Sunday Funnies

A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash.

As the gunman ran out the door, a brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber's face. The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.

The robber then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also.

Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence during which everyone was plainly afraid to speak.

Then one old rancher tentatively raised his hand and, while keeping his head down, said, "My wife got a pretty good look at you."

Bah Humbug

I do practically all my Christmas shopping via the Internet. The selection is astonishing, I can always find the right size and color, and there's no need to get dressed up (that is, put on something beside sweats) and fight the traffic and crowds.

Yesterday, however, chance and circumstance combined to send me out shopping in the real world.

Never again.

It was mid-morning on a weekday. I figured that would minimize the hassles. If that was indeed the case, then God have mercy on the poor souls who must venture out on evenings or weekends.

Long lines at lights

Packed parking lots

Crowds

Rude people

and hordes of preschoolers amped on sugar and Santa

... what a nightmare.

To spare you, my loyal reader(s), the agony of a similar experience, here's a few online sources I find helpful.

Amazon, of course, for most traditional/routine gifts.

Semi-educational gifts: Discovery, History, Geography, Arts & Entertainment, and more.  

Food: Polish and Texas Food (here and here) (who needs anything else?).

Our local source for outdoor and animal items - Barkleys.

National sources for outdoor goodies: Cabella's and Bass Pro Shops.

For upscale wanna-be ranchers and western types, check out the King Ranch store and Crow's Nest. 

Offbeat, weird, and twisted items.

For those really hard to shop for people, we usually make a charitable contribution in their name. There are many out there, but here's a couple of suggestions: Heifer International and Southwest Indian Foundation (they also have native American gits available for something a little unique or unusual).

This is just a partial list. If you have questions or would like more information just let me know.

(Note: I have no connection with any of these organizations, nor do I have any sort of financial arrangement with them. These are just sites that I've found usually provide quality products and reliable service.)

If I can just save one person from what I went through yesterday then this post has served its purpose.

Ho Ho Ho...

R.I.P. Captain Beefheart

We take a break from the usual political commentary and Christmas postings to note with sorrow the passing of Captain Beefheart.

Avant-garde rock legend and visual artist Don Van Vliet, who performed under the name Captain Beefheart, passed away today at age 69. A representative of New York City’s Michael Werner Gallery, which showed his paintings, confirms the sad news to EW. Van Vliet died of complications from multiple sclerosis at a hospital in Northern California this morning.

Born in California in 1941, Van Vliet dubbed himself Captain Beefheart and began experimenting with eccentric rock’n'roll sounds in the mid-1960s. His first two releases with the Magic Band drew positive notice from some connoisseurs but failed to connect with the wider public. Van Vliet next forged a close creative partnership with Frank Zappa, a former high school classmate, who signed Beefheart to his Straight Records and produced 1969′s Trout Mask Replica. While the bizarre double album was not a major commercial success, it quickly became a cultural landmark. Van Vliet effectively redefined the frontiers of popular music, singing snatches of surreal imagery in disturbing tones over music that drew on blues, jazz, psychedelia, and a thousand other subgenres. 

Cutting through all the flowery artsy-fartsy wording above, C.B. was a pioneer and key player in the counter-culture and musical revolution of the 60's. He was part of my misguided youth. His death is just another sign, along with receding hair and popping joints (body parts, not seeds-and-stems doobies) that I'm getting old.

Rest in Peace, Cap...

Reflections From The Road

I enjoy traveling. It's usually intriguing to see differences in people, artifacts, and customs between different parts of the country, or different countries. My recent trip to St. Louis was no exception, with one exception.

When I'm on the road I like to get out and experience the local scene. However, on this trip the weather was so bad that for the most part it kept me tethered to the hotel.

How cold was it, you ask?

It was so cold I chipped a tooth on my soup.

It was so cold we chopped up the piano in the lobby for firewood, but we only got two chords.

It was so cold the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

It was so cold Scarlett Johansson was downgraded from "hot" to "tepid."

It was so cold that when I turned on the shower I got hail.

It was so cold that instead of the finger, cab drivers were giving each other the mitten.

It was so cold that I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.

But seriously, folks, it was so cold and the sidewalks were so slushy that I didn't get out and around too much. I did wander over to one local watering hole - Caleco's Bar & Grill. The food wasn't bad, the atmosphere was okay, but the service... well, let's just say that it could charitably be characterized as adequate at best. The reason for that is probably because the tip is automatically added to your tab. Hence there is no incentive for the waitstaff to strive for exceptional service. They get the same tip, no matter what. A bad way to run a bar, IMO.

A few random observations:

I'm used to casual chit-chat at a bar, even between strangers. There, it seemed like everyone was either talking on a cell phone or texting. I had better conversations at the Chili's bar in the DFW airport (more on that later).

It was obviously a local watering hole. What was interesting is that almost all the men there were blue-collar types: wearing Duluth-style work clothes, shirts with their names on them, etc. They were also big, beefy, corn-fed midwest types. A lot of them looked like Dick Butkus, with crewcuts, flattened nose, rugged features, and large gnarly hands.

Most of the women, on the other hand, looked like professional white collar workers: stylishly dressed, well accessorized, well groomed hair, quality jewelry, all that good stuff.

The local appetizer is something called toasted ravioli - their equivalent of our nachos. It's actually deep fried ravioli, served with tomato or marinara sauce. Not bad, but I'll stick with nachos.

Speaking of the DFW Chili's, it's evidently their policy to card everyone - even an obvioulsy old guy like me. I'd love to think it was because I look three decades or so younger than I am, but I don't think that's the reason. The question is whether that's a corporate policy, or just that particular location.

The only really negative note of the trip occurred at the DFW airport. The flight was fully booked. The plane was one of those regional jets that have two sets on one side of the aisle and three on the other. Thanks to the number of passengers and the plane's configuration, overhead space was at a premium. The gate agent made the usual announcement about limiting carryons to one piece of luggage and one personal item (purse or briefcase). Yet every single American Airlines employee at the gate and on the plane turned a blind eye to people loaded down like pack mules who were struggling down the jetway. I spotted one woman with two - TWO!!! - rolling carryons plus a backpack plus a totebag-sized purse. Of course the overhead bins filled up quickly. People started just leaving their carryons in the aisle, which caused all sorts of confusion and consternation. Oh well, if that's the worst thing that happened, it was a pretty good trip.

