Boobs In The News

No, we're not talking about the obama administration. Instead, today's topic is that favorite of every red-blooded American male - women's breasts.

Note that we're reporting the news in a mature and responsible manner, and refraining from any snide, lewd, or inappropriate comments.

Not that it wasn't tempting...

Women with large breasts are smarter

A study by a Chicago university sociologist of 1,200 women found that large-breasted women tend to have higher intelligence. The study divided the women into five groups ranging from virtually flat-chested to extra-large breasts.

The results revealed that the big-breasted women had an overall higher I.Q.—about 10 points—than the lesser endowed members of the study. Women with average-sized breasts also beat out those that were in the smallest size group.

Hey, don't blame the messenger. I'm just reporting the study's findings. But I would be remiss if I didn't point out that this proves what men have been saying for years: we're attracted to women because of their minds.

Speaking of large breasts:

66 Pound Stone Breasts Survive Lightning

A pair of stone breasts miraculously survived a devastating lightning strike in Australia over the weekend.

According to Northern Territory News, the stony bosom was all that remained after a bolt of lightning shattered the torso of a Venus de Milo-inspired statue standing in a courtyard in Yarrawonga, Victoria.

But having large breasts isn't always a good thing.

Pamela Anderson has blamed her Dancing on Ice exit on a wardrobe malfunction which saw her infamous assets fall out...

She said: "I feel so bad for Matt [Evers]. I stumbled, my boobs fell out. It's common in my life."

When asked about her future plans, Pam replied, "I want to be in musical theatre. Maybe I'll do something like that."

Yeah, right.

Finally, there was a bit of promising news in the battle against breast cancer.

Squeezing breasts could prevent cancer, best study ever says

New research has shown that squeezing breasts could prevent malignant breast cells from causing cancer. This doesn’t give pervy dudes license to grope you on the subway, ladies, but it does mean boob-grabbing should be a regular part of your self-care routine (yes, absolutely try it DIY-style). Experiments found that physical pressure led cells back to normal growth patterns, and that even after compression was no longer applied, the malignant cells stopped growing.

I'm sure there won't be any shortage of volunteers to help you ladies with this...