How 'Bout Them Cowboys

I'm a little late piling on the Dallas Cowboys for their epic failure last Sunday -- matched only by the rollout of the obamacare website -- but here's my contribution.

Q;  What do the movie Brokeback Mountain and the city of Dallas have in common?
A:  They're both full of cowboys that suck.

Q: Why can't Tony Romo use the phone anymore?
A: Because he can't find the receiver.

Q. How are the Dallas Cowboys like my neighbors?
A. They can't pick up a yard.

A seven-year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.

When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Mad Dogs

I try to be a tolerant person (my wife would probably disagree, but what does she know?).

Anyway, my guiding principle is "You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone." A corollary to that is my belief that everyone has the right to go to Hell in his or her own way, as long as they don't take anyone else along with them. If you want to drink 32 ounce Big Gulps, more power to you. If you want to roll a giant spliff and toke your life away, I have no problem with that. Just don't ask me to pay for your food stamps when you get the munchies.

Where I draw the line, however, is when a person's actions inconvenience or endanger others. Which brings us to a group of zealots who believe that their religion allows them to run roughshod over everyone else on the face of the earth.

I speak, of course, of islamists.

Islamic law fuels polio resurgence

Once close to eradication worldwide, the dreaded disease polio is resurfacing in Muslim-majority countries where vaccinations are hard to come by due to war, religious edicts and ignorance, experts say.

The latest example comes this week in Syria, where a strain of polio originating in Pakistan has crippled more than a dozen children, according to doctors for the Kurdish Red Crescent. Cases have also been showing up in Somalia, Afghanistan and Nigeria.

What do all those countries have in common? They are contaminated by islamic extremists who intimidate, kidnap, and even kill volunteer medical workers whose only desire is to eradicate a debilitating disease.

Polio is a highly contagious disease caused by a virus in the throat and intestinal tract that can cause paralysis, crippling and even death. It was once the leading cause of disability in the United States and infected millions of people worldwide until the introduction of the polio vaccine in the 1950s.

The disease was eradicated in the United States. Worldwide, there were fewer than a thousand cases and it was headed for total eradication until recently, according to the World Health Organization.

However, ignorant islamics who want to keep people subjugated and chained to the Middle Ages have decided that eliminating polio is a Western plot.

A cleric in Pakistan's Punjab province warned that a jihad would be launched against polio vaccination teams, whose mission he labeled a Western conspiracy, frightening away a team that arrived in Muzaffargarh, according to The Express Tribune.

This week, militants in northwestern Pakistan kidnapped 11 teachers involved in a polio vaccination campaign. Local official Khyali Gul said the teachers were taken from a school in the Bara area, close to Pakistan's northwestern border with Afghanistan.

The United Nations in Pakistan pulled its staff involved in immunization from Pakistan after three eradication workers were shot in Peshawar and two of them were killed, in 2012. Since then, more vaccine teams have been targeted.

Killing people who only want to help others live a better life. What an ignorant, intolerant, barbaric 'religion.'

I remember when I was a small child. Polio was still very much in existence in the U.S. We had to get annual vaccinations. People who contracted polio often spent months, years, or even lifetimes in an iron lung.

At one time it was thought that the polio virus could be caught from swimming in public pools. My mother forbid us from swimming in the summer, when the pool was crowded. But she let us swim during the other seasons, when the water would turn our lips and fingers blue. And for some reason swimming in muddy creeks and lakes was perfectly okay. My mother wasn't the most logical of people.

But she was light-years ahead of these fools.

Muslims Get Special Treatment At Public Pool

One of the widely recognized tenets of Islam is a notion of modesty among women in the faith. Muslim females are commonly garbed in head scarves and full body coverings meant to prevent men from seeing too much of their flesh.

Naturally, water sports in particular present a problem for practitioners of the religion, which has been resolved in many communities by prohibiting women from swimming in front of men. When two Muslim women in Tuckwilla, Wash. realized the city’s public pool did not cater to them at the exclusion of everyone else, they complained.

Instead of explaining that the pool is a resource for the community as a whole, management decided to offer female-only swimming hours...

While Christians complaining of unfair treatment under the law are generally disregarded, these two women were successful in achieving a 90-minute standing reservation each Sunday at the city pool.

It is telling that the radical left insists on removing faith out of virtually any policy decision – with the notable exception of Islam.

