Moms Brawl At Kindergarten Graduation

Skipping the question about why there even is a kindergarten graduation, let's focus on the meat of the story.

Brawling parents interrupted a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony.

School officials placed Puesta del Sol Elementary in desert Victorville on lockdown Wednesday morning after a fight broke out among a group of parents.

San Bernardino County sheriff's spokeswoman Karen Hunt said witnesses told deputies several mothers were involved in a verbal argument and it got physical in a field near the ceremony. Several men then jumped into the fray and the incident turned into a brawl.

Hunt said arriving deputies didn't see any physical contact. 

From a follow-up report:

A deputy following up on leads later arrested two people – Marina Vargas and Queiona Burt – on suspicion of being a disruptive presence at a school. Witnesses said they were the main instigators.

There were no reported injuries, and no children were hurt.

Police didn't say whether more arrests are planned. 

1. I am reminded of the old Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song "Teach Your Children Well."

2. Here's some info about the sociodemographic composition of the school in question. Just sayin'... 

Student Ethnicity

Source: CA Dept. of Education, 2008-2009 Ethnicity This School State Average Hispanic or Latino 59% 49% African American 25% 7% White 10% 28% Multiple or No Response 3% 3% Pacific Islander <1% <1% American Indian or Alaska Native <1% <1% Filipino <1% 3% Asian <1% 8%

	This School	State Average
Students participating in free or reduced-price lunch program1	81%	51%
English language learners2	18%	24%

Home Languages of English Learners

Source: CA Dept. of Education, 2007-2008 Language This School State Average Spanish 98% 85% Hindi <1% <1% Vietnamese <1% 2%

Yellow Dogs Refuse To Die

Not surprisingly, given the state of the nation, obama's poll numbers continue to drop.

"Americans are more pessimistic about the state of the country and less confident in President Barack Obama's leadership than at any point since Mr. Obama entered the White House..."

What is surprising is not that his numbers are dropping like BP stock, but that 49% of the respondents rate him positively in terms of "strong leadership qualities,'' and  40% rate him positively on his "ability to handle a crisis." Of course, these figures are down from 70% and 51%,respectively, but still...

What president are those fools watching? The same one who kowtows to foreign leaders, who doesn't understand the most basic rules of economics, who can't manage the oil spill, who can't string together a coherent sentence without a teleprompter, who lies about the costs and consequences of his legislation (and probably his golf scores), ... well, you get the picture. How on earth can any rational person think this clown is doing a good job?

Oh, wait, they're liberals, That pretty much rules out rationality.

The term "yellow dog democrat" refers to a hard-core democrat who would rather vote for a yellow dog than a republican. Based on history, it appears that about 40% of the population are yellow dogs. So obama is getting close to the rock bottom of his supporters. (To be fair, about 40% of the population are hard core republicans who would rather vote for the walking dead than a democrat. But that's different...)

One final note: based on the poll, "African-Americans remain the firmest part of Mr. Obama's base, with 91% approving of his job performance."

91%, huh? Of course, that has nothing to do with race...

Good News from the Goose Front

Papa Goose, aka the Guardian Gander, is regaining his health (previous story here and here).

Not only that, but the eggs he was injured guarding have now hatched (story and photos from here).

The first born began emerging about 7 p.m., the first of seven eggs to hatch. Now used to all the attention at their fenced nesting place on River Road, the happy couple opened their "nursery" to dozens of spectators with flashing cameras as a second egg began to crack.

As dusk began to fall shortly after 8 p.m. on the longest day of the year, the gander, who has regained the use of his neck, head and vocal chords, began covering the first gosling with grass and shielded it with his body as a beak and a wing emerged from the second egg.

Hill Country Animal League Director J.J. Blackson said she was going to leave the gander, who is still unable to walk, with his mate during the night with plans to check back early Tuesday. The gander continues rehab at the HCAL facility as friends and animal rescue consultants prepare for the time the mother goose will want to lead her brood across busy River Road.

The tragic love story has captured statewide attention since the strutting gander featured in an article in the Boerne Star June 11 was struck by a car. For weeks he had guarded his mate, who chose the shrubs fronting the Dodging Duck Restaurant on River Road as a nesting place, often running out into the street to fend off cars that came too close. After he suffered the serious back injury that left him unable to walk, friends from HCAL took over, fencing the area and providing food and water.

More friends from Wildlife Rescue are helping arrange a new place for the family to live, away from busy streets.

Meanwhile, hundreds of ducks and geese of all colors and species populate Boerne's popular River Road Park across the street frm the Dodging Duck. After last year's drought, early spring and summer rains have filled the creek running through the park, attracting picnickers, who often share their lunches with the many waterfowl.

Methinks this calls for a visit to the Dodging Duck to toast the good news...

Recognizing Incompetence Is Not Racism

Action: obama is criticized.

Reaction: the race card is played.

Today's totally bogus and irrelevant, yet totally predictable, claim of racism comes from John Coombs, president of an organization of black firefighters in NYC. Seems a picture of obama was overlaid with the word "Hustler" (image below and story from here).

A Bronx firehouse is feeling the heat after officials discovered an image of President Obama was painted on a toolbox - and then defaced with the word "hustler."

An iconic picture of the President above the word "BELIEVE" appears to have been stenciled on a large toolbox visible inside Engine 45, Ladder 58 in East Tremont.

Right across Obama's face is the word "HUSTLER" in big red letters.

...

The president of the Vulcan Society, the organization of black firefighters, said he was disappointed that the image was on display.

But he said he was not surprised.

"Racism is alive and well in America, and the Fire Department is evidence of that," John Coombs said.

I guess by now I shouldn't be surprised by nonsense like this, but my mind still boggles whenever people confuse recognizing incompetence with racism. obama is the worst president in my memory, which extends all the way back to JFK (actually, I remember Ike, but I was too young then to be politically aware). He's quite possibly the worst president ever. It's coincidental that he's black, or half-black, or cafe au lait, or whatever.

But to Coombs and his ilk, any criticism of the chosen one is racially motivated. obama could have sex with a seven-year-old on national TV, and those who see things only in terms of black and white would cry "Racist!" at anyone who said it was wrong. They would do well to recall the story of the boy who cried wolf. Repeated playing of the race card only desensitizes many to legitimate instances where race is a factor - like the underrepresentation of blacks in NASCAR or the NHL...

