Sunday, December 15, 2013

Sunday Funnies 2013.12.15

It's been a busy week. My wife's sister was here for a few days. My elderly father broke a tooth, necessitating two trips to the dentist. There were so many Christmas parties - plus one golf tournament - that I didn't get a chance to go hunting. (It's good to be retired!) Toss in Christmas shopping, baking, son home from college, and the usual holiday activities, and it's been quite hectic ... but in a good way.

I'm getting into the holiday spirit...

A waitress at our restaurant had a change of clothes stolen from the break room. Making matters worse, she’d planned on wearing them to the Christmas party. As a brand-new employee, I didn’t know any of this backstory, so I was a bit surprised to find this indignant note posted on the community board: "It has been two weeks since the Christmas party, and I still have not found my clothes."

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a truthful lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor.

Which one picked it up?

Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It's Christmas, Eve!

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play?
A: Santapplause!

Q: What is green, covered with tinsel and goes "ribbet ribbet"?
A: A mistle-"toad"!

Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!


Harper said...

Think that last cartoon should read "Maria and the Magic Anchor Baby"

Old NFO said...

Heh, +1 on Harper!!!

CenTexTim said...

Very good, Harper. Along that same line, did you see this story?

"A group of about 100 people trying to illegally cross the border Sunday near the San Ysidro port of entry threw rocks and bottles at U.S. Border Patrol agents, who responded by using pepper spray and other means to force the crowd back into Mexico, federal officials said."