Sunday Funnies 2015.03.15

St. Patrick's Day is next Tuesday, March 17...

Saint Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland
Here's a drinkee to his health!
But not too many drinkees
Lest we lose ourselves and then...
Forget the good Saint Patrick
And see them snakes again!

"I come from an Irish Family. St. Patrick's Day was our big holiday. The night before we'd hang up our stockings and in the morning they'd be full of beer." -Sean Morey

Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription "Here lies a politician and an honest man."

'Faith now,' exclaims Reilly, 'I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.

Q:  What do a pint of Guinness and your mother-in-law's birthday have in common?
A:  For one day a year, you have to pretend that you actually like them.

Q:  What's Irish and stays out all night?
A:  Patty O'furniture!

Q:  What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
A:  The Halfback of Notre Dame!

Q:  What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?
A:  A leper con

Run Away All Night

A new film featuring Hollywood hypocrite Liam Neeson open in theaters across the country yesterday.

Neeson has made a fortune in action movies, usually portraying a tough guy who takes revenge on bad guys who do harm to his loved ones - for example, the Taken movies.

He also went on an anti-gun rant last September.

Neeson recently angered gun rights activists as well as Para USA, which provided firearms for the film Taken 3, after he told Gulf News — in an interview after the Charlie Hebdo attacks— that there are "too many [expletive] guns out there. Especially in America." He continued: "I think the population is like, 320 million? There's over 300 million guns. Privately owned, in America. I think it's a [expletive] disgrace. Every week now we're picking up a newspaper and seeing, 'Yet another few kids have been killed in schools.' "

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.

He also didn't explain the link between a terrorist attack in Paris and law-abiding gun owners in America. Nor did he cite any statistics supporting his 'every week kids are killed in schools' claim.

I have taken a vow to boycott any and all flicks this two-faced jerk appears in, and urge you to do the same.

There's at least one person (or group) in California who is going further.

Politically motivated street artists have plastered "redesigned" movie posters at various Los Angeles bus stops mocking Liam Neeson for his recent pro-gun control comments amid the release of his new action movie, Run All Night.

The studio marketing poster for the film features Neeson holding a handgun in a menacing pose. The artists altered the movie title to read "Gun All Right" with the tagline "One Hypocrite Laughing All the Way to the Bank."

 

From The Medical Front

They're doing amazing things with organ (wink, wink) transplants these days.

Good News: Dick Transplants Now Possible

Rejoice, peen-having members of this Earth: Doctors from University of Stellenbosch in South Africa successfully completed the world's first purported penis transplant—the patient has made a full recovery and "is sexually active."

The surgery was conducted last December on a 21-year-old man who suffered a botched circumcision as a teen.

Prof. Andre van der Merwe, head of the university's urology department, told Bloomberg that they were able to convince a family to donate a deceased relative's penis after devising "a penis-like appendage on the corpse using a leftover skin flap." "The family is much happier to send the body to the grave with something resembling a penis," van der Merwe said.

Let me get this straight (hah!). They sewed a dead guy's penis on the kid, then put a fake penis on the corpse. I don't think at that point the donor really cares.

Technically, NBC News points out, this is the medical community's second attempted penis transplant: A Chinese man underwent surgery in 2005, but asked to have the penis removed two weeks later "because of psychological problems experienced by him and his wife."

She probably got tired of trying to get things straight between them.

The good news is that now the patient can get laid. The bad news is that he'll have to wait two years.

Then he'll have to go to his dentist to get the smile removed from his face...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2015.03.13

Friday the 13th + a woman = Bad Luck...

Friday the 13th Trivia

Today is Friday the 13th, a day believed by many to be rife with bad luck and evil tidings.

If you're one of those believers, brace yourself. There are two more Friday the 13ths coming this year.

The year 2015 will have three Friday the 13ths – in February, March and November. So, just how unusual is this?

“Whenever a common year of 365 days starts on a Thursday,” reports EarthSky.org, “it’s inevitable that the months of February, March and November will start on a Sunday. And any month starting on a Sunday always has a Friday the 13th.”

