Moving Violations

Like most all-American teenagers of my generation, my earlier sexual escapades took place in cars. Back then, drive-in movies were the location of choice, but we also found plenty of dark, isolated parking spots. One of my favorites was at the end of the San Antonio airport's main runway. Nowadays, of course, if you parked a vehicle there at night you'd be surrounded by security agents in no time, but that's another story.

Anyway, it seems as if America's great love affair with in cars is alive and well, as evidenced by these two stories.

Sex in a moving car leads to arrest

A night of drinking resulted in a wild ride, sex behind the wheel, a gun to the head, a crash and a 26-year-old Port Charlotte woman under arrest.

Sounds like a chapter from CD's life.

The victim, a man, left the bar with two women...

Time passed.

... as they drove off, he said she began touching him and having sex while he was driving. The victim told detectives she also said she needed money and he told her he already gave her friend $120 earlier. The victim said (the woman) then put a .357 Taurus revolver to his head and demanded money.

The victim grabbed the gun and a fight ensued in the moving car; he said he punched her in the head so she would release the gun. He told detectives he was in fear of his life and lost control of his car, struck a palm tree, went airborne and then ran across two front yards...

Statements were taken from all parties involved and detectives began their investigation. Based on the statements and evidence, detectives arrested Linscott and transported her to the Charlotte County Jail where she remains on no bond.

Based on the picture above, the guy's bar tab must have been staggering.

That's bad enough. The guy in the next story, however, is truly depraved.

Indecent driver creates a buzz

A woman at a St. Paul bus stop told police Wednesday, "I've seen a lot on University Avenue, but never anything like this."

The 30-year-old woman, who was sitting at the corner of University and Marion Street, called 911 after seeing a man pull up in a car in front of her. Minutes later, officers near University Avenue were told by a dispatcher to look out for "a white male in a red pickup performing oral sex on a white dildo."

Police responding to the call noticed a red pickup on University near Wheeler Street, several blocks west of Snelling Avenue.

After pulling over Brian Wutschke, 45, of Farmington, police searched the interior of his truck and found a sex toy under a flannel shirt. They also noted several pairs of women's panties strewn around the interior, including hanging from the rear-view mirror and the gear shift.

When they performed a pat-down search of the man and reached "the waistline area," officers could feel something vibrating. The man then informed them he also had a sex toy inserted inside him.

"That one's kind of unique. They'll be talking about this one for a while," said police watch commander Eric Anderson.

That's an understatement.

The officers drove Wutschke to the jail, hearing the sex toy still vibrating on the plastic seats of their quad car. Sheriff officials at the jail removed it as they were booking him, but as of late Wednesday nobody was comfortable turning it off.

"They'll just let the batteries run out," Anderson said.

Words fail me...