I wonder what would happen if I showed up at that pool and claimed my religion insisted that all swimmers must be nude. I'm sure they'd set aside a '90-minute standing reservation' for me and my flock of unclothed bathing beauties.

Yeah, right...

FOD 2013.12.16

Writing these FOD posts has become ridiculously easy. There's so many flusterclucks to choose from it has become an embarrassment of riches. Unlike other aspects of the holiday season, today we're going to limit ourselves to three (I wish I'd followed that guideline Saturday night at a neighborhood Christmas party...).

Anyway, our first selection comes from the "So what else is new?" category.

White House delayed enacting rules ahead of 2012 election to avoid controversy

The White House systematically delayed enacting a series of rules on the environment, worker safety and health care to prevent them from becoming points of contention before the 2012 election, according to documents and interviews with current and former administration officials.

Some agency officials were instructed to hold off submitting proposals to the White House for up to a year to ensure that they would not be issued before voters went to the polls, the current and former officials said.

The Obama administration has repeatedly said that any delays until after the election were coincidental and that such decisions were made without regard to politics. But seven current and former administration officials told The Washington Post that the motives behind many of the delays were clearly political, as Obama’s top aides focused on avoiding controversy before his reelection.

The number and scope of delays under Obama went well beyond those of his predecessors...

It's a pattern that is being repeated anew, with provisions of obamacare being delayed until after the 2014 elections in a transparent effort to hide flaws in the legislation from voters - transparent, that is, to everyone except his allies in the media.

The Obama administration said (Nov. 27) it is delaying another part of the president’s new health care law, saying that the online portal for small businesses to shop for plans through the federal health exchanges won’t be ready for another year.

Republican critics of the law already are comparing the pre-holiday announcement to the White House’s decision July 2 to delay for one year the employer mandate requiring larger companies to offer insurance.

The administration has shifted multiple deadlines of late, notably allowing consumers to sign up for coverage until Dec. 23 — instead of Dec. 15 — to gain coverage in time for January.

It also pushed back the start of individual enrollment for 2014 from Oct. 15 to Nov. 15, or after the midterm elections.

Perhaps the most enduring image of barry's bungled obamacare roll-out is his infamous Lie of the Year: "If you like your health care plan, you can keep it." There are, however, equally memorable quotes from the liar-in-chief that indicate he is either a bigger liar than we think (hard to believe) or a bigger idiot than we think (also hard to believe). Consider, for example, these statements:

“...we have these big agencies, some of which are outdated, some of which are not designed properly.”

He's just now finding that out? Isn't he the guy in charge of those agencies? Why hasn't he fixed them?

“...what we’re also discovering is that insurance is complicated to buy.”

It wasn't that way before obamacare.

Those blinding revelations came, of course, after he crammed down our throats "a law designed to force millions of Americans to shop for new health plans via the maze of untried, untested, insecure, unreliable online exchanges.” And it continues a pattern of obliviousness that runs throughout his time in office.

... a long list that includes Obama’s rueful admission that there really are no shovel-ready jobs. That one came after having passed his monstrous $830 billion stimulus on the argument that the weakened economy would be “jump-started” by a massive infusion of shovel-ready jobs. Now known to be fictional.

...With alarming regularity, he professes obliviousness to the workings of his own government. He claims, for example, to have known nothing about the IRS targeting scandal, the AP phone records scandal, the NSA tapping of Angela Merkel. And had not a clue that the centerpiece of his signature legislative achievement — the online Obamacare exchange, three years in the making — would fail catastrophically upon launch. Or that Obamacare would cause millions of Americans to lose their private health plans.

And let's not forget the deaths of four Americans in Benghazi.

Liar or idiot? In either case, in the real world people who fail this spectacularly are held accountable. In today's America, they get reelected.

There is, however, one thing barry is very sure of. If it's Christmas time, it's also time to go on vacation.

President Obama and his family will leave Washington Dec. 20 for a 17-day holiday vacation in Hawaii.

The White House announced Friday that the Obamas will depart next week after what is expected to be a light work schedule for the president in Washington.

The president and his family traditionally spend their Christmas break in a rented home on Oahu with spectacular ocean views.

While the rest of us stay home and work to pay for our new 'affordable'' healthcare insurance...

Sunday Funnies 2013.12.15

It's been a busy week. My wife's sister was here for a few days. My elderly father broke a tooth, necessitating two trips to the dentist. There were so many Christmas parties - plus one golf tournament - that I didn't get a chance to go hunting. (It's good to be retired!) Toss in Christmas shopping, baking, son home from college, and the usual holiday activities, and it's been quite hectic ... but in a good way.

