Not-So-Happy Hour

We used to be the most powerful nation in the world. When U.S. presidents spoke, foreign leaders listened.

Now they just laugh and ignore us.

Russia Invades Ukraine, Obama Declares Happy Hour

Russian troops are on the move in Crimea ...

... at least five Russian transport planes landed at a military air strip near the (Crimea) regional capital late Friday... 13 Russian jumbo jets landed at Gvardeyskoye, near Simferopol, carrying an estimated 2,000 Russian paratroopers...

Ukraine airports have been closed. Telephone and Internet communications have been disrupted. Television stations have been seized.

obama's response?

The Obama administration has responded, so far, in a manner that is pathetic even by its own standards. After issuing stern warnings to Russia not to invade Crimea, the administration, confronted with the actual presence of Russian troops on the ground, philosophized about whether it was really an invasion, suggesting that a more apt term might be an “uncontested arrival.”

"uncontested arrival!?!" GMAFB.

President Obama himself, having delivered a limp warning to Vladimir Putin, decamped for a meeting of the Democratic National Committee, where he told a cheering crowd: “Well, it’s Friday, it’s after 5:00. So this is officially happy hour with the Democratic Party.”

I'm all for happy hours. But not when it looks like a regional war is on the verge of breaking out.

It is not, of course, happy hour in Ukraine, or anywhere else where people are used to counting on American leadership.

Un-friggin'-believable. We have fallen so far while that SCOAMF has been in office...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2014.02.28

As we struggle through this seemingly endless winter, here's a reminder that Spring Break is just around the corner.

Birds Of A Feather

This took place yesterday near my Central Texas home. I threw up in my mouth a little.

Former President Bill Clinton came to Texas to help honor Henry Cisneros, a former San Antonio mayor who served as housing secretary in the Clinton administration ... Clinton spoke Wednesday night in San Antonio as the World Affairs Council of San Antonio awarded Cisneros with its International Citizen of the Year award.

There's also been some talk recently about naming the San Antonio airport after Cisneros.

What a short memory the public and the press have.

Former housing secretary Henry G. Cisneros pleaded guilty yesterday to a single misdemeanor charge of lying to the FBI about money he paid to a former mistress...

Fellow cheats and liars Bill Clinton and Henry Cisneros together at a San Antonio democrat function.

Of course, Cisneros was merely doing what his idol and mentor Bill Clinton did ... and John Edwards ... and Jesse Jackson ... and too many other democrat politicians to name.

Granted, there are republicans who have also had problems keeping their appendages in their pants and out of trouble. The difference between the two parties, however, is that once republicans are busted they slink away in disgrace. On the other hand, democrat cheaters are forgiven and celebrated.

Just one more double standard...

Question - How do you say ‘Bill Clinton’ in Spanish?
Answer - Henry Cisneros.

Two For The Price Of One

Today is National Chili Day. It also happens to be my 62nd birthday. I wasn't going to mention that, but since we're celebrating one we may as well celebrate the other.

It is fitting that we celebrate National Chili Day every year on the fourth Thursday of February since there’s nothing better than enjoying fiery fare during one of winter’s coldest months.

Chili has a long and storied history around these parts. There can be no serious doubt that the bowl of ambrosia known as Texas Red originated in my old stomping grounds.

18th Century

1731 - On March 9, 1731, a group of sixteen families (56 persons) arrived from the Canary Islands at Bexar, the villa of San Fernando de Béxar (now know as the city of San Antonio). They had emigrated to Texas from the Spanish Canary Islands by order of King Philip V. of Spain. The King of Spain felt that colonization would help cement Spanish claims to the region and block France's westward expansion from Louisiana.

These families founded San Antonio’s first civil government which became the first municipality in the Spanish province of Texas. According to historians, the women made a spicy “Spanish” stew that is similar to chili.

19th Century

Some Spanish priests were said to be wary of the passion inspired by chile peppers, assuming they were aphrodisiacs.  A few preached sermons against indulgence in a food which they said was almost as "hot as hell's brimstone" and "Soup of the Devil."  The priest's warning probably contributed to the dish's popularity.

1850 - Records were found by Everrette DeGolyer (1886-1956), a Dallas millionaire and a lover of chili, indicating that the first chili mix was concocted around 1850 by Texan adventurers and cowboys as a staple for hard times when traveling to and in the California gold fields and around Texas. Needing hot grub, the trail cooks came up with a sort of stew. They pounded dried beef, fat, pepper, salt, and the chile peppers together into stackable rectangles which could be easily rehydrated with boiling water. This amounted to "brick chili" or "chili bricks" that could be boiled in pots along the trail.

1860 - Residents of the Texas prisons in the mid to late 1800s also lay claim to the creation of chili. They say that the Texas version of bread and water (or gruel) was a stew of the cheapest available ingredients (tough beef that was hacked fine and chiles and spices that was boiled in water to an edible consistency). The "prisoner's plight" became a status symbol of the Texas prisons and the inmates used to rate jails on the quality of their chili. The Texas prison system made such good chili that freed inmates often wrote for the recipe, saying what they missed most after leaving was a really good bowl of chili.

1893 - The Texas chili went national when Texas set up a San Antonio Chili Stand at the 1893 Columbian Exposition in Chicago.

1895 - Lyman T. Davis of Corsicana, Texas made chili that he sold from the back of a wagon for five cents a bowl with all the crackers you wanted. He later opened a meat market where he sold his chili in brick form, using the brand name of Lyman's Famous Home Made Chili. In 1921, he started to can chili in the back of his market and named it after his pet wolf, Kaiser Bill and called it Wolf Brand Chili (a picture of the wolf is still used on the label today).

Chili Queens:

1880s - San Antonio was a wide-open town (a cattle town, a railroad town, and an army town) and by day a municipal food market and by night a wild and open place. An authoritative early account is provided in an article published in the July 1927 issue of Frontier Times. In this article, Frank H. Bushick, San Antonio Commissioner  of Taxation, reminisces about the Chili Queens and their origin at Military Plaza before they were moved to Market Square in 1887. According to Bushick:

"The chili stand and chili queens are peculiarities, or unique institutions, of the Alamo City. They started away back there when the Spanish army camped on the plaza. They were started to feed the soldiers. Every class of people in every station of life patronized them in the old days. Some were attracted by the novelty of it, some by the cheapness. A big plate of chili and beans, with a tortilla on the side, cost a dime..."

