-ly rises to his feet. And he looks the Lord right in the eye and says, 'Blimey, Mate. Ya think it's me?"

 * * * * * * * * * *

If a Muslim and a Buddhist were to pass over Easter Island, where would they bury the irony?

I'm Tired Of All This Racial Crap

All you liberals who think anyone that doesn't like obama is a racist - check this out and then STFU!

(H/T The Looking Spoon)

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2012.04.06

Easter weekend means one thing - Easter Egg Hunts!!!

To help you get fired up for the festivities, here's a short video about Easter Egg Hunt Boot Camp.



I hope y'all have a great Easter weekend.

People Search For The Strangest Things

Here's a sequel to a recent post about reviewing my blog stats. As I mentioned, the most-viewed pages were those having something to do with sex, or some variation thereof. Mildly interesting, but not especially surprising.

What was surprising, however, were some of the search terms that led people here. Three in particular stood out

Search Words: used bra for sale

Search Words: butt chin cartoon

Search Words: guy in love you like a love song sunglasses

Anyone wanna fess up and explain themselves?

Wine - The New State Secret

I'm more of a beer guy then a wine aficionado. On occasion, however, I do like to indulge in a nice glass or two of vino. When I do, I usually seek out what I like to call 'value wines.' To me, that means reasonably palatable and priced around $20 per box bottle.

I realize that there are better vintages out there. And I certainly understand that when hosting the leaders of other nations it is appropriate to serve a high-quality selection of wines. But that doesn't mean those wines have to cost in the neighborhood of $400 per bottle.

When British Prime Minister David Cameron visits President Barack Obama this week, one detail may stay bottled up: the labels on the wines the White House pours at the state dinner tomorrow night.

For Obama’s first three state dinners, honoring the leaders of India, Mexico and China, the White House released the name, year and appellation of wines—all-American—paired with each course.

Part of a tradition observed by previous presidents, including George W. Bush, that disclosure stopped after Obama’s dinner last year for Chinese President Hu Jintao. One of the wines served on Jan. 19, 2011, was a top-rated 2005 Cabernet Sauvignon from Washington state that originally sold for $115 a bottle and went for as much as $399 by the time of the dinner.

Just another example of obama's belief that nothing's too good for him - especially when he's spending other people's money. (Remember that Hawaiian vacation? Or the one at Martha's Vineyard? Or the many others that he and/or Michelle have enjoyed at our expense?)

At the next state dinner, on June 7, 2011, for German Chancellor Angela Merkel, the menu made public by the White House didn’t include details on the wines.

Another time-honored American tradition ignored and discarded by the Wino-in-Chief.

Quelle surprise!

Obama and Hu sharing a toast. At $400 per bottle, and about 5 glasses to the bottle, they're each holding $80 worth of wine.

Different Strokes For Different Folks

I saw the below at Boned Jello. My mind was duly boggled. (For those of you not familiar with Wegmans, it is a regional grocery store chain located mainly in the northeast - similar to HEB for all you Texas folks.)

Wegman's has put up a sign asking customers buying pork or alcohol not to use a particular checkout line when a Muslim teenager is on duty as the cashier.

I have a better idea. If I'm buying pork or alcohol (or anything else) I'll not only chose another lane, I'll chose another store.

Tolerance is one thing. Hiring people who are unwilling to do the job is something else entirely. Why not give her a job in the produce department and hire cashiers who aren't so picky?

Here's the link to the full story. Don't read the "Mosqueing the workplace" section until after you've taken your blood pressure pills.

(Y)our Government At Work

Pay attention, children. This is an allegory that draws a parallel between how the government does things, and how things should be done.

Way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and there were two world superpowers -- the U.S. and Russia (okay, technically, it was the USSR, but Russia and the USSR were used interchangeably - for the sake of convenience, we're going to use Russia here) -- there was this contest between us and them known as the Space Race.

That was back when America had pride in itself, had lofty objectives, and had the technological, economical, and spiritual resources to strive and achieve. In other words, pre-obama.

Anyway, back then when NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.

The Russians used a pencil...

Better Living Through Technology

Every so often I get tired of all the gloom and doom that seems to pervade today's headlines. As a change of pace, I like to focus on the enjoyable aspects of my job (yes, there are a few). One of my favorites is researching the unique and creative ways emerging technology is being put to use. Here are three examples.

I.  Yesterday (April 3) marked the end of Wal-Mart’s “Get on the Shelf” campaign. It was a brilliant combination of reality TV and social media.

Zombie repellant might not be something you expect to find on the shelf at Walmart. Or, for that matter, puppy shoes.

