Sunday Funnies 2015.09.19

Yesterday was International Talk Like A Pirate Day (arrrgh, me hearties!). In honor of the occasion, let's splice the mainbrace and have a few laughs...

Top Ten Pirate Pickup Lines

10. Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9.  Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8.  Come on up and see me urchins.

7.  Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6.  I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5.  That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

4.  How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3.  Wanna shiver me timbers?

2.  Well blow me down.

1.  Prepare to be boarded.

Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates

10. What are YOU doing here?

9.  Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye just glad to see me?

8.  Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

7.  So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

6.  That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

5.  Let's get together and haul some keel.

4.  I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

3.  C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!

2.  RAMMING SPEED!

1.  You. Pants Off. Now!

Q:  "What's the pirate movie rated?"
A"  "Arrr!"

Q:  "What kind o' socks does a pirate wear?"
A:  "Arrrrgyle!"

Q:  "What's the problem with the way a pirate speaks?"
A:  "Arrrrticulation!"

Q:  "How do pirates know that they are pirates?"
A:  "They think, therefore they ARRRR!!!"

Q:  "Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?"
A:  "Because they can spend years at C"

A pirate walks into the bar with a ships wheel attached to the front of his trousers. The bartender asks, "What the hell is that ships wheel for?"

The pirate says, "I don't know, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

A little boy is trick or treating on Halloween by himself. He is dressed as a pirate. At one house, a friendly man asks him, "Where are your buccaneers?"

The little boy responds, "On either side of me 'buccan' head!"

A pirate walks into a bar wearing a paper towel on his head. He sits down at the bar and orders some rum.

The bartender asks, "Why are you wearing a paper towel?"

"Arrr..." says the pirate. "I've got a bounty on me head!"

A Second (Amendment) Look At Trump

I'll admit to flip-flopping on Donald Trump. I'm firmly in his corner when it comes to the issues he is raising, the corruption and dysfunction in D.C. that he is highlighting, and the straightforward non-PC language he is using.

On the other hand, I have my doubts about whether or not he has the gravitas to be President and Commander-in-Chief. He has a tendency to bluster, swagger, and bully people. He shoots from the lip and considers himself the smartest person in the room, often with little justification.

He has also, IMO, been long on grandiose pronouncements and short on specifics. We have some sense of what his policies would be, but not how he would implement them.

However, he has come out with a position statement on the Right to Keep and Bear Arms that makes a lot of sense.

PROTECTING OUR SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

(Side note: I'm all for protecting our Second Amendment rights, and I agree that it will make America a better place, but I'm not convinced that it will 'make America great again.' Anyway, here's The Donald on the 2A.)

The Second Amendment to our Constitution is clear. The right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed upon. Period.

Hard to argue with that.

It’s been said that the Second Amendment is America’s first freedom. That’s because the Right to Keep and Bear Arms protects all our other rights. We are the only country in the world that has a Second Amendment. Protecting that freedom is imperative. Here’s how we will do that:

Enforce The Laws On The Books

We need to get serious about prosecuting violent criminals. The Obama administration’s record on that is abysmal. Violent crime in cities like Baltimore, Chicago and many others is out of control. Drug dealers and gang members are given a slap on the wrist and turned loose on the street. This needs to stop.

Several years ago there was a tremendous program in Richmond, Virginia called Project Exile. It said that if a violent felon uses a gun to commit a crime, you will be prosecuted in federal court and go to prison for five years – no parole or early release. Obama’s former Attorney General, Eric Holder, called that a “cookie cutter” program. That’s ridiculous. I call that program a success. Murders committed with guns in Richmond decreased by over 60% when Project Exile was in place – in the first two years of the program alone, 350 armed felons were taken off the street.

Right on, Donnie! Project Exile, which was backed by the NRA and other gun rights groups, was a success. Commit a crime with a gun - go to jail. That's the kind of gun control I can support.

Here’s another important way to fight crime – empower law-abiding gun owners to defend themselves. Law enforcement is great, they do a tremendous job, but they can’t be everywhere all of the time. Our personal protection is ultimately up to us. That’s why I’m a gun owner, that’s why I have a concealed carry permit, and that’s why tens of millions of Americans have concealed carry permits as well. It’s just common sense.

Fix Our Broken Mental Health System

Let’s be clear about this. Our mental health system is broken. It needs to be fixed. Too many politicians have ignored this problem for too long.

All of the tragic mass murders that occurred in the past several years have something in common – there were red flags that were ignored. We can’t allow that to continue. We need to expand treatment programs, because most people with mental health problems aren’t violent, they just need help. But for those who are violent, a danger to themselves or others, we need to get them off the street before they can terrorize our communities. This is just common sense.

Agree in principle, but the devil's in the details. Labeling people as having mental health problems and subsequently taking away their rights is a path fraught with peril, and open to abuse. We must be very, very careful going down that route.

Defend The Rights of Law-Abiding Gun Owners

GUN AND MAGAZINE BANS. Gun and magazine bans are a total failure. That’s been proven every time it’s been tried. Opponents of gun rights try to come up with scary sounding phrases like “assault weapons”, “military-style weapons” and “high capacity magazines” to confuse people. What they’re really talking about are popular semi-automatic rifles and standard magazines that are owned by tens of millions of Americans. Law-abiding people should be allowed to own the firearm of their choice. The government has no business dictating what types of firearms good, honest people are allowed to own. (emphasis added)

Amen, brother!!!