Chili Powder:

Chili historians are not exactly certain who first "invented" chili powder. It is agreed that the inventors of chili powder deserve a slot in history close to Alfred Nobel (1933-1896), inventor of dynamite.

1890s - The Fort Worth chili buffs give credit to DeWitt Clinton Pendery. Pendery arrived in Fort Worth, Texas in 1870. It is said that local cowboys jeered his elegant appearance (he was wearing a long frock coat and a tall silk hat) as he stepped onto the dusty street. It is also said that he was initiated into the town by a bullet whipping through his coat. He casually collected his belongings and continued on his way, earning immediate popular respect.

By 1890, after his grocery store burned down, he started selling his own unique blend of chiles to cafes, hotels, and citizens under the name of Mexican Chili Supply Company. Pendery's products are still sold today by members of his family. Pendery wrote of the medicinal benefits of his condiments and its acclamation from physicians: selling his own brand of "Chiltomaline" powder to cafes and hotels in the early 1890s

"The health giving properties of hot chile peppers have no equal. They give tone to the alimentary canal regulating the functions, giving a natural appetite and promoting health by action of the kidneys, skin and lymphatics."

1894 -San Antonio buffs swear that chili powder was invented by William Gebhardt, a German immigrant in New Braunfels, Texas (near the town of San Antonio). Gebhardt ran the Phoenix Cafe, attached to his buddy's saloon, now called the Phoenix Saloon.

According to the The New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung newspaper article (Phoenix Saloon Back in Business), February 19, 2010:

The Phoenix Saloon was reputedly the first bar in Texas to serve women, though not wanting to taint their reputation; female patrons would sit in the beer garden and ring a bell for service. . . There was a deer pen, an alligator pit and ring for fighting badgers at the original Phoenix Saloon. There was even a parrot sitting on a perch by the front door that was taught to say, "Have you paid your bill?" in German...

William Gebhardt spend years perfecting the spices for the chili he served in his cafe. At first, Gebhardt ran the chile peppers through a home meat grinder three times. Later, according to a description of the time, Gebhardt "concocted a chili powder in a crude mill by grinding chile peppers, cumin seed, oregano, and black pepper through an old hammer mill, feeding a little of this and a little of that to the mill." What came out was put in little-necked bottles and then packed in a box for retail trade."

At first he called his chili powder "Tampico Dust". In 1896, he changed the name to Gebhardt's Eagle Brand Chili Powder ... In 1960, the company was acquired by Beatrice Foods (now owned by ConAgra Food, Inc.) and is now known as Gebhardt Mexican Foods Company. The blend today is unchanged and is still one of the most popular brands used.

Chili Competitions - Chili Cook Offs:

1952 - Most present day historians write that the first World's Chili Championship was the 1967 cook-off in Terlingua, Texas (see 1967 below). Ranger Bob Ritchey of Texas proved this theory wrong. He researched and found several newspaper articles about the 1952 Texas State Fair Chili Championship. On October 5, 1952, headlines of The Daily Times Herald of Dallas, Texas said "Woman Wins But Men Do Well in Chili Event."

On October 5, 1952 at the Texas State Fair in Dallas, Texas. Mrs. F. G. Ventura of Dallas won the Texas State Fair contest and her recipe was declared the "Official State Fair of Texas Chili Recipe" and first ever "World Champion Chili Cook." ... It was a no-holds-barred affair as to ingredients, except that beans could not be used. The contestants numbered fifty-five with five judges. Joe E. Cooper is quoted as saying: "Besides that, it'll take a lot of judges because after the first two or three spoonfuls of good, hot Texas-style chili, the fine edge wears off even an expert chili judge's taste buds... It'll be a hot job but one that no true Texan will shirk."

1967 - The most famous and well known chili cook-off took place in 1967 in Terlingua, Texas. Terlingua was once a thriving mercury-mining town of 5,000 people and it is the most remote site your can choose as it is not close to any major city and the nearest commercial airport is almost 279 miles away. Just getting to Terlingua requires a major effort.

It was a two-man cook-off between Texas chili champ Homer "Wick" Fowler (1909-1972), a Dallas and Denton newspaper reporter, and H. Allen Smith (1906-1976), New York humorist and author, which ended in a tie.

The cook-off challenge started when H. Allen Smith wrote a story for the August 1967 Holiday Magazine titled Nobody Knows More About Chili Than I Do, which claimed that no one in Texas could make proper chili. Smith contended that ". . . no living man, I repeat, can put together a pot of chili as ambrosial, as delicately and zestfully flavorful, as the chili I make." His article included his recipe for chili that included beans.

Of course, this offended many Texans who would never consider adding beans to their chili. When Frank Tolbert (1912-1984), famous journalist and author of A Bowl of Red, saw Smith's article, he started open warfare in the press with a column he wrote for the Dallas News. A reader suggested that Fowler answer the challenge, which he did. The cook-off competition ended in a tie vote when the tie-breaker judge, Dave Witts, a Dallas lawyer and self-proclaimed mayor of Terlingua, spat out his chili, declaring that his taste buds were "ruint," and said they would have to do the whole thing over again next year.

According to Gary Cartwright, writer for Sports Illustrated, the blindfolded judge number three, David Witts, was given a spoonful of chili which he promptly spit out all over the referee's foot. "Then he went into convulsions. He rammed a white handerkerchief down his throat as though he were cleaning a rifle barrel, and in an agonizing whisper Witts pronounced himself unable to go on."

In regards to the beans/no beans controversy, I stand with my father, who often declared that only yankees and communists put beans in their chili.

Right on, Dad!

Austin Cops Run Amok

I lived in Austin for many years, many years ago. At that time it was a relaxed, mellow place full of rednecks and hippies who were happily co-existing. Even the cops were cool, turning a blind eye to many instances of minor 'victimless' crime. I should know. I was the beneficiary of those blind eyes on more than one occasion.

But time marches on.

Today's Austin cops seem to have evolved into the modern antithesis of the Officer Friendly that I so fondly recall. Two examples follow.

Busted For Jaywalking

City police officers arrested a woman around 10:45 a.m. Thursday for failing to provide identification after she was stopped near the intersection of 24th and San Antonio, outside Big Bite Pizza and Grill.