ROE II

As a follow-up to the previous post on Rules of Engagement in Afghanistan, I did a little poking around on the Internet. Unsurprisingly, there have been other instances of the ROE increasing the danger to our troops.

Perhaps the most egregious took place in Sep. 2009.

We walked into a trap, a killing zone of relentless gunfire and rocket barrages from Afghan insurgents hidden in the mountainsides and in a fortress-like village where women and children were replenishing their ammunition.

"We will do to you what we did to the Russians," the insurgent's leader boasted over the radio, referring to the failure of Soviet troops to capture Ganjgal during the 1979-89 Soviet occupation.

Dashing from boulder to boulder, diving into trenches and ducking behind stone walls as the insurgents maneuvered to outflank us, we waited more than an hour for U.S. helicopters to arrive, despite earlier assurances that air cover would be five minutes away.

U.S. commanders, citing new rules to avoid civilian casualties, rejected repeated calls to unleash artillery rounds at attackers dug into the slopes and tree lines — despite being told repeatedly that they weren't near the village.

Four U.S. Marines were killed, along with eight Afghan troops and police and the Marine commander's Afghan interpreter. Three Americans and 19 Afghans were wounded.

Hey, when you need light, or smoke, or arty, or air, you need it. It's literally a matter of life or death. What you don't need is delay or denial while higher-ups dither about whether or not it's allowed.

In Feb. 2010 the Wall Street Journal published a story that, if I'd read it anywhere else, I would have thought was satire. Seems like the Marines now have to consult with an attorney before calling in airstrikes.

When Capt. Zinni spotted the four men planting the booby trap on the afternoon of Feb. 17, the first thing he did was call his lawyer.

"Judge!" he yelled.

Capt. Matthew Andrew, judge advocate for 1st Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, advises the battalion about when it is legal to order the airstrikes. He examined the figures on the video feed closely. "I think you got it," Capt. Andrew said, giving the OK for the strike.

The Washington Times published a partial list of the ROE, which includes:

• No night or surprise searches.

(Seems like that would make it pretty tough to find anything.)

• Villagers have to be warned prior to searches.

(Ditto.)

• Afghan military or police forces must accompany U.S. units on searches.

(Quoting from the column referenced in the previous post: "But when his unit asked Afghan police to search the house, the police refused on the grounds that the people in the house 'are good people.' ")

• U.S. soldiers may not fire at the enemy unless the enemy is preparing to fire first.

(If someone's carrying a weapon, to me that's a prima facie indicator that he's preparing to fire.)

• U.S. forces cannot engage the enemy if civilians are present.

(In an environment where the enemy doesn't wear uniforms, and where he routinely hides among and fires from buildings and villages, this rule magically transforms our troops from a military force to a collection of targets.)

• Troops can fire at an insurgent if they catch him placing an IED but not if insurgents are walking away from an area where explosives have been laid.

(Oh my aching butt.)

Look, I'm all for minimizing civilian casualties, and winning hearts and minds, and all that good stuff. But not at the expense of American casualties. Since osama-oops-I-mean-obama has already announced the timetable to pulling U.S. forces out of Afghanistan and Iraq, it doesn't make much sense to needlessly endanger our men and women over there by ROE that quite literally tie their hands.

If we were committed to a long term presence then I could understand the approach of 'small' costs now that pay off in the long run (it's not a small cost if it's your loved one that gets killed or maimed). But if a long term presence isn't in the cards, then lets at least let our troops take reasonable steps to defend themselves. Otherwise this is Viet Nam all over again...

Rules of Engagement - Not

All games have a set of rules that govern how the game is played. This concept has been co-opted by politicians to control how the military functions when politicos send in the troops. Known as Rules of Engagement (ROE), they control what, when, how, and where force can be used. The idea is to use enough force to accomplish the mission without incurring excessive collateral damage.

Conceptually, the notion is valid. War is, after all, the application of force to achieve political ends. Unfortunately, ROE are often micro-managed by senior levels of command and their political counterparts. When that happens we get situations like those currently occurring in Afghanistan.

According to a recent George Will column, a NCO serving in Afghanistan sent an email to congress detailing the following:

Receiving mortar fire during an overnight mission, his unit called for a 155mm howitzer illumination round to be fired to reveal the enemy's location. The request was rejected "on the grounds that it may cause collateral damage." The NCO says the only thing that comes down from an illumination round is a canister, and the likelihood of it hitting someone or something was akin to that of being struck by lightning.

I've called for and been under illumination rounds, and I'd say the likelihood of anyone or anything getting hit by lightening is much greater than getting hit by an illumination round canister. Plus what about the likelihood of someone in his unit getting hit by a mortar round? I'd rate that as much higher than either lightening or canister impact. Sounds like some REMF should be out there with the troops on patrol instead of bunking in an air-conditioned trailer in the middle of a secure base.

On another mission, some Afghan adults ran off with their children immediately before the NCO's unit came under heavy small arms fire and rocket propelled grenades, and the unit asked for artillery fire on the enemy position. The response was a question: Where is the nearest civilian structure? "Judging distances," the NCO writes dryly, "can be difficult when bullets and RPGs are flying over your head." When the artillery support was denied because of fear of collateral damage, the unit asked for a "smoke mission" -- like an illumination round; only the canister falls to earth -- "to conceal our movement as we planned to flank and destroy the enemy." This request was granted -- but because of fear of collateral damage, the round was deliberately fired one kilometer off the requested site, making "the smoke mission useless and leaving us to fend for ourselves."

You've got to be kidding! A smoke round offset by a klick?!?! Like the man said, totally useless. That's like a fireman pointing his hose at the house next door while yours is burning down.

To use one of my father's favorite expressions, crap like this just torques my jaws. It's a bunch of useless bullshit that does nothing to defeat the enemy, and only increases the risk to our own people. Folks in that part of the world mistake kindness for weakness.

I get that one component of effective counterinsurgency is winning the hearts and minds of the local population. However, it's a lot easier to win their hearts and minds when you're holding them by the balls.