BACKGROUND CHECKS. There has been a national background check system in place since 1998. Every time a person buys a gun from a federally licensed gun dealer – which is the overwhelming majority of all gun purchases – they go through a federal background check. Study after study has shown that very few criminals are stupid enough to try and pass a background check – they get their guns from friends/family members or by stealing them. So the overwhelming majority of people who go through background checks are law-abiding gun owners. When the system was created, gun owners were promised that it would be instant, accurate and fair. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case today. Too many states are failing to put criminal and mental health records into the system – and it should go without saying that a system’s only going to be as effective as the records that are put into it. What we need to do is fix the system we have and make it work as intended. What we don’t need to do is expand a broken system.

Similar to the mental health issue, this is a potentially terrible idea masquerading as a good one. It would be frighteningly easy for a background check system to morph into a gun registry.

NATIONAL RIGHT TO CARRY. The right of self-defense doesn’t stop at the end of your driveway. That’s why I have a concealed carry permit and why tens of millions of Americans do too. That permit should be valid in all 50 states. A driver’s license works in every state, so it’s common sense that a concealed carry permit should work in every state. If we can do that for driving – which is a privilege, not a right – then surely we can do that for concealed carry, which is a right, not a privilege.

This one makes a lot of sense. That's why it will probably never pass.

MILITARY BASES AND RECRUITING CENTERS. Banning our military from carrying firearms on bases and at recruiting centers is ridiculous. We train our military how to safely and responsibly use firearms, but our current policies leave them defenseless. To make America great again, we need a strong military. To have a strong military, we need to allow them to defend themselves.

Common sense. Something that's in short supply in our nation's capital.

This makes me view Trump a little more favorably. I'm still not convinced he's The One, but he's looking better...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2015.09.18

For some reason this song's been playing in my head all day. Now it'll be in yours too...

Another Sign Of The Times

This country is in the midst of selecting the next leader of the free world.

Islamic terrorists continue to torture, brutalize, and murder innocent people around the world.

Europe is being overrun by so-called refugees, in what many feel is not a humanitarian crisis but rather a slow motion islamic invasion.

A major sponsor of worldwide terrorism - Iran - is on the brink of getting hundreds of millions of dollars, as well as nuclear weapons.

Internationally, American prestige is dropping faster than the stock market.

Here at home, racial tension is spiraling out of control, the economy continues to stagnate, our military is being downsized and hamstrung, obamacare remains a ticking time bomb, unfunded liabilities (Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid) threaten our children's future, and the national debt is higher than it's ever been.

So where is the public's attention being focused?

Where else - on the Kardashians.

Two days after announcing their apps at the Apple store in Soho, the Kardashians and Jenners are still crushing the download charts — and beginning to rake in cash.

The new apps allow fans even greater access to the world of the Kardashians and Jenners beyond their existing presence on seemingly every social media network around, and it charges users a mere $2.99 a month. Of course, as BuzzFeed's Katie Notopoulos pointed out, that’s an insane $142.53 per year if you sign up for all four apps.

But that doesn't seem to be deterring people...

If only they would care that much about current events.

Sign Of The Times

The disease known as appeasement has now spread from the White House all the way to the San Antonio Fire Department.

San Antonio firefighters have received an internal memo asking that they do not wear their uniforms while going to and from work.

(SAFD Chief Charles) Hood's concern is that SAFD firefighter uniforms -- including polo shirts, button-down shirts and T-shirts -- closely resemble police uniforms. In light of several recent attacks on first responders across the country, Hood wants members of his department to be especially cautious.

Due to the sensitive nature of the memo, the Fire Department would not release a copy...

While I am all for anything that helps keep first responders safe, in this case the symptoms are being treated, not the disease. The disease is the deliberate targeting of law enforcement officers by individuals who have a distorted sense of persecution (yes, I'm talking to you, #blacklivesmatter).

During his 21 years in law enforcement, Cpl. Wayne Curry hasn’t worried much about the approach of strangers.

The Texas officer, like anyone who wears a badge, said he has had his share of run-ins with those who harbor a dislike of the police. But when people have stepped up to him, he said, it is “more likely they want to buy me dinner.”

Curry is now thinking twice. He spoke as he watched over a crowd of about 1,500 people gathered at an impromptu memorial at a gas station in a Houston suburb, where an on-duty officer from a neighboring department in Harris County near Houston was gunned down Friday in an apparently unprovoked attack while fueling his car.

The killing was the latest in a spate of deadly attacks in which police officers have been the targets. Last week, two Louisiana officers were killed in separate incidents, and two officers in Mississippi died in May when they came under fire during a traffic stop. At least 25 police killings in New York; Pennsylvania; San Jose, Calif.; and elsewhere have rattled police this year.

And although dozens of police officers are slain on duty in any given year, active and retired police officers across the country said the recent bloodshed feels different. As the nation has been roiled by strong currents of distrust and fear of police that surfaced after last year’s killing of Michael Brown by a cop in Ferguson, Mo., an ugly byproduct of the turmoil has been a newfound willingness to do harm to those in uniform, many officers say.

“Day to day, you’re a little more aware of your surroundings, you’re a little more skeptical of people,” said Rick Perine, a 17-year veteran of the Mesa, Ariz., Police Department.

Perine said he has found himself being “hypervigilant” since the killings in December of two New York City police officers, who were ambushed in their patrol car. Their killer had boasted on social media that he planned to kill cops in retaliation for the deaths of Brown and Eric Garner, who died during an arrest by officers in Staten Island, N.Y.

What officials should be doing is targeting the toxic environment, fomented by the divider-in-chief currently soiling the Oval office, that pits blacks against whites and cops against citizens.