I'm getting into the holiday spirit...

A waitress at our restaurant had a change of clothes stolen from the break room. Making matters worse, she’d planned on wearing them to the Christmas party. As a brand-new employee, I didn’t know any of this backstory, so I was a bit surprised to find this indignant note posted on the community board: "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes."

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a truthful lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.

Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It's Christmas, Eve!

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play?
A: Santapplause!

Q: What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"?
A: A mistle-"toad"!

Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Lost In Translation

By now everyone has heard about the incident in South Africa where an imposter took the stage during the Nelson Mandela memorial service. But just in case you haven't here's a summary.

Without any training or experience, this guy applied for the job, got the job and fooled people for years by just putting on an elaborate show. The fact that he was standing on stage next to a lot of important people put him beyond question in the minds of most people. Those who really understood that what he was saying actually made no sense were ignored.

And now we have this South African interpreter doing the same thing.

I've seen the above in several places on the Internet. I have no idea who posted it first, but whoever did deserves kudos. He or she nailed it!

Speaking of Mandela's memorial service, here's another version of barry yukking it up with the Danish prime minister (the cougar-looking blond) and an obviously pissed-off Michelle.

What an asshole ... and I don't mean the translator.

Here We Go

First came Red China's unilateral declaration of an Air Defense Identification Zone (ADIZ) over a small group of islands in the East China Sea. China's ADIZ overlaps with an existing Japanese one. Furthermore, ownership and administration of the islands is disputed. The end result of China's power grab has been to ratchet up tensions in that part of the world.

Vice President Joseph Biden arrived on Wednesday in Beijing, where the zone didn’t come up in public comments from him or Chinese President Xi Jinping. But Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel said the continuing tug-of-war over the South and East China seas is a “combustible” issue that China’s declaration didn’t help. “It’s not that the ADIZ itself is new or unique,” he said on Wednesday. “The biggest concern that we have is how it was done so unilaterally and so immediately without any consultation. That’s not a wise course of action to take for any country.”

Then came the news that U.S. and Chinese warships engaged in a naval game of chicken.

A U.S. Navy guided missile cruiser took evasive action to avoid colliding with a Chinese warship in the South China Sea in what sources called a highly unusual and deliberate act by China...

Several U.S. military officials confirmed details of the incident on the high seas involving the USS Cowpens, which has just come to light.

The American warship -- which U.S. officials say was in international waters -- was approached by a Chinese Navy ship. The smaller vessel peeled off from a group of Chinese Navy ships that included the carrier Liaoning.

The Chinese ship failed to stop, despite radio warning from the Cowpens that it was getting too close.

The Cowpens commanding officer then issued orders for an "all stop" when the other ship was less than 500 yards off its bow, a U.S. Navy official said.

The Chinese ship proceeded past the Cowpens.

"It is unusual to have to take evasive action at sea to avoid a collision," the official added.

While naval vessels from different countries often come close as they observe each other, the United States sees this case as one that could have led to a collision because of the time and distance it takes for an American warship to stop.

"The Chinese knew what they were doing," a second U.S. military official said.

Yes they do. They know that our country is led by a spineless liar, our second-in-command is a bumbling clown, and our DOD is headed by an incompetent political appointee. They know that our military has been ground down by 10+ years of war in the Mideast, and further weakened by budget cuts and politically correct cultural changes. This is an ideal time for the chicoms to expand their sphere of influence, and they're taking advantage of it.

We are so screwed...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2013.12.13

It's Christmas time in Texas...

Brave New World

I'm a little rushed this morning, so there's not much time or effort in this post. Instead, it's an illustration of a recent change in Catholic doctrine.

The Pope has ended the Catholic church's traditional opposition to the use of condoms. However, there are still a few wrinkles to be worked out...

Cutting Off Their Nose To Spite Their Face

New York City's budget woes are well known. In an attempt to bring some semblance of fiscal sanity to the place, former mayor Michael Bloomberg earlier this year opened up 1,100 of the city’s 7,700 bus routes to non-unionized drivers. That led to a city-wide strike in January by the Amalgamated Transit Union. The strike lasted five weeks, creating a nightmare for commuters and parents of schoolkids, who had to find alternatives to get their children to class.