Happy Father's Day

“One father is better at caring for ten children than ten children are for one father”

Thanks, Dad.

My Father's Day present was an "Old Guys Rule" t-shirt.

























It brought to mind the following story.

An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.

He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers.

The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.

The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.

The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.

The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... But... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:

• Never be arrogant.
• Don't waste ammunition.
• Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
• Don't mess with old men. They didn't get old by being stupid.

Zero Tolerance = Zero Common Sense

Zero tolerance began as a Congressional response to drugs and guns in school (the Drug-Free Schools and Campuses Act of 1989; the Gun-Free Schools Act of 1994). Conceptually, its intent was the strict imposition of penalties regardless of the individual circumstances of each case. Like most things congress gets involved in, it was ill-conceived and poorly implemented. Naturally, this has led to a host of unintended consequences.

Those federal laws were the catalyst for school zero tolerance policies that soon went beyond drugs and weapons to include hate speech, harassment, fighting, and dress codes. School principals, who must administer zero tolerance policies, began to suspend and expel students for seemingly trivial offenses. Students have been suspended or expelled for a host of relatively minor incidents, including possession of nail files, organic cough drops, a model rocket, a five-inch plastic ax as part of a Halloween costume, an inhaler for asthma, and a kitchen knife in a lunch box to cut chicken.

Other examples include:

• A seventeen-year-old junior shot a paper clip with a rubber band at a classmate, missed, and broke the skin of a cafeteria worker. The student was expelled from school.

• A nine-year-old on the way to school found a manicure kit with a 1-inch knife. The student was suspended for one day.

• In Ponchatoula Louisiana, a 12-year-old who had been diagnosed with a hyperactive disorder warned the kids in the lunch line not to eat all the potatoes, or "I'm going to get you." The student, turned in by the lunch monitor, was suspended for two days. He was then referred to police by the principal, and the police charged the boy with making "terroristic threats." He was incarcerated for two weeks while awaiting trial.

• Two 10-year-old boys from Arlington, Virginia were suspended for three days for putting soapy water in a teacher's drink. At the teacher's urging, police charged the boys with a felony that carried a maximum sentence of 20 years. The children were formally processed through the juvenile justice system before the case was dismissed months later.

• In Denton County, Texas, a 13-year-old was asked to write a "scary" Halloween story for a class assignment. When the child wrote a story that talked about shooting up a school, he both received a passing grade by his teacher and was referred to the school principal's office. The school officials called the police, and the child spent six days in jail before the courts confirmed that no crime had been committed.

• In Palm Beach, Florida, a 14-year-old disabled student was referred to the principal's office for allegedly stealing $2 from another student. The principal referred the child to the police, where he was charged with strong-armed robbery, and held for six weeks in an adult jail for this, his first arrest. When the local media criticized the prosecutor's decision to file adult felony charges, he responded, "depicting this forcible felony, this strong-arm robbery, in terms as though it were no more than a $2 shoplifting fosters and promotes violence in our schools." Charges were dropped by the prosecution when a 60 Minutes II crew showed up at the boy's hearing.

• A sixth-grader at Des Moines’ Brody Middle School was issued a one-day suspension for bringing empty shotgun shells to school. Jazmine Martin, 12, collected the empty shells, which were blanks, at a Wild West show she attended with her family in South Dakota. She then took them to school to show to her science teacher and classmates, an act the school claims was in violation of its weapons policy.

"They called me to the office and when I was walking through the hallway I am like 'what did I do?'" said Jazmine Martin.

[Brody Middle School Principal Randy] Gordon said that even though they were empty, the shell casings are considered ammo, which violates the school's weapon policy.

"I called the principal and asked about this and he said it was something that posed a risk," said [Jazmine’s mother] Chenoa Martin. "I thought it was the most absurd thing I'd heard because it's empty and it says 'blank' right on the shell itself."

(Sources for the above may be found here, here, and here.)

The latest example of zero tolerance = zero common sense is the case of David Morales, an 8-year-old second grader in the Tiogue School in Coventry, Rhode Island. David's class was assigned to make creative hats for an occasion when they would meet their pen-pals from another school. David and his mother Christan Morales decided to add patriotic decorations to a camouflage hat, so they attached a small American flag and several toy soldiers to the hat. So far, so good, right?















David Morales and his hat.

(Picture and following story from here.)

But the school banned the hat because it ran afoul of the district's zero-tolerance weapons policy. Why? The toy soldiers were carrying tiny guns.

"His teacher called and said it wasn't appropriate," Morales said.

Earlier this week, after the hat was banned, the principal at the Tiogue School in Coventry told the family that the hat would be fine if David replaced the Army men holding weapons with ones that didn't have any, according to Superintendent Kenneth R. Di Pietro.

But, Morales said, the family had only one Army figure without a weapon (he was carrying binoculars), so David wore a plain baseball cap on the day of the pen pal meeting.

"Nothing was being done to limit patriotism, creativity, other than find an alternative to a weapon," Di Pietro said.

The district does not allow images of weapons or drugs on clothing. For example, a student would not be permitted to wear a shirt with a picture of a marijuana leaf on it, the superintendent said.

GMAFB! First of all, weapons are a fact of life and a staple of history. Does the school district go through all the history and library books and tear out pictures of minutemen with their muskets, cowboys and Indians with six-shooters and bow-and-arrows, WWII soldiers with rifles, machine guns, and tanks? What about law enforcement officials who carry weapons as part of their uniforms? Sticking the students' collective heads in the sand and pretending such things don't exist is not the way to prepare them for reality. Let's educate and inform them about the historical role, capabilities, and consequences of weapons usage, as opposed to a 'close your eyes and they'll just go away' approach.

Second, what lesson are the kids taking away from this episode? That blind obedience to rules is the correct course? '"Just following orders" is a justifiable defense? God forbid anyone should think for themselves, or exercise any degree of judgment.

And last but certainly not least is the young man's motivation. Why did he decorate his hat with toy soldiers?

Morales said her son was inspired to honor the military after striking up a friendship last summer with a neighbor in the Army.

Banning the hat "sent the wrong message to the kids, because it wasn't in any way to cause any harm to anyone," she said. "You're talking about Army men. This wasn't about guns."