I'm not saying all LEOs are saints. There are some out there who shouldn't be wearing a badge. What we need to do is weed out the bad ones, help the good ones become more aware of legitimate community concerns, and educate the community at large as to common sense behavior when interacting with the cops (hint: drop the attitude, do as you are asked, and don't run away or reach into your pocket - there'll be plenty of time to file a citizen complaint later if it's warranted).

That's what we should be doing - not kowtowing to a few savages who have no concept of how to live in a civilized society.

And that's what our so-called leaders - the president, community activists, city officials, police chiefs, etc. - should be doing.

Not demonizing the other side.

Asking The Right Questions

The second republican presidential candidate debate is tonight. It's time to seriously start narrowing the field down to a few viable candidates. This guy has the right idea.

On behalf of all infuriated conservatives, I demand the right to interrogate the candidates myself. I get to ask a question and a follow-up, and here are the rules. First, answer the damn question. It insults me when you think I’ll somehow forget what I asked, so bewitching is your oratory. Second, answer, then stop talking. If you use more words than the Gettysburg Address (272) you are so, so very wrong. Third, no cliches. If you use the phrase “for the children,” I get to slap you.

Here goes:

Jeb! Bush:

You support amnesty and Common Core, you won’t undo the Iran sellout of Israel on your first day in office and – as we always expected – you’ve come out in support of more gun control. Since you have adopted Hillary’s platform, why are you running as a Republican?

Why are you so damn special that despite there being 320 million other Americans, we can’t do any better than a third Bush?

Dr. Ben Carson:

You’re proud of not being a politician, but what makes you think D.C.’s establishment won’t chew you up and spit you out?

You’re a guy with tremendous accomplishments, morals, and character. Why do you even want to go to Washington?

Carly Fiorina:

You were a senior officer in a huge corporation that did a lot of government work. Why should we conservatives believe you won’t be just another crony capitalist shafting us and stealing our money for the benefit of your corporate pals?

Lindsey Graham:

Conservatives detest you, and the feeling is mutual. Are you in this as some sort of establishment stalking horse to make sure a real conservative doesn’t derail Jeb! by snagging South Carolina’s delegates?

Marco Rubio:

Here’s your chance to be clear – do you agree with me and most conservatives that America has zero moral obligation to illegal aliens, that they should receive no government benefits, and that they should leave our country?

Ted Cruz:

I think you are a genius lawyer and a true conservative, but you are off-putting to people who aren’t movement conservatives and I fear your candidacy would be Goldwater II: The Revenge. Do the math for me – how can you possibly win 270 electoral votes?

Wouldn’t you better serve conservatism as Chief Justice Ted Cruz?

Rand Paul:

Like your father, I can listen to you for a couple minutes, find myself nodding in agreement, and then BAM! you say something nutty, usually about foreign policy. How can I be sure you will do the most important thing a president must do – relentlessly and ruthlessly kill America’s enemies?

Scott Walker:

The idea behind your campaign seemed to be that you’re a normal guy who would return us to normalcy, but we conservatives don’t want normalcy anymore. We want vengeance. Will you commit to ruthlessly annihilating liberalism wherever you find it?

Bobby Jindal:

I think you’d be a good president, but I don’t think you can win. Shouldn’t you agree to come on board with someone up here on stage who might win and agree to be his/her HHS secretary?

Donald Trump:

Yeah, it’s been a lot of fun watching you make the GOP establishment wince by raising subjects like illegal alien thugs that the elite wants hushed up. We’ve had some laughs. But if you are elected president, you will be the commander-in-chief. This is a no gotcha question – I led soldiers for 27 years, so this is personal to me and to millions of conservatives whose sons, daughters, mothers, and fathers serve. Can you give me one good reason why you are worthy of our trust to lead and to safeguard the lives of the incredible men and women of our armed forces?

I don’t have a follow-up to that question, because at the end of the day, no other question really matters.

I'd love to see those questions asked tonight. Too bad it ain't gonna happen...

One Man Crush And Two Videos

I have a new man crush. The most recent object of my affections is Trey Gowdy, a republican congresscritter from South Carolina. He is also chairman of the House Select Committee on Events Surrounding the 2012 Terrorist Attack in Benghazi. As such, he is tasked with uncovering what really transpired before, during, and after the islamic terrorist attacks that killed four Americans, including the U.S. Ambassador to Libya.

As you can imagine, that is a difficult, arduous, frustrating, and thankless job, made much more difficult by the stonewalling of the obama administration and the indifference of the press. The following video shows Gowdy dealing with that indifference.

The video is several months old, but still relevant. It's only about 3 1/2 minutes long - well worth your time.


Forget Trump and the rest of the republican stooges. I'd love to see Gowdy in the presidential race.

Run, Trey, Run!

The next video is a little more light-hearted, even though it deals with an equally serious topic. It was made by David Zucker, the mastermind behind the "Airplane" and "Naked Gun" movies. This one is only 1 1/2 minutes. Enjoy!

Pray For obama

Psalm 109:8

"Let his days be few, and let another take his office."

FOD 2015.09.14

Despite overwhelming public opposition to obama's Iran deal ("just 21% approve of the agreement on Iran’s nuclear program reached between the United States, Iran and other nations"), it looks like the democrats will prevail and the deal will become reality.

To review, it's a disastrous arrangement that will quite likely literally blow up in our faces.

There is already American blood on Iran’s hands, and this deal would give the world’s No. 1 state sponsor of terrorism billions of dollars to pass on to their friends like Hezbollah and Hamas. Will that make the world a safer place?