But like Dorothy says, "There's no place like home..."

Catching Up

Back home - finally - and just about fully thawed out. When I left St. Louis yesterday it was 24 degrees. When I landed in San Antonio a few hours later it was 74, a 50 degree swing.

Along with the warm weather comes another drought.

The great drought of 2011 may have started two months ago.

Since Tropical Storm Hermine drenched Central Texas in September, the state has been very dry, with large swaths receiving less than 10 percent of normal rainfall levels.

According to the National Climatic Data Center, the past two months were the state's eighth-driest October-November period on record and second-driest in 44 years. If Texas doesn't get at least 0.78 inches of rain this month, it would be the driest October-December period since the 1950s.

This follows the drought of 2007-2009, which was the most severe drought to affect the region since the all-time record drought of the 1950s. 

“Continuing dry weather is likely to persist at least into the spring,” said John Nielsen-Gammon, the state climatologist and a professor of atmospheric sciences at Texas A&M University. “It's probably going to get worse before it gets better.”

Partly in response to the looming drought, the Texas Forest Service convened a workshop this week in College Station to alert state and federal fire agencies about the threat of wildfires, and to prepare.

“There are important indicators ... that at least an active fire season is at hand,” said Todd Lindley, a senior forecaster at the National Weather Service office in Lubbock.

Our local VFD is already beefing up preparations for 'an active fire season.' We've obtained an additional brush truck, along with some extra firefighter coveralls and gloves. But what we could really use is some rain.

Rainfall late in the state's growing season helped grasslands that are now drying out, which will provide fuel for any fires that get sparked.

Wildfires are common in Texas during these months as strong winter systems bring gusty wind conditions.

The rains last season came at the perfect time for foliage growth. Heavy rains began in Fall 2009 and continued throughout Spring 2010, prepping the ground, germinating seeds, and encouraging growth. Now all that grass is knee to waist high, and dry as last year's hay. Combine that with "gusty wind conditions" and God help us if there's a spark. It's like several thousand acres of tinder right now.

Forecasters expect a dry winter because of strong La Niña conditions in the equatorial Pacific, where sea surface temperatures are cooler than normal.

Warmer daytime highs are also a factor, because they increase the rate of evaporation, further drying the soil.

All things considered, right now I'd trade this warm weather for some rain. We really don't need another prolonged drought so soon after the 2007-2009 one.

Are you listening, Santa...?

TwoFer - FOD and FID Combined

I'm leaving balmy frigid St. Louis today, headed back to God's country.

I don't wanna say it's chilly here, but it's been as cold as my ex-wife's heart. (Rimshot)

Anyway, I'm borrowing a post from Jammie Wearing Fool that highlights the foolishness of both obama and islam idiots. Oh yeah, and that loser eric holder as well.

Glad to have that whole Blank Panther voter intimidation business behind them, the Department of Justice has moved on to bigger game. The civil rights division has launched a lawsuit against a Chicago school district for denying a teacher three weeks off to go on the hajj.

In a civil rights case, the department said the school district in Berkeley, Ill., denied the request of Safoorah Khan on grounds that her requested leave was unrelated to her professional duties and was not set forth in the contract between the school district and the teachers union. In doing so the school district violated the Civil Rights Act of 1964 by failing to reasonably accommodate her religious practices, the government said.

A commentator on the Fox news story also pointed this out.

The Hadj is not based on the solar calender, it is based on a lunar calender. Hence, the Hadj she wishes to attend will happen in the summer, during the school's summer break, just like it did this year.

God knows I'm not an expert on islamic practices (and yes, that's an intentional God - islam contrast), but it's my understanding that the hajij only has to be done once in a person's lifetime. It also looks like it takes place in the summer, at least some of the time. So how is this a violation of that idjit's civil rights?

DOJ - fail.

Common sense - fail.

eric holder, obama, and islam - out of control.

Oh my aching butt...

Late FOD

Julian Zelizer, a professor of history and public affairs at Princeton, has published a couple of books on former presidents - one about Jimmy Carter, and one about George W. Bush. It's the latter that is relevant to FOD.

Somewhere in Texas, former President George W. Bush must be smiling. When President Obama and the Republican leadership reached a deal on extending all of the Bush tax cuts, the current president ratified a key policy from the former administration.

While Obama ran as the candidate who would fight to overturn Bush's record, a huge number of his (Bush's) policies remain in place.

This says a lot about President Bush. One of the key measures that we have to evaluate the success of a president is not simply how many of his proposals pass through Congress but also how many of his policies outlast his time in office. (For example) Many of Franklin D. Roosevelt's programs, including Social Security and the Wagner Act, survive into our time.

For the record, I do a little social science research. One of the basic tenets of the field is to make sure you define your terms clearly and up front. So IMO 'success' of a president is not a measure of how many of his policies linger, but rather how well those policies address the problems they were intended to solve. For example, FDR's Wagner Act protects certain union activities and constrains the actions employers can take against unions. It may very well have been beneficial in the 1930s, when companies routinely engaged in union-busting, but today it is an outdated and unnecessary relic.

Thus far, President Bush has been doing well on that score (that is, having his policies carry over into his successor's administration).

Most of his counterterrorism policies have survived. Although Obama has begun to draw down the troops in Iraq, he has acknowledged that a substantial number will remain in place, and he has expanded the war in Afghanistan. Until the disastrous Gulf Oil spill, the administration supported expanded offshore drilling and did little to fix the regulatory bodies responsible for monitoring these operations.

Congress is deliberating an extension of President Bush's biggest domestic policy of across-the-board tax reductions.

