A set of jumper cables walks into a bar.
The bartender says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says ''Sorry, we don't serve food in here''
Four fonts walk into a bar.
The bartender says ''We don't want your type in here''
A screwdriver walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"
The bartender says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says ''Sorry, we don't serve food in here''
Four fonts walk into a bar.
The bartender says ''We don't want your type in here''
A screwdriver walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"
An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman.
The octopus says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”.
So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar.
The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever.
Finally, the Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes.
The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. A few more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. A couple of more minutes and still nothing. So the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?”
The octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna screw her as soon as I get her pajamas off.”
A man walks into a bar. He sits down next to another man. On the bar in front of him there is a guy who is a foot tall playing a little piano.
"Where did he come from?" said the first man.
"There is a genie out back who is granting everyone one wish," says the other guy.
So the man goes into the back alley and sure enough there is a genie.
"I'll grant you one wish," says the genie.
So the man says, "Ok, I wish for a million bucks."
At first nothing happens. Seconds later a duck walks into the alley, then another one, then another. Then ducks just start pouring into the alley from every entrance, they come from over top the building, they come from everywhere. The man freaks out and runs back inside and sits down next to the other man.
"I think that genie is a little hard of hearing," he says. "I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks."
And the other man says,"I know. Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
The octopus says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”.
So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar.
The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever.
Finally, the Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes.
The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. A few more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out. A couple of more minutes and still nothing. So the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?”
The octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna screw her as soon as I get her pajamas off.”
A man walks into a bar. He sits down next to another man. On the bar in front of him there is a guy who is a foot tall playing a little piano.
"Where did he come from?" said the first man.
"There is a genie out back who is granting everyone one wish," says the other guy.
So the man goes into the back alley and sure enough there is a genie.
"I'll grant you one wish," says the genie.
So the man says, "Ok, I wish for a million bucks."
At first nothing happens. Seconds later a duck walks into the alley, then another one, then another. Then ducks just start pouring into the alley from every entrance, they come from over top the building, they come from everywhere. The man freaks out and runs back inside and sits down next to the other man.
"I think that genie is a little hard of hearing," he says. "I wished for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks."
And the other man says,"I know. Do you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
2 comments:
Geez... :-)
Some pretty bad ones...
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