This deal leaves Iran with everything it needs to build a nuclear bomb, and now 12 other countries in the Middle East, including Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Turkey, Syria, and Egypt, have announced plans to begin building nuclear weapons. Will that make the world a safer place?

Instead of the anytime, anywhere inspections that were promised, this deal gives the Iranians up to a month to hide and cover up any wrongdoing before investigators can make inspections. Will that make the world a safer place?

President Obama says this deal is the only way to prevent war. President Obama, sanctions worked to prevent war in the past. If you want to make the world a safer place, you should call for strengthening sanctions, not eliminating them.

To make matters worse, Iran now apparently has its own plentiful supply of uranium.

Iran has discovered an unexpectedly high reserve of uranium and will soon begin extracting the radioactive element at a new mine, the head of Iran's Atomic Energy Organization said on Saturday.

 After decades of efforts, Iran has achieved a full nuclear fuel cycle, ranging from the extraction of uranium ore to enrichment and production of fuel rods for nuclear reactors.

Referring to the July nuclear agreement reached between Iran and world powers, (Iranian nuclear chief Ali Akbar) Salehi gave an assurance that the deal would not slow down the country’s nuclear industry or bring it to a halt.

Even if congress somehow rejects a deal that less than a quarter of Americans approve of, and that a majority of congress opposes, it won't matter. The European Union is already salivating at the thought of access to Iranian oil and gas.

Iran could become a major supplier of natural gas to the European Union by the end of the next decade, according to new estimates from the bloc’s executive following the nuclear deal reached with Tehran this summer.

Western governments and energy companies have been positioning themselves to once again tap Iran’s rich oil and gas reserves since the prospects of a nuclear deal—and a resulting easing of sanctions on Tehran—improved earlier this year.

Earlier this month, the EU’s energy and climate commissioner, Miguel Arias Cañete, held a lunch meeting with delegates from European energy companies, including RWE AG, E.On AG, BP PLC, Royal Dutch Shell PLC, Repsol SA, Total SA, Engie SA and Statoil ASA—to discuss possibilities in Iran.

The get-together followed contacts between commission staff and officials in Tehran, the European official said, as well as recent visits to Iran by ministers from the U.K., France, Italy, Poland, Germany and Spain, among others.

With friends like those, who needs enemies?

Of course, it's not just our so-called allies who are stabbing us in the back. Our own political 'leaders' are betraying us as well. Check out this story chronicling how much money pro-Iranian organizations have donated to key politicians.

Disgusting.

With the fourteenth anniversary of 9/11 still fresh in our minds, let's put this deal in perspective.

Speaking of perspective, here's the front page of the 9-11-2015 edition of the New York Times. Notice two things: (1) the prominent story celebrating obama's Iranian deal; and (2) the complete absence of any mention of 9/11. Not that I'm surprised.

click to embiggen

Not much left to say...

Sunday Funnies 2015.09.13

Love him or hate him, you have to admit Donald Trump has stirred things up...

What is Donald Trump telling Barack Obama supporters?
Orange Is The New Black.

If you mess with Donald Trump, there will be hell toupee.

How is Donald Trump going to shut down Planned Parenthood?
By turning it into one of his casinos.

What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?
Donald Trump.

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 11 million illegal immigrants?
Juan by Juan.

If Trump becomes president he'll change the name of Air Force One to Hair Force One.

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2015.09.11

On this, the 14th anniversary of 9/11, let's remember all the men and women who fight to keep us free.

Crank it up to +11 and sing along!

Fourteenth Anniversary

Today is the fourteenth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Given the passage of time, my raw, red-hot anger has morphed into a cold, steely determination to never forget.

Never forget the victims.

Never forget the heroes.

Never forget the sons-of-bitches that did it.

While my desire to do something - anything - in response to those attacks has not lessened, it has also given in to the reality that it is very unlikely I'll ever be in a position to extract retribution on those responsible or their supporters. But what I can do is channel that determination to act into something positive.

This September 11, the country will mourn the 14th anniversary of the attacks that changed our world forever. But if you want to honor the victims, survivors and their families of the 9/11 attacks, volunteer.

Because of the organizers of the 9/11 National Day of Service and Remembrance, September 11 is no longer just about grieving what we lost, but about using the day to make the world a better place.

To keep alive the spirit of compassion and service that united Americans in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, September 11 is now federally recognized as a National Day of Service and Remembrance, establishing a tradition of national engagement in charitable acts as a tribute to the victims, survivors and first responders of 9/11.

There's more at the link, including some specific ideas on how to pay tribute to those affected by the events of 9/11. Please take a moment to consider honoring them through helping others.

At the same time, we can always dream about taking more direct action...

What A Great Idea

Here in Texas we get one weekend a year when the sales tax is waived on back-to-school purchases.

In 2015, Texas shoppers get a break from state and local sales taxes on Aug. 7 – 9 — the state’s annual tax holiday. As in previous years, the law exempts most clothing, footwear, school supplies and backpacks priced under $100 from sales and use taxes, which could save shoppers about $8 on every $100 they spend.Texas Tax Free Weekend 2015 starts August 7th, 2015.

Well, the good folks in Louisiana have taken that idea and improved on it.

Second Amendment Weekend Sales Tax Holiday

The 2015 Louisiana Second Amendment Weekend Sales Tax Holiday will take place Friday, September 4 through Sunday, September 6.  During that time, guns, ammunition and other hunting supplies will be exempt from state and local sales taxes.

