Wednesday, August 31, 2011

More Headlines I Never Thought I'd See

First it was the Greeks, aggressive doughnut sellers, and undercover cops.

Now semen is in the news. File this one under "Do we really need a warning against this?"

Canada warns not to buy 'fresh' semen online
Canada's health agency on Tuesday warned would-be parents not to purchase "fresh" semen online, saying it may be tainted with infectious diseases.

Donor semen obtained through "questionable means," it explained, may not have been screened or tested, and therefore may not be safe.
"Questionable means"  ... I'm not sure what "questionable means" are in the context of semen collection. Anyone out there with some experience in this area?
It also directed Canadians to a list of approved semen processors and importers on its website that are subject to regular inspections.
I have an ex-wife who certainly would qualify as a "semen processor," although getting her "approved" would be problematic.

And can you imagine someone answering the question "What do you do for a living" by replying "I'm a semen inspector."

However, we shouldn't make light of semen. It is, after all, the spark that initiates new life. Not only that, it also has the power to shut down Interstate highways.
Bull semen forces closure of interstate ramp
Canisters of bull semen caused quite a scare on the on-ramp to Interstate 65 South Tuesday morning.

The canisters fell off a Greyhound bus just after 5 a.m. as the bus traveled around the curve of the ramp just south of downtown Nashville.

Fire and emergency crews were called to the scene amid reports of a foul odor.

When they discovered four unmarked canisters with steam and an unpleasant odor coming from them, they shut down the on-ramp and called HAZMAT crews.
Officials traced the containers to Greyhound after finding bus tickets on the ground.  The bus did not know it lost its load and had continued on.
"lost its load" ... LOL! Was that accidental, or did some clever reporter sneak a  little innuendo past an unobservant editor? Anyway...
Authorities called Greyhound, who, after speaking with the driver the bus, determined the canisters to be filled with straws of frozen sperm packed in liquid nitrogen.

The load originated in Columbus, Ohio and was en route to a breeding facility in Laredo, Texas. (!)

Once the leaking canisters were deemed not harmful, they were moved to a grassy area next to the interstate.

A Greyhound spokesperson said it's not uncommon that the bus was carrying bull sperm.

In addition to transporting people, the also company transports cargo.  The canisters were filled with liquid nitrogen and thus could only be transported by ground.

Greyhound said the sperm was stored in a separate compartment below the bus and not near the belongings of passengers.
Well, that's a relief. I certainly wouldn't want to get any of that stuff on my clothes. I don't know how I'd explain it to my wife.

Reminds me of the old joke about a blond who drops off her blouse at the neighborhood cleaner's and points out a spot that she wants removed. The cleaner says he'll take care of it and then says "Come again."

The blond replies, "No, this time it's toothpaste..."


JT said...

My inquiring mind wants to know how many bulls and how many bovine porno flicks were involved in gathering three large canisters worth of semen.

CenTexTim said...

"Elsie Does Dallas"
"Sperms of Endearment"
"Close Encounters of the Sperm Kind"
"Emission Impossible"

Any others...?