La Cultura de San Antonio

I grew up in and around San Antonio. The city itself is considered part of South Texas, while anything north of it falls into the Central Texas category. I spent my formative years in both areas, so IMHO I'm an expert on all things South and Central Texas.

South Texas is heavily influenced by the Mexican culture, while Central Texas has German, Czech, and Polish roots. Interestingly enough, there's a lot of similarities between Mexican conjunto music and polkas.

Another thing both regions have in common is a love of and appreciation for beer.

With that in mind, here's a somewhat lengthy but nonetheless enjoyable insight into San Antonio culture.

If you're new to San Antonio and want to understand the city, start at the ice house.

Before homes had electric refrigerators, there were iceboxes in the kitchen and ice retailers at the corner. If you wanted ice, that's where you went to buy a block to take home.

Then came the home fridge. And that's where you separate the South Texans from the boys.

In North Texas, which is one end of the Southern Bible Belt, ice houses evolved into convenience stores where neighbors could buy cold milk and eggs.

In San Antonio and South Texas, ice houses evolved into neighborhood bars, where you could buy cold beer.

Just about every real ice house has a couple of old picnic tables scattered around under the trees where guys hang out after work and enjoy a few cold ones before heading home to the wife and kids.

With that, here's your unofficial “Puro San Antonio” newcomer's guide:

Meat market: Effectively a grocery store, but it emphasizes our second-favorite food group. Most also sell beer, our favorite food group.

Corner store: A convenience store that makes most of its money off beer sales.

Barbecuing: This means that many people, typically men, will gather around a large grill for 12 hours, ostensibly to smoke meat. In fact, they will drink a lot of beer while a little bit of meat cooks. By 10 p.m., when they've nibbled away all of the meat, their wives or girlfriends will get angry and order pizza to feed the kids. Then they will take turns yelling at the men, who will still be drinking.

Pub crawl: Everywhere else, this means hitting several bars in an organized fashion. Here, it means several people, typically men, going door-to-door to drink beer all day without leaving the subdivision.

Working on the car: Several people, typically men, will stand around a parked car, with its hood up, for 12 hours, ostensibly to fix it. In fact, they will stare at the car all day while drinking beer. The car will not get fixed.

Hunting: Several people, typically men, will head out into the South Texas brush land, ostensibly to hunt deer. In fact, they will sit in a deer blind, shivering and drinking beer. The deer, scared off by the sound of burping and crushing aluminum cans, will live another year.

Golf: Several people, typically men, go to the golf course to drink beer while hauling clubs around for a few hours. No one keeps score. No one cares.

July 4: At dark, families will pile out of their homes to shoot off Black Cats, Blue Streaks, Mighty Mites and other incendiary devices that are illegal inside city limits. They are ostensibly celebrating America's independence, but in fact, several people, typically men, will be celebrating another reason to throw back a few cold ones.

New Year's Eve: At midnight, families will gather in the backyard while a few of them empty their pistols into the night sky (in spite of warnings that what goes up must come down). Yes, there will be beer.

Easter: This means one dependable cousin will sleep at the city park starting Friday night to hold the family's spot for Sunday. On the third day, there will be ham. And beer.

A word of explanation: it is an old San Antonio tradition for families to spend the Easter weekend camping out in various city parks. No one knows how or why it started, but the same families have camped in the same spots for generations. The days are spend 'barbequing' and the nights are spent drinking beer. Thousands of kids run around basically unsupervised for days. Cascarones by the thousands are cracked over people's heads. Everyone has a good time.

 Friday night: Generations of women will gather in the kitchen of the same house every week. They will curl/dye/straighten a different woman's hair every week. The teens will be draped over couches and sofas in the den, texting while bored. Younger kids will be running around outside, ruining their nice clothes. And several people, typically men, will be sitting in lawn chairs or leaning against a car, discussing football while drinking beer.

Visiting neighbors: This means “drinking beer in front of the neighbor's house.” If the neighbor lives on a cul-de-sac, everyone will put lawn chairs in the street so they can spread out a bit.

Greeting new neighbors: Moms and kids make friends with newcomers on Day One. Dad waits until he spots the new dad working in the yard. He will introduce himself and hand new dad a beer. Work at both houses will immediately come to a halt. By mid-afternoon, new dad and old dad will be “barbecuing” and talking about football.

If you're new to town, go ahead and assume you'll need to ice down some beer before you've unpacked your boxes.

Welcome to San Antonio.

Home sweet home...