Credit for Trying

My father is widowed, 92, and in pretty good mental and physical condition. He moved into an independent/assisted living facility last Nov. It's about an hour's drive from us. We go see him once or twice a week. Last week I had some business near there, so I went in early and took him his favorite breakfast tacos. We sat around and talked for a while, and had a couple cups of coffee.

On the way out the coffee was making itself felt, so I stopped in a restroom in the lobby. I was flabbergasted to find a supply of free condoms in there!!! I asked the manager about it, and she said that many seniors are still sexually active, especially with drugs like Viagra available, and that the STD rate among senior citizens is increasing. I did a little research and found that she was right. So I did a little more research and came up with the following.

* * * * * * * * * *

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench talking amongst themselves when a flasher comes by. The flasher stood right in front of them, and opened his trench coat.

The first old lady had a stroke.

Then the second old lady had a stroke.

But the third old lady had arthritis and couldn't reach that far.

* * * * * * * * * *

























* * * * * * * * * *

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up at her and said, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "That's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asked.

He responded, "As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those tits and screw your brains out.'"

She giggled and said, "Yes honey, that's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"

Again he looked up at her and replied, "Mission accomplished."

* * * * * * * * * *



















* * * * * * * * * *

A fitness fanatic took excellent care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day while wearing a speedo. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that.

He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand.

A bit later two little old ladies came strolling along the beach. When they saw the you-know-what sticking out of the sand, the first old lady turned to the other and said "There really is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?"

The first one replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I chased it. When I was 40, I enjoyed it. When I was 50, I asked for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it. Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

* * * * * * * * * *