... The year 2009 was the first trilogy of the new century. The next will be in 2026, and again in 2037 and so on for 11 more times during the 21st century...

...The fear of Friday the 13th, incidentally, is termed paraskevidekatriaphobia...

Many paraskevidekatriaphobics like to point out any and all tragedies associated with the date or number (including the fate of Apollo 13). On Oct. 13, 1972, a plane crashed in the Andes, and survivors were forced into cannibalism (immortalized in the film “Alive”). On Nov. 13, 1970, a cyclone and subsequent floods in Bangladesh killed as many as a million people. On Aug. 13, 2004, Hurricane Charley hit Florida. The 1989 stock market crash occurred on Friday, Oct. 13. On Jan. 13, 2012, the Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia capsized and sank off the cost of Tuscany, killing 32.

Some notorious people have been born on Friday the 13th as well, including director/producer Alfred Hitchcock, former Cuban President Fidel Castro, and (perhaps unsurprisingly) Klu Klux Klan Founder and Grand Wizard Nathan Bedford.

Why is Friday the 13th considered unlucky? One explanation dates back to the days of the Vikings.

Twelve gods were invited to a banquet at Valhalla. Loki, the Evil One, the god of mischief, had been left off the guest list but crashed the party anyway, bringing the total number of attendees to 13. True to character, Loki incited Hod, the blind god of winter, to attack Balder the Good, who was a favorite of the gods. Hod took a spear of mistletoe offered by Loki and obediently hurled it at Balder, killing him instantly. All Valhalla grieved. And although one might take the moral of this story to be "Beware of uninvited guests bearing mistletoe," the Norse themselves apparently concluded that 13 people at a dinner party is just plain bad luck.

As if to prove the point, the Bible tells us there were exactly 13 present at the Last Supper. One of the dinner guests — er, disciples — betrayed Jesus Christ, setting the stage for the Crucifixion.

Oh, and BTW, the Crucifixion took place on a Friday.

Other Friday the 13th superstitions:

• If 13 people sit down to dinner together, one will die within the year...

• If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil's luck (e.g., Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy, and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names).

• Never change your bed on Friday; it will bring bad dreams.

• If you cut your nails on Friday, you cut them for sorrow.

• Don't start a trip on Friday or you will encounter misfortune.

• Ships that set sail on a Friday will have bad luck, as in the tale of H.M.S. Friday. One hundred years ago, the British government sought to quell the longstanding superstition among seamen that setting sail on Fridays was unlucky. A special ship was commissioned and given the name "H.M.S. Friday." They laid her keel on a Friday, launched her on a Friday, selected her crew on a Friday, and hired a man named Jim Friday to be her captain. Finally, it was on a Friday that H.M.S. Friday embarked on her maiden voyage — and was never seen or heard from again.

Some say Friday's bad reputation goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. It was on a Friday, supposedly, that Eve tempted Adam with the forbidden fruit. Adam bit, as we all learned in Sunday School, and they were both ejected from Paradise. Tradition also holds that the Great Flood began on a Friday; God tongue-tied the builders of the Tower of Babel on a Friday; the Temple of Solomon was destroyed on a Friday; and, of course, Friday was the day of the week on which Christ was crucified. It is therefore a day of penance for Christians.

In pagan Rome, Friday was execution day (later Hangman's Day in Britain)...

Meanwhile, back at the Vikings:

The name "Friday" was derived from a Norse deity worshiped on the sixth day, known either as Frigg (goddess of marriage and fertility), or Freya (goddess of sex and fertility), or both, the two figures having become intertwined in the handing down of myths over time (the etymology of "Friday" has been given both ways). Frigg/Freya corresponded to Venus, the goddess of love of the Romans, who named the sixth day of the week in her honor "dies Veneris."

So if I've got this right, Friday the 13th is unlucky because it is derived from three different goddesses of sex and love. Based on my track record with the opposite sex, that theory makes a lot of sense...

Score One For The Good Guys

Every once in a while this country still works the way it is supposed to.

How angry gun owners shouted down a ban on armor-piercing bullets

That didn't take long.

