Sunday, September 28, 2014

Sunday Funnies 2014.09.28

No theme today - I'm cleaning out the in-box...

Seen in the men's room at a golf course:

Speaking of golfers:

A lion comes across two men. One is reading, and the other is writing. The beast pounces on the reader and eats him, but ignores the writer. Why?

Because a writer cramps, but a reader digests.

* * * * *
Did you hear about the group of cows that NASA launched into orbit?

It was the herd shot around the world.

* * * * *
Two Norman soldiers are relaxing after the Battle of Hastings in 1066.

“What a battle! What a victory!” one exclaimed. “Someday children will read about this as a turning point in history. And we were there!”

“Perhaps,” the other replied. “But I think they will be shielded from most of the details."

“Why?” asked the first. “They need to know what happened here.”

The second soldier shook his head and replied, “Too much Saxon violence…” 

Women Drviers:

My wife came home, with something evidently on her mind.

"Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said.

She gave me a sexy little, promising smile, then reached into her cleavage and slowly pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

Wow, this seemed to be 'going places.'

"Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up?" she asked.

"No," I said with anticipation.

She gave me another sexy little smile, and slowly and seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

I was getting curious at this point.

"Now," she said, "Have you ever seen 30,000 dollars all crumpled up?"

"No," I said, intrigued.

She then said, "Well, go and take a look at our car in the garage."


Old NFO said...

Good ones, especially the last one... sigh

Well Seasoned Fool said...

+1 Old NFO. Fits my ex.

CenTexTim said...

Thanks, guys. That last one fits many of my ex-wives/girlfriends...