And for all those people who respond to things like this by saying "The rules are the rules. People have to learn how to follow them" I have the following question:

Why don't we apply zero tolerance to illegal aliens?

As the old saying goes, there is nothing so uncommon as common sense...

One of Those Days

Nothing went right today. I won't bore everyone with a list of my troubles, but if you've ever had one of those days, you'll appreciate the following.

Some Answers

What's wrong with obama? It's a question that's being asked more and more, by both conservatives and liberals. Here's a few answers that should lend some urgency to the 2010 and 2012 elections.

Concern regarding obama's ability to manage, much less lead, this country has been spreading like oil across the Gulf. As pointed out here and elsewhere, even hard-core liberals are abandoning obama's sinking ship. Left unanswered, however, is the question of why is he becoming such a spectacular failure.

It's not due to a lack of intelligence (intelligence in this case being defined as the ability to learn and to reason, at least to a limited extent). After all, he did get a B.A. from Columbia and his law degree from Harvard, a pair of overrated but nevertheless academically rigorous universities. That indicates some learning ability.

And he did orchestrate his rise through the ranks of community activists into politics. He ran effective campaigns for state senator, U.S. senator, and, God help us, president. This shows he's capable of formulating and executing a strategy.

So why is he such an ineffective president? Some have speculated that it's due to his lack of executive experience. Nothing in his past has prepared him for a job as complex and demanding as leader of the free world. This is a variation of the Peter Principle, which states that "in a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence," and its corollary: "in time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out his duties."

There is some merit in this, but I think it goes deeper than that. I think that at some level obama is deeply and fatally flawed. A recent article, written by a psychotherapist, explored the possibility that he suffers from some form of psychotic disorder.

"Obama's family tree is replete with the unbalanced. His maternal great-grandmother committed suicide. His grandfather, Stanley Dunham, was particularly unhinged: He was expelled from high school for punching his principal; named his daughter Stanley because he wanted a boy; and exposed young Barry to not just drunken trash talk, but unrestricted visits with alleged pedophile Frank Marshall Davis. Barack Sr. was an abusive, alcoholic bigamist.

Obama … seems to have delusions. His believing he has a Messiah-like special gift smacks of grandiose delusions. His externalizing all blame to conservatives, George W. Bush, or the "racist" bogeyman hints at persecutory delusions.

If my assessment is accurate, what does this mean?

It means that liberals need to wake up and spit out the Kool-Aid...and that conservatives should put aside differences, band together, and elect as many Republicans as possible.

Because Obama will not change. He will not learn from his mistakes. He will not grow and mature from on-the-job experience. In fact, over time, Obama will likely become a more ferocious version of who he is today.

Why? Because this is a damaged person. Obama's fate was sealed years ago growing up in his strange and poisonous family. Later on, his empty vessel was filled with the hateful bile of men like Rev. Wright and Bill Ayers.

Obama will not evolve; he will not rise to the occasion; he will not become the man he was meant to be. This is for one reason and one reason alone:

He is not capable of it."

That's one explanation for obama's floundering in office. It certainly explains why he doesn't learn from his mistakes. But it doesn't explain his warped political philosophy, his underlying ignorance of and disdain for the bedrock principles of this country. For that we need go no further than his background and upbringing.

Because obama's formative years were spent outside mainstream America, he is not imbued with traditional or even generally accepted American values. He is basically an outsider.

"One of the reasons a lot of Americans find Obama oddly foreign is that he had an oddly foreign childhood: his formative years were spent in Indonesia. His half-sister, Maya Soetoro Ng, was born there. The rest of Obama's childhood was spent in Honolulu, a Pacific Ocean capital soaked in East Asian culture.

Obama is the first US president who was raised without cultural or emotional or intellectual ties to either Britain or Europe. The British and the Europeans have been so enchanted with 'America's first black president' that they haven't been able to see what he really is: America's first Third World president."

Another commentator has termed this "alien rule:"

"... the Obama administration and its congressional collaborators almost resemble a foreign occupying force, a coterie of politically and culturally non-indigenous leaders whose rule contravenes local values rooted in our national tradition. It is as if the United States has been occupied by a foreign power, and this transcends policy objections. It is not about Obama's birthplace. It is not about race, either; millions of white Americans have had black mayors and black governors, and this unease about out-of-synch values never surfaced.

Awareness began with Obama's odd pre-presidency associations, decades of being oblivious to Rev. Wright's anti-American ranting, his enduring friendship with the terrorist guy-in-the-neighborhood Bill Ayers, and the Saul Alinsky-flavored anti-capitalist community activism. Further add a hazy personal background -- an Indonesian childhood, shifting official names, and a paperless-trail climb through elite educational institutions.

None of this disqualified Obama from the presidency; rather, this background just doesn't fit with the conventional political résumé. It is just the "outsider?" quality that alarms. For all the yammering about George W. Bush's privileged background, his made-in-the-USA persona was absolutely indisputable. John McCain might be embarrassed about his Naval Academy class rank and iffy combat performance, but there was never any doubt of his authenticity. Countless conservatives despised Bill Clinton, but nobody ever, ever doubted his good-old-boy American bonafides.

But far worse is Obama's tone-deafness about American government. How can any ordinary American, even a traditional liberal, believe that jamming through unpopular, debt-expanding legislation that consumes one-sixth of our GDP, sometimes with sly side-payments and with a thin majority, will eventually be judged legitimate? This is third-world, maximum-leader-style politics. That the legislation was barely understood even by its defenders and vehemently championed by a representative of that typical American city, San Francisco, only exacerbates the strangeness. And now President Obama sides with illegal aliens over the State of Arizona, which seeks to enforce the federal immigration law to protect American citizens from marauding drug gangs and other miscreants streaming in across the Mexican border."

So to sum up, obama's family history is suggestive of mental instability, his upbringing instilled in him Third World and un-American values, and his education and early associations in this country reinforced those outsider traits. God help us all.

Hurry November...

Goose and Sexy Senior Citizen Updates

Unfortunately, what I feared has come to pass. The guardian goose previously posted about was hit by a car and severely injured. (Story below adapted from The Boerne Star.)

