After over 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
His fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then placed his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
To which he responded: 'I found the remote.'
Me to old friend: "Didn't you used to take blood pressure medication?"
Old Friend: "I did, but I was able to control it with lifestyle changes."
Me: "Did you lose weight?"
Old Friend: "Nope. Got a divorce."
My wife just got off the phone with a friend of hers who lives in North Dakota. Her friend said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is 20 degrees below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Wind chill is -59.
Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.
4 comments:
I like that taking out the trash one...
My real life example is grocery shopping. I go to the store, take each item off the shelf, put them in the cart, take them out of the cart and put them on the conveyor belt to pay, then take the bagged items and put them back in the cart, push them to the parking lot, take them out of the cart and put them in the car. At home, my husband and sons think they are heroes for carrying the bags from the car to the counter, where I then pick each item up for the FIFTH time and put it away.
Our thing is the dishwasher. My wife rinses and loads all the dishes. Then I put in my coffee cup, add detergent, push the "Start" button, and then proclaim "I did the dishes!"
On the advice of my attorney I can't make any statements about my former or current (but seperated) wives.
I plead the 5th.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
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