The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives said Tuesday it was backing down from a proposed ban on manufacturing and selling one of the most popular bullets used in AR-15 semiautomatic rifles.

The agency pulled the plug early, with still a week to go before the end of a one-month informal comment period on the proposed rule change that would have targeted these armor-piercing bullets. The ATF noted it had received more than 80,000 comments, and "the vast majority of the comments received to date are critical of the framework, and included issues that deserve further study."

Criticism by gun-rights groups has been withering, accusing the agency of a "back-door" attempt at gun control with the proposal it announced Feb. 16.

The ATF proposal targeted 5.56mm "green tip" ammunition in SS109 and M855 cartridges. The armor-piercing bullet had been sold for years under an exemption to a 1986 law that sought to crack down on so-called cop killer bullets. Exemptions were granted if the ammunition was used mostly for sporting purposes -- hunting and target shooting -- and not in handguns. Now, the ATF sought to strip the "green tip" ammo of its exemption because of the development of AR-15 handguns that could fire the bullets.

Let's pause for a minute and think about that last paragraph. Exemptions are granted "if the ammunition was used mostly for sporting purposes -- hunting and target shooting -- and not in handguns." Hunting and target shooting is by far the most common use of the 'green tip' ammo. There are very few handguns held by the general public capable of shooting it. Likewise, to date there has not been a single case of a LEO being killed by a 'green tip' round.

Other issues:

The first and most important aspect is how the government defines “armor piercing.” Any type of centerfire rifle ammunition — and there are hundreds, including the AR-15 green tip — can penetrate a law enforcement vest. If the ATF can ban this type of ammunition under the argument that it is “armor piercing,” it can ban all centerfire ammunition. 

Second, the Obama administration has argued this ban is necessary to protect law enforcement, when there is zero evidence to show green-tip ammunition poses a special threat to law enforcement.

“Any ammunition is of concern to police in the wrong hands, but this specific round has historically not posed a law enforcement problem,” Fraternal Order of Police Executive Director James Pasco told the Washington Examiner recently.

This proposal isn’t about armor-piercing ammunition or protecting police officers. It’s about banning ammunition widely used in America’s most popular, and Obama’s most hated, rifle: the AR-15.

Exactly. And don't be misled by this apparent victory for gun rights advocates. Note the wording of the ATF press release.

...ATF will not at this time seek to issue a final framework. After the close of the comment period, ATF will process the comments received, further evaluate the issues raised therein, and provide additional open and transparent process (for example, through additional proposals and opportunities for comment) before proceeding... (emphasis added)

Very critical point there: the proposed ban has not been terminated - it has merely been 'put on hold.' To understand what that means we only have to look back one year.

Last year, the ATF successfully banned Russian-made 7N6 bullets on the grounds they were armor-piercing. Some gun-rights groups objected, but that ruling stood.

"We didn't put it out to comment," (ATF spokeswoman Danette) Seward noted. (emphasis added)

Once things have settled down, be on the lookout for an upcoming ban with no comment period. You can't trust those anti-gun fanatics any further than you can trust hillary clinton (you didn't think I'd forgotten about her, did you?)

HILLARY TELLS DEMS, PRESS TO SUCK IT UP

Hillary Clinton had a pretty straightforward message for Democrats and the media: Suck it up. She’s all they’ve got. There’s no viable alternative to her other than a Republican president. So they will have to choose whether they will side with her or with the GOP. Clinton even said that she would much rather have been there making partisan attacks on Senate Republicans, but noooooooo… she had to speak about her emails. All of those in the media and in Congress who had cautiously suggested that Clinton should show she was innocent of wrongdoing by coming clean got a big, wet raspberry from the Democratic frontrunner. The woman who has had attendants by her side since the late 1970s offered one flimsy excuse – convenience – for having operated a secret email server for government business every day of her tenure as secretary of state. And after that, it was just plain dismissive.