The tax cuts grew out of the supply-side tradition that has been central to conservatism since the 1980s. From the time of his campaign in 2000, Bush enthusiastically embraced supply-side economics, based on the argument that the wealthy would invest the money from their tax cuts into the economy.

In 1978, while testifying to the Senate Finance Committee, the economist Alan Greenspan said, "Let us remember that the basic purpose of any tax cut program in today's environment is to reduce the momentum of expenditure growth by restraining the amount of revenue available ..." Or as George W. Bush liked to say, "I've learned that if you leave cookies out on a plate, they always get eaten."

Amen, brothers. Tell it like it is.

Barack Obama made his attacks on the tax cuts a pillar of his campaign in 2008 and continued to oppose extending the reductions for the wealthiest Americans. As late as September 2010, the president attacked Minority Leader John Boehner during a speech in the Republican's home state of Ohio by criticizing Republicans for supporting the "same philosophy that led to this mess in the first place: cut more taxes for millionaires and cut more rules for corporations."

Let me add my voice to the growing chorus of people who are pointing out that the choice today is not about cutting taxes, but rather about either (1) preserving the status quo, or (2) raising taxes. And the people affected are not millionaires, but rather families and small business making more than $200,000 per year. Good money, but not exactly what I'd call millionaires, or even rich.

But in the end, Obama reversed himself, and he did so in dramatic fashion. House Democrats were caught off guard as the negotiations excluded the Democratic Caucus. Obama justified his decision by telling his supporters that he had no choice.

Since he was going to lose anyway on extending the tax cuts, he said that he should just accept this outcome and get the best deal possible, which included an extension of unemployment benefits.

Yeah, right. And if rape is inevitable, just lay back and enjoy it. (Sorry, ladies. I don't mean to be insensitive, but the comparison is just too good to pass up.)

So much for principles.

Now that the tax cuts have received bipartisan support from the leader of the Democratic Party, they would be doubly difficult to eliminate in two years when the debate occurs once again.

And what the hell was he thinking, making it a two-year extension. That guarantees it will be a big issue in the 2012 election. Amateur hour.

The political victory is not simply one for Republicans but also for former President Bush, whose policies continue to demonstrate their strength and durability.

A president once dismissed as a lightweight, as an accidental president, clearly left his imprint on Washington. The Democrat who replaced him, a politician who won amidst the anger and frustration with Bush, has ended up accepting many of the policies his Republican predecessor put into place.

i know I do.

You never know what you've got till it's gone...

Conferences

Like much of academic life, I have a love/hate relationship with conferences. There are two general types: the large, international ones (like the one I'm currently at), and the smaller, more focused ones (either regional, or on a specialized topic).

At the large ones there are well-known keynote speakers, numerous tracks arranged around different topics, presentations, panels, workshops, etc. I've found that I get the most value out of the interactive sessions, usually panel discussions and workshops. The paper presentations are generally stiff, stilted, and boring.

In a typical paper presentation session there are young faculty, anxious about presenting their work to a room full of people whose work they've studied as a student. The young 'uns are scared to death that they'll do or say something foolish or offensive to the Big Names, and as a result are wound up tighter than a seven-day watch.

In contrast, the Big Names deliver their papers much as the Pope delivers a sermon (or whatever it is the Pope delivers), expecting rapt attention and respectful commentary.

The Q&A period after each paper oscillates from the dull and obvious to the ever-popular "My work shows that..." It's much like a political press conference. The question is used as an avenue for the questioner to make a statement regarding his or her opinion. The response rarely directly addresses the question, but instead wanders off on some irrelevant tangent.

And yet I keep going. Why? Because every time I go to a conference I learn something. Either from the formal sessions, or, more typically, in informal discussions with colleagues in a corner of the lobby, or in a bar. The barroom discussions are a little more free-flowing, obviously fueled by the liquids dispensed therein. But that doesn't make them any less valid. In fact, its often just the opposite.

Conferences are also a good time to renew old relationships and make new acquaintances. Several of my research projects have come about as a result of what started out as a casual conference conversation.

So I'm willing to put up with the tedium and boredom in exchange for new and fresh insights.

Besides, the next one I'm going to is in Hawaii...

Weather

This was the view from my hotel window Sunday morning.

A record one-day snowfall in St. Louis today.

Wind chill below 0.

Riverboat blown aground because of the wind. Passengers forced to stay on board overnight: "passengers wrapped themselves in tablecloths to try and stay warm."

And still the powers that be running this conference held an outdoor reception at the base of the Gateway Arch.

No, I didn't go.

Actually, I would have, except for my shoes. I can handle the cold, but I can't handle cold, wet feet. Since the forecast wasn't calling for snow when I left, I only brought dress shoes and athletic shoes, neither of which are suitable for tromping through snow and ice.

After spending most of my life in warm weather climes, snow and cold weather remains a novelty to me. I was looking forward to drinking and mingling in the middle of a snowstorm, but concerns over the shoes kept me in the hotel.

It wasn't a total loss, though. Several other conference attendees remained behind, so we got some serious networking done.

In the bar, of course...

Sunday Funnies

 

I work in a border town where the population is largely Hispanic. Consequently, most employers seek to hire people who are bilingual. For example, I noticed a sign in an office window that read: "Help Wanted. Must have MS Office computer skills and be bilingual."

As I was reading the sign a dog walked up, sat down besides me, and looked at the sign. After a moment he grabbed the sign in his mouth and went inside. Intrigued, I followed.

The dog went up to the office manager, dropped the sign on his desk, and sat there looking at him expectantly.

The manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."

The dog put his paw on the line that said "Equal Opportunity Employer," barked, and looked back and forth from the manager to me.

The manager saw me watching and said, "Okay, I'll give you a chance. Show me your computer skills."

The dog quickly waltzed through Outlook, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint, opening and closing documents, moving files around, sending emails, and creating slide shows. It was quite impressive.

Still, the manager balked. "I can't hire you for this position," he told the dog. "You have to be bilingual.

The dog looked at the manager and replied, "Meow."

First Impressions

Landed in St. Louis around 4:00 this afternoon. My first impression was that it was very dark.