The gander who faced traffic guarding his nesting mate on the busy corner of River Road and Mesquite Street was struck by a car over the weekend and suffered a severe back injury. According to the Hill Country Animal League, veterinary examination revealed the gander is unable to eat, swim, walk or continue his vigil.

While his injuries are most likely fatal, he seems content to spend his remaining time resting near his mate. Orange barricades, a fenced yard, and a swimming pool now surround the nesting pair and their soon-to-arrive goslings. Patrons and friends from The Dodging Duck restaurant continue to give moral support.

It's nice to see that people took action to help safeguard the geese. However, it would have been even nicer if someone had thought to do this before Papa Goose got hurt. Isn't there a saying about barn doors and horses...?


On a different note, a previous post noted the availability of free condoms for the residents of my father's assisted living facility. Turns out that randy senior citizens is an international phenomenon, as illustrated by this story about an orgy in a British retirement home.

It's bound to make you smile, it's bound to make your imagination run wild, but for the old folks involved, it ended in tears.

A group of nine elderly English residents were kicked out of their nursing home after having decided to celebrate their friend's 90th birthday party in style and with gusto ... by having an orgy in the recreation room!

The oldsters, ranging in age from 73 to 98 lit candles, slathered baby oil and played music to create the sexy mood. The three romeos and six seductresses boogied for about twenty minutes until a staffer, on hearing the rumba music, went to investigate.

"They hadn't gotten too far -- I guess it was taking some of the gents a while to get started," said the unidentified staffer. "But they were all naked. Believe me, it was the scariest thing I've seen in all my life!"

Why were they booted out?

"This may sound harmless or amusing to some people, but Scarborough has a reputation to uphold. We cannot tolerate that kind of conduct!"

Although the nursing home endeavoured to keep the story out of the press, enough detail was released to force the well respected Edith Scarborough Nursing Home to admit the bizarre story was true.

IMO the nursing home management overreacted. A warning should have sufficed. I doubt if that type of activity would become a recurring pattern. Like the story's first paragraph said, you start off smiling but end up feeling sad. Another example of image taking precedence over common sense.

Speaking of which, anyone going to watch obama's speech about the oil spill tonight...?

What A Day

Today is Flag Day . It's also the U.S. Army's 235th birthday.


Johnny Cash and the American Flag - it just doesn't get any better...




Happy Birthday to my former branch of the service. It wasn't much fun at the time, but looking back on it I have to say that it certainly helped make a man out of me.




God Bless the U.S. Flag and all who serve under her.

True Love

Boerne (pronounced "Bernie," not "Born") is the nearest town to where we live. When I go in to town one of my favorite stops is a microbrewery called The Dodging Duck. It's across the street from River Road Park (below), a small green space that parallels a local creek that meanders through town.











River Road Park's biggest claim to fame is that it is home to an assortment of ducks and geese that were first attracted by the dammed-up creek, but stayed when they realized that the people who came to the park were more than willing to feed them. Thus we have a population of lazy, overweight waterfowl who have become dependent on handouts from others for their sustenance (think democrats with feathers).

One of the consequences of this avian lifestyle is that the birds have become conditioned to associate people, and by extension automobiles, with food. So the ducks and geese often wander into traffic. This requires some fancy moves by both drivers and birds to avoid fatalities. Hence the name of the brewhaus - The Dodging Duck.

Our love story starts with the decision of a pregnant goose to build her nest underneath some shrubbery running along the front lawn of the brewhaus. As the local paper reports, her loving and devoted mate has stationed himself a few yards in front of the nest and zealously chases off any person, dog, or car that comes too close (if you're not familiar with geese, they make great guard animals).

This particular goose is so diligent that he now has his own 'parking place', delineated with orange traffic cones, in front of The Dodging Duck. Regular patrons have learned to take a detour around the nest, and Papa Goose has learned that they're not a threat, so he usually lets them pass. He also ignores the traffic, as long as it stays out of his parking spot.

























Geese mate for life, and tend to return to the same nesting area year after year, so this may be the start of an annual tradition. Boerne is a friendly place, and a small enough town, that things like this are not just tolerated, but encouraged.

The eggs are expected to hatch soon. I don't know what will happen when a bunch of little goslings start waddling around, but I sure hope they don't wander out into the traffic. I'd hate to see such a happy story end in tragedy.

In the meantime, I'll spend some time sitting on the Dodging Duck's front porch sampling their wares and watching Papa Goose chase off the newcomers. Great way to spend a summer afternoon...

Credit for Trying

My father is widowed, 92, and in pretty good mental and physical condition. He moved into an independent/assisted living facility last Nov. It's about an hour's drive from us. We go see him once or twice a week. Last week I had some business near there, so I went in early and took him his favorite breakfast tacos. We sat around and talked for a while, and had a couple cups of coffee.

On the way out the coffee was making itself felt, so I stopped in a restroom in the lobby. I was flabbergasted to find a supply of free condoms in there!!! I asked the manager about it, and she said that many seniors are still sexually active, especially with drugs like Viagra available, and that the STD rate among senior citizens is increasing. I did a little research and found that she was right. So I did a little more research and came up with the following.

* * * * * * * * * *

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench talking amongst themselves when a flasher comes by. The flasher stood right in front of them, and opened his trench coat.

The first old lady had a stroke.

Then the second old lady had a stroke.

But the third old lady had arthritis and couldn't reach that far.

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* * * * * * * * * *

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up at her and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asked.

He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those tits and screw your brains out.'"

She giggled and said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"

Again he looked up at her and replied, "Mission accomplished."

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* * * * * * * * * *

A fitness fanatic took excellent care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day while wearing a speedo. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later two little old ladies came strolling along the beach. When they saw the you-know-what sticking out of the sand, the first old lady turned to the other and said "There really is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"

The first one replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I chased it. When I was 40, I enjoyed it. When I was 50, I asked for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

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AZ Misc.

Miscellaneous tidbits on Arizona's recent illegal immigration legislation, and reaction to it (miscellaneous because I'm unorganized today, and tidbits because I'm lethargic today).


Now's a great time to visit scenic Arizona. The liberals are boycotting the state, and the illegals are leaving in droves. That leaves AZ uncrowded and free of undesirables.


