Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Hang In There 2014

New Years Eve 2014

We're headed out to a New Years Eve party tonight.

No, not this kind.

More like this kind.

But we'll do our best to have a good time anyway...

Last New Year's Eve my wife and I went to a party. As the time neared midnight my wife stood up and said "It's time to get ready. At twelve o'clock I want every husband to be standing next to the one person who has made his life worth living."

When the clock struck midnight the bartender was almost crushed to death.

New Year's Eve is like having sex with my second ex-wife.

10 seconds of pleasure then another year before it happens again.

In any event, here's wishing you and yours a Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Do Yourself A Favor

Read these two pieces.

The first is Dave Barry's annual Year in Review. It highlights, in hilarious fashion, the absurdity that abounded throughout 2014. Here's an excerpt.
U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius, who oversaw the rollout of Obamacare, resigns from the Cabinet to take a position overseeing e-mail storage for the Internal Revenue Service.
On a more serious note, a man I respect greatly - Thomas Sowell - penned a scathing indictment of the media's increasing lynch-mob mentality directed towards anyone who gets in the way of the story they want to report, as opposed to the actual story. An excerpt:
... did you know that, during this same period when riots, looting, and arson have been raging, a black policeman in Alabama shot and killed an unarmed white teenager — and was cleared by a grand jury? Probably not, if you depend on the mainstream media for your news.

The media do not merely ignore facts, they suppress facts. Millions of people saw the videotape of the beating of Rodney King. But they saw only a fraction of that tape because the media left out the rest, which showed Rodney King — another huge man — resisting arrest and refusing to be handcuffed, so that he could be searched.

Television viewers did not get to see the other black men in the same vehicle that Rodney King was driving recklessly. Those other black men were not beaten. And the grand jury got to see the whole video, after which they acquitted the police — and the media then published the jurors’ home addresses.
I wish I could write half as well as either of those gentlemen.

Going Out With A Bang

We're nearing the end of the year. Here's a couple of people who are going out with a bang...

Mom Has Sex in Car With High School Soccer Player
A 42-year-old suburban mother of three is accused of having sex with a 17-year-old soccer player.

The inappropriate relationship was uncovered when an Upper Pottsgrove Police officer allegedly found Iris Gibney and the teen naked, having sex inside a parked car.

As the officer approached the car, he saw Gibney performing a sex act on the teen...

The 17-year-old Pottsgrove High School student said he met Gibney at a high school football game earlier this year, police said. She had been volunteering as a "cheer mom" for the cheerleading team that her daughter is a part of.
Rah Rah Rah!!!
Gibney works at Victoria's Secret in King of Prussia...
Of course she does. Now lots of lonely men have new material for their MILF fantasies.
She was back at work Tuesday night and declined to comment when contacted at the retail store.
Not a whole lot she could say, given the circumstances.

In other news, we have a local paper that serves our community. It's such a small paper that it publishes once a week, and doesn't even have an online version available. It's print or nothing.

One of its regular features is a Police Blotter that reports on calls to the local LEOs. Given that we're such a small and sleepy community, most of the calls are related to traffic accidents, false alarms, and the like. However, every once in a while we get a really interesting tidbit - like this one.
Officers responded to a suspicious vehicle call, and found the described vehicle. The occupant ducked down when the officer shined her (!) flashlight his way.

The man was completely naked and covered with canola oil. He had an object stuffed up his rear end.

He was arrested and charged with public nudity and obscene behavior.
You can't make this stuff up...

Monday, December 29, 2014

More Political Correctness Foolishness

This is what happens when liberal politicians and bureaucrats are in charge of public education.
Parents in Farmville, North Carolina want to know why their children were given a Common Core vocabulary assignment in an English class that promoted the Prophet Muhammad and the Islamic faith.

“It really caught me off guard,” a Farmville Central High School student who was in the class told me. “If we are not allowed to talk about any other religions in school – how is this appropriate?”

The Islamic vocabulary worksheet was assigned to seniors.

“In the following exercises, you will have the opportunity to expand your vocabulary by reading about Muhammad and the Islamic word,” the worksheet read.