Audacity of ‘nope’ - Clinton said she has already destroyed – or, in Clintonian terms, “chose not to keep” – the evidence that would corroborate her claim of transparency. And she will not allow any outside access to the servers. Poof. Hard delete, indeed. Where Richard Nixon claimed the missing minutes from his audio tapes were accidentally erased, Clinton simply said she destroyed the stuff. A tactically better choice than Nixon’s, perhaps, but it’s beyond audacious. Now Republicans can choose whether or not to subpoena the servers, which were designed to leave no traces of deleted items. But she’s not taking any chances. Investigators can now decide whether a lengthy legal fight with the Clintons, possessed of limitless resources and huge influence, is worth it for something the candidate says is already gone.

The arrogance of that bitch surpasseth all understanding...

Lying Sack Of Sh*t - Day Three

Days One and Two here and here.

Backstory:

Hillary Clinton said on Tuesday she should have used a government email account as U.S. secretary of state, though she said she violated no rules, in her first public remarks over a controversy that could cloud her expected bid for the White House.

Clinton, the presumed front-runner for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination, has come under fire for using a private email account for official business when she was the top U.S. diplomat because of concerns that she hid important facts about her tenure and put her correspondence at a security risk.

"I opted for convenience to use my personal email account, which was allowed by the State Department, because I thought it would be easier to carry just one device for my work and for my personal emails instead of two," Clinton said at a press conference at the United Nations in New York.

"Looking back, it would've been better if I'd simply used a second email account and carried a second phone."

Gosh, and all these years I've been doing it the inconvenient way by carrying only one device while accessing multiple email accounts from it. Silly me.

Believe it or not, America, today’s newfangled gizmos are capable of accessing multiple e-mail accounts from the same device. You don’t need separate iPhones for your Gmail and work mail. And even if you did, even if the State Department’s security tech required a dedicated device for e-mail, what kind of goon would conclude that the “inconvenience” of carrying two devices (or having a lackey carry two devices for you) instead of one trumped protecting national security at the cabinet level? What kind of politician would admit that? Who would dare even attempt a “convenience” argument knowing that the public already knows she took the much more inconvenient step of setting up a private server at home? Her personal e-mail operation was more sophisticated than what 99-point-whatever percent of the public will ever use. Not only is the inconvenience excuse horrible politics, it’s transparently false.

And why is she claiming an aversion to two devices when she admitted to using two devices on camera just a few weeks ago?

Her team had a week to cook up some spin and this diarrhea is what they came up with?

It got worse. She admitted that she deleted e-mails — lots of them, although she insists that they were personal ones and therefore she wasn’t required to turn them over to State. For instance, she said, sometimes she e-mails with Bill.

Oops. Bill himself said he does not now, and has never used emails.

The former president ... has sent a grand total of two emails during his entire life, both as president, says Matt McKenna, his spokesman. (emphasis added)

One of Bill's emails was to astronaut and former Sen. John Glenn, the other was to U.S. troops.

But Hillary said during her press conference that her email server "contains personal communications from my husband and me."

It appears at least one Clinton is not telling the whole truth.

Whoa. Newsflash - stop the presses! A Clinton (at least one of them) has lied. Who woulda thunk?

Sadly, "the issue may not resonate with voters or with the donors who will be critical to funding Clinton's campaign."

This is but one example of why I fear for the future of my beloved country.

ETA this gem from Hope n' Change.

I Am So Tired Of This Crap

obama and hillary, the darlings of liberals everywhere and the mainstream media (but I repeat myself), get a free pass when it comes to lying.

As I noted yesterday, barry said he first heard about hillary's use of a private email account while she was Sec. of State "through news reports."

Well, guess what. It turns out he lied.

... In a weekend interview, Obama told CBS News that it was only recently “through news reports” that he’d learned that Clinton was using a nongovernment email system.

But White House spokesman Josh Earnest said Monday that Obama had personally exchanged emails with Clinton on her private account — hdr22@clintonemail.com — and was therefore familiar with the address...

Of course, being a good weasel spokesman, Earnest immediately applied max spin to the revelation.

Earnest said Obama had been referring to when he learned the specifics of Clinton’s email system — such as the fact that she had a privately run email server and was using the private account exclusively.