St. Louis is several hundred miles north of central Texas. It's also much closer to the EST/CST time zone line. Consequently, it gets much darker much earlier than home.

It's also much colder. I left a sunny warm clime (mid 70s) for a drizzly below-freezing icebox.

After I checked in and hung my clothes up in the bathroom with a full tub of hot water, I wandered down to one of the lobby bars. (Yes, the hotel is that big - it has multiple bars. It's also ritzy enough that the lobby restaurant is a Ruth's Chris steakhouse. I've never gotten out of one of those places for less than $100 per person. Sometimes the uncertain life of a consultant beats the hell out of steady employment.)

Unfortunately, here in the great midwest the bars are full of loud lousy music and smokers. My home-town hangouts feature quiet background sounds and very few tobacco users. I guess I've gotten spoiled.

Finally, while sitting in the noise-and-smoke-a-torium, I was watching a TV with subtitles (I guess there was no way anyone could hear what they were saying). I almost dropped my beer when I read "Justin Bieber tells Barbara Walters he'll cut his hair."

My God! Has the mainstream media sunk so low that this is what now passes for news? And is this the zenith of Babba Wawas' career?

It almost makes one yearn for Walter Cronkite...

On The Road Again

I'm off this morning to a conference in beautiful sunny St. Louis. Yesterday's high temp at home was a sunny 74. The forecast for today's high in St. Louis is 42 degrees, with rain. Then it gets cold. The highs for Sun. - Wed. are forecast to be in the mid-20's, with single digit lows.

The geniuses that planned this thing have an outdoor reception scheduled for Sun night. Who in their right mind plans an outdoor reception for Dec. in St. Louis? The high that day is supposed to be 26, and the low bottoms out at 7 friggin' degrees!!!.

The only clothes I have that can handle those temperatures are my hunting gear. Somehow I doubt that the fancy hotel hosting the conference would appreciate me clomping around in the lobby decked out in camo, with a furry mad bomber's hat, face mask, and snow boots.

I hope the hotel has a nice warm bar...

Friday Follies Happy Hour

This video captures the story of my wasted youth - especially one lost weekend in New Orleans.

Actually, it was only supposed to be a weekend, but it ended up lasting five days. Something about lost plane tickets (or was it a missed flight? I'm still not entirely sure), a barmaid, a hotel maid, and a sympathetic N.O. cop. I'm still grateful to that man.

I should point out that all this took place many, many years ago, immediately after my graduation from basic training at Ft. Polk, LA. So the whole episode is justified at some level. Also, tequila and evil companions were involved.

In short, it wasn't my fault...

Attention Christmas Shoppers

This is a busy time of the year. We're all too often overwhelmed with things to do, not the least of which is buying gifts for family and friends. Amazon and its brethren have helped simplify this effort. I can sit in front of my PC in sweats with a cup of coffee and shop away to my heart's content. (Since the epic - and regrettable - Great Shopping Binge of '08 my wife has strictly forbidden me, under pain of dismemberment worse than death, to shop online while drinking anything alcoholic. But I digress...)

Someone sent me the following email. I usually blow these things off, but this one struck a chord. I did a little checking and verified it. As a result, I am definitely making it a point to buy as many gifts as I can from Sears. We have a couple of major appliance purchases looming in the next several months, and Sears has just moved to the top of the list for them as well.

Hopefully you'll take this into account as you do your Christmas shopping.

How does Sears treat its employees who are called up for military duty?  By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more.  Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up for active duty.

Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years.

I submit, Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution.  I suggest we all shop at Sears at least once, and be sure to find a manager to tell him why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement and feedback it well deserves.

Pass it on.

I decided to check this before I sent it forward. So I sent the following e-mail to the Sears Customer Service Department:

I received this e-mail and I would like to know if it is true.  If it is, the internet may have just become one very good source of ads for your company.  I know I would go out of my way to purchase products from Sears instead of another store for a like item, even if it is cheaper at that store.

This is their answer to my e-mail.

Dear Customer:

Thank you for contacting Sears. The information is factual. We appreciate your positive feedback.

Sears regards service to our country as one of greatest sacrifices our young men and women can make. We are happy to do our part to lessen the burden they bear at this time.

Bill Thorn
Sears Customer Care
webcenter@sears.com
1-800-349-4358

Please pass this on to all your friends.  Sears needs to be recognized for this outstanding contribution and we need to show them as Americans, we do appreciate what they are doing for our military!

It is verified by Snopes.com at http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/sears.asp

Sears goes beyond what's stated in the email, providing a number of programs to support the military. Other firms that also go 'above and beyond' can be found here.

Shop early, shop often, and shop at Sears...

Tired

I've reached that point where disillusionment and disgust have combined to make me tired - very, very tired.

The political crap going on in D.C. has worn me down. Congress is playing its usual political games with nonsense like the Dream Act, Don't Ask Don't Tell, and oh yeah, the economy.

In the real world, most rational people try to solve the serious problems first. That's the opposite of what congress does.

Take the question of what to do with the Bush tax cuts. Either eliminate them or make them permanent. Don't play kick-the-can-down-the-road and push the problem off for two years. That's how we got into the social security mess.

There won't be any meaningful progress on reducing the deficit until we tackle mandatory spending.

Mandatory programs, as the name implies, are payments the government is obligated by law to make. These include interest on the debt and huge programs such as Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. These programs are also known as entitlements, because when you reach a certain age or drop below a certain income level, you’re entitled to them. These benefits are set by specific formulas, so they’re essentially on autopilot. 

(Source for text and chart here.)

Mandatory spending accounts for around 62% of all federal expenditures. If we're serious about reducing the deficit, that's the place to start. But no politician will go anywhere near those entitlement programs because that would put a serious crimp in their reelection chances. So lame ducks engage in bitchy little "I'll show you" snit fits while the real problems remain unresolved - hell they're not even being addressed in a meaningful manner.

It's enough to drive a man to drink...

UPDATE: Professor Hale has the same idea, but expresses it much better than I did.


