Sunday Funnies 2012.04.01

Yesterday was the drawing for the largest MegaMillions lottery jackpot in history - upwards of $640 million.

I won $2...

So today's funnies pay homage to the lottery and people who play it.

A man bursts into his house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery!"

She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care ... Just get the hell out!"

A Texas Aggie buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the lottery agent verifies his ticket number. The Aggie says, "I want my $20 million."

The agent man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

The Aggie said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."

Again, the agent explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Aggie, furious with the man, screams, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

A Scotsman was convinced by a friend that he ought to buy a couple of lottery tickets, and so reluctantly he parted with the money.

As luck would have it, the Scotsman wins the Jackpot and becomes a millionaire.

However his friend noticed that after he won the big prize, the Scotsman didn’t seem happy.

“What’s wrong?” the friend asked. “You just became a millionaire!”

“I know,” he groaned. “I just wish I hadn’t bought that second ticket!”