It wouldn't take a great deal of thought to come up with exercises that expand the students' vocabulary without religious overtones. For example, "It is entirely possible that the buffoons who promote Common Core are neither astute nor shrewd."
A spokesman for Pitt County Schools defended the lesson  – noting that it came from a state-adopted supplemental workbook and met the “Common Core standards for English Language Arts.”

“Our school system understands all concerns related to proselytizing, and there is no place for it in our instruction,” the statement goes on to say. “However, this particular lesson was one of many the students in this class have had and will have that expose them to the various religions and how they shape cultures throughout the world.”

I asked the school district to provide me with a copy of vocabulary worksheets that promoted the Jewish, Hindu and Christian faiths.

The school district did not reply.
Gee, what a surprise.

Sadly, it's not just U.S. schools that are suffering from P.C. blight. That disease has infected schools in Sweden as well.

Swedish school bans the Swedish flag
The Swedish flag has now been banned at a primary school in Sweden. The reason is that the flag may be offensive to certain groups and breaking the law "offensive against ethnic groups."

The reason for the ban is a masquerade which was held at the school recently where one of the students chose to paint his face blue and yellow. He also brought a toy gun to masquerade.

The school management reacted very strongly and now prohibits both the Swedish flag and toy weapons.
No word on whether or not the Swedish school will suspend students for chewing their pastries into the shape of a gun...

FOD 2014.12.29

Our family went to church this Christmas. I wonder what obama did...?

Obama Worships at the First Church of Eighteen Holes
When he’s not mocking Americans for being Bible-toting, bitter gun-clingers, every chance he gets Barack Obama loves to throw Bible verses around.  The problem is that the verses he quotes are usually out of context, woefully misinterpreted, cherry-picked and distorted to support a socialist worldview, and occasionally completely made-up.  

Listening to the president play the reverend on more than one occasion would lead one to believe Jesus Christ was a Marxist whose only objective was to further Obama’s Gospel of Collectivism.

During Obama’s first term, former Obama spiritual advisor Joshua DuBois led the White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships.  On a daily basis, Joshua sent Obama inspirational verses on his Blackberry. In 2013, the former pastor turned consultant said that the “biggest untold story is that [Obama] is a president of deep and abiding faith who values his walk with Christ and uses that walk to motivate the work that he does in the world.”

DuBois... recently explained why the pious one never misses a golf game or foregoes a vacation and has golfed 208 times in office and counting, but has only managed to drag himself to church 18 times, including just one Christmas.

According to Joshua, Obama’s absence from church is actually self-sacrificial, because although the president desires to worship in the house of the Lord every Sunday just as he did when he attended Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s Black Liberation Theology-based church in Chicago, Obama’s utmost concern is to avoid distracting other churchgoers from celebrating the Lord.

DuBois didn’t elaborate, but it sure sounds as though Obama, unlike other churchgoing presidents, is of the belief that if Barack is in the house, not even God Almighty can compete for the undivided attention of the flock.
To be fair, barry played golf on Christmas Eve, not Christmas. On Christmas Day "the Obamas spent Christmas morning opening presents and singing carols and then spent the afternoon at a nearby beach." barry and michelle also visited American troops at Marine Corps Base Hawaii in Kanoehe Bay.

If you believe that barry, mooch, and the kids sat around the tree Christmas morning singing carols then I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you...

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Sunday Funnies 2014.12.28

After-Christmas observations...

On the day after Christmas it was announced that next year Santa will not be allowed to go down chimneys.

It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Committee.

It's one day after Christmas
I'm crabby and I'm broke.
I'm so full of ham and fruitcake
I think I'm gonna croak.

It's nice to see the relatives
I wonder when they'll leave.
They've been camping in my bathroom
since early Christmas Eve.

They're eating everything in sight
and sleeping in my bed.
I been sacked out in the basement
with my beagle, Fred.

The relatives have all gone out
and left their screaming brats.
The toilet bowl is all plugged up
and I can't find the cat.

It's one day after Christmas
the relatives still here.
They eat me out of house and home.
and drink up all my beer.