The sales tax holiday applies to individual consumer purchases of a wide range of hunting gear. Eligible hunting supplies include:

• Firearms that may be legally sold or purchased in Louisiana 

• Ammunition intended to be fired from a gun or firearm 

• Archery supplies to be used for hunting 

• Apparel such as safety gear, camouflage clothing, jackets, hats, gloves, mittens, face masks and thermal underwear manufactured and marketed as being primarily for wear or use while hunting 

• Off-road vehicles such as all-terrain vehicles designed and intended primarily for hunting; the exemption does not apply to golf carts, go-carts, dirt bikes, mini-bikes, motorcycles, tractors, motor vehicles which may be legally driven on the streets and highways of Louisiana, or heavy equipment such as cranes, forklifts, backhoes and bulldozers

What a great idea. It would be fantastic if we could spread it across the country. In addition to saving most of us some $$$, it would drive the anti-gun crowd crazy. That in itself makes it a good thing.

It also gives me an opportunity to post some pro-2A cartoons that have been piling up on my computer

Sperm In The News

Sperm in the News - file that under "Post Titles I Never Thought I'd Write." But there's been a spate (well, okay, a couple) of sperm-related stories lately.

The first one's got everything - sexism, racism, intolerance - a veritable smorgasbord of victimism.

White woman sues sperm bank after she mistakenly gets black donor’s sperm

An Ohio mom and her same-sex partner are suing a Chicago-area fertility clinic for sending sperm from a black donor instead of the white donor’s sperm that she ordered.

Thirty-six-year-old Jennifer Cramblett of Uniontown, Ohio, said that, as a lesbian, she knows what discrimination feels like. She doesn’t want her mixed-race daughter, Payton, to feel the same pain because of the color of her skin.

According to court documents, the 2-year-old girl is already facing racial prejudice in Uniontown, a community of 3,300 people — 97 percent of whom are white.

Of course she is. All white people are prejudiced against mixed-race folks. That's why obama didn't get re-elected ... oh, wait...

The lawsuit was filed Monday against Midwest Sperm Bank for wrongful birth and breach of warranty, citing emotional and economic damage.

After poring over pages of donor histories from Midwest Sperm Bank three years ago, Cramblett and her partner, 29-year-old Amanda Zinkon, selected donor No. 380, who was white. Cramblett used the sperm to get pregnant and, months later, the two decided to reserve more sperm from that donor so Zinkon could one day have a child related to the one Cramblett was carrying.

Isn't that sweet. Two lesbians want to get pregnant by the same sperm donor so their offspring can be true siblings. What could go wrong?

During that process, the couple learned the truth: An employee at the fertility clinic allegedly misread a handwritten order — and Cramblett had been inseminated by donor No. 330, who was black.

“Jennifer was crying, confused and upset,” according to the court papers. “All of the thought, care and planning that she and Amanda had undertaken to control their baby’s parentage had been rendered meaningless. In an instant, Jennifer’s excitement and anticipation of her pregnancy was replaced with anger, disappointment and fear.”

"anger, disappointment and fear”? Sounds like Jennifer is a racist.

Cramlett’s attorney, Thomas Intili, told NBC News his client “did not encounter any African-American people until she entered college. Not all her friends and family members are racially sensitive.”

The couple reportedly moved from Akron, Ohio, to Uniontown to be near better schools and Cramblett’s family. Now therapists are advising them to move to a more racially diverse community, the lawsuit stated.

One issue cited in the lawsuit is hair care.

“Getting a young daughter’s hair cut is not particularly stressful for most mothers, but to Jennifer it is not a routine matter, because Payton has hair typical of an African American girl,” it said. “To get a decent cut, Jennifer must travel to a black neighborhood, far from where she lives, where she is obviously different in appearance, and not overtly welcome.”

Oops. Now it sounds like the people in the black neighborhood are racist.

I don't have a problem with a lawsuit in this case based on negligence, and even emotional distress. After all, the women carefully and deliberately selected one particular donor to be the biological father of their children. Getting impregnated by a different donor has got to be tremendously traumatic. But to wrap the whole mess up in a cloak of racism is merely perpetuating the already turbulent and divisive state of racial relations in this country.

I don't know what it's like in Ohio, but here's a couple of stories from small towns in Texas. If one believes the mainstream media, we're nothing but a bunch of prejudiced redneck hicks with little or no tolerance for anyone different from ourselves. Consider the following and judge for yourself.

Back in August 2005, when Hurricane Katrina was ravaging New Orleans, around 200 members of a black church fled the floodwaters together, with no idea of where they were going. They ended up in the small Texas town of Marble Falls.

The heart of the Lone Star State, with its rolling hills, folk music festivals and abundant wildlife, is 550 miles and countless cultures removed from the historically black Big Easy. According to the latest census, 83 percent of Marble Falls’ 6,200 residents are white and just under 4 percent are African-American.

The entire county seems to have embraced the Smoking for Jesus congregation (the unique name is intended to show that the group is “red hot for the Lord”)...

Several members also started businesses in Burnet County or work full-time at the Real New Orleans Style Restaurant, which the church opened in Marble Falls.

Church member Racheal Frazier mixes Christianity and choreography at her Yet Praise Dance Company, where Krystle Fullmer’s 7-year-old is a student.

“I honestly think my daughter would trade me for them,” Fullmer says following a recent class. “They’re all very kind, warm and welcoming. Isn’t that the way God wants it? After everything everyone goes through nowadays with all the hate, it’s really great to have a place where it’s just God’s children learning to dance.”

"...God's children learning to dance."

