Ground-Breaking Research (Pun Intended)

A few days ago I posted something about new research that focused on the "sexual exploitability hypothesis - the idea that men are genetically programmed to look for 'easy' sex."

When it comes to finding a mate, men may not be looking for charm and intelligence, but rather a woman who looks dumb - or drunk - enough for a one-night-stand, according to a new study.

Now comes a paper slated to be published in the Iowa Law Review:

The U.S. stands on the precipice of a financial disaster, and Congress has done nothing but bicker. Of course, I refer to the coming day when the undead walk the earth, feasting on the living. A zombie apocalypse will create an urgent need for significant government revenues to protect the living, while at the same time rendering a large portion of the taxpaying public dead or undead. The government’s failure to anticipate or plan for this eventuality could cripple its ability to respond effectively, putting us all at risk.

At first glance this seems like a WTF moment. Is a reputable law review actually publishing a paper devoted to zombie-related tax issues?

Well, actually, it's not as far-fetched as it sounds. Consider that the U.S. government's Center for Disease Control has a section on its website dedicated to preparing for a zombie apocalypse. As the CDC states:

"If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack."

Similarly, the law review paper actually does raise some interesting legal and tax issues, albeit in the guise of a tongue-in-cheek zombie context. For example:

The legal definition of death, and therefore of a decedent, has generally been left to the states, each of which has its own definition. That said, there has been a recent trend away from a definition that focuses on heart function to one that focuses on brain function. It is not at all clear under current state standards whether people who become zombies would be considered dead for state law purposes.

When does death occur? When the heart stops beating, or when the brain stops functioning? If the latter, then congress is already populated by numerous zombies.

The second tax issue to consider is whether the income tax should apply to zombies. Income can come in two forms: earned and unearned. One does not typically think of zombies as earning income, but it can happen. By some reports, zombies have been known to return to places where they used to work...

I can testify to the accuracy of that last sentence.

Another interesting question that may have far-reaching tax consequences is whether someone remains married once he becomes a zombie.

Or whether someone becomes a zombie once they get married. I have an ex-wife who fits that description.

While it seems unlikely that anyone would willingly become a zombie for tax purposes, it is not unreasonable to suppose that someone might voluntarily become ... some form of ... undead to take advantage of loopholes in the tax laws.

Man, talk about an epic battle: zombies versus the IRS. It'd make a great movie. (My money's on the IRS. They'll hound you to the grave - and beyond.)

While it is an interesting and well-written article, it raises a truly scary possibility: a potential alliance between lawyers and the undead.

Be afraid ... very, very afraid...