One of the eye-openers during that strike was the city's decision to hire taxicabs to take kids to school. That ended up costing less than paying the bloated salaries of the union's bus drivers.

“We paid for a taxi to take every kid who needed it and their parent to school and then take the parent back and the same thing to pick up,” Bloomberg told host John Gambling on his weekly radio show. “Our costs were half of what a regular bus company costs. So we saved a lot of money during that strike.”

An additional outcome of the strike was the loss of some union jobs to replacement drivers. Now, ten months later, the union is extracting a bit of revenge, albeit at a high cost.

Atlantic Express Transportation Corp. and its unionized drivers were unable to reach a new contract agreement on Wednesday, and as a result, the more than 40-year-old bus operator on Staten Island said it will be shut down.

The closure will leave 1,000 bus drivers with Staten Island routes out of work and hoards of South Shore commuters who rely on two express routes -- X24 and X22 -- literally out in the cold.

It will also affect - again - an unknown number of children (and their parents) who ride Atlantic Express buses to school.

In addition to the 1,000 drivers, about 4500 other employees of the firm will also lose their jobs.

"We have the highest paid workforce in the country, which is a big part of our financial burden. We can't compete (for the city bus route bids) because we have all these obligations with the union," (a company spokesperson) said...

A union representative was not immediately available for comment.

Ironically, the earlier strike by bus drivers was to protest NYC's plan to put bus routes out to bid. The union claimed it would have threatened the job security of its members.

Now, as a result of the union members’ decision to reject Atlantic Express’ contract offer, the drivers will have no jobs at all. And they're taking thousands of other workers down with them - at Christmas time, no less.

Happy Holidays...

obamacare Breaking News

In a Bergheim Follies exclusive, we have obtained a picture of the new technical support team hired by the obama administration to fix its train wreck of a web site.

Don't Help Me, Boy

Remember the old Beverly Hillbillies TV show?

One of its most memorable lines was Uncle Jed telling Jethro "Don't help me, boy."

That line is so very applicable to the federal government. Case in point: the obama administration just lost $10.5 B on a $49.5 B investment.

The U.S. government ended up losing $10.5 billion on the General Motors bailout...

The Treasury Department sold its final shares of the Detroit auto giant on Monday, recovering $39 billion of the $49.5 billion it spent to save the dying automaker at the height of the financial crisis five years ago.

Of course, to hear obama and his drones tell it, things would have been much worse without the government largess.

Without the bailout, the country would have lost more than a million jobs, and the economy could have slipped from recession into a depression, Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew said on a conference call with reporters.

Yeah, right...

GM went through bankruptcy protection in 2009 and was cleansed of most of its huge debt, while stockholders lost their investments...

So the unions made out okay, while the investors lost their shirts. Guess which block of voters voted for which party.

And we are relying on these clowns to manage health care for our country...? 

What a crock of shit.

More obamacare Crap

obamacare is the goose that just keeps crapping all over the place. The latest example:

The President famously promised that you could keep your health plan and doctor. For many people, both of those pledges are turning out to be false. And now, you might not be able to keep your medicine, either.

There are two reasons why. The first has to do with the higher out of pocket costs patients will face. The second issue may be even more significant.

The first reason - the higher out of pocket costs - is a little complicated to follow, but the linked article does a good job of walking you through it. I won't belabor the point, other than to note:

Simply put, many drugs may not be covered at all, and the costs patients incur by buying them with cash won’t count against out of pocket caps. This has repercussions for drug makers with big portfolios of specialty and primary care drugs... But most of all, it has implications for patients.

The second issue goes back to the removal of choice -- our choice -- from healthcare decisions.

Obamacare is a throwback to the old HMO model of the 1990s, which promised a broad package of coverage for primary care benefits like vaccines, and routine doctor visits. But to pay for these benefits, the Obamacare plans skimp on other things – principally the number of doctors you’ll have access to, and also, the number of costlier branded drugs...

Many Americans rejected these restrictive HMO model plans in the 1990s, in favor of PPO-style plans that had higher cost sharing for routine health services, but offered broader access to doctors and have bigger drug formularies. What Obamacare says, in effect, is that Americans made the wrong choice when they rejected those HMO plans in favor of PPOs. The President thinks the more comprehensive, but restrictive HMOs were the better choice after all.

Hey barry, I've got news for you. I'm a reasonably intelligent and competent adult. I like to make my own decisions, not have some empty-suit policy wonk who has no clue about how the real world works make them for me.

