Relationship Advice For Women

I may have, from time to time, posted a few things that poked fun at the fairer sex (in the nicest possible way, of course). In the spirit of being fair and balanced, today I am extending a helping hand to the ladies out there by passing along some advice to help them achieve happiness in their personal lives.

Five Secrets to a Great Relationship

1. It is important to find a man who does chores around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans, and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn’t lie.

4. It is important to find a man who’s good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.

5. It is important that these four men never meet.

While I'm at it, I'd like to offer some tips to help professional women understand the nuances of modern-day marketing.

1.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man. You go over to him and say: “I’m fantastic in bed.”

This is Direct Marketing.

2.You’re at a party with a group of friends and you see an attractive man. One of your friends goes over to him and says: “That girl over there is fantastic in bed.”

This is Publicity.

3.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man. You ask for his phone number. The next day you call him and say: “I’m fantastic in bed.”

This is Telemarketing.

4.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man you already know. You go over to him and say: “Do you remember how good I am in bed?”

This is Customer Relationship Management.

5.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man. You get up, smooth your dress, go over and serve him a drink. You straighten his tie seductively and say: “I’m fantastic in bed.”

This is Public Relations.

6.You’re at a party and you see an attractive man. He comes over to you and says: “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

This is Branding, the reputation of the name.

7. On your way to a party, you realize many attractive men live nearby. You start blasting your horn, roll down your car window, and drive slowly, yelling for all the world to hear, “I–AM–FANTASTIC–IN–BED!”

This is spam.

You're welcome.