The birthday weekend continues...
You know you're old when...
...you still chase women, but only down hill.
...you now confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
...your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
...your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
...your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the guys with the Live Doppler 10,000.
...you get into heated arguments about pension plans.
...you have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
...you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
...your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
...it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
...you're asleep, but others worry you're dead.
...you give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.
...you sing along with the elevator music.
...people call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
...your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
...you don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
...you go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
..."I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again".
...over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
...you don't get liquored up at home, to save money, before going to a bar.
...you regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation.
Sadly, the card below is more true than funny.
5 hours ago