Advertising senior Chris Quintero, who witnessed the arrest, said Austin Police Department officers were working at the intersection when the woman jogged across the block.

“I was sitting at the Starbucks at 24th and San Antonio,” Quintero said. “Then I hear a cop shout at an innocent girl jogging through West Campus with her headphones on.”

When the woman did not stop, the officer grabbed her by the arm and quickly placed her in handcuffs, Quintero said.

“She repeatedly pleaded with them, saying that she was just exercising and to let her go,” Quintero said.

In footage of the incident that Quintero filmed, the woman can be seen attempting to get up from the ground and being kept down by police officers.

“I was doing nothing wrong,” the woman said from her position sitting on the sidewalk. “I was crossing the street.”

There are, of course, two sides to every story. The cops' version is different than the one reported above. Regardless, wouldn't their time be better spent working on violent crime instead of busting jaywalkers? And based on the original video, it appears that the Austin cops would benefit from a little jogging themselves. I guess in the time since I've moved away the Austin police have morphed from Officer Friendly to Officer Doughnut.

In our second example, we have an Austin driver arrested for DWI in spite of the fact that he blew a 0.00 on the breathalyzer.

...Texas resident Larry Davis ran either a red light or stop sign (reports vary) in his Buick in the city of Austin. Despite his insistence that he had had only one drink, he was put in handcuffs and arrested for driving while intoxicated. Then, when he was given a Breathalyzer test by the AustinPolice Department, he blew a 0.00. Nonetheless ... Mr. Davis spent the night in jail.

While at the station, Mr. Davis agreed to give a blood sample as well, to prove he was not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol. The results would later come back 100% negative.

So why was he arrested? Because, the cops say, that while standing on one leg, he “swayed,” and “needed his arms for balance.”

Boy, am I in trouble. I have trouble standing on one leg even when stone cold sober.

(The Austin paper) reports that people, including Davis’ attorney, Mr. Betts, have characterized Austin PD’s drunken driving arrests as “overzealous.” They noted back in 2011, that Austin’s Travis County has, “dismissed a higher percentage of drunken driving cases than other major Texas counties -- in part because prosecutors said police filed weak charges or prosecutors allowed suspects plead to other crimes."

As for Larry Davis, he will now spend the next few months getting his arrest record wiped clean. In addition to that, he will file a grievance against the Austin Police Department and the officer who arrested him...

Sounds like he has a pretty good case, especially given that prosecutors dismissed his case completely.

That story reminds me of the one about the juggler who got pulled over for speeding.

When the cop asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way do a show that night in a town a couple of hundred miles away and didn't want to be late.

The cop told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver replied that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The cop said that he had some flares in the trunk of his squad car, and asked it they could be used. The juggler stated that was fine, so the cop got out three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the squad car. A drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in.

The cop observed him doing this and went over to his squad car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "Might as well take my ass to jail. There's no way in hell I can pass that test."

There's An App For Everything

For some time now I've been of the opinion that people have become overly dependent on their smart phones. For example, I carry paper maps in my truck, but just about everyone else I know uses some sort of GPS app to find their way around. That works great unless you're somewhere with problematic reception ... or your phone's battery is dead ... or you run off the road while peering at that tiny screen.

Now the app developers have taken advantage of our phones' built-in technology - the accelerometer and the microphone - to create Spreadsheets, a sex activity app that promises to "track your performance between the sheets."

The hardware (Hah!) keeps track of such things as "how many thrusts per minute you’re averaging, how long you go for, and exactly how loud it gets." The software lets you keep a record of encounters - dates, times and performance levels. It also allows you to forward that data as desired.

How does it work?
Spreadsheets monitors data from user’s movement and audio levels through the accelerometer and microphone to provide statistical and visual analysis of their performance in bed.

Spreadsheets does not record or playback audio or video. That would be creepy.

Where does my “data” go?

Spreadsheets activity specific data is stored securely on your mobile device. Your information is never relayed, backed up, or synced to the internet.

Can anyone see my data?

Only the people you share it with. Share it with your doctor if you’re trying to get pregnant. Share it with your nutritionist since you’re burning calories. Share it with your friends and let the facts speak for themselves.

You can also, if desired, share your data with the firm (Hah! again) for data aggregation purposes. In fact, a recent study based on Spreadsheets data ranked all 50 states to determine the longest and shortest durations of sexual activity by state.

Topping the list, by a large margin is New Mexico, where an act of love lasts just over 7 minutes...

Alaska limps in at number 51, with an apologetic 1 minute 21 seconds... (The District of Columbia was, for the purposes of this research, included as a state.)

Go here and scroll down for the entire list.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I prefer the old-fashioned methods of performance evaluation - the length and severity of scratches on my back, the frequency and volume of the phrase "Oh God Oh God Oh God, " and most importantly, whether my partner screams out my name or someone else's...

Cutting Our Own Throat

Shades of Back to the Future. The obama administration has proposed cutting back the military to levels not seen since WWII.

The Pentagon said on Monday it would shrink the U.S. Army to pre-World War Two levels, eliminate the popular A-10 aircraft and reduce military benefits in order to meet 2015 spending caps...

Surprised? Keep in mind who the military preferred in the 2012 election. (The professional core of the U.S. military overwhelmingly favored Mitt Romney over President Obama...)

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel, previewing the Pentagon's ideas on how to adapt to government belt-tightening, said the defense budget due out next week would be the first to look beyond 13 years of conflict, shifting away from long-term ground wars like Iraq and Afghanistan.

Okay, I get that. But it seems like there would be a significnat built-in 'peace dividend' that would enable cutting away fat without slicing into muscle.

Hagel said the Pentagon plans to reduce the size of the Army to between 440,000 and 450,000 soldiers. The Army is currently about 520,000 soldiers and had been planning to draw down to about 490,000 in the coming year.

A reduction to 450,000 would be the Army's smallest size since 1940, before the United States entered World War Two...

The proposed budget also continues its assault on pay and benefits.

Hagel said the department would seek a 1 percent raise in pay for military personnel but would slow the growth of tax-free housing allowances, reduce the annual subsidy for military commissaries and reform the TRICARE health insurance program for military family members and retirees.