Wal-Mart dubbed its contest the "Get on the Shelf" program — an American Idol-style competition for small businesses. Two rounds of online voting will determine three winners, all of which will be sold online, with the grand prize winner gaining a spot in select stores.

For Wal-Mart, it's all about garnering publicity and social-media hits. But for the winner of the contest, it's a chance to go from a virtual unknown to a distinguished product sold with roughly 150,000 others at more than 3,800 Wal-Mart stores nationally.

What a great idea. In addition to the favorable publicity and flood of new Facebook friends, Wal-Mart gets a ton of free market research. And some small business gets an incredible opportunity – that same free publicity, plus what just might be the most expensive per-square foot real estate in the world: Wal-Mart shelf space.

II.  On a smaller scale, there’s a website that connects buyers and sellers of anything – any good or service – as long as it’s priced at five dollars. There is a truly bizarre assortment of things people are willing to do or sell for five dollars. For example:

• I will dance to 2 minutes of any song of your choice in a hot dog costume for $5
• I will sing Old MacDonald Had a Farm in Hebrew and send you the voice file by email for $5
• I will make the sounds of animals in Ukrainian language and send you mp3 file for $5
• I will sing 'Happy Birthday to you' in Welsh, wearing only a Welsh flag thong and woolen hat…
• I will photoshop your face onto the movie poster of your choosing for $5
• I will draw you as an animal for $5
• I will shout anything you want in a banana costume for $5

But it’s not all fun and games. There are some serious business offers out there as well.

• I will improve your website with 10 tips for $5
• I will transcribe 15 minutes of audio for $5
• I will install the latest version of WordPress for you for $5
• I will write product reviews of 800+ words for $5
• I will make you an android app business card for $5
• I will help you write an attention grabbing elevator speech or 30 second introduction for $5

It’s an intriguing mix ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. Check it out.

III.  Finally, we have an organization that encourages people to visit small local businesses en masse and spend money at those locations.

Modeled on the flashmob concept, these Cash Mobs use social media in an attempt to positively impact community businesses.

The idea started last fall when Buffalo blogger Chris Smith envisioned using the purchase power of flash mobs to help small businesses. He set a few ground rules: each person should try to spend $20 and pay full price for items. He says this sets cash mobs apart from other social media deals.

“What you get with a Groupon or a Living Social deal is a one-time injection. And it’s not necessarily a profitable injection. You’re having to cut your prices so significantly. With this, because we ask people to spend a little time in the store, we encourage the entrepreneur to spend a little time with the shoppers, talk about the products they have. It builds a relationship that you don’t get with a coupon.”

Will it work long-term? I have no idea, although it’s off to a good start.

Now, nearly 200 cash mobs have cropped up in 35 states and a handful of countries, mostly through word of mouth online.

Another incredible idea. It's a simple concept using simple technology, but it has the potential to help struggling small businesses across the country.

I've challenged my students to take advantage of one or more of these opportunities, and to let me know what happens. I'd love to know if anyone out there tries it, and what the results are.

The most you can lose is $5...

Bond ... James Bond

In a story that sounds like something straight out of a James Bond movie,

Sexpot spy Anna Chapman came close to snaring a member of President Obama's inner circle in a honey trap, a top U.S. intelligence official has claimed... In a documentary broadcast last night, FBI counter-intelligence chief Frank Figliuzzi claimed the glamorous Russian agent got close enough to 'disturb' U.S. spy catchers.

He said the fear that Miss Chapman was close to seducing a sitting member of the Obama administration spurred agents to swoop on the 10-strong spy ring of which she was a part... Mr Figliuzzi told the Channel 4 documentary the auburn-haired spy got 'closer and closer to higher and higher ranking leadership... she got close enough to disturb us'.

Jeez, I wish the FBI could have held off long enough to catch Ms. Chapman in flagrante delicto with whoever the administration horn-dog is. I'd love to know who is this administration's Bill Clinton or JFK.

Doug Ross speculates, hilariously, on who it might be.

Warning: don't drink liquids while viewing.

Never Trust An Electrician With A Sharpie

Media Malpractice

The Trayvon Martin episode has now reached the point where the story about the story is rivaling the original story.

If you have trouble following that mangled syntax, what I'm trying to say is that the media's botched coverage of the incident and subsequent developments has become so egregious that it has become its own story.