As my Brit friends say, "Bugger off!"

Sad But True

 

(H/T Moonbattery)

The fact that this is so true is very depressing ... so much so that I need another beer.

A Tiny Silver Lining

This is how low our government has sunk. An emerging budget deal to avoid another round of faux-crises is being hailed as good news.

I guess it is one small step forward compared to the recent D.C. follies (see: sequester; shutdown), but it's still a far cry from what this country really needs - adult leadership.

The good news for Congress is that if both houses pass a budget deal by Friday, they get to go home for Christmas break with no high-stakes fiscal grudge match awaiting them when they get back. And the prospects for passing a budget deal being hammered out by Sen. Patty Murray (D-Wash.) and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.), maybe even without the histrionics of recent years, seem to be pretty good.

The deal reportedly proposes to authorize about $1.015 trillion in discretionary funding, more than the $967 billion sought by Republicans — the amount specified in the budget-slicing sequestration that kicked in earlier this year — and less than the $1.058 trillion sought by Democrats. Spitting the difference — so far, so good.

But other than partially reversing the sequestration, Democrats don't appear to be getting much in the package ...

What are the Republicans giving up? A little bit of deficit-reduction, primarily — though a hefty chunk of the increased spending will be used to ease $19 billion in Defense Department cuts scheduled to kick in come January. Most Republicans would like to avoid those cuts...

Republicans also gain from what's not in the emerging deal: There's no raising of the debt ceiling and, equally important, it erases the risk of another government shutdown anytime soon. Congress is deeply, deeply unpopular, and Republicans are still more unpopular than Democrats, in large part because they're seen as obstructionist. A budget deal without any big Tea Party theatrics would be a welcome change for GOP leaders concerned with portraying the party as ready to govern.

Left unsaid in this whole mess is that all the agreement does is give congress the holidays off. It merely avoids another long and loud argument over shutting the government down or balancing the budget. Rather than solving our long term problems, it just kicks the can down the road.

Again...

FOD 2013.12.09

This falls into the category of preaching to the choir, but here are excerpts from two excellent articles highlighting obama's (1) flawed understanding of government, and (2) his basic dishonesty.

First, in a delicious bit of irony, barry blames the obamacare problems on "big agencies, some of which are outdated, some of which are not designed properly." Isn't that what conservatives have been saying for years - government is too big and inefficient?

President Obama has found someone to blame for the Affordable Care Act's rolling failures besides Republicans. ObamaCare is the government's fault, not his.

On Thursday, Mr. Obama dropped by American University for a heart to heart with Chris Matthews, and the MSNBC host wondered who in the executive branch is responsible for the botched health-care rollout. Mr. Obama listed a few impersonal culprits including "cynicism," "Washington gridlock" and "the management of government," but he then drifted into another classic.

"The challenge, I think, that we have going forward is not so much my personal management style or particular issues around White House organization," he said. "It actually has to do with what I referred to earlier, which is we have these big agencies, some of which are outdated, some of which are not designed properly. . . . The White House is just a tiny part of what is a huge, widespread organization with increasingly complex tasks in a complex world."

So after five years, Mr. Obama has discovered government is inefficient and wasteful, or at least it is when he needs a political alibi.

That incompetence and bureaucratic bungling is why so many of us oppose obamacare, and other expansions of the federal government. I can't think of a thing the government does that can't be done better, cheaper, and quicker by the private sector.

Second, as the recent revealization that barry lived with Uncle Omar shows, obama and his staff are incorrigible liars. By "liars" I mean they routinely hide the truth, by either lies of commission or lies of ommision, or both.

One definition of a pathological liar is someone who lies where the truth would serve just as well. When President Obama’s uncle, Onyango Obama, was arrested in 2011 for drunk driving, the truth — that Obama had stayed with his uncle years earlier for several weeks as a Harvard law student — would have served the president just fine. No potential Obama voter would have held it against him that an uncle he had stayed with two decades earlier was picked up for DUI.

Yet the White House went with a lie, claiming that Obama had never met his uncle.

Now that the lie has been exposed, thanks to testimony from “Uncle Omar” at his deportation hearing, the White House says it got its facts wrong. Why? Chiefly because it relied on Obama’s book Dreams From My Father, which contained no reference to uncle Omar.

How ridiculous is this? We are asked to believe that instead of checking with Obama, the only available person who could know the extent of his relationship with Omar, his flacks issued a denial based on book that doesn’t even purport to be autobiographically accurate.