Hagel also said the Pentagon would eliminate the Air Force fleet of A-10 "Warthog" close air support planes, which are much beloved by ground troops, in order to ensure continued funding of the new long-range bomber, the Lockheed Martin F-35 Joint Strike Fighter and a new aerial refueling tanker.

Keep the Warthog. Get rid of that flying Swiss army knife, the F-35. That'll save tens of billions right there.

Hagel failed to point out that the budget cuts will inevitably result in an increased number of dead soldiers and Marines in future conflicts.

When the Obama Administration sends its proposed 2015 defense budget to Congress on March 4, two high-profile armored vehicle programs will be missing in action.  A new Amphibious Combat Vehicle to get marines safely from ship to shore in future conflicts has been indefinitely delayed.  And a new Army Ground Combat Vehicle designed to provide better battlefield mobility and protection for a nine-soldier rifle squad has also been shelved.  Both moves make it more likely that large numbers of U.S. ground forces will die in future wars.

...In the case of the Marine Corps, a badly needed replacement of its Vietnam-era amphibious assault vehicle has been deferred indefinitely, even though the existing vehicle is too slow and lightly armored to afford adequate protection against well-armed defenders ashore...

In the case of the Army, a replacement of its Reagan-era Bradley troop carrier called the Ground Combat Vehicle has been killed despite the fact that Army leaders complained during the Iraq war about the inadequate protection the Bradley provided to soldiers it was transporting...

These are not the only modernization programs being impacted by budget cuts.  The Army has delayed or canceled a hundred technology efforts, including its next-generation air defense system, a planned reconnaissance helicopter, and elements of its future battlefield network.  But terminating the one new armored vehicle conceived to correct operational deficiencies noted in existing vehicles during recent conflicts has especially worrisome implications for the fate of ground forces in future wars.

So does killing an amphibious vehicle that would have carried the first wave of U.S. ground forces into future littoral crises.  With the U.S. military presence in the Persian Gulf and other hot spots moving offshore, the Marines are reverting to their traditional emphasis on forcible entry and amphibious warfare ... at some point Marines will still have to crash through the surf to seize hostile shores, and the current amphibious vehicle simply doesn’t look well-suited to a world in which enemies have precision-guided munitions...

So instead of protecting our troops and keeping the faith with our veterans, the obama administration is stabbing them in the back.

Funny, but I don't see similar cuts in 'entitlement' programs. Gotta give the masses their free obamaphones, obamacare, food stamps, welfare checks, and on and on and on...

FOD 2014.02.24

The Fed has announced a policy of tapering off its quantitative easing policy. In plain English, that means a reduction in the Federal Reserve's purchase of T-bonds. The intent is to gradually reduce the Fed-backed artificial support of the financial marketplace.

Agree or disagree, but at least the Fed has a plan in mind. Contrast that with America's geopolitical tapering under obama.

The most recent example is obama's pronouncement that if the killing of Ukrainian protesters continues, "There will be consequences if people step over the line."

Sound familiar? That's what he said about Syria's use of chemical weapons. After that fiasco you'd think he would have learned his lesson, but nooo ... he continues to prattle on about some imaginary red line. His latest version drew yawns, laughs, and snorts of disdain.

No one took that warning seriously—Ukrainian government snipers kept on killing people in Independence Square regardless. The world remembers the red line that Mr. Obama once drew over the use of chemical weapons in Syria . . . and then ignored once the line had been crossed.

That it was generally ignored by the rest of the world speaks volumes about how far U.S. influence and prestige has fallen under obama.

The origins of America's geopolitical taper as a strategy can be traced to the confused foreign-policy decisions of the president's first term. The easy part to understand was that Mr. Obama wanted out of Iraq and to leave behind the minimum of U.S. commitments. Less easy to understand was his policy in Afghanistan. After an internal administration struggle, the result in 2009 was a classic bureaucratic compromise: There was a "surge" of additional troops, accompanied by a commitment to begin withdrawing before the last of these troops had even arrived.

In 2009 the Iranian people rose up against the religious leaders thugs running that country. Here was a heaven-sent opportunity to potentially topple a brutal, repressive, and anti-Western regime. What did obama do? He sat idly on the sidelines and waited for events to play themselves out.

In 2011, when the Egyptian people revolted against Hosni Mubarak, obama backed the Muslim Brotherhood. When the Egyptian people revolted against the Muslim Brotherhood-controlled government, obama backed the military coup that overthrew it. He stood by and did nothing during the 2011 international move to oust Libyan strongman Moammar Gadhafi. He also stood by and did nothing in 2012 when four Americans were slaughtered by Libyan terrorists in Benghazi.

To be fair, that last sentence isn't totally accurate. He didn't do nothing - he blamed the attack on a video.

And then there's Syria.

Syria has been one of the great fiascos of post-World War II American foreign policy. When President Obama might have intervened effectively, he hesitated. When he did intervene, it was ineffectual. The Free Syrian Army of rebels fighting against the regime of Bashar Assad has not been given sufficient assistance to hold together, much less to defeat the forces loyal to Assad. The president's non-threat to launch airstrikes—if Congress agreed—handed the initiative to Russia. Last year's Russian-brokered agreement to get Assad to hand over his chemical weapons is being honored only in the breach, as Secretary of State John Kerry admitted last week.

The result of this U.S. inaction is a disaster. At a minimum, 130,000 Syrian civilians have been killed and nine million driven from their homes by forces loyal to the tyrant. At least 11,000 people have been tortured to death. Hundreds of thousands are besieged, their supplies of food and medicine cut off, as bombs and shells rain down.

Worse, the Syrian civil war has escalated into a sectarian proxy war between Sunni and Shiite Muslims, with jihadist groups such as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria and the Nusra Front fighting against Assad, while the Shiite Hezbollah and the Iranian Quds Force fight for him. Meanwhile, a flood of refugees from Syria and the free movement of militants is helping to destabilize neighboring states like Lebanon, Jordan and Iraq...

And obama really can't blame Bush anymore.

Mr. Obama's supporters like nothing better than to portray him as the peacemaker to George W. Bush's warmonger. But it is now almost certain that more people have died violent deaths in the Greater Middle East during this presidency than during the last one.