I'm not an overly religious man, or much of a softy, but to me that's a beautiful sentiment. Wouldn't it be a much better world if more of us felt that way?

A little closer to home, we're friends with a wonderful couple who live a few miles away from us in beautiful downtown Bergheim TX. The husband is a MD and his wife is a RN. They have three biological children. They spend one month each year on a medical mission trip to underdeveloped countries. The wife is one of those people who, under different circumstances, would be the crazy old cat lady with dozens of felines. But instead of cats, she adopts disadvantaged third world kids.

Once their biological kids got to be high school age, she realized she missed the toddler/little kid experience. So she talked her hubby into adopting two kids - a brother and a sister with special needs - from Guatemala. The kids were welcomed into our little community just as if they were newborns. A few years later the parents adopted another brother and sister duo, this time from Nigeria. Again, the community welcomed them with open arms.

That was several years ago and as far as I know there have been no instances of racism, prejudice, or discrimination. As for Jennifer's worries about getting her mixed-race daughter's hair cut, that's not a problem here. The local women, my wife included, coo over how naturally curly the Nigerian girl's hair is. The local hair stylists fight over which one gets to cut her hair.

It just goes to show how advanced rural Texas is compared to the rest of the nation.

On the lighter side of sperm-related news, we have the following story of sperm hijacking. Pay close attention. It gets complicated.

Sulphur resident wins case against ex-girlfriend who stole his sperm

... a jury ruled in favor of a former Sulphur resident who sued his ex-girlfriend for using his sperm to have a baby — without his consent.

Layne Hardin sued his former girlfriend, Tobie Devall, in a Houston civil court, saying she illegally took his sperm out a sperm bank.

Hardin claimed that he and Katherine LeBlanc, with whom Hardin has a son, signed a contract in 2002 with Texas Andrology Services in Houston that said only LeBlanc would have access to his sperm.

After Hardin and LeBlanc broke up, he began dating Devall. He claimed that Devall went to the bank by herself and without his permission, picked up the sperm and used it to get pregnant. Devall claims she had Hardin's permission.

So basically it's a case about an unauthorized withdrawal. Still, I suppose that's preferable to an unauthorized deposit. (snerk...)

The jury ruled that the Texas Andrology Services failed to comply with the agreement and ordered the facility to pay Hardin and LeBlanc $250,000 each.

Devall must also pay Hardin $125,000...

So this guy's getting a total of $375,000 for a sample of his sperm.

Where do I sign up...?

Trump and obama C-and-C

Just for fun, let's do a little 'compare and contrast' between Donald Trump and barack obama. The genesis for today's post came from a letter to the editor in the Sep. 5 edition of the San Antonio Express-News.

... a large portion of the populace supports candidates based on the “cult of personalities” rather than substance. In 2008, the Democrats had their “personality” in the form of Barack Obama. Today, the Republicans seem to have Donald Trump.

In his book, “The Audacity of Hope,” Obama wrote, “I serve as a blank screen on which people of vastly different political stripes project their own views.” During the 2008 campaign, Obama was a living Rorschach inkblot test. Supporters saw in him what they wanted to see.

Donald Trump is today’s living Rorschach inkblot test. With little substance, Trump is pretty much repeating the line that he will bring in the best minds and the best people to solve problems, providing little detail about his ideology...

Republican supporters of Trump, who were shaking their heads in disbelief in 2008 at how far Obama could go based on nothing but rhetoric and vagueness, are now experiencing the same thing a lot of Democratic supporters of Obama experienced in 2008 — being part of a cult of personality.

Gerald R. Vimont

That's an interesting perspective. IMO Trump is saying what people want to hear. He's got the 'what' but leaves out the 'how' - just like obama did in 2008.

Here's more along those same lines.

Trump plays the part of a narcissistic blowhard, and his fans enjoy the joke. But when push comes to shove Trump is a very smart businessman who does know how to negotiate tough deals. He has faced business failure more than once, and managed to come back. Obama is a narcissist who has never experienced failure and who lives in his head; but it is failure that can turn narcissists into realists...

(Trump) has enough common sense to ask, “Why in the world are we giving hard-earned money to countries who hate America and want to hurt our citizens?” The answer is “Because the Left hates America and wants to bring us down.” Trump doesn’t have to say that. All he needs is to ask the question...

Donald Trump is tapping into a deep popular unease about the moral and intellectual sleaziness of the ruling Left. The Left has been turned the country into a daily freak show, with Obama and Hillary smashing the constitutional furniture just because they feel like it. They are a national disaster.

Worse than that, Alinskyites like Obama and Hillary are extremely dangerous, as Obama's surrender to a nuclear Iran shows. Historically American statesmen aim for stability: Obama opts for revolution -- like the "Arab Spring" that was supposed to bring the fascist Muslim Brotherhood to power in Egypt. Today, Obama is pulling another revolutionary move by flipping American support to the fanatical priests of Tehran. Nobody believes Obama's barefaced lies anymore, except the U.S. media and their mind-numbed voters.

In his "community agitator" fashion Obama has betrayed every U.S. ally whose defense depended on us, including the Saudis, Egypt, the Sunni Gulf states, and Israel. Libya was simply destroyed and its ruler executed... For whatever bizarre and indeed criminal reason, Obama decided to push Libya into a civil war that is still raging today. These are the actions of a revolutionary sociopath, not a normal American president.

Obama's actions go totally against American tradition. Syria, Libya, and Iraq, are still burning. Real people are dying. ISIS is rising with the aid of Obama's allies, Turkey, Qatar, and the Ikhwan. Russia is now intervening directly in the Syrian war. The examples of Obama's overreach are endless, and the next U.S. government will face a huge job to recover from the mess Obama made.