Dreams From My Father does not, of course, provide a definitive list of Obama’s acquaintances. But more than this, Obama has said that the book uses pseudonyms and contains composite (or “compressed”) characters. Thus, it would make no sense to deny Uncle Omar’s existence based on his non-appearance in the book.

So what explains the denial? The most straightforward explanation is pathological lying — the impulse to deny, deny, deny whenever an embarrassing story, even an essentially innocuous one, appears. In this scenario, staff (perhaps at Obama’s direction; perhaps not) decided to deny that Obama had met Uncle Omar provided there was nothing in Obama’s book, or elsewhere in the record, that would show otherwise. Believing they could get away with the lie, they lied.

Another possibility: "it is Obama’s policy not to have staff ask him about his past."

Under either explanation — pathological lying or willful failure to learn the truth — we’re at a sad place. An administration that can’t be trusted accurately to provide basic biographical information about the president is an administration that can’t be trusted to provide accurate information about anything.

That pretty much says it all...

By Popular Demand...

...well, okay, only three people actually asked for this. But I'm sure many more wanted it. They were just too shy to speak up.

Anyway, here's my chili recipe referred to in the previous post. I hope you will enjoy it as much as we do.

Bergheim Truck Stop Chili

I view recipes as suggestions or guidelines, not hard and fast rules. Chili in particular is a dish that lends itself to individual interpretations and variations. Feel free to adapt, modify, or experiment with this recipe as you see fit.

There are four keys to this chili. The first is toasting the cumin. That gives it a richer, deeper flavor that permeates the chili. The second is the use of chipotle rather than jalapeno peppers. It makes the heat of the dish much more subtle. Your mouth won't burn like it will with jalapenos, but after a few spoonfuls you'll start to feel warm all over. Chipotle peppers also impart a smoky flavor that compliments the toasted cumin. Third is the creation of a chipotle paste to smooth out and thicken the chili. Finally, of course, is the bacon. Traditionalists insist on the use of lard or suet, but IMO bacon is an improvement over them.

• 6 - 8 slices of bacon
• 3 lbs. meat, trimmed of fat and cubed (venison or beef, but not ground meat - beef tips, stew meat, round steak, brisket - basically any type of budget cut will do)
• 1 lb. onions, chopped
• 2-4 dried chipotle peppers, stems removed, pods split, and seeds removed, roughly chopped (This is one of those "it depends" things. If you like a hotter chili, use more peppers. You can also roast fresh peppers instead of using dried ones if you choose, but I'm lazy, so I use the dried ones.)
• 4 garlic cloves, minced
• 3 tablespoons masa hirina (can substitute corn meal)
• 2 teaspoons cocoa powder
• 2-3 tbsps ground cumin (I like cumin, so I use 3+ tablespoons, but you can adjust this to suit your taste.)
• 4 tbsps chili powder
• 2 teaspoons paprika
• 2 teaspoons dried oregano
• 1 teaspoon dried thyme
• 1 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 28 oz. can crushed tomatoes in puree
• I 14 oz. can diced tomatoes (Optional – if you like 'chunky' tomatoes in your chili, as I do, go ahead and use. If you like your chili on the spicy side use Rotel diced tomatoes and green chilies, otherwise use 'regular' diced tomatoes. IMO the chili has enough kick without the Rotel, but it's your mouth… and stomach … and lower G.I. tract.)
• 2 cups beef broth or beef stock
• 1 six-pack of Shiner Bock or similar dark, heavy beer.

Fry the bacon in a large frying pan. Remove and chop into small pieces. Set aside.

In the bacon drippings, brown the cubed meat over high heat. Don't cook it, just brown it. Remove and set aside.

Sauté the onions in remaining bacon drippings until lightly browned, about 8 - 10 minutes.

While the onion is sautéing, toast the cumin in a small frying pan over medium heat for 1 -2 minutes. Stir constantly and do not overcook.

Add chipotle peppers, garlic, masa hirina, cocoa powder, paprika, oregano, thyme, salt, and black pepper to food processor. Pulse a couple of times to combine. With processor running, slowly add 1/2 cup beef broth until the mixture becomes the consistency of a smooth paste, about 30-45 seconds.

Put the chopped bacon, remaining beef broth, tomatoes, chili paste mixture, and meat into a large stock pot. Add the sautéed onions, chili powder, and toasted cumin. Drink half the beer and add the remaining half.