Coverage of media coverage of the Trayvon Martin shooting has now fully separated from the actual events of February 26, 2012, and become a separate story in its own right, as have political attempts to manipulate perceptions of the case.  Two important updates on the media front:

First, NBC News has launched an “internal investigation” of how a heavily edited version of the audio from George Zimmerman’s 911 call on the March 27 broadcast of the “Today” show.  The same “mistake” was made in a written transcript published at MSNBC.com.

It should be a fairly short “internal investigation,” because the brass just needs to figure out who decided to edit the following conversation between Zimmerman and the dispatcher:

ZIMMERMAN: This guy looks like he's up to no good… or he's on drugs or something. It's raining and he's just walking around, looking about.

DISPATCHER: Okay, is this guy, is he white, black, or Hispanic?

ZIMMERMAN: He looks black.

… into this: “This guy looks like he’s up to no good… he looks black.”  As deceptive edits go, it’s rather clumsy, isn’t it?  Not to mention grossly irresponsible, given the volatile situation surrounding the Sanford case.

Of course, NBC has a long and proud tradition of selectively editing their 'news' programs to reflect their world-view. Remember the faked GM pickup fires?

In 1993 (a NBC spokesman) admitted "NBC had misled viewers when it showed a simulated crash in which a gas tank on the G.M. truck exploded into flames ... in its apology Tuesday night, the network cited its use of an incendiary device to ignite an explosion and its failure to inform the viewers about the device.

Returning to the present day and the Trayvon Martin story:

Meanwhile, ABC News manufactured a “scoop” last week by releasing edited video from the Sanford Police Department, ostensibly “proving” that Zimmerman didn’t have any visible injuries.  Since Zimmerman claims to have been physically assaulted by Trayvon Martin, a lack of injuries would do some damage to his story.

But ABC not only failed to remind its readers that Zimmerman was treated by paramedics at the scene of Martin’s death – a well-established hard fact documented in police reports.  They also used an on-screen graphic to obscure Zimmerman’s head at a crucial moment in their “big scoop” video clip.  Without this graphic, viewers can see a rather large gash on the back of Zimmerman’s head, which is totally consistent with his story, and completely destroys the action line for ABC’s “reporting.”  The video loudly touted as showing no injuries did, in fact, depict what appears to be a significant injury.

Lo and behold, ABC News has now produced an “enhanced” version of the security camera video, and whaddya know – it’s another sizzling-hot blockbuster scoop, which just happens to completely erase the previous scoop, because after more “enhancement and re-digitization” than Disney deployed to create Tron:Legacy, it turns out ABC’s sharp-eyed analysts can see that scar too!

Thus, ABC News claims to have “revealed for the first time” what everyone who didn’t fall for their earlier “scoop” could easily see with their own eyes, by viewing the unedited security tape.  Maybe a sufficiently loud cry of “Whoops!” will make an internal investigation unnecessary.

So far CBS hasn't been caught doctoring transcripts or altering recordings, but given its track record, it's probably only a matter of time. After all, during the 2004 presidential election they produced bogus memos purporting to show irregularities in George W. Bush's national Guard service records.

Dan Rather admitted he'd been chasing the story for five years--proof that there was something in George W. Bush's National Guard record that would convince people not to vote for him.  

That fiasco resulted in the memorable statement uttered by CBS in its defense that the memos were "fake, but accurate."

Even Walter Cronkite would be embarrassed by that one.

Gosh, if you can't trust NBC, ABC, and CBS, who can you trust?

Springtime In South Texas

I left my home in Central Texas early this afternoon. It was a beautiful spring day. The morning air was so crisp and pure that we opened all the windows and aired out the house. The sky was a deep, deep, wonderfully vibrant shade of blue that made me want to sing, or do cartwheels, or both (disregarding the fact that I can't do either). Birds were singing, butterflies were flitting about, squirrels were chattering ... I even heard a turkey gobbling.

Every plant was some shade of verdant green, and they were all budding, blossoming, or blooming. The wildflowers ... ah, God, the wildflowers ... they are beyond my poor powers of description. After the last couple years of drought, we've had a decent amount of rain this spring, and the wildflowers have responded, bursting forth with long-delayed passion.

When I climbed into my truck the temperature was in the high 70s and the humidity was in the mid 40s. You couldn't ask for a better day.

I rolled down the windows, cranked up the stereo, and headed south.

Sigh...

Three short hours later the temperature was 98 and the humidity was somewhere around 75. Semis were roaring hither and yon, leaving whirlwinds of dust and gravel in their wake (I've replaced one windshield and filled three chips in the new one, all in the last three months). Yes, the Eagle Ford shale play has been a great boon for the South Texas economy, but it does come at a cost. Part of that cost is a degradation of the quality of life down here. IMO it's a tradeoff worth making, but that doesn't make it any less palatable.