What's the answer to eight years of Obama fanaticism, both domestically and in foreign policy? It's normal American pragmatism. Almost all our presidents have been practical people who didn't follow some radical script to coerce human perfection. When you look past all the pizzazz, Trump has a long history of being practical. And unlike any Republican candidate I can remember, he is genuinely popular.

I'm still not convinced that Trump would be a good president. But I am starting to believe that he'd be one heck of a candidate.

Just like obama was...

FOD 2015.09.07

This story pretty much speaks for itself.

North Dakota Names Landfill After Obama

The state of North Dakota has named a new publicly-owned landfill after President Barack Obama.

In an overwhelming 35-10 vote, the state Senate advanced a bill naming a 650-acre site currently under construction after the nation’s 44th president. Governor Jack Dalrymple is expected to sign the measure into law Tuesday.

When completed, the Barack Obama Memorial Landfill will be the largest waste disposal site in North Dakota, and the 17th largest in the United States. It will be especially rich in toxic waste from the local petroleum and medical industries.

“We wanted to do something to honor the president,” says Republican State Senator Doug Perlman, who was the lead sponsor of the bill. “And I think a pile of garbage is a fitting tribute to Obama’s presidency.

Ordinary citizens in the state also seem to approve of the government’s choice.

“I can’t think of a better name,” says Joe Blough, a plumber from Minot. “It’s darkly colored and it's full of shit. That pretty much sums up Obama.”

I'm sure some will cry "racism" on that last statement, but it is accurate...

UPDATE: As observant reader Toejam has pointed out in the comments, there are questions regarding the accuracy of this story. 

I am shocked and disappointed to discover that not everything on the Internet is true.

Sunday Funnies 2015.09.06

Hope you're having a great Labor Day weekend...

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend." – Doug Larson

“Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken.” – Bill Dodds

"I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to us during the summer. They can start talking again after Labor Day." - Lewis Black

"The candidate out front on Labor Day has historically been the one who stayed ahead in November." - Peter Jennings

"Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year." - Anonymous

"Labor Day is a great opportunity to reflect on what you failed to accomplish this summer." - Anonymous

More Things I Don't Understand

If one government official can be sent to jail for refusing to comply with the law...

Rowan County, Kentucky, clerk Kim Davis was remanded "into the custody of U.S. marshals for refusing to heed a U.S. Supreme Court order legalizing same-sex marriage... (Davis will) remain in jail until she complies with the ruling."

... why isn't obama in jail for refusing to comply with existing immigration law...

The Obama administration scrambled to satisfy a Texas judge it shouldn't be punished for violating his order freezing an executive action to loosen immigration rules.

... along with every government official who voted in support of sanctuary cities, which refuse to comply with existing law?

8 USC section 1324 "deals with those persons who knowingly conceal, harbor, or shield undocumented aliens and could apply to officials in sanctuary cities and states."

Could it be that there are different rules for different people?

I don't understand...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2015.09.04

A little different take on Labor Day ... enjoy your long weekend!

Enemy Action

In the classic James Bond movie Goldfinger, the villain warns Our Hero that "Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, the third time it's enemy action."

Well, in the unending war of man vs. beast, the armadillos are perilously close to moving into 'enemy action' territory.

A small Texas town ... 3:00 a.m. ... a man with a gun ... an armadillo.

What could go wrong?

A Texas man was wounded after he fired a gun at an armadillo in his yard and the bullet ricocheted back to hit him in his face, the county sheriff said Friday.

Cass County Sheriff Larry Rowe said the man, who was not identified, went outside his home in Marietta, Texas, at around 3 a.m. local time Thursday morning. He spotted the armadillo on his property and opened fire.

"...He went outside and took his .38 revolver and shot three times at the armadillo," Rowe said.

The animal's hard shell deflected at least one of three bullets, which then struck the man's jaw, he said.

The man was airlifted to a nearby hospital, where his jaw was wired shut, according to Rowe.

The status of the animal is unknown.

"We didn't find the armadillo," the sheriff said.

If that story sounds familiar it's because only a few short months ago this occurred.

A Georgia man wounded his 74-year-old mother-in-law in April after his 9mm bullet careened off an armadillo, hit a fence, went through the back door of mom's mobile home and penetrated the recliner she was sitting in. The bullet struck her in the back.

She suffered non-life-threatening injuries, the armadillo went to heaven. No word if the man's headed to divorce court.

That's two times those sneaky little 'dillos have jiu-jitsued armed humans. The next time is a declaration of war.

Side note: I am somewhat surprised that either a .38 or a 9mm couldn't penetrate a dillo shell. I've dispatched a few with both a .22LR and a 12-gauge loaded with #6 shot. However, I'm getting soft in my old age. I've switched to live-trapping them instead of killing them. This despite the fact that we're suffering through a dillo infestation right now. The little buggers are rooting around searching for grubs, and in the process just destroying our yard. But, unlike politicians and extremists, they're not being evil or malicious. They're just doing what armadillos do...

Our yard after a visit from those cute little armadillos.

Things I Don't Understand.

Things I don't understand.

It's a long list, and the older I get, the longer it gets. But up near the top is the turmoil over the separation of church and state. Some people can be forced to provide goods and services that conflict with their legitimate and sincere religious beliefs (wedding cake, anyone?). Others, however, claiming that performing a legitimate task commonly associated with their job violates their religious beliefs, are seeking to force their employer to make a special accommodation for them.

