Wives, Kids, And Frozen Meat

We have a freezer in our garage. It's a stand-up model that looks like an ordinary one-door refrigerator. We use it to store wild game and meat that we buy when it's on sale. My wife also insists on keeping 25-pound bags of birdseed in it, claiming that the seed stays fresher in the freezer. The kids put popsicles and other frozen treats in there as well. Normally I don't care what they put in there, as long as there's room for my meat (and no, that's not a joke).

So this evening I went to the grocery store. There were several nice steaks on sale, marked down after the weekend. I snagged a bunch, figuring I could freeze them and grill them down the road. When I got home I opened the freezer door prior to putting the steaks in.

Someone -- no one will 'fess up who -- had rummaged around in the freezer and rearranged its contents. When I opened the door a 7-pound ham tumbled out and landed on my foot - or more precisely, the toe equivalent on my ring finger.

After several moments of hopping and cussing I limped into the house. Both the toe and the toenail were turning blue, as was my language. Do you have any idea how hard it is to isolate your ring toe and put ice on it?

Of course, I would never play an incident like this to my advantage. As I sat there with my toe/foot wrapped in an ice pack, my wife was pleased beyond mention to fetch me dinner and Shiners.

Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?
A: None. It should be open by the time she brings it to you.