I Just Don't Get It

I'm a simple person, with a simple outlook on life. Take what God gave you, do the best you can with it, and move on.

Evidently other people have a different perspective, as evidenced by the following.

Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a renowned plastic surgeon, wrote My Beautiful Mommy to help patients explain their transformation to their children. The story guides children through Mommy's surgery and healing process in a friendly, nonthreatening way.

Through vivid illustrations and straightforward dialogue, My Beautiful Mommy explains a parent's physical transformation in a breezy, child-friendly manner. You and your child will follow along as Mommy goes through her plastic surgery experience and learn how the entire family pitches in to help Mommy achieve her beautiful results.

As any parent will tell you - children are very perceptive. It is nearly impossible to hide a plastic surgery transformation from your children. In my years of experience, trying to do so adds additional and unnecessary stress for both parent and child. Throughout the process young children can become confused.

During the initial consultation they may ask themselves questions such as Why is Mommy going to the doctor? Is Mommy sick? If these questions are not addressed, the child will often imagine fantastical scenarios to fill in the gaps of information they are lacking. This phenomenon becomes more pronounced after the surgery.

This book is designed to explain to your child what to expect - from the initial consultation to the final result. It is recommended that you read this with your child (and spouse) at least three times during the plastic surgery process: once prior to the initial consultation (if they will be coming along), once more prior to the surgery, and then again during the post-operative healing phase. Encourage your child to ask questions as you read. Answer them in an honest and straightforward manner in language they will understand.

If you follow this advice, you will be able to calm your children's fears, address their concerns, and help your family to sail easily through the plastic surgery experience.

And not to leave Dad out, we have Where Did Daddy's Hair Go?

The day Jeremiah hears his father called Baldy is the day he realizes that the man has no hair. This sets him on a mission to find the lost locks. His search raises question after question: Does it hurt to lose hair? Was his father sad to lose it? Will Jeremiah lose his hair someday? And what does it matter how we look on the outside, compared to who we are on the inside?

Young Jeremiah never noticed it before, but now he can’t seem to think of anything else: his daddy is missing a lot of hair! In fact, Daddy even says that he has “lost” his hair. But whatever’s lost can be found again, right? Jeremiah’s search leads him all over the house and yard. Not a sign of the missing hair. Luckily, Dad isn’t too upset about it. So maybe it’s not such a big deal to misplace a full head of hair after all?

In coming to terms with his father’s baldness, Jeremiah also ends up embracing diversity.

WTF?!? Going bald = embracing diversity? Speaking as a follicularly-challenged individual, I find this highly offensive. And Mommys who think they have either too much or not enough flesh (or that it is distributed improperly) are not only encouraged to artificially move it around, but to share that experience with their kids? At what point does the desire to feel positively about oneself become an illness?

Like I said, I'm a simple person. A few Shiners are all I need to make me feel better about myself...