Sunday, November 17, 2013

Sunday Funnies 2013.11.17

Hunting season is in full swing. Amongst the trophies on my wall is this plaque.

A group of deer hunters are in camp when they realize that they are running low on provisions.

The group appointed Joe to get supplies.

Joe went into the store and bought 10 bottles of whiskey, 12 cases of beer and 2 packages of hotdogs.

When he returned to the camp the group looked in his truck and they asked, "Joe, what in the world are we gonna do with all them damn hotdogs?"

It was Saturday morning and Bill, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Susan, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Bill asks her, "What are you up to?" Susan smiles and replies, "I'm going hunting with you!" Bill, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.

They arrive at the hunting site. Bill sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and shoot. I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot." Bill walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Susan couldn't bag an chicken, let alone a deer.

But not 15 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears several gunshots. Quickly, Bill starts running back to his wife's treestand. As Bill gets closer, he hears Susan screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused, Bill races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire.

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Bill is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, mam, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"

Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one that killed my brother?' "

Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' "

The interview ended at that point.

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF).

These boys will be dropped off in Afghanistan and have been given only the following facts about terrorists :

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the war to be over by Friday.


Old NFO said...

Heh, love the last one!!!

CenTexTim said...

Yep ... PETA says it's okay to slaughter domestic animals, but not harvest wild ones. And shooting a deer leaves a much smaller carbon footprint than buying the equivalent amount of beef at the supermarket.