UPDATE2: Ditto for Old NFO.


Great minds think alike...

Big Brother Knows Best

F.C.C. Commissioner Proposes ‘Public Values Test’ 

Michael J. Copps, one of the five commissioners on the Federal Communications Commission, is proposing a “public value test” for television and radio stations that he thinks should replace the current licensing process.

The first tenet of Mr. Copps’ proposed test would be “meaningful commitments” to news and public affairs programming.

Just in case there's any doubt, Copps is a democrat.

In an interview with “BBC World News America” that was broadcast Wednesday, the anchor Katty Kay anticipated what critics may say about Mr. Copps’ proposal. Ms. Kay asked, doesn’t a public value test “raise the specter of over government control of information? I mean, people would say to you, ‘Well, what one person’s public value is is not another person’s.’ ”

Mr. Copps answered, “What we’ve had in recent years is an aberration where we have had no oversight of the media. For years and years we had some public interest guidelines that was part of the quid pro quo between broadcasters and the government for the free use of airwaves that belong to the American people and in return for that free use, and the ability to make a lot of money, they agreed to serve the public interest and that public interest to me right now is crying ‘news and information, news and information, news and information.’ “

Right - "to me" - I, Michael J. Copps, am uniquely qualified to determine what the American people should and should not see on television.

With regards to local programming, Mr. Copps said, “the goal here is a more localism in our program diet, more local news and information, and a lot less streamed-in homogenization and monotonous nationalized music at the expense of local and regional talent.” He added, “Homogenized music and entertainment from huge conglomerates constrains creativity, suppresses local talent and detracts from the great tapestry of our nation’s cultural diversity.” He suggested that 25 percent of prime-time programming should be locally or independently produced.

That will effectively kill what's left of network television. While I'm not a big fan of the pap that currently taints the airwaves (who gives a rat's patoot about who is dancing with who?) I am a big proponent of the people's right to choose what they pollute their minds with.

Fortunately, some congresscritters are showing a little spine on this one.

Rep. Joe Barton (R-Texas) pushed back on Monday against a contention by a Democratic FCC commissioner that the government should create new regulations to promote diversity in news programming. 

"I hope … that you do not mean to suggest that it is the job of the federal government, through the [FCC], to determine the content that is available for Americans to consume,” Barton wrote Monday in a letter to Copps. 

(Copps) said outlets should be mandated to do the following: prove they have made a meaningful commitment to public affairs and news programming, prove they are committed to diversity programming, report more to the government about which shows they plan to air, require greater disclosure about who funds political ads and devote 25 percent of their prime-time coverage to local news. 

The regulations would apply to all news outlets operating on the public airwaves.

I'm sure the diversity provision would, of course, include NPR and Univision, which broadcasts its programs in Spanish. BET would be exempt, since it's a cable network.

In his letter, Barton questioned whether Copps believes the government should reinstate the defunct Fairness Doctrine, a controversial standard that required broadcast licensees to offer "balanced" coverage. Critics saw it as an affront to free speech.

Barton also asked whether "five commissioners can do a better job of ensuring that Americans have access to a wide diversity of content and viewpoints than Americans can themselves by expressing their preferences ... in the vigorously competitive marketplace."

That's the issue in a nutshell. Who decides what the American public gets to watch? A five-member commission, that is appointed, not elected, or the viewing public, which votes with their clicker?

I know which one I'd pick...

Day Of Infamy

As hopefully everyone is aware, today is the anniversary of the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor that precipitated WW II.

Note that I said sneak attack. In recent years there has been a trend to describe it as something else. But IMO anytime you attack someone while still engaged in negotiations with them qualifies as a sneak attack. Screw today's political correctness.

As a school project for Veteran's Day a few years ago, our son was compiling a series of stories from WW II veterans on video. One of the interviewees was the father of a friend of mine. He's a Marine, decorated during the landing at Tarawa. He received the Purple heart and a Silver Star as a result of his actions there, and went on to participate in a couple more Pacific campaigns.

As part of the project, our son had an interview script. One of the first questions was "Why did you enlist?" Most of the responses were, as you might expect, something along the lines of  'to protect my country.'

All except the Marine. I didn't know whether to be appalled, or to stand up and applaud, when he said "To kill every God-damned jap I could get my hands on." (Needless to say, one part of that reply was bleeped out before the project was turned in.)

I should note that this veteran experienced some of the most brutal, inhumane, up close and personal combat in a part of the war notorious for brutality and inhumaneness.

It obviously had a lasting impact on my friend's father. He is so adamantly anti-Japanese that to this day he refuses to ride in a Toyota or Honda.   

If, as our progressive friends assert, we are shaped by our experiences, then we have a conundrum. Is this retired Marine a racist or a victim?

I don't know for sure, but I have my opinion. To keep it simple, I'll just call him today and thank him for his service. There aren't many like him left, and we should all be grateful for those members of The Greatest Generation who stood up and were counted when it mattered.

Wet Dreams and Money

Many people, myself included, think that expanding the money supply is not the way to get this country out of its economic doldrums. The obama administration doesn't share that view. The most egregious indication of that (IMO misguided) belief is the Fed's recent repurchase of $600 billion worth of US government-issued bonds. Known as 'quantitative easing,' the theory is that this cash injection will stimulate the country’s ailing economy.

The mastermind behind this plan is Fed Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. Former house speaker Newt Gingrich, among others, opposes it: “I would say that Bernanke is fundamentally wrong. This economy lacks confidence in the government. It doesn’t lack cash.”

FWIW, I agree with Newt for a number of reasons. I'll skip the esoteric and mind-numbing theoretically-based economic arguments, and instead focus on one simple observation.

As my old First Sergeant used to say, "CenTexTim, you could screw up a wet dream." Similarly, the government has problems coloring within the lines.

Government Can't Even Print Money Properly

As a metaphor for our troubled economic and financial era -- and the government's stumbling response -- this one's hard to beat. You can't stimulate the economy if you can't print the money correctly.