The scale of the strategic U.S. failure is best seen in the statistics for total fatalities in the region the Bush administration called the "Greater Middle East"—essentially the swath of mainly Muslim countries stretching from Morocco to Pakistan. In 2013, according to the International Institute of Strategic Studies, more than 75,000 people died as a result of armed conflict in this region or as a result of terrorism originating there, the highest number since the IISS Armed Conflict database began in 1998. Back then, the Greater Middle East accounted for 38% of conflict-related deaths in the world; last year it was 78%.

Of course, countering the left's perception of obama with facts to the contrary is a exercise in futility. They claim his moves in the Middle East are all part of a grand plan.

So what exactly is the president's strategy? "It would be profoundly in the interest of citizens throughout the region if Sunnis and Shiites weren't intent on killing each other," the president explained...

Pretty shrewd guy, our president...

Thus far, the U.S. "pivot" from the Middle East to the Asia Pacific region, announced in 2012, is the nearest this administration has come to a grand strategy. But such a shift of resources makes no sense if it leaves the former region ablaze and merely adds to tension in the latter. A serious strategy would surely make some attempt to establish linkage between the Far East and the Middle East. It is the Chinese, not the Americans, who are becoming increasingly dependent on Middle Eastern oil. Yet all the pivot achieved was to arouse suspicion in Beijing that some kind of "containment" of China is being contemplated.

That's all we need - to ratchet up tension between the U.S. and China at a time when our economy is still fragile and our military is being steadily weakened by ongoing budget cuts and eroding morale.

It's time to end Amateur Hour at the White House. Can we please bring back Henry Kissinger? Or Condoleeza Rice? George Schultz? James Baker? Anyone with a basic understanding of geopolitical reality would be a welcome change...

Another Fine Mess

I hope and pray this is just a case of being prepared ... an overabundance of caution. Because if it's not, we're in deep kimchi.

In Japan’s Drill With the U.S., a Message for Beijing

In the early morning along a barren stretch of beach here last week, Japanese soldiers and American Marines practiced how to invade and retake an island captured by hostile forces.

Memo to Beijing: Be forewarned.

American military officials, viewing the cooperative action of the former World War II enemies from a nearby hillside, insisted that the annual exercise, called Iron Fist, had nothing to do with last fall’s game of chicken between Tokyo and Beijing over islands that are largely piles of rocks in the East China Sea. But Lt. Col. John O’Neal, commander of the 15th Marine Expeditionary Unit, said that this year, the Japanese team came with “a new sense of purpose.”

“There are certainly current events that have added emphasis to this exercise,” he said, as Japanese soldiers made their way up into the rocks before disappearing into the hills above the beach. “Is there a heightened awareness? Yes.”

In the United States military, commanders are increasingly allied in alarm with Japan over China’s flexing of military muscle. Capt. James Fanell, director of intelligence and information operations with the United States Pacific Fleet, recently said in San Diego that China was training its forces to be capable of carrying out a “short, sharp” war with Japan in the East China Sea.

In a sign of continuing concern, Gen. Ray Odierno, the Army chief of staff, was in China over the weekend seeking to improve the limited relationship between the American and Chinese militaries, perhaps through exchanges of top officers. In recent years, the Pentagon has worried about the buildup of China’s military and a lack of transparency among its leaders.

The islands at the center of the dispute, known as the Senkaku in Japanese and the Diaoyu in Chinese, are a seven-hour boat ride from Japan, even farther from China, and thought to be surrounded by man-eating sharks. Japan has long administered the islands, but they are claimed by China and Taiwan.

Last year, China set off a trans-Pacific uproar when it declared that an “air defense identification zone” gave it the right to identify and possibly take military action against aircraft near the islands. Japan refused to recognize China’s claim, and the United States defied China by sending military planes into the zone unannounced — even as the Obama administration advised American commercial airlines to comply with China’s demand and notify Beijing in advance of flights through the area.

A few weeks later, Prime Minister Shinzo Abe of Japan approved a five-year defense plan that took the pacifist nation further toward its most assertive military posture since World War II.

This year’s Iron Fist, Colonel O’Neal said, was the largest and most involved operation so far. The exercise included drones and the kinds of air support that would be needed to protect Japanese and American troops retaking an island...

For Japan, defense experts said, the shift to the more comprehensive training with the Marines is a direct response to a more assertive China. “The Japanese have been getting more serious about broadening their training,” said Christopher K. Johnson, senior adviser at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, because “the Chinese are doing their own exercises that look a lot like island-grabbing.”

He pointed to recent military exercises by China that Asia experts believe could be rehearsals for landing operations targeting the uninhabited islands.

And imagine, Asia experts said, if China became assertive about islands where people actually live, like Okinawa.

Some Asia experts believe that is already happening, pointing to recent talk from Chinese scholars, though not the Chinese government, about Okinawa, which the Japanese call Ryukyu.

“All of a sudden,” said Andrew Oros, an associate professor of political science at Washington College in Chestertown, Md., and a specialist on East Asia, “it’s no longer about protecting some deserted island; it’s about protecting somewhere where more than one million Japanese people live.”

There can be little doubt that the chicoms have become more aggressive in their approach towards the West. Given our economic dependency on China, along with their military build-up and increasingly intransigent attitude, it appears that they are the next big threat to the U.S. and our Far East allies.

What is particularly worrisome is that, in this time of increasing tension, our foreign policy is being shaped and executed by the modern-day political equivalent of Laurel and Hardy - obama and kerry.

God help us...

Sunday Funnies 2014.02.23

Cleaning out the in-box...

We had a power outage yesterday. My PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad, and surround sound music system were all shut down.

Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat.

To top it off it was raining, so I couldn't play golf.

I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power. So I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

On his 70th birthday, a man received a gift certificate from his wife. The gift was a consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.

The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man. The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder warned, "This is powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' " When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in their bedroom.

When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes.

Then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

A ventriloquist is touring the country. He arrives at a small college town in California and begins his show.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands up on her chair and starts shouting,

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It's people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells out:

"You stay out of this! ......I'm talking to that little shit on your lap"

I’m not the best looking guy. I'm on the downhill side of 50, a little overweight, and balding. Some would say I’m a little frayed around the edges. But I have a nice bike, a little money, and I spend most of my time casually riding from place to place.

I met a nice looking girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us.

All of a sudden, she did this cute little dance, then immediately dropped to her knees and lay on the grass at my feet. As we lay there making love, I thought . . . .

“Wow, these tasers are really worth the money!!”