Speaking of liberals and Arizona, here's another example (like we needed any more) of liberal hypocrisy (source here.)

Seattle has joined several other U.S. cities in protesting Arizona's sweeping new immigration law.

However, the Seattle City Council's 7-0 vote on Monday to boycott the state won't have much practical effect.

The council's resolution was written to protect the only substantial contract Seattle has with an Arizona company - a $106,000-a-month deal with American Traffic Solutions. The Scottsdale-based company operates Seattle's 29 red-light cameras.

So let me get this straight -- a police officer verifying the immigration status of someone is a gross violation of civil liberties, but sending someone a letter accusing them of a crime based on a machine that took a picture of their license plate is a necessary revenue stream function of government that must be protected?

By now most people have seen the picture that's been floating around the internet regarding a billboard urging illegals to move from AZ to California. Unfortunately, the billboard is a digital mock-up, not a real one. Nevertheless, it captures the essence of the majority's sentiments.

If there's one thing Arizona has more of than illegal aliens, it's cactus. Below are a couple of examples of cactus (cacti?) that reflect the prevailing attitude towards those opposed to SB 1070, the notorious illegal immigration bill.


























Bend over, California. This one's for you!!!

Angry Black Man II

Following up on the previous post, author and columnist Fareed Zakaria has written an interesting opinion piece in which he argues that obama has caved in to the public and the media's demand for more anger regarding the BP oil spill. Zakaaria's premise is that obama:

"has been caving in to this media outcry that he show more emotion and anger and energy in dealing with the problem. And I think the result of it is that you're getting government as theater rather than government that is actually doing something effective."

No!!! obama acting in response to public opinion, rather than showing leadership!?!? Who woulda thunk it?

"...the president has been demeaning himself by trash-talking the CEO of BP. He's engaging in, as far as I can tell, pointless committees, make-work briefings, ... all of which is really just designed to appease this hungry media, and as far as I can tell is not going to speed up by one second the point at which the leak is plugged."

Admittedly, there's not much the government can do to plug the leak. What it can do, though, is help manage the leak: that is, provide resources and coordinate efforts to contain the oil, mitigate the damage, and help with the economic and environmental recovery. That's where obama is failing.

"In what other profession is it supposed to be a good idea that you suspend your rational faculties and let yourself be overtaken by raw emotions? Unless you're an offensive linebacker, this is not supposed to be a good thing. And in this case, we're saying the president is being too rational, too calculating."

It's one thing to empathize with people affected by the spill. But when that emotion gets in the way of solving the problem, then rationality and calculated response is a good thing. As Kipling said, "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs ... you'll be a man my son!"

And while obama is running around trash talking, what about the opportunity cost of all this hardline rhetoric?

"And the real effect it will have is to totally distract the government from dealing with the important issues the federal government has competence and jurisdiction over, such as the state of the economy, the dangers of a European debt crisis, the issues involving the way in which the Chinese military has been flexing its muscles, North Korea, Iran -- these are the things the president should be holding lots of meetings on, these are areas which are uniquely within the purview of the federal government. We have descended to government as theater."

There's more from Zakaria here. Check it out.


One more thought on the oil spill: yes, it appears at this point that BP cut some corners on safety and backup issues. They certainly should be held responsible for cleaning up the mess they've made. But has anyone thought to ask why they were drilling so far offshore?

Actually, that's a two-part question. The first is why were they drilling, and the second is why were they drilling in 5000 feet of water.

Why were they drilling? Every administration since Nixon has failed to implement a reasonable, forward-looking, long term energy policy. Remember the oil embargo of 1973? I do. Limited gasoline availability, waiting in line for hours, rationing, odd and even days, and more. But did we learn from that? Hell no. We were (and still are) so addicted to oil that we passed up numerous opportunities to lessen our dependence on oil, or at least foreign oil. So today, 37 years later, we end up paying obscene amounts of money to Middle East despots who despise us and everything we stand for.

And why were they drilling in 5000 feet of water? Everything at that depth is incredibly difficult and complex. The pressure, the cold temperatures, the technological problems of what the energy industry refers to as 'ultra deep drilling' are exponentially greater than drilling at shallow depths or on land. As Charles Krauthammer points out, "Environmental chic has driven us out there." Safer locations, such as off the east and west coasts, or even in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), have all been put off limits by the environmentalists. Consequently, they must share part of the blame for the Gulf spill.

As the masthead of this blog states, "We have met the enemy, and he is us."

Sigh...

What bias?

In response to calls for obama to show more passion when dealing with the oil spill, we have the following statement:

"I thought when we elected a black president, we were going to get a black president. You know, this is where I want a real black president. I want him in a meeting with the BP CEO, you know, where he lifts up his shirt where you can see the gun in his pants." (Source here.)

Is this an indefensible racist statement, or a benignly clever parody? It will come as no surprise that, since Bill Maher said it, it's cutting edge comedy. There has barely been a ripple in the media.

Of course, if a conservative radio talk show host said it, can you imagine the furor?

On the other hand, some folks think that obama should keep his cool and avoid the angry black man stereotype. The reasoning here is that American society is hardwired to respond negatively to angry black men. Think Malcolm X, Louis Farrakhan, Jeremiah Wright, etc. Acting like a typical NBA thug or resident of Detroit could turn much of white America against obama.

And that's not being racist, just realistic...

Air Force One Goes Stealth

We here at Bergheim Follies have just obtained a top-secret Air Force report. It seems that the Air Force has developed a new stealth technology that literally makes an airplane invisible.

Once the technology was finalized it was applied to Air Force One. This was done because that plane carries the leader of the free world. It must be protected at all costs.

Below is the story of the initial flight:

Air Force General: Mr. President, we've just invented an invisibility cloak for Air Force One.

Obama: No shit?

General: That's right, sir. Will you be going along on its maiden flight?

Obama: Wouldn't miss it for the world.

General: Have a good trip, sir.

Plug the Hole

Best idea yet for plugging the leak in the Gulf...

Hillary Strikes Again

Hillary's latest gaffe, sending the Queen of England a birthday card on the wrong date, is just the latest in a string of mistakes, misstatements, and 'misspokens' that would put Joe Biden to shame.