Stir to mix ingredients. Cover and bring to a boil. Once the chili begins to bubble reduce the heat, partially uncover so some of the steam can escape, and simmer (simmer, not boil - there should just be a few bubbles popping up every few seconds, not a constant rolling bubbling) for about 3 hours, stirring occasionally. Sip beer as needed to enhance the stirring experience.

Adjust the consistency to suit your taste. To thicken, stir a tablespoon or two of additional masa harina, cornstarch, or flour into 1/4 to 1/2 cup warm water. Stir the resulting slurry into the chili. If you need more liquid to achieve your desired consistency then open another bottle of beer, drink half, and add the remaining half.

I like my chili straight, but if you prefer you can serve it with whatever sides and fixings you desire – shredded cheese, chopped green onions, sour cream, chips, crumbled crackers, or my personal favorite, hot cornbread.

There should be enough leftover chili for a second meal, or for use in other dishes such as enchiladas, nachos, frito pie, chili dogs, chili mac and cheese…the only limit is your imagination.

Enjoy...

Sunday Funnies 2013.12.08

We're experiencing a cold spell down here, complete with high winds and sleet. Nothing makes one feel warm both inside and out than a good batch of Texas chili. (FYI, real chili consists of meat, onions, and tomatoes. No beans!!! Only yankees and communists put beans in their chili.)

I made a pot yesterday. If I do say so myself, it was damn good. I don't want to give away my secrets, but here's two hints:

1.  toast your cumin

2.  make a paste of your chilies

If you want the full recipe just let me know.

Here's a story about a yankee who came down here for a chili cookoff.

Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me that I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

CHILI # 1: MIKE'S MANIC MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little to heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy Shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with this stuff. I needed two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. Those Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour. Needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to walkie-talkie in three extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3: FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more onions.

JUDGE TWO: A bit salty. Good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced.

CHILI # 4: LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no linger focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly from a pitcher onto it. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Freakin' Rednecks! ! !

CHILI # 5: VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

CHILI # 6: SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum. Tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge # 3.

FRANK: You could put a #)$^@#*&! Grenade in my mouth, pull the #)$^@#*&! pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my X*$(@#^&$ mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit, to match my X*$(@#^&$ shirt. At least the during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the four inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 7: HELEN'S MOUNT SAINT CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending. This is a nice blend chili, safe for all; not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good balanced chili, neither mild now hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank.

FRANK: - - - - - Mama?- - - (Editor's Note: Judge # 3 was unable to report).

Seventy Two Years Ago

Today has become a historical footnote that is fast losing its meaning as so many of those affected pass from the scene. But a few stalwarts still keep those fading memories alive.

Herb Weatherwax cruises the open-air grounds of the visitors center at Pearl Harbor on a motorized scooter dubbed "Herb's Hot Rod." When a woman notices his blue and white cap embroidered with the words "Pearl Harbor Survivor," he coaxes her over.

"Come get a picture," Weatherwax says. Her family surrounds his scooter to pose for a snapshot and shake his hand.

The 96-year-old charms visitors in a similar fashion each of the three days a week he volunteers at a memorial for the USS Arizona, a battleship that sank in the 1941 Japanese attack. The retired electrician is one of four former servicemen who lived through the aerial bombing and now greet people at the historic site.

People like hearing stories directly from the survivors, Weatherwax says. And he enjoys meeting people from around the globe - just the other day he met visitors from New Zealand, China and Texas. He joked he wants his photograph "in every home in the world."

"This is my reason to continue to keep going," he says. "Otherwise, it's time for me to say goodbye."

Weatherwax was a 24-year-old Army private living in Honolulu when he heard loud explosions the morning of Dec. 7, 1941. He saw the sky fill with black smoke and heard anti-aircraft guns firing. When he turned on the radio, he learned Japan was bombing Oahu and all military personnel were to immediately report to their stations.

He saw the USS Arizona enveloped in flames and the USS Oklahoma turned on its side as he headed to his post. Twenty-one ships were sunk or heavily damaged that day while 320 aircraft were damaged or destroyed. Some 2,400 sailors, Marines and soldiers were killed.

Pam Johnson, a sixth grade teacher in a rural community outside Honolulu, said meeting Weatherwax transformed her students.

She had been struggling to get the 12-year-olds from Hauula Elementary School interested in research. After meeting Weatherwax, several students suddenly told her they wanted to look up Pearl Harbor. Weatherwax ignited in them a desire to learn, she said.

