A Peek Behind The Curtain

Today I'm going to share with you the dirty little secret of what goes on behind closed doors at our institutions of higher education. I'll expose the logical, rational, unemotional, and above all, harmonious, manner in which faculty interact with each other and with the administration. For example:

We had a department meeting yesterday. It was ... interesting. It was intended to be informational. Why we need a meeting to be informed of matters that can be disseminated via email is beyond me, but that's another story. Anyway...

As soon as the meeting was called to order someone pointed out that we didn't have a quorum. That led to a lengthy and intense discussion of what exactly a quorum was. More than 50% of the faculty? 60%? 75%?

Of course, it didn't really matter whether or not we had a quorum unless we were making some sort of formal decision that required voting. This particular meeting was basically a data dump, so having a quorum was immaterial. But that didn't stop the usual cast of characters from pontificating about it at great length.

Things went downhill from there.

The next topic of discussion was the agenda. Item number 1 was "Announcements." Some of them were reminders of to-do's and due dates. This, of course, aroused the ire of the natives, who wailed that the agenda item should have been labelled "Reminders," not "Announcements." Another lengthy discussion ensued.

During shouting matches arguments lively discussions like these I usually imitate my students by sitting in the back row and playing games or surfing the Web on my smart phone. It's like being caught in a thunderstorm. Lots of wind and noise, but very little real damage done.

I won't bore you with the rest, but suffice it to say that there was yelling back and forth on a couple of different topics (I abstained), followed by a rare near-unanimous agreement to have a face-to-face meeting with the president and the provost regarding their micromanaging of the class schedule (at this point I woke up and whole-heartedly participated).

FYI, usually classes are scheduled by the various Colleges that comprise the University. The powers-that-be have come up with the notion of moving away from a four-day course schedule (classes on Mon./Wed. and Tues./Thurs) to a five-day schedule (Mon./Wed./Fri. and Tues./Thur.) This nonsense is being driven by a recent visit from a state legislator who noted that the campus seemed empty and several classrooms were vacant. The visit, naturally, occurred on a Friday afternoon. Now the dolts running this place are afraid that another incident like that might feed the perception that tax dollars are being inefficiently managed. (They are, of course, but that's also another story.)

A little insight into why this is a big deal, beyond the obvious (no one wants to attend or teach classes on Friday):

First, faculty are evaluated in three areas; research, teaching, and service (working with student groups, serving on committees, etc.). Fridays have traditionally been reserved for research and service. It's not only more convenient, it's more efficient to block out several hours for concentrated effort on a Friday than to spend an hour or two on the same project 3 or 4 days a week. Furthermore, many of us attend conferences or travel to work with colleagues and collaborators in other locations on Fridays and Saturdays. Requiring us to be on campus on Fridays would obviously curtail such trips.

Second, the faculty jealously and zealously guards the principle of faculty governance. That's a fancy way of saying that the faculty believes it is important to be involved in making decisions that affect our research, teaching, and service. In this case, different faculty members have different preferences regarding what course to teach, and what days and times to teach them. Having the ability to work out those issues on a departmental basis helps us feel like we have a say in what goes on around here. In reality, that's a bit of an illusion, which is why we cling so fiercely to what little decision-making authority we do have.

Third, we're a state school. Thanks to the economic malaise we find ourselves in, salaries have been frozen and travel budgets have been slashed for the last two years. Needless to say, that hasn't helped morale. Implementing changes that make our day-to-day lives more stressful doesn't help ("The floggings will continue until morale improves.")

So expect any day now to see on the news a torch-holding pitchfork-wielding mob of faculty marching shoulder-to-shoulder on the administration castle building. Off the Man! Power to the People! We're the 99%!

There's more, but I'm as tired of writing about it as you probably are of reading about it. I know other people have issues with their jobs, and that relatively speaking our issues don't seem that serious. I'm grateful to be more-or-less gainfully employed, and I do realize that things could be worse.

But I'm still pissed off...