It follows on the heels of her "the rich are not paying their fair share" and 'the US should model itself after Brazil' pronouncement on economic policy. (For a fact-based rebuttal of that nonsense go here.

Then there was her statement last fall that she had stayed in a bomb-damaged hotel in Belfast. That was an apparent attempt to demonstrate empathy with the troubles in Northern Ireland, but, like her story about running for cover from sniper fire during a trip to Bosnia, was also a mis-remembering.

Finally, we have a gaffe that's about Hillary, not by her. It's included here because I thought it was funny. It's also an illustration of how far the New York Times has fallen. (Image courtesy of NPR. Click to embiggen - read the caption under the picture.)




















And just to beat a dead horse, remember how the media delighted in trumpeting even the slightest Bush mistake or mispronunciation? Oh well, no one ever said life was fair...

6 June 1944

Today is the 66th anniversary of the WWII landings at Normandy - better known as D-Day .

D-Day continues to be noted by the various media outlets, but as the years pass it becomes more of a cursory mention. All too soon the few remaining veterans of that day will be gone, leaving us with dry words on a page and grainy black-and-white images.

My father was a combat engineer attached to an infantry division. He went ashore that day on Omaha Beach to help clear mines and obstacles. This was done under fire and amidst a chaos and fury that most of us, thankfully, will never experience.

"Obstacles of three sorts were existent on Omaha Beach. These consisted of gate-like structures (approximately 10 feet high and strapped with mines) placed about 250 yards from the high-water line. Next, about 200 yards from shore, heavy logs were driven into the beach floor at an angle with mines strapped to the ends and along the logs. These were followed by the 5 ½ tall metal hedgehogs that were buried in the sand."

After D-Day Dad slogged across Europe until he was wounded during the Battle of the Bulge. He talks freely about all his WWII experiences, with the exception of D-Day. He just quitely says he was part of the landing force and then changes the subject.

War is hell...

Country Life

We live on a few acres about 15 miles from the nearest town. There's no water or sewage service out here, so we're dependent on a well for our water. This part of the country suffered under a severe drought for the last two years. Our well stayed wet, although some of our neighbors' wells dried up.

The drought is over now. We've received plenty of rain over the past few months. But the drought left us concerned about the wisdom of depending on the well for water in a location that is subject to frequent droughts and increasing demand for water. So to supplement our well we installed a rainwater harvesting system.

Basically, we just funnel all the rainwater from our roof into a storage tank, and use a pressure tank and booster pump to get the water into the house. It's a very simple and efficient system, and the water is incredibly pure and free of minerals and other contaminants. To be on the safe side, it's run through a series of filters before we use it. And therein lies the tale.

After each rain, we have to clean filters. The first one in line is a fine mesh sock filter, similar to the skimmer basket on a pool. It's designed to catch any large debris that might get swept off the roof into the capture system; leaves, twigs, frisbees, etc. After the rain a couple of nights ago, I assigned my wife to clean the filters (well, actually, I told her I'd make dinner if she'd clean the filters). So she went out the back door and I put a frozen pizza in the oven.

About 30 seconds later I heard a bloodcurdling shriek. I tore outside, thinking she'd tripped and broken a leg, or dropped her wine glass, or something equally appalling. I found her dancing around the filter, pointing at it and gibbering away incoherently. After I got her calmed down I took a look inside the filter. There was a little ribbon snake about two feet long in it. Evidently the snake had been on the roof and got washed into the gutter, down the downspouts, and into the collection system. Quite a ride.

Snakes don't usually bother my wife, but it was the unexpectedness of this one that got to her. When she took the filter off and it started moving by itself, she was a little startled, to say the least.

Bottom line - it looks like I'll be cleaning the filters from here on out...

Friday Night Follies

One of my early memories is hanging out with my parents at a neighborhood ice house on the outskirts of San Antonio. For those of you not familiar with the concept of a Texas ice house, NPR explains: (NPR can produce some really cool stuff, just as long as they stay away from politics.)

"Part town hall, part tavern, icehouses have been a South Texas tradition since the 1920s. Before refrigeration, icehouses stored and distributed block ice for the neighborhood iceboxes.

Over time, they diversified— iced beer, a little food, maybe some groceries — a cool, air-conditioned spot where neighbors and families come to sit, talk, play dominoes, turn up the juke box, maybe eat some chicken wings, dance on the slab outside."

Instead of a concrete slab outside, our neighborhood ice house had an indoor dance floor - real wood, sprinkled with sawdust. Most of our friends met there on Friday nights. The parents would dance, the kids would run around and raise hell, and everyone generally had a pretty good time.

Most of the music was typical for south Texas; polkas, waltzes, conjunto, and of course, western swing. I grew up an enthusiastic if not particularly skilled dancer. That's why I like this video so much. As you watch it you'll see the evolution of pop culture through dance, from the 50's through disco and rock.

For the record, I'm old school. My definition of dancing is a rhythmic activity engaged in by two people of the opposite sex who hold each other throughout (get your mind out of the gutter...). This excludes such abominations as disco and line dancing.

Anyway, it's Friday night. Let's dance!

National Pasttime

This is one of the best things I've ever seen on the Internet, not just for it's perspective, but for it's creativity.

If you're a baseball fan you'll recognize the inspiration for it. If you're not, check out the classic poem Casey at the Bat .

Enjoy.

Mellow Out

Last night a cool front (at this time of the year, there are no more cold fronts in central Texas) blew through these parts, triggering a spectacular display of lightening. Farther south there were hail storms, damage from high winds, and widespread power outages, but all we got here were light shows and a little rain.

Thanks to the front, today was cloudy and cool. The clouds started breaking this evening around sundown. Consequently, we were treated to a breathtaking sunset - horizontal smears of purples, pinks, oranges, and golds, interspersed with gaps of blue and white. I wish I could paint, or photograph, or write well enough to do justice to such beauty.

We sat on the back porch, enjoying the cool temperatures, coos from the flocks of white-wing doves that frequent our feeders, and the soft calls of bobwhite quail (my personal favorite) in the distance. We even saw a pair of whistling tree ducks perched in a big old oak.