I love the decorations,
and the sleigh bells in the snow
But I wish those pesky relatives
would take their kids and go.

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting - even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa's passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's--all here!!

To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,

I must express my gratitude
for such a lovely gift.

Your thoughtfulness and taste is matched
only by your thrift.

It's clear that you spared all expense,
if you catch my drift.

Remove the anti-theft device
when you again shoplift.

Santa enjoys a well-deserved rest.

Santa enjoys a well-deserved drink.

The countdown has already started.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

It's A Tough Life

My wife and daughter are out of town visiting friends this weekend, leaving my son and I to fend for ourselves.

Since I'm a big fan of the United Nations (*snort*), I decided to make this a day of international food and drink.

The day began with coffee from Ireland, Kahlua from Mexico, and cream from Texas, served in a mug from Wyoming.

Breakfast was Pigs in the Blanket, using small beer sausages from Poland.

The weather outside is cold and damp, so I figured venison stew would be a good choice for dinner.

The meat has been seasoned, floured, and browned. It was placed in the crockpot, to await the veggies and broth.

The broth is composed of ingredients from France (Dijon mustard), Ireland (Guinness), and Texas (Shiner), along with a little homemade beef stock (not shown).

Later on tonight the stew will be accompanied by a very nice Malbec from Argentina.

But right now, I'm going to take a nap in front of the fire.

Life is good...

Ferguson Recap

For some reason I was thinking about the chain of events that began with the Michael Brown shooting in Ferguson MO last August. To recap:

A non-black cop shoots a non-white person who just finished robbing a convenience store and then resisted arrest. Witnesses tell conflicting stories. Forensic evidence supports the cop's claim of self-defense. Grand jury refuses to indict. Mostly peaceful protests riots ensue. Civil rights leaders race pimps are outraged. Mainstream media provides extensive coverage.

Meanwhile, in NYC a non-white suspect law-breaker dies after being taken into custody (granted, it is a silly law, but still...). Cops claim he was resisting arrest. Video of the arrest is disturbing, but inconclusive. Grand jury refuses to indict. Mostly peaceful protests violent demonstrations ensue. Civil rights leaders race pimps are outraged. Mainstream media provides extensive coverage.

Shortly thereafter, two non-black NYPD officers are gunned down in a cold-blooded ambush. The non-white shooter commits suicide. Non-blacks and law enforcement supporters riot protest mourn. Civil rights leaders race pimps are outraged mute. Mainstream media provides extensive coverage.

Last week near Ferguson MO a non-black cop shot and killed a non-white teen who pointed a gun at the cop. Two nights of mostly peaceful violent protests ensued, despite the existence of a video that shows the suspect pointing a gun at the cop, and the recovery of a loaded handgun at the scene. Civil rights leaders race pimps are outraged mute. Mainstream media provides extensive coverage mostly ignores.

I'm not a blind supporter of law enforcement. There's plenty of stories about cops botching raids, killing dogs, and other incidents of over-reaction and abuse of power. But there's also plenty of evidence that elected officials, civil rights 'leaders,' and even misguided sports figures use these tragic events to score cheap political points.
President Barack Obama praised basketball star LeBron James for wearing an "I Can't Breathe" protest shirt during his pre-game warmup last week.

St. Louis Rams players showing the "hands up, don't shoot" gesture in protest of the Michael Brown shooting.

Well, here's a couple of images to offset those fools.

Mary Jo Kopechne was not available for comment.

Like I said, I'm not naive or foolish enough to think that either side has a monopoly on being in the right on this issue. One of the best responses to the situation comes from a friend of my buddy Bear. Here's an excerpt:
We need to have an honest discussion in this society about how we treat police and how they treat us.

They cannot see civilians only when they are committing crimes or in danger.

And we cannot see officers only when we are in danger or we misbehave.

We have to see each on our streets. In our churches, in our stores and know each others' names.

Certain parts of society need to learn that in areas of this country the police don't have a great reputation for honesty and integrity.

And certain parts of society need to see police as part of their community.

And we need to look at each other beyond seeing a badge dividing us.

We need to look at each other for who we are: brothers and sisters, countrymen all.