Because of a problem with the presses, the federal government has shut down production of its flashy new $100 bills, and has quarantined more than 1 billion of them -- more than 10 percent of all existing U.S. cash -- in a vault in Fort Worth, Texas.

Officials with the Treasury and the Federal Reserve had touted the new bills' sophisticated security features that were 10 years in the making, including a 3-D security strip and a color-shifting image of a bell, designed to foil counterfeiters. But it turns out the bills are so high-tech that the presses can't handle the printing job.

More than 1 billion unusable bills have been printed. Some of the bills creased during production, creating a blank space on the paper, one official told CNBC. Because correctly printed bills are mixed in with the flawed ones, even the ones printed to the correct design specs can't be used until they 're sorted. It would take an estimated 20 to 30 years to weed out the defective bills by hand, but a mechanized system is expected to get the job done in about a year.

Combined, the quarantined bills add up to $110 billion -- more than 10 percent of the entire U.S. cash supply, which now stands at around $930 billion.

The flawed bills, which cost around $120 million to print, will have to be burned.

Sigh ... where to start ... do I really have to belabor the obvious? If the government can't even print pieces of paper without fucking up, how on God's Green Earth can we expect them to manage the nation's economy?

Of course, one solution would be to rebrand the dollar bill with obama's image replacing George Washington.

In an added note of irony, the new botched bills are the first to include Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's signature. In order to prevent a shortfall, the government has ordered production of the old design, which includes the signature of Bush administration Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.

I can't wait to see how obama and the lamestream media blame this fiasco on Bush...

Turn Out The Lights

Back in the day, when men were men and quarterbacks didn't wear dresses, giants stalked the earth.

Rugged, tough, manly men like Bart Starr, Sonny Jurgensen, Roman Gabriel, Y.A. Title, and Billy Kilmer swaggered their way around the gridiron. Among the toughest of these was an East Texas boy. 

I grew up watching Don Meridith play quarterback. He was a high school legend - All State in both football and basketball at Mt. Vernon, TX. Later, in college, back when SMU was a football powerhouse (it was known as Southern Meredith University when he played there), he was a two-time All American. Finally, as the quarterback for America's Team, he was an All Pro and NFL Player of the Year.

Many people forget, but in the early years (the 1960s) the Cowboys were an expansion team. In the beginning, they were pathetic. As a young player, Meredith alternated snaps with Eddie LeBaron - not one of Tom Landry's better innovations. After a couple of years he became the full-time quarterback. Unfortunately, back then the Cowboys offensive line was as porous as obama's national defense plans. Meredith got the snot knocked out of him.



Ben Roethlisberger has received a lot of positive press yesterday for playing with a broken nose and a sprained foot. No argument - he deserves it. But Meredith played with multiple broken noses, a broken ankle, fractured ribs, a punctured lung, and pneumonia, among other ailments. He was one tough SOB.

He was also a natural leader, with a good ol' boy demeanor and sense of humor that endeared him to his teammates.



After his playing career was over he became one of the first football jocks to make a successful transition from the field to the broadcast booth. He helped make Monday Night Football a resounding success by kicking Howard Cosell's ass on a regular basis. (For those of you too young to remember, MNF was initially (a) an experiment that no one knew how it would turn out, and (b) a cultural happening that changed Monday nights forever - at least for the first few years. It's hard to explain, back in the early days of cable and before Thursday and Saturday NFL games, how meaningful MNF games were.)

Despite his public persona, Meredith was at heart a shy, introverted, and complex individual. He had a brief acting career, but then retired to a reclusive existence in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Turn out the lights, Don. R.I.P.

Tangled

Our 14 year old daughter and I went to see Tangled this afternoon. Given my work situation and schedule, we don't get to spend a lot of time together, so today I was happy to give up some football for a little father-daughter bonding time.

For those of you not familiar with the movie, it's the Disney version of the Rapunzel fairy tale. It's a well done film - great animation and production values, good story line, a couple of nice plot twists - the whole enchilada.

Without giving away too much, it's a coming of age story. A teen-aged girl who has spent her whole life in a tower suddenly gets out into the world. It has everything - adventure, comedy, betrayal, heartbreak, the aforementioned plot twists, and of course the requisite happy ending. I could have done without a couple of the songs, but overall it's a very good movie. I highly recommend it - two thumbs up.

However, the point of this post is not to do a Siskel and Ebert imitation. As 'the girl' sat there happily munching on popcorn and slurping her drink, I was struck by the parallels between the movie and where she is in her life's journey. Sometimes when I look at her I see the beautiful, self-confident, resourceful woman she's going to be. Other times I see the awestruck little girl she used to be, gazing in wonderment at all the new and exciting things in this great big wonderful world. I can handle either one of those versions. But I'm woefully ill-equipped to deal with her at this in-between stage.

I have no experience with daughters. I have an older son from a previous marriage, plus a first-born son from my current marriage. My sister has two boys. My wife's sister has three boys. No one in our family knows what to do with a girl.

With boys, it's like a Wild Kingdom video. As soon as they begin to challenge the alpha male (that would be me) they're booted out of the nest to fend for themselves. But with a girl, I alternate between screening her friends with a thoroughness that makes TSA employees look like slackers, and cowering in a corner while she reads me the riot act.

"Daddy, I'm not a child anymore!"

Well, actually, yes you are, and you always will be to me. The challenge is (1) for me to deal with the fact that she is metamorphosing from my little girl to a strong, independent woman, and (2) to hide from her the fact that I'm totally incapable of (1).

Have you ever seen Taken...?

Sunday Funnies

If you live in an area where there is substantial snowfall, remember to roll up your windows.

A husband and his wife were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee when the weather report came on the radio.

"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today," the announcer said. "You must park your cars on the odd-numbered sides of the street."

The wife got up, mumbled something about "Damn snow," and headed outside.

The next morning the forecast was for another 4 inches of snow. The radio announcer instructed everyone to park on the even-numbered sides of the street so the snow plows could do their job. The wife shook her head, grumbled, and stomped outside.

