Sunday Funnies 2015.08.16

Congress is not in session right now, but I'm still disgusted with it/them. And it's only going to get worse as election time gets closer.

Rules Of Congress

If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

Don't lie, cheat or steal...unnecessarily.

There is always one more son of a bitch than you counted on.

An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

"NO" is only an interim response.

You can't kill a bad idea.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

The truth is a variable.

You can agree with any concept or notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

A promise is not a guarantee.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire.

We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

Here's a variation of the above joke.

Radio news report: " A group of as yet unidentified armed assailants have taken over the Capital building and are currently holding Congress hostage. The kidnappers are threatening to release congress members one by one until their demands are met."

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'present' or 'not guilty.'" —Teddy Roosevelt

"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress." —John Adams