Sunday Funnies 2015.07.12

Still visiting Scotland. They are a quite humorous people.



"How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock?" asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen. 

"It's okay," he replies, "but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps banging his head on the wall." 

"Never you mind," says his mother, "don't you let them get to you, just ignore them." 

"Aye, that I do," he says, "I just keep playing my bagpipes."




Dougal was a typical Scot. His wife Janet had just died and he wanted to place the least expensive death notice. He went to the newspaper office and wrote on the lodgement from, "Janet died."

The clerk explained that there was a minimum charge and he could have five words. 

Dougal added three more words: "Janet died, Toyota for sale."




This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. 

After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.

After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.

He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?"

The barman says, "It's a moose."

The Scottish chap says, "F**k me! How big are the cats?"




What's the difference between a Scottish funeral and a wedding?

At the funeral there's one less drunk.