For the third day in a row several inches of snow fell. The radio announcer was in the middle of saying "Park your cars on the - ." Right then the power went out.

The wife said, "Oh great. Now what am I supposed to do?"

Without looking up from his paper the husband said, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage today?"

Happy Birthday Dad

Today is my father's 93rd birthday. We had a small get-together of family and friends at our place.

Dad is Polish. He's the only one of thirteen kids born in the U.S. The remainder were born in the Old Country.

It's always amazing to hear his stories. About half of his siblings died in the Influenza Epidemic of 1918.

Dad's father was a coal miner in western PA. His mother was a homemaker. They couldn't afford to support all their kids, so Dad was apprenticed out to a doctor's family when he was 12. He took care of the doctor's horse and drove him in a horse-and-buggy when the doctor went on his house calls (!). He left the doctor when he was 16 and lied about his age to join the old CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps).

In the late 1930s he joined the Army. After landing at Normandy and then rolling across Europe with Patton's Third Army, he was wounded at the Battle of the Bulge. He recovered and went on to transfer into the old Army Air Corps, which later became the U.S. Air Force. He retired as a Chief Master Sergeant. 

In honor of our heritage, today's meal consisted of two types of Polish sausage from Redlinski's Meat Market in Buffalo, NY. Side dishes were pierogis from Polana Foods in Chicago, homemade sauerkraut, German potato salad (with bacon, of course), and good ol' HEB organic applesauce. Dessert was a Mexican Chocolate Cake (family recipe). 

Oh yeah, we also had some beer, wine, and champagne.

Dad's doctor would have a fit if he knew what he ate today, but I figured that if the Great Depression, WW II, Korea, and Viet Nam, plus a couple of strokes, didn't kill him, a few sausages, some drinks, and a hunk of cake wouldn't do any harm.

Happy Birthday, Dad. Thanks for being the man you are, and for passing so much on to me.

Friday Follies Happy Hour

It's been a long semester, but it's mercifully over (almost). So today we're celebrating Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happy Hour.



Cold beer and hot wings - sounds pretty damn good about now...

End Of The Semester Blues

I taught my last class of the semester this afternoon. (I still have a couple of finals to give, but they don't count since they're already prepared, and grading won't be too difficult because the classes are relatively small.)

Usually this is a cause for celebration, but for some reason I feel mildly depressed. Perhaps this is due to a vague sense of disappointment. Classes and semesters are like people. They have their own personalities, and each one is different. Some are pleasant, some are challenging, some are inspirational, but I've never had one this discouraging. Nothing confrontational, nothing outstandingly negative, just a lingering feeling of disconnectedness. I felt like never I really reached the kids.

They came to class for the most part, they did okay on assignments, projects, and exams, but there was no spark, no motivation - just an overwhelming atmosphere of ennui (a fancy french word that means a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction that comes from having too much time on one's hands and too little will to find something productive to do).

Maybe next semester I need to change my teaching style...

Slow Grind

The wheels of justice grind exceedingly slow, but sometimes they do grind.

The judge in the Petit home invasion and murder case has agreed with the jury's recommendation and sentenced one of the sick fucks involved to death. The other will be tried a few months from now.

Steven Hayes, convicted of a brutal 2007 home invasion in which a Connecticut mother and her two daughters were killed, was sentenced Thursday to die for the crime.

In a strong and clear voice, the judge sentences Hayes to death on each of the six capital felonies.

"This is a terrible sentence. But in truth it is a sentence you wrote for yourself in flames on July 23, 2007 . . . your fate is now in the hands of others. May God have mercy on your soul."

A jury found Hayes guilty of killing Jennifer Hawke-Petit, 48, and her daughters - 7-year-old Hayley Petit and 11-year-old Michaela Petit - in their Cheshire, Connecticut, home in 2007.

It recommended that Hayes, 47, should die for his role in the deaths.

"The impact of these crimes against our family is like the impact of a bomb going off in your house . . ." William Petit, who survived the crime said. "I awoke to a confused terror . . . I'll always remember my father's face when I asked about the girls, and he just shook his head fro side to side and sobbed . . . Our home was no more . . ."

Hayes' lawyer, Thomas Ullman, said he was not surprised by the jury's decision - and that Hayes was actually pleased with the outcome.

Hayes isn't the only one pleased with the outcome. I for one am overjoyed.  

"He wants to die," said Ullman last month. "He has categorized this process as suicide by state. He was unable to kill himself in prison and saw this as a way for the state to kill him."

Just turn him loose in the general population and he'll get his wish about dying in prison.

The only problem is that this POS will stay alive, costing taxpayers hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of dollars while the automatic appeals process plays itself out.

Prosecutors alleged Hayes and co-defendant Joshua Komisarjevsky invaded the home of Dr. William Petit on July 23, 2007, beat and tied up Petit, raped and strangled Hawke-Petit, molested one of their daughters and set the house on fire before attempting to flee.

This bare-bones recital of what took place that night doesn't do justice to the horrific nature of the events, or the unendurable impact that they have had on surviving family members and friends. I've posted before about this crime. It disgusts and sickens me.

I just can't imagine what the Petit family went through. Your home is supposed to be a sanctuary, a haven, a place to go where you are safe and in the presence of loved ones. To have it violated in such a manner - well, words fail me.

All I can say is Burn, Baby, Burn...

Sick, Sick People

I've spent much of the day grading end-of-semester projects, a sometimes gratifying, sometimes depressing exercise. Today was depressing.

It appears that, despite my best efforts, the students actually got dumber rather than smarter over the past three months. I guess all that Four Loko is killing off their brain cells faster than I can educate them.

Anyway, I took a break and indulged in some Internet bottom-feeding. I eventually ended up at The Smoking Gun and without even trying confirmed that there are some sick, sick people out there.

Walmart Pleasure Seeker Barred From Retail Giant

The Florida man arrested after he was caught masturbating in the toy aisle of a Walmart with the aid of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue has cut a plea deal that bars him from future visits to the retail giant “or any store where children’s toys are sold,” court records show.