A Muslim-American group plans Tuesday to file a discrimination complaint with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission against ExpressJet Airlines for allegedly failing to accommodate a Metro Detroit-area Muslim flight attendant who objects to serving alcohol based on her religious beliefs.

“We have informed ExpressJet of its obligation under the law to reasonably accommodate Ms. Stanley’s religious accommodation request regarding service of alcohol,” Lena Masri, staff attorney for CAIR-Michigan said in a statement.

“Instead, ExpressJet has deliberately chosen to violate Ms. Stanley’s constitutional rights.”

I don't know about you, but if I was on a plane and denied a drink because it violated the stewardess flight attendant's beliefs I'd demand my own accommodation. What next? She'll refuse to serve ham sandwiches? Or, God forbid, bacon?

When I was in the Army facial hair was prohibited because it would interfere with the seal a gas mask formed against your skin. Now, the Pentagon says beards, 'unshorn' hair, beads, turbans, and yarmulkes are permitted as long as they do not "interfere with the proper function of protective clothing and equipment." I'm not sure how a gas mask can seal around a beard, but surely the Pentagon knows what it's doing (/sarc).

The times, they are a'changing ... and confusing the heck out of me.

Another Reason I'm Glad I'm Retired

Nonsense like this is one reason why I'm glad I no longer am a college professor.

The University of Tennessee has told its staff and students to stop calling each other 'he', 'she', 'him' and 'her' - and to start referring to one another with terms like 'xe', 'zir' and 'xyr' instead.

The Knoxville branch of the public university, which has 27,400 students, sent a memo round to its members filled with unusual new parts of speech to avoid referring to anybody's gender.

According to a gay rights official at the university, the new language regime will make the university 'welcoming and inclusive' and stop people feeling 'marginalized'.

The university published the instructions on its website on Wednesday after they were emailed to every member of the university by the institution's Vice Chancellor for Diversity.

Donna Braquet, who runs the university's Pride Center, wrote the guidelines, which are accompanied with a long table demonstrating how to replace the regular parts of speech.

Click to embiggen.

She also advises staff members not to call roll in class, and to instead greet every student by asking them to announce their name and pronoun of preference.

Your tax dollars at work - Donna Braquet, a gay rights official at the university, wrote the guidelines, which were sent to the entire university.

'Ze' is crazy.

In addition to being just plain ludicrous, this is a great example of why college tuition is skyrocketing - the absurd growth of administrative programs that do nothing to educate students.

The number of non-academic administrative and professional employees at U.S. colleges and universities has more than doubled in the last 25 years, vastly outpacing the growth in the number of students or faculty, according to an analysis of federal figures.

Universities have added these administrators and professional employees even as they’ve substantially shifted classroom teaching duties from full-time faculty to less-expensive part-time adjunct faculty and teaching assistants, the figures show.

“They’ve increased their hiring of part-time faculty to try and cut costs,” said Donna Desrochers, a principal researcher at the Delta Cost Project, which studies higher-education spending. “Yet other factors that are going on, including the hiring of these other types of non-academic employees, have undercut those savings.”

Part-time faculty and teaching assistants now account for half of instructional staffs at colleges and universities, up from one-third in 1987, the figures show.

During the same period, the number of administrators and professional staff has more than doubled. That’s a rate of increase more than twice as fast as the growth in the number of students.

I've seen the increased use of part-time faculty and teaching assistants, at the expense of full-time faculty. It's like any other profession. In some cases it's an improvement, but overall the quality tends to go down.

An argument in support of these changes might be made if there was a measurable improvement in universities' performance, but there is no data to support that.

...the doubling of administrative and professional staffs doesn’t seem to have improved universities’ performance. Since 2002, the proportion of four-year bachelor’s degree-seeking students who graduate within even six years, for instance, has barely inched up, from 55 percent to 58 percent...

So what are we getting for all that extra expense?

Since 1987, universities have started or expanded departments devoted to marketing (that's marketing of the university, not the degree program in Marketing), diversity, disability, sustainability, security, environmental health, recruiting, technology, and fundraising...

Like I said, I'm thrilled to no longer be a part of that nonsense.

All Is Well

If you're not from Texas you probably won't get why this is such a big deal, but it is.

A Very Big Deal!!!

Blue Bell Ice Cream Returns to Store Shelves

Four months after announcing one of the food industry’s most sweeping recalls, ice-cream maker Blue Bell Creameries is embarking on one of the industry’s most-ambitious recovery attempts.

The Texas company’s ice-cream cartons began reappearing in grocery stores in several cities on Monday, a major step after Blue Bell yanked all its products following a deadly listeria outbreak...>

Blue Bell faces an arduous effort to regain the trust of large retailers and persuade consumers its products are safe, branding consultants say. The 108-year-old company...is expected to draw significant support from its many fans in Texas, but one of its main hurdles will be to win over consumers outside its home state and other strongholds in the southern U.S., they say.

One advantage for Blue Bell is many Texans display an obsession with its ice cream...

In the immediate aftermath of the recall, Blue Bell fans took to Facebook and Twitter to express their dismay. “It’s been raining in Texas since Blue Bell closed,” one Facebook post said earlier this year as torrential downpours flooded parts of the state. “Because God is crying.”

“Texas is a gimme,” said Gene Grabowski, a consultant who managed Blue Bell’s crisis communications for about three months following the recall. “People there eat Blue Bell like it’s a duty..."

I wish I enjoyed all my duties half as much as I do eating Blue Bell.