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame the old man is walking and the boy is riding." The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later they passed some people who remarked,"What a shame, He makes that little boy walk. So they then decided they'd both walk.

Soon they passed some more people who remarked "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people who said, "How awful, putting such a load on a poor donkey." The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey.

As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, You might as well kiss your ass goodbye!

One Small Ray Of Hope

Perhaps there is some hope for America after all.

After a slow start, the protests against the obama administration's tyrannical attempt to 'monitor' (read: manipulate) the news media gained enough significant mass to cause the regime to reconsider (at least partially).

As posted previously, barry's boys -- and girl -- at the FCC were poised to embed overseers in newsrooms across the country in a blatant attempt to intimidate media outlets that didn't parrot the party line. Tellingly, the media commissars were even to be present at newspapers, a medium over which the FCC has no legal or statutory authority.

However, enough of a fuss was raised to cause the FCC to back off - sort of.

The Federal Communications Commission has pulled the plug on its plan to conduct an intrusive probe of newsrooms as part of a “Critical Information Needs” survey of local media markets.

First Amendment supporters objected that the design of the survey would have had FCC representatives interrogating newsroom staffers about how they make coverage decisions and select (or spike) story ideas. Many commentators objected to the potential intimidation involved in such a survey.

The original plan of the survey would also have taken the FCC out of its traditional purview of regulating supposedly scarce airwaves. Because the CIN sought to discover “underserved” consumers in a variety of “media ecologies,” the survey would have included not only broadcast media but newspapers, blogs and online news.

That survey has been put on the back burner - for now. However, what remains is equally chilling.

The elimination of the newsroom probe raises the question of what form a future CIN survey may take...

One observer speculated to National Review that the FCC may take this opportunity to revisit a matter on which it has repeatedly been shot down. The airwaves regulator has been consistently blocked by courts in its efforts to establish race-based media ownership rules – on the grounds that it did not have data to justify such rulemaking. There is a movement to make the CIN a mechanism for gathering such data.

“Communities of color and women should have opportunities to control the distribution and creation of images about themselves,” the Conference wrote on December 5. “We look forward to working with the Chairman to consider the variety of technologies and policy initiatives that would accomplish that objective. We emphasized the importance of collecting data that tracks the impact of media consolidation on women and people of color ... and encouraged the Commission to move ahead with the effort, paying special attention to its ability to assess the needs of linguistic minorities.”

Oh my aching back. Between cable TV with 100s of channels, all sorts of radio outlets (satellite, Pandora, etc.), and the Internet, there have never in the history of mankind been as many or as diverse a selection of media. Women, people of color, and 'linguistic minorities' (whatever the hell that is) have never had so many options or outlets.

All of which has been achieved without government intervention...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2014.02.21

It's the weekend. 'Nuff said...

Flatulence Follow-Up

There is a serious side to this morning's post about the Flatulence Deodorizer Pad. The problem of excessive flatulence is akin to obamacare - it costs people their jobs.

An opera singer is out of work after a routine surgery left her unable to sing without farting.

An opera singer is suing ... over claims that a botched operation during childbirth has left her with excessive flatulence that has threatened to ruin her career...

Ms Herbst claims in the lawsuit filed at Cincinnati federal court that complications from the operation have damaged her reproductive and digestive systems. The lawsuit states: “As a result of her incontinence and excessive flatulence, Herbst has been unable to work as a professional opera singer.”

Yet another reason I avoid the opera...

What Will They Think Of Next?

I have a friend who heads up a consulting company that specializes in helping companies innovate and develop new products. Since my professional background is loosely affiliated with that area, we occasionally have conversations about some of the more 'interesting' innovations we've come across. Here are two that recently appeared on our radar.

The first one isn't too bad. It brings reading in the john into the 21st century.

The iPad and new tablet technology are revolutionizing how and where we view entertainment. CTA Digital’s Pedestal Stand for iPad provides a convenient way to comfortably enjoy apps, eBooks, videos and web browsing at home. The bendable gooseneck stand allows you to adjust to any viewing angle, orientation or position you may need and securely holds the iPad. Simply slide and snap the iPad into the padded stand. The elegant chrome pedestal also features an optional toilet paper roll holder and a solid heavyweight base that will stay in place. So add luxury and convenience to your décor...

What's next? A coffee cup holder mounted next to the iPad holder?

I can see where the above product might come in handy. However, I feel sorry for anyone who needs the next product.

...the flatulence remedy that you have been looking for ... A safe, effective product that eliminates the foul odor caused when you fart or pass gas.

The Flatulence Deodorizer Pad is a reusable charcoal cloth pad that is designed to remove the odors caused by flatulence. The charcoal underwear pad is designed to be taped to the panties or undies next to the buttocks area. This flatulence remedy is safe, effective and virtually undetectable...

Like I said, I feel sorry for anyone who needs a Flatulence Deodorizer Pad. However, I feel even sorrier for anyone who has to be around them...

This Explains A Lot

I'm not a conspiracy theorist. I don't believe in black helicopters, the New World Order, or wearing tin foil hats. However, every once in a while a circumstance or event pops up that on the surface seems inexplicable, but upon further review appears to give some credence, however slight, to a surreptitious and nefarious plot. Today, that circumstance is the establishment republican's puzzling silence and lack of action concerning the mess at the IRS.

The Internal Revenue Service has become a partisan tool of the Democrats, a constitutional abomination that should be the basis of impeachment...

The GOP has a ready-made issue to take to voters. The IRS is easily the most-hated institution of government power.

The IRS has targeted the Tea Party, obama critics, conservative actors and filmmakers, and other anti-obama groups and individuals. Even the New York Times has noticed.

But reaction from establishment republicans has been strangely muted. Sure, there's been a few perfunctory objections and calls for investigation. There have even been a few hearings in the House, primarily driven by its more conservative members. But there hasn't been any widespread outcry from mainstream GOPers.I couldn't figure out why, until I saw this statement from Pat Caddell..

(Pat Caddell is a long-time political consultant, pollster, and film adviser. He has worked for Jimmy Carter and other democrat political figures  such as Gary Hart, Joe Biden, and Jerry Brown., but more recently has espoused conservative views.)