The deal spares Black, who spent a month in custody following his September 14 arrest, further jail time. The conviction, though, will likely have a negative impact on Black’s career as a substitute teacher. 

Gee, ya think?

When confronted by cops, Black admitted that he had been masturbating in the store’s toy aisle, claiming that he was driven to the lewd act after he spotted “some pretty girls which made him aroused.” He told officers that he “grabbed a magazine and then found a back aisle and began to masturbate until he relieved himself on the floor.”

The magazine he selected was the 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue featuring model Brooklyn Decker on its cover.

Well, I can't fault him for his taste.

A Walmart worker told investigators that Black “ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor.” He then “discarded the magazine behind some toys and proceeded to the front of the store,” employees reported. The defiled toy was a lightsaber (apparently of the "Star Wars" variety), according to a law enforcement source.

Is there any other kind of light saber besides the Star Wars variety?

Black--who claimed he was shopping for a toy for his daughter--assured arresting officers that, “I swear I’m not a pervert.”

Yeah, and I'm often mistaken for a young Sean Connery.

As if defiling a Star Wars light saber wasn't bad enough, another prev evidently prefers Harry Potter.

Man Arrested For Pleasuring Self During New "Harry Potter" Movie

What kind of a guy exposes himself and touches his genitals during a screening of the new Harry Potter movie?

Meet Alexander Ofner.

The South Carolina man, 39, was arrested yesterday afternoon at Sea Turtle Cinemas after Bluffton Police Department officers responded to a 911 call about Ofner’s alleged indecent exposure. Using the projection booth as an observation post (as “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” unspooled nearby), cops spotted Ofner in the act, according to police.

Ofner, seated in the theater’s back row, was then arrested for his alleged X-rated behavior during the PG-13 movie. He was booked into the Beaufort County Detention Center

Our 14 year old daughter went to see “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.” Her review was pretty negative, even without the 'special added attraction.'

And just to prove that it's not only men that can get out of hand (so to speak...), we have a young lady who became so distraught because her boyfriend spurned her amorous advances that she stabbed him.

"Not Tonight, Honey" Bust

Early Saturday morning, the 19-year-old Louisiana woman wanted some sex from her boyfriend. But Todd Stewart, 35, was apparently not in the mood. In fact, he tried to push Phillips off of him in the bedroom of the pair's West Monroe home. That much the couple can agree upon, according to Ouachita Parish Sheriff's Office reports. 

19 year old girlfriend, 35 year old boyfriend. That's a big indicator of some serious issues right there.

Phillips claims Stewart became violent after rebuffing her advances. Stewart told an investigator that he left the bedroom to sleep on a living room couch, but that Phillips 'would not leave him alone.' 

Happened to me all the time in my younger days...

At some point, he added, things got physical and he was stabbed in the lower lip with 'a long metal object which appeared to be a knife.'

For her part, the frisky Phillips acknowledged to Deputy Shane Smith that she struck Stewart, but said it was done 'to protect herself.'

Phillips was charged with aggravated battery, while a bloody Stewart was charged with simple battery.

It's a sad state of affairs when items like this are more interesting, and better written, than my students' best efforts.

Sigh...

I Just Don't Get It

I'm a simple person, with a simple outlook on life. Take what God gave you, do the best you can with it, and move on.

Evidently other people have a different perspective, as evidenced by the following.

Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a renowned plastic surgeon, wrote My Beautiful Mommy to help patients explain their transformation to their children. The story guides children through Mommy's surgery and healing process in a friendly, nonthreatening way.

Through vivid illustrations and straightforward dialogue, My Beautiful Mommy explains a parent's physical transformation in a breezy, child-friendly manner. You and your child will follow along as Mommy goes through her plastic surgery experience and learn how the entire family pitches in to help Mommy achieve her beautiful results.

As any parent will tell you - children are very perceptive. It is nearly impossible to hide a plastic surgery transformation from your children. In my years of experience, trying to do so adds additional and unnecessary stress for both parent and child. Throughout the process young children can become confused.

During the initial consultation they may ask themselves questions such as Why is Mommy going to the doctor? Is Mommy sick? If these questions are not addressed, the child will often imagine fantastical scenarios to fill in the gaps of information they are lacking. This phenomenon becomes more pronounced after the surgery.

This book is designed to explain to your child what to expect - from the initial consultation to the final result. It is recommended that you read this with your child (and spouse) at least three times during the plastic surgery process: once prior to the initial consultation (if they will be coming along), once more prior to the surgery, and then again during the post-operative healing phase. Encourage your child to ask questions as you read. Answer them in an honest and straightforward manner in language they will understand.

If you follow this advice, you will be able to calm your children's fears, address their concerns, and help your family to sail easily through the plastic surgery experience.

And not to leave Dad out, we have Where Did Daddy's Hair Go?

The day Jeremiah hears his father called Baldy is the day he realizes that the man has no hair. This sets him on a mission to find the lost locks. His search raises question after question: Does it hurt to lose hair? Was his father sad to lose it? Will Jeremiah lose his hair someday? And what does it matter how we look on the outside, compared to who we are on the inside?

Young Jeremiah never noticed it before, but now he can’t seem to think of anything else: his daddy is missing a lot of hair! In fact, Daddy even says that he has “lost” his hair. But whatever’s lost can be found again, right? Jeremiah’s search leads him all over the house and yard. Not a sign of the missing hair. Luckily, Dad isn’t too upset about it. So maybe it’s not such a big deal to misplace a full head of hair after all?

In coming to terms with his father’s baldness, Jeremiah also ends up embracing diversity.

WTF?!? Going bald = embracing diversity? Speaking as a follicularly-challenged individual, I find this highly offensive. And Mommys who think they have either too much or not enough flesh (or that it is distributed improperly) are not only encouraged to artificially move it around, but to share that experience with their kids? At what point does the desire to feel positively about oneself become an illness?

Like I said, I'm a simple person. A few Shiners are all I need to make me feel better about myself...