Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Basic Rules Of Curling

I've been watching a lot of curling lately during the Olympics. At first glance it seems very similar to the casual games of shuffleboard that we've all played in bars, minus the beer. But closer observation reveals that curling is a much more subtle and sophisticated sport, with unfamiliar terms and nuances that are unintelligible to the casual fan.

Fortunately, I ran across the following short guide to the sport which simplifies it and makes it much more enjoyable to watch.
Curling is a Scottish sport that was invented in the early Precambrian period by criminals looking for a good time.

There are only 47 rules to curling, however 6 of them were lost in the Scottish revolution of 1412. Today, these "lost rules" are decided by a pre-match brawl between both teams.

The object in curling is to score the most points by capturing a blonketoon inside the MacMalley basket. The Ochmunkst starts the game by throwing a Curl down the ice toward the MacMalley, hoping his blonketoon makes it inside.

If the blonketoon doesn't make it all the way, the defending team has the opportunity to use their blancmange broom to force members of the other team to eat the blancmange which is stored inside each blonketoon. The team that eats all the blancmange first is declared the loser and then beaten, sometimes severely.

By Scottish law, women are not allowed to play curling since they are typically used for barter during the match.
 You're welcome.


Old NFO said...

Snerk... OKkaaaayyyy... :-)

CenTexTim said...

Snerk??? Well, maybe just a little...