...the establishment Republicans want the IRS to go after the Tea Party. Got it? They want them to go after the Tea Party because the Tea Parties are an outside threat to their power hold. And I’m telling you the lobbying consulting class of the Republican Party or Republican leadership who have been attacking the Tea Party and alienating them, they want the IRS to do this!

Why, you ask?

The Tea Party creates huge problems for the GOP Establishment. They really create no problems for the Democrats. Democrats use the Tea Parties, in general, as a target for demagoguery any time they need to move ObamaCare off the front pages. Tea Party Senators and Representatives keep the old line media in business – see reporting on Ted Cruz and Mike Lee.

The GOP Establishment, on the other hand, has huge problems with the Tea Parties. Just ask Dick Lugar or any one of a number of former House Members or former Senators who got retired because of a Tea Party candidate. Ask Pat Roberts, the soon to be former Senator from Kansas who’s been a US Senator ostensibly representing that state for 46 years. Never mind that, like Dick Lugar, he doesn’t have a home in his “home state” and hasn’t for decades. He’s got what is essentially a time share.

The GOP Establishment is working hand in pocket with the US Chamber of Commerce – the premier big government organization in the US – to fund campaigns for people like Pat Roberts. They want them in Washington because they’re reliable big government providers. They may “advocate” on some conservative issues but they’re every bit as opposed to the concept of “small government as Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi.

That’s why you don’t see senior Republicans talking about the IRS scandals every time they’re in front of a camera. They want the IRS to keep conservatives as far away from the polling places and from election issue advertising as they can keep them. It’s the GOP Establishment who get hurt, not so much the Democrats.

Now it all makes sense...

Unbelieveable

I can't believe this is happening in my America.

I can't believe this is happening in the America my father, my father-in-law, and various uncles fought and bled for.

I can't believe every (alleged) journalist in this country hasn't risen in a body and howled in protest.

And yet this proposal is marching through the federal government's bureaucratic process on its way to becoming law, with nary a 'progressive' voice raised in protest.

As you read the following, keep this question in mind: what would have been the media's reaction if George Bush had proposed something like this?

News organizations often disagree about what Americans need to know. MSNBC, for example, apparently believes that traffic in Fort Lee, N.J., is the crisis of our time. Fox News, on the other hand, chooses to cover the September 2012 attacks on the U.S. diplomatic compound in Benghazi more heavily than other networks. The American people, for their part, disagree about what they want to watch.

But everyone should agree on this: The government has no place pressuring media organizations into covering certain stories.

Unfortunately, the Federal Communications Commission ... does not agree. Last May the FCC proposed an initiative to thrust the federal government into newsrooms across the country. With its "Multi-Market Study of Critical Information Needs," or CIN, the agency plans to send researchers to grill reporters, editors and station owners about how they decide which stories to run...

The purpose of the CIN, according to the FCC, is to ferret out information from television and radio broadcasters about "the process by which stories are selected" and how often stations cover "critical information needs," along with "perceived station bias" and "perceived responsiveness to underserved populations."

How does the FCC plan to dig up all that information? ...the agency selected eight categories of "critical information" such as the "environment" and "economic opportunities," that it believes local newscasters should cover...

Who decides the "critical information" categories? The government, that's who.

Scary...

Should all stations follow MSNBC's example and cut away from a discussion with a former congresswoman about the National Security Agency's collection of phone records to offer live coverage of Justin Bieber's bond hearing?

In a sane world, the above sentence should be all that's necessary to yank MSNBC's FCC license.

More seriously, it is easy to imagine a scenario where the FCC rules that a network should cut away from hearings on things like the IRS targeting of conservative groups or the Benghazi coverup to focus on hearings on global warming.

It's obvious that this is nothing but a ham-handed attempt by the obama administration to intimidate and control the media.

I'm sure the mainstream media will push back and refuse to go along with this blatant violation of the First Amendment.

When pigs fly...

Basic Rules Of Curling

I've been watching a lot of curling lately during the Olympics. At first glance it seems very similar to the casual games of shuffleboard that we've all played in bars, minus the beer. But closer observation reveals that curling is a much more subtle and sophisticated sport, with unfamiliar terms and nuances that are unintelligible to the casual fan.

Fortunately, I ran across the following short guide to the sport which simplifies it and makes it much more enjoyable to watch.

Curling is a Scottish sport that was invented in the early Precambrian period by criminals looking for a good time.

There are only 47 rules to curling, however 6 of them were lost in the Scottish revolution of 1412. Today, these "lost rules" are decided by a pre-match brawl between both teams.

The object in curling is to score the most points by capturing a blonketoon inside the MacMalley basket. The Ochmunkst starts the game by throwing a Curl down the ice toward the MacMalley, hoping his blonketoon makes it inside.

If the blonketoon doesn't make it all the way, the defending team has the opportunity to use their blancmange broom to force members of the other team to eat the blancmange which is stored inside each blonketoon. The team that eats all the blancmange first is declared the loser and then beaten, sometimes severely.

By Scottish law, women are not allowed to play curling since they are typically used for barter during the match.

 You're welcome.

Let The Games Begin

One of the hottest stories from the Sochi Olympics is the exposure a host of sexy babes are bringing to the relatively obscure sport of curling.

Russian skip Anna Sidorova slides out of the hack without a broom.

Not to worry, ladies, the male curlers are hot as well.

Norway’s Thomas Ulsrud, away from the rink.

Curling, however, is just a subset of the avalanche of lust engulfing Sochi. Bring together thousands of fit young people in their athletic prime, house them all in tight quarters, stir in the tension and energy of competition, and top it off with the latest in hook-up technology, and you get a heaping helping of sex.

Tinder is an app that lets you know if there’s someone nearby who you might like. You can anonymously like the other person or pass on them, but if both people like one another, then a match is made.

The social networking tool may be new since the last Winter Olympics, but with 3,000 athletes in the prime of their lives from around the world packed into Sochi, they’re bound to seek an outlet through electronic means or otherwise.

“It’s like making the ingredients of a huge stew — a stew of sexual ingredients,” said Dr. Judy Kuriansky, a sex therapist and clinical psychologist at Columbia University’s Teachers College in New York City. “There is stress, which causes tension, and anxiety and energy, and a massive outpouring of chemicals in the body — adrenaline and endorphins. It’s a powerful concoction of chemicals.”

“Everyone knows the runner’s high,” she said. “Olympian athletes certainly have it — it’s orgasmic.”