And here's a little tough love for both sides of the divide. If you're an officer and someone on your squad is doing something immoral, you speak up. You don't just owe it to us, you owe it to yourself. And if you think the police are keeping you down, stop generalizing. We all know there are bad apples in every profession. Don't confuse the good guys with the bad guys.
Go here to read the entire piece. Good stuff.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Putting Your Christmas In Perspective 2014

I hope everyone had a truly wonderful Christmas, filled with the best the season has to offer. We certainly did.

There are some, however, who had a different Christmas experience.

Please take a moment to pray for them and their loved ones.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas 2015

As always, my sincere wish for everyone this Christmas season:

Peace on Earth. Good Will towards Men.

May it come true this year.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas Eve 2014

Below is a story that illustrates what the Christmas season is all about. If only that spirit could last throughout the entire year.
Tiny Ava Urrea and enormous Menelik Watson produced one of the more heartwarming stories of the football season.

The 4-year-old was a special guest at the Bills-Raiders game Sunday...

Ava was born with hypoplastic left-heart syndrome. Her heart didn’t develop correctly and she has basically half of a heart. Her first open-heart surgery came when she was just five days old. She since has had two more open-heart surgeries and more than 20 surgeries in her young life. There is no cure.

“We are enjoying each moment and praying,” Amy Urrea said, noting how emotional she got last month when Ava turned 4.

“Every milestone is such a big deal,” she said.“We’re making memories for our family.”

One astounding memory came thanks to Watson. The Raiders’ offensive tackle, who was out again Sunday with an ankle injury, met the Urrea family Friday, when Ava was the honorary captain for practice and had lunch at the facility. He had his game paycheck in his hand and decided on the spot to give it to the Urrea family.

“I felt like if there was anything I can do I wanted to do it,” Watson said. “I have a daughter of my own, who is 6. It just felt right to me.” ... He handed Edward an envelope.

“I couldn’t believe it,” Edward said, upon opening the envelope and seeing its contents.

The Urreas hope to use the surprise as seed money to start a foundation for other families dealing with Ava’s condition ... Doctors have told Amy and Edward that Ava won’t survive past her early teens, but they also know that expectations and advancements in science could change her prognosis dramatically in the coming years.

The Urreas had to buy an extra suitcase to bring home all the Raiders’ gear and gifts from the weekend. Ava was decked out in black from head to toe. Some of Watson’s generosity might help pay for a new costume from the movie “Frozen,” the gift that Ava hopes Santa will bring her this week.
I hope Santa brings that little girl and her family everything they want.

Stories like this make me realize how much I have to be grateful for, and how truly insignificant most of our 'problems' really are.

Now for a little Christmas Eve humor to lighten the mood.

Best wishes for a Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Ah, Schadenfreude - Delicious, Delicious Schadenfreude

I don't take pleasure in misfortune befalling anyone (well, okay, maybe a teensy-tiny bit of pleasure if the harm is minimal or proportional to the assholeiness of the person affected), but I couldn't help but get a small warm glow when I read this story.

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel's son robbed
The 17-year-old son of Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel was the victim of an assault and robbery, a spokeswoman for the mayor told CNN on Saturday.

"Yesterday evening, Mayor Emanuel's son, Zach, was assaulted in a robbery during which his phone was stolen," spokeswoman Kelley Quinn told CNN. "He sustained injuries that required medical treatment, but was able to join the family for a long-planned trip."

... the incident occurred when the victim was approached while walking near his home "by two unknown male offenders who grabbed him and went through his pockets, taking his phone and then they fled the scene."
My schadenfreude stems not from the trauma experienced by Zach, but rather from the fact that under his asshole father Chicago has turned into a contender for Murder City USA. Gangs and violent crime are running rampant in the City of Broad Shoulders, while barry jr. Rahm steadfastly refuses to allow citizens to arm themselves in self-protection from the growing packs of thugs and scofflaws.

I wonder if Rahm worried about what color the cop was who responded to the assault and robbery call?

To borrow a phrase from my youth, "What goes around, comes around."

