Sunday, January 6, 2013

Sunday Funnies 2013.01.06

It's that time of year when weight loss companies and health clubs experience a surge in membership - a short-lived surge.


A man calls a weight loss company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

My health club trainer has no confidence in me. The first machine he put me on was the respirator.



Old NFO said...

All pretty much true... And when you have a bad back it's even worse!

InsomniacSeeker said...

My problem with my gym is getting on the elliptical machine without killing myself, and staying on it. I'm such a klutz when it comes to those machines.

CenTexTim said...

NFO - bad back, bad knee, bad hips...

Tina - I'd much rather walk outside, but there are times when I use an elliptical. I can stay on the damn thing okay, it's getting on -- and off -- that's the problem.