Kuriansky said all the beautiful and fit athletes tend not to “think about their conscience.”

“Winners or losers, on top of the world or devastated, it tends to make you grab the moment — carpe diem,” she said. “This is your moment.”

An abundance of hook-ups isn't exclusive just to Sochi, however. Other Olympics have generated similar levels of sexual activity.

Sochi 2014:

The games have just begun, but it’s already the year of Tinder and talk of 100,000 condoms circulating around the Olympic Village.

London 2012:

“Could London 2012 be the raunchiest games ever?” asked the Daily Mail. “Steamy London Olympics: A Condom-a-Day, Per Athlete,” wrote Businessweek of the 150,000 condoms distributed.

Althletes were particularly candid about their sex lives, as well. “I’ve seen people having sex right out in the open,” U.S. soccer star Hope Solo told ESPN in a long expose of Olympians’ sexual encounters. “On the grass, between buildings, people are getting down and dirty.”

Vancouver 2010:

Snowboarder Scotty Lago, 22, went home earlier than anticipate after TMZ leaked a photo showing a fan biting on his bronze medal when it was hanging from his belt buckle. (He had no events left to compete in.)

CNN ran the headline, “Vancouver medals in condom distribution”

ESPN reported that six athletes had an orgy in a hot tub right outside the Village.

Beijing 2008:

Former Olympic table tennis player Matthew Syed wrote an article for the Times of London noting that there was a “sex fest… right here in Beijing. Olympic athletes have to display an unnatural… level of self-discipline in the build-up to big competitions. How else is this going to manifest itself than with a volcanic release of pent-up hedonism.” This led to a headlines asserting that the Olympic Village hosted “More Sex than Woodstock.”

Salt Lake City 2002:

The conservative city hosted some protests against Olympic policies to distribute free condoms to athletes.

Sydney 2000:

Officials thought that 70,000 (rainbow) condoms would be enough. They had to send out for 20,000 more after a week.

Javelin thrower Breaux Greer told ESPN that he had relations with three women every day of the Olympics — two were other Olympians and another was a tourist. He had to leave the games due to a knee injury. But as a consolation prize, he did end up with a famous (unnamed) Olympian in the airplane bathroom on the flight back to Los Angeles.

Norway 1994:

Skier Carrie Sheinberg told ESPN that two German bobsledders “made it clear that they’d trade me their gold for all kinds of other favors. I said jokingly, ‘Thanks, but Tommy Moe has a medal. I’ll play with his.’”

Barcelona 1992:

Even though he played ping pong, Matthew Syed said he “got laid more often in those two and a half weeks than the rest of my life up to that point.”

This is when condoms began getting offered to Olympians to encourage safe sex during the games.

Seoul 1988

There were reports of so many condoms found on the roofs of Olympic residences that the Olympic Association banned outdoor sex.

Let the Games begin, indeed...

You Can't Fix Stupid

Here's three stories that illustrate the Forrest Gump quote: "Stupid is as stupid does."

People Unclear on the Concept

Reading Township (PA) police arrested two people on driving while intoxicated charges after they each tried separately to pick up a third person, also charged with driving while intoxicated, from the police station, authorities say.

The series of arrests began about 1:45 a.m. Monday when police stopped Carmen Reategui, 34, of Readington Township, after she was seen swerving along Route 22 East, according to a news release.

Police smelled alcohol coming from the vehicle and arrested Reategui after she failed field sobriety tests, authorities say.

While Reategui was at the station, police said, she called Nina Petracca, 23, of Dunellen, N.J., for a ride home. However, when Petracca showed up at police headquarters, the Middlesex County woman was visibly intoxicated and also failed sobriety tests, according to police.

Later, both women called Ryan Hogan, 33, of Readington Township, for a ride, police said. But Hogan had been drinking and he, too, failed sobriety tests after arriving at the station, police said.

The three eventually managed to locate someone who was sober to bail them out. No word on why that person wasn't drunk as well.

At least they had the excuse of being over-served. The hero in our next story can't blame his problem on booze.

Bad Handwriting Lands Attempted Bank Robber in Jail

Police say 29-year-old Jamal Garrett entered the Wells Fargo Bank in the 2600 block of Somerville Road in Antioch and handed the teller a note.

Police said the teller was unable to read the note due to poor handwriting. When she called her manager for help, they say, Garrett slipped out the back door.

Police found him soon after. He was arrested for attempted bank robbery and outstanding parole violations.

Jamal Garrett and his hold-up note.

That was bad enough. The next guy, however, takes the gold medal for criminal ineptitude.

Burglar forced to beg his victim to call police for help after he got stuck upside down while climbing through bathroom window

A man who broke into a house ended up having to be freed by police after he got stuck while climbing through a window.

Daniel Severn, 27, was trying to break into the house of Richard Wilson in Howden, East Yorkshire, by getting in through the bathroom.

But his foot got trapped in the window and he was left hanging upside down for an hour with his head resting on a toilet.

He tried to contact police with his mobile phone, but dropped it in the toilet and had to wait until Mr Wilson went into the bathroom at 5:30 a.m.

Forrest got it right...

FOD 2014.02.17 - Second Helping

Rumors of trouble in the obama marriage began shortly after barry took that infamous selfie with the hot Danish prime minister.

Those rumors received a boost this weekend when the First Couple took seperate vacations.

President Obama’s trip to California today is expected to launch a three-day weekend of golf, getting in some undoubtably badly needed R&R just a month after completing a two-week golf vacation to Hawaii.

Meanwhile, michelle went off for her own vacation - skiing in Aspen. Not only is she blowing a wad of taxpayer cash, she's also inconveniencing others.

By skiing in a tony Colorado location, Mrs. Obama ... chose the most the expensive location for taxpayers possible short of heading to the Alps. She took an Air Force jet and a cargo plane 2,000 miles across the country so she could slide down America’s most powdery slopes beside its wealthiest skiers.

...Mrs. Obama’s arrival shut down the Aspen airport for an hour on a high travel day...

Tell me again about income inequality and the arrogant 1%...

I couldn't care less about the relationship between barry and mooch. What I do care about, however, is the fact that all these seperate vacations are doubling the cost to the American taxpayer.

In related news, there are reports of increased Bigfoot sightings in Aspen.