Hodgepodge 2015.08.18

Feeling a little lazy today, so in lieu of real content here's a hodgepodge of stuff...

Little Johnny

A salesman knocks on the door and Little Johnny opens it.

"Is your dad at home?"

"He's in the shower"

"Well, is your mom home?"

"She's also in the shower"

"Oh. Will they be out any time soon?"

"I don't think so. Dad asked for Vaseline and I gave him superglue"

Hillary

Hillary Clinton and her entourage were driving through the Iowa countryside on their way to a campaign rally. Her driver accidentally hits and kills a pig.

Hillary tells the driver to go talk to the farmer and apologize. The driver does so, and comes back carrying a ton of presents - cookies, sausages, wine, and more.

Hillary, bewildered, asks her driver: "What did you tell the guy?"

The driver answers: "I said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver. The pig is dead!"

OldNFO

As some of you may know, OldNFO is nearing retirement. He's spent last weekend searching for a nice quiet place in the country to spend his golden years. Here's a peek into his future.

OldNFO finally retires from his job and buys himself a house in the country. He's miles from the nearest neighbor, and even farther away from the nearest town.

One day a pickup truck comes up the drive, and a man gets out. He says "Hi, my name's Earl. Saw someone bought this old house and wanted to come by to say hello."

OldNFO replies "Mighty nice of you, Earl, thanks for stopping by."

Earl says, "Before I go, thought I'd invite down to a party I'm having this Friday. There's gonna be eatin' and drinkin' and fightin' and f**kin'."

"Sounds like a good time," OldNFO says. "What should I wear?"

"Oh, don't really matter" Earl says. "Just gonna be you an' me."