Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sunday Funnies 2014.09.07

Football season is in full swing this weekend. Now if the temperature down here would just drop below 95...

Football Rules from Various Political Structures
SOCIALIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes half your points and redistributes them to the opposing team.

COMMUNIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and gives you back what the Central Bureau of Points designates as appropriate (according to your needs).

FASCIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and sells them back to you.

NAZI FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and shoots your team.

BUREAUCRATIC FOOTBALL: After you score, a tax of 80% will be imposed on the points. 10% of your points will be given to the scoring disadvantaged, 10% of the points will be given to the opposing team as an incentive "not to score," while 60% of the points will be used by the state for administration.

CAPITALIST FOOTBALL: The Super Bowl -- Winner Take All

Three fans were talking about the sad state of their local team.

The first fan said, "I blame the general manager; if we could sign better players, we'd have a great team."

The second fan said, "I blame the players; if they made more effort, I'm sure we would score more touchdowns."

The third fan said, "I blame my parents; if I had been born in a different town, I'd be rootng for a decent team."

Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for a conversation to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a soccer game between heaven and hell.

God, always fair, told the devil, "The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the 'good' players go to heaven?"

The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."

Snow White was returning from town to the cottage in the forest where she lived with the seven dwarfs.  In the distance she could see smoke, then as she got nearer she realized that their cottage had burnt down.

Frantically, Snow White searched the forest for the dwarfs. She finally heard a lone voice crying out, "The Dallas Cowboys will win teh Super Bowl this year."

On hearing this, Snow White gave a little sigh of relief as she knew that at least Dopey was safe.


Toejam said...

What's all this Hoopalla about football?

As a matter of fact what's the big deal about sports, in general?

Sports were invented back in the day by the Roman and Greek politicians and patricians in order to keep the ignorant peasants amused and their attention away from the nefarious goings on of the government.

How do I know?

President Obama told me so!

Old NFO said...

LOL, love the Cowboys one... sigh I can remember when they WERE winners (Pre-Jerry)...

CenTexTim said...

Toejam - bread and circuses...

NFO - I remember all the way back to the Eddie LeBaron/Don Meredith quarterback controversy. Of course, I was VERY young back then... :-)

The 'Boys will never be winners again as ling as Jerry runs the team.