In other words, Karma.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Christmas Rush

It's been a hectic week or so, but not for the usual Christmastime reasons. Oh, I did help with getting the tree and associated decorations up, and I've been doing the shopping thing, but that's to be expected. What kept me busy has been a series of unexpected problems and opportunities.

During the middle of last week I had a combination errand/opportunity at our deer lease. It's about 200 miles from here, so going up there pretty much kills the day. I figured as long as I was there I could sneak in a quick hunt, especially since my grandson was there as well.

Errand completed, we settled down in a brush thicket overlooking a little draw. About an hour later a couple of bucks came wandering down the draw. The biggest one was a large 10 point. Judging by his rack and body, he was an old dude. He demonstrated why he reached old age by staying mostly in the brush. We only got fleeting glimpses of him.

His younger buddy was also a nice deer, although not as desirable as the old dude (are you paying attention, ladies...?). Being younger and less wise, he spent more time out in the open.

Big mistake.

You should have seen the one that got away.

Grandson dropped him with one shot from his .243 through the neck at 100 yards. His father and I may have to rethink the new .270 and scope we got him for Christmas.

Anyway, that excursion started at 5:30 in the morning. I got home around 9:00 that evening.

The next day I had to go up to our lake cabin for some unscheduled HVAC maintenance. That, plus a few other chores I figured I'd do while I was there, took two days.

While I was there I got a totally unexpected invitation from an old friend I hadn't seen in a few years to visit him at his deer lease. Fortunately I still had my hunting gear in the truck, so it was just a matter of telling explaining to begging my wife for a couple of days off. Her response: "Oh Hell yeah!"

I think she was glad to get me out of the house for a few days.

We didn't do much serious hunting. We spent most of the time sitting around the campfire drinking whiskey, catching up, and swapping lies. A very nice decompression time from the stress of the holidays (you know, all that stress from hanging out in deer camps).

While I was driving hither and yon across Central and West Texas I noticed that gas prices had really dropped. I took this picture just outside of Fredericksburg.

Of course, this couldn't have happened without the leadership of barack obama... [/sarc off]

On the way back home I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner. While I was at the store I ran across one of the greatest advances in food I have ever seen.

Pork sausage with bacon pieces embedded in it. What's not to like?
Yes, that's pork sausage with chunks of bacon in it. The perfect Christmas gift for your ISIS friends.

By now I was ready for some well-deserved rest. But my wife decided that I needed to do some last-minute shopping for items on her list. Being a good husband, I agreed to make up for her failures (of course, I didn't put it quite that way). But then the other shoe fell. She wouldn't let me shop for her friends and relatives at the liquor store like I did for mine. I actually had to go to the mall in the Big City 40 miles to our south.

I'd rather have a root canal.

But I dutifully filled up the truck, strapped on my .45, slipped a couple of extra magazines in my pocket, and headed off to do battle with all the other late shoppers. Several hours later I returned bloody but unbowed. Success was mine. All that's left to do is wrapping the presents.

Planning ahead, I also picked up some eggnog while I was out. That makes the wrapping much more fun.

We have three straight nights of parties before Christmas Day. Fortunately our big family gasthering will be at my sister's this year, so I don't have to cook. All I have to do is bring the wine.

I can do that...

Monday, December 22, 2014

Random Observations - Pictures Version

No words today, just pictures...

Hollywood sign updated:

My kind of 'mostly peaceful' protestors:

Speaking of 'mostly peaceful' protestors, here they are doing some undocumented Christmas shopping:

The media screws up another story:

For freeloaders and the government (but I repeat myself), every day is Christmas:

What Santa thinks of barry:

This is in poor taste, but I couldn't stop laughing. My wife says I have a juvenile sense of humor. I fear she may be right.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Sunday Funnies 2014.12.21

The Big Day is almost here - Merry Christmas to all!

Christmas is certainly a special time of the year. When else do we sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?

Santa Claus goes down so many chimneys this time of the year that he needs a flue shot.

This Christmas I'm giving my kids a set of batteries with a note on them that says "Toys not included."

I'm also giving my wife a wooden leg. It's not her main present, it's just a stocking filler.

Q: What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
A: Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.