"That's a huge connection," she says. Her students wouldn't have developed this interest just by walking through the exhibition halls at the visitors' center or even the memorial for the Arizona, Johnson says.

"This is the best classroom so far this year," she says.

At their peak in the early 1990s, 21 survivors volunteered, says National Park Service historian Daniel Martinez.

Meeting a survivor enlarges or enhances the experience of coming to Pearl Harbor for many, Martinez says. It can give people a tangible connection to meet someone who was on site when the bombing happened.

Their numbers are dwindling, however.

Pearl Harbor Veterans

"It's a fading fraternity. Right before my eyes we're seeing them disappear," Martinez says.

The three others who remain are also in their 90s. During the week, Weatherwax is joined by Sterling Cale, who was a hospital corpsman assigned to the shipyard dispensary in 1941, and Alfred Rodrigues who was stationed at the mouth of Pearl Harbor. On the weekend, USS Pennsylvania survivor Everett Hyland greets visitors.

This Saturday, they will join a few thousand guests for a public ceremony remembering those who died in the attack 72 years ago.

Weatherwax vows to keep volunteering as long as he is physically able. "I tell people that I meet out here, 'If you come back in three-and-a-half years and you see me here, I'll be 100 years old,'" Weatherwax says.

Take a moment to remember what happened 72 years ago. Think about the many lives that were lost and the many sacrifices made by so many so that we could remain free.

EightyYears Ago

There are so many attempts today by the government to intrude on our lives -- to tell us what we can and cannot do -- that it's sometimes easy to forget this is not a modern phenomenon. Perhaps the most egregious example of government intrusion in our nation's history was Prohibition.

The eighteenth amendment to the U.S. Constitution prohibiting the production, transport, and sale of alcoholic beverages took effect on January 17, 1920. After many years of unintended consequences, including the normalization of widespread disregard for federal law and the institutionalization of organized crime, America came to its senses and passed the the 21st Amendment to the Constitution, repealing the eighteenth. (FYI, Amendment 20 gave women the right to vote and #21 changed the effective dates of terms for the President, Vice President, and members of Congress.)

 Yesterday -- December 5, 2013 -- was 80th anniversary of the repeal of Prohibition. To me, the most notable thing about Prohibition is how long it lasted: from January 1920 until December 1933. That's damn near fourteen years - one hell of a long time to go without a beer!

 Not that, in practice, people went without their booze.

Excitement — mixed with apprehension — filled the streets of San Antonio on Dec. 5, 1933, the day national Prohibition was repealed.

San Antonio's storied Esquire Tavern opened as a bar on that very day.

The bar celebrated its 80th birthday...Thursday.

It had been operating at the same location it has now at 155 E. Commerce St. as a restaurant, yet somehow it was able to open as a bar immediately.

(Lore has it — and common sense would dictate — that it already was operating as a speakeasy.)

“For the first time in 14 years, bourbon and other bonded hard liquors were being served openly, though somewhat sporadically, to thirsty San Antonians in downtown establishments,” according to a Dec. 6, 1933, report in the San Antonio Light.

In 80 years of dark, booze-filled nights, plenty of tales have been crafted about the bar. It has acquired quite a reputation as a rough-and-tumble watering hole, and not all of its clientele exists in this dimension.

Although he's never experienced paranormal activity himself, some of (the bar's) employees were sure there were ghosts.

Then there's the whole size thing.

At one time, the original 80-foot bar was considered the longest in Texas. It was recorded by Ripley's Believe It or Not in 1988 as the longest bar in Texas, holding 5,973 Lone Star longnecks on its wooden top.

That's a lot of beer.

I've had a few there, but nothing near 5,973. And I've never seen any ghosts, although I have seen my share of scary sights (including an ex-wife or two).

in any event, go here for some examples of laws that might have sounded great on paper, but that ignored human nature. The lesson to be learned is that it's extremely difficult to regulate human behavior ...no matter how much Big Brother thinks it's in our best interest...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2013.12.06

The Christmas season is upon us. In recognition thereof, here's a Christmas music video, albeit somewhat different. It's offbeat, raunchy and NSFW. But it's all for a good cause. The song is intended to raise awareness of testicular cancer. For more info see the links below the video




http://www.testicularcancersociety.org

http://www.cancer.org/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002266/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testicular_cancer