Top off with a few adult beverages, and the result was a mellow glow that reduced to insignificance thoughts of oil spills, idiots in congress and the White House, illegal immigrants, and the other nonsense that grinds us down every day. All that stuff will be there tomorrow, but for a few hours tonight it was reduced to meaningless insignificance while we reconnected as a family and enjoyed the truly wonderful things this life has to offer.

Mellow out...

A Love Story for the Ages - Well, Almost

By now everyone knows that Al and Tipper Gore are splitting the sheets after 40 years of wedded bliss marriage. I don't blame her. If I was stuck under the same roof with a bloviating hypocrite like Saint Al there would be either a divorce or a homicide.

Reactions to the pending divorce are varied. First, of course, it's all Bush's fault.

"(T)hey never got over being denied the presidency despite winning the popular vote in 2000. If only Bush hadn't taken it from them."

Then there's the damage their divorce is doing to the planet: "...people with failed marriages can be blamed for global warming ."

But best of all is the "Top Ten Reasons Al and Tipper Gore are Separating," courtesy of Stilton Jarlsberg (click below to embiggen).

Update to Previous Post

Evidently I shouldn't have posted the previous comments casting doubts on obama's competency. According to over-the-hill rock person Paul McCartney, we should all just "lay off him, he’s doing great."

Of course, this advice comes from someone who married Heather Mills...

That's a No-Brainer

Early in the 2008 presidential campaign many people expressed doubts about whether obama was qualified to perform as president (qualified from a competency standpoint, not from a citizenship one). Of course, if you raised questions about his experience and ability, you were ipso facto a racist.

However, shortly after obama took office, his supporters began to have doubts. In March 2009, Michael Goodwin of the NY Daily News reported:

"a veteran Democratic pol approached me with a pained look on his face and asked, "Do you think they know what they're doing?"

Which brings us to the heart of the matter: the doubts about Obama himself. His famous eloquence is wearing thin through daily exposure and because his actions are often disconnected from his words. His lack of administrative experience is showing.

His promises and policies contradict each other often enough that evidence of hypocrisy is ceasing to be news. Remember the pledges about bipartisanship and high ethics? They're so last year."

Another democrap stalwart, Dick Morris, advisor to the Clintons for 20 years, flat-out asked " Is Obama Competent ?"

"... Is he competent? Does he know what he is doing? ... Does he know how to do anything other than spend money?"

No less a well-credentialed liberal than Gore Vidal got on board the obama-is-incompetent bandwagon back then as well:

"I was like everyone else when Obama was elected – optimistic. Everything we had been saying about racial integration was vindicated," he says, "but he's incompetent. He will be defeated for re-election. It's a pity because he's the first intellectual president we've had in many years, but he can't hack it. He's not up to it. He's overwhelmed."

The most recent round of doubts concerning obama's competency were triggered by the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. What's telling about them, however, is that they're not doubts concerning his ability to "plug the hole." They may start off that way, but they soon morph into doubts about his ability to govern this country.

Mad Dog James Carville, a fervent democrap, flails obama for his inaction on the oil spill. Carville's tirade is both amusing and tragic. (From my perspective it's a mixture of "I told you so" and sorrow for the long term damage being done to the Gulf and the coast. I like seafood and long walks on the beach. Sadly, both are out of the picture for the foreseeable future.)

Peggy Noonan, in a Wall Street Journal editorial, states "The president, in my view, continues to govern in a way that suggests he is chronically detached from the central and immediate concerns of his countrymen."

Even Maureen Dowd, the most left-leaning floozy since Hanoi Jane Fonda, echoes Noonan's theme that The Chosen One is detached and remote from the problems besetting him.

Too often it feels as though Barry is watching from a balcony, reluctant to enter the fray until the clamor of the crowd forces him to come down.

The oil won’t stop flowing, but the magic has.

Of course, in true liberal fashion she does manage to blame most of the problems on Bush and Cheney.

"It’s impossible not to feel sorry for President Obama, pummeled by the cascading disasters, at home and abroad, unleashed by two war-mongering oil men."

Dick Morris returns to ask "Who would have thought that this president, so anxious to lead us and so focused on his specific agenda and ideas, would turn out not to know what he is doing?"

It's interesting to see the rats abandoning the sinking S.S. Obama. The question is, where are they going to go?

Perhaps Michael Barone of the New York Post has the most intriguing perspective on this whole mess:

"It can be argued that Republicans have won the elections that turned on ideology and that Democrats have won the elections that turned on competence.

Republican victories in 1984, 1988 and 2004 were clearly endorsements of Ronald Reagan's and George W. Bush's policies. Democratic victories in 1992 and 2008 were indictments of the two George Bushes for incompetence and in 1996 an endorsement of the competence of Bill Clinton."

So now we have barack hussein obama, failed politician, failed socialist, and most regrettably, failed president. Why is that regrettable? Because he's dragging the rest of us down with him...

More Teacher Follies

Alright, folks, I know it's the end of the school year, but for goodness sakes, can't teachers control themselves?

The latest teacher-making-a-fool-of-him/her self news is from good old San Antonio. Seems a middle school band director got himself on the outside of a little too much beer while taking band members on a field trip to the Six Flags Fiesta Texas amusement park.

I totally understand how a bunch of middle school students (or high school students, or college students) could drive a man to drink. But at least wait until you hand the little darlings back to their parents.

On the bright side, he didn't sleep with any of them...

Jobs for Democrats

Finally, the stimulus package is paying off. A recent announcement publicized new jobs for which democraps are uniquely qualified.

NHL team seeking help to flush Pa. arena's toilets

PITTSBURGH (AP) — The Pittsburgh Penguins are looking for 250 students to help with an important task and there's only one major requirement: You must know how to flush a toilet.

Construction is near completion on the NHL team's new arena, the Consol Energy Center. But like with any new arena or stadium, officials need to simultaneously flush all the toilets and urinals to make sure everything is working. The Penguins are calling the June 10 event the "Student Flush," a spinoff of their popular ticketing program known as "Student Rush."

Students already involved in the ticketing program can enter for a chance to win. Students must be 18 or older to participate in the flush-apalooza.

In all, there will be 400 flushers, including some construction officials, on hand that day.

Insert your own joke here...