 

So my incredibly spirit-renewing absolutely drop-dead gorgeous spring day lasted about four hours. To top things off, tomorrow I have to face 100+ college students whose performance on last week's exam was flat-out dismal.

Usually crushing their hopes and dreams cheers me up, but after today's transition from paradise to Hades it's going to take more than that.

Like Shiners.

Many, many Shiners...

FOD 2012.04.02

I think most people are of the opinion that politics is a sleazy business. However, it always seems to come as a shock when hard data is compiled that illustrates that opinion. What used to be even more shocking, but nowadays is sadly expected, is the reluctance of the mainstream media to do report those facts, at least when the malefactor is a democrat or liberal.

Case in point: buying House votes for unpopular legislation.

An examination of “administrative earmarks” around the time of congressional votes on key pieces of President Obama’s agenda suggests the White House used its power to fund local projects as a means to “buy” votes for major legislative efforts.

... an analysis of grants from agencies during the early years of the Obama administration shows that the districts of moderate Democrats, whose support was so crucial for Obama during the 111th Congress, received large sums right around the passage of three key pieces of legislation: Obamacare, Dodd-Frank financial regulations, and the cap-and-trade bill.

During the run-up to votes in the House of Representatives for each of those pieces of legislation, the rate of administrative earmarking spiked. ...

The number of grants given by those agencies spiked precisely when the House was considering each of the three pieces of legislation.

Even more troubling: during the same time periods, significant grant money went to the districts of numerous Democratic representatives who looked to face tough battles for re-election. The legislation Obama was attempting to get through Congress was generally unpopular, and vulnerable members needed other ways to appeal to constituents. Federal grants made for a perfect opportunity.

Then-Rep. Chris Carney (D-PA), for instance, kept his support for Dodd-Frank quiet. His website never posted a press release announcing his “yes” vote on the bill. It did, however, tout two federal grants totaling $3.6 million for businesses in his district two days before the Dodd-Frank vote.

Then-Rep. Zach Space (D-OH) hailed from a district reliant on the coal industry, which would have been hit particularly hard by cap and trade. He voted for the measure, but neglected to publicize the vote on his website. He did, however, announce eight federal grants totaling roughly $1.8 million all made during the month before the House passed cap and trade.

At least 32 vulnerable House Democrats received significant federal grant money in the periods leading up to or directly after their votes on at least one of these three pieces of legislation (see charts below), raising concerns that those grants may have been used either to encourage or reward votes in favor of the administration’s position.

Yes, this practice has been going on for a while, under both democrat and republican administrations. But as the above article goes on to point out, under obama both the number of administrative earmarks and the value of those earmarks has skyrocketed. Combining those increases with the blatantly obvious timing of them goes to show "how taxpayer funds are used for crass political purposes — it is a rank abuse of the government’s power and another sign of this administration’s lack of a moral compass.”

Is anyone really surprised?

Lt. Clovis Ray Returns Home

A little while ago I posted the story of a 30-year-old man who gave up a successful career, left behind a wife and young son, and joined the Army to serve his country.

Two years after doing so, Lt. Clovis Ray was KIA in Afghanistan.

This weekend Lt. Ray's remains were returned home.

The local paper has a touching slide show of his final trip home (accompanying story here).

Please take a few moments to offer a prayer for Lt. Ray, his family and friends, and all our other service members.

 

An unidentified U.S. Army officer, right, consoles Dean Ray, 5, hiding behind his mother Shannon Ray's leg, after the remains of Army 1st Lt. Clovis T. Ray, Dean's father, arrived at the Kelly Field Flightline. Ray died March 15th in the Kunar province in Afghanistan.

Sunday Funnies 2012.04.01

Yesterday was the drawing for the largest MegaMillions lottery jackpot in history - upwards of $640 million.

I won $2...

So today's funnies pay homage to the lottery and people who play it.

A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"

She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"

A Texas Aggie buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the lottery agent verifies his ticket number. The Aggie says, "I want my $20 million."

The agent man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Aggie said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the agent explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Aggie, furious with the man, screams, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

A Scotsman was convinced by a friend that he ought to buy a couple of lottery tickets, and so reluctantly he parted with the money.

As luck would have it, the Scotsman wins the Jackpot and becomes a millionaire.

However his friend noticed that after he won the big prize, the Scotsman didn’t seem happy.

“What’s wrong?” the friend asked. “You just became a millionaire!”

“I know,” he groaned. “I just wish I hadn’t bought that second ticket!”