The only problem with that is obama's own words make it quite clear that he did not say that.

(CBS News Correspondent Bill) PLANTE: "Mr. President, when did you first learn that Hillary Clinton used an e-mail system outside the U.S. government for official business while she was secretary of State?"

OBAMA: "At the same time as everybody else learned it, through news reports."

obama, hillary, and Earnest are what is often inelegantly and profanely referred to as "lying sacks of shit." IMO that's a pretty accurate description. I am totally fed up with the frequency and magnitude of their lies, not to mention the fact that they get away with it so often.

I don't understand why the American people put up with it...

FOD 2015.03.09

hillary has been in the news quite a bit lately.

Hillary Clinton continued her strategy of ignoring the firestorm over her use of a private email account as secretary of state... Also stonewalled by her was the controversy over donations received from foreign governments while she was in office as the nation’s chief diplomat.

That's the Clinton SOP - ignore controversial or negative stories and hope they go away. It's an especially effective strategy when aided and abetted by Clinton accomplices in the media.

In a similar manner, obama is sticking with his tried and true Sgt. Schultz strategy: "I know nothing...!"

(CBS News Correspondent Bill) PLANTE: "Mr. President, when did you first learn that Hillary Clinton used an e-mail system outside the U.S. government for official business while she was secretary of State?"

OBAMA: "At the same time as everybody else learned it, through news reports."

That leaves two possibilities: (1) she never sent him any emails while she was Sec. of State, or (2) he never bothered reading them.

I guess there is one other possibility - either he or she (or, more likely both of them) is lying.

This isn't the first, or second, or even third time barry has used the "I heard about it on the news" excuse. Here's a few more.

At Monday's (May 20, 2014) White House press briefing, spokesman Jay Carney revealed that President Obama and Secretary Shinseki first learned of the scandal of incompetence and corruption at the VA through media reports.

If this sounds like "deja vu all over again," don't worry, you're not having a Yogi Berra moment. This has been the White House's explanation of how the president learned about most of the scandals they've had to respond to over the past few years. 

According to the White House, President Obama was not informed by any of his advisors and, according to Carney, learned about  the following scandals from watching TV: 

• Fast & Furious gun running scandal
• IRS intimidation of conservative groups
• DOJ wire tapping of AP reporters
• DOJ wire tapping of Fox News' James Rosen
• Air Force One used for photo-op in lower Manhattan

And a couple more:

Obama didn’t know we were spying on German Chancellor Angela Merkel for five years.

Obama didn’t know the Healthcare.gov website was going to fail.

The only problem with the "I heard about it on the news" excuse is that obama has contradicted himself on at least one occasion.

In scandal after scandal in the Obama administration, President Obama has said he didn’t know about the problems until he heard it on the news.

But the president changed his tune about his supposed ignorance at a Democratic fundraiser near Seattle on Tuesday night (July 22, 2014).

Mr. Obama told supporters that he doesn’t watch the news because, “Whatever they’re reporting about, usually I know.”

That contrasts with the explanations that the president and his aides have given from scandals in the past few years ranging from long wait times and deaths at the VA, to the IRS targeting tea party groups, to the Fast and Furious gun-running operation, and the Department of Justice spying on news reporters.

In each of those cases, Mr. Obama or his aides have said the president learned about the scandals from news reports.

That's the problem with telling so many lies. You can't keep all your stories straight.

What a worthless SCOAMF.

Truck Party

Alright already - enough!

I've gotten a lot of grief over my Friday post, which was all pictures and few words. There's a good reason for that. The clicking of the keyboard hurt my head.

Let me explain.

The weather around here has been pretty dismal for most of the last month. Everyone was getting a bad case of cabin fever, so my wife and I figured it was time for a party. Since my truck had just turned twenty years old, we decided to throw a Truck Birthday Party. Nothing fancy - just an extended Happy Hour on Friday afternoon.

My 1995 F-150 all decked out for the party. Yes, that's a homemade birthday hat on top of it.

We sent out invites, stocked up on food and drink, and waited for the big day. I had a bunch of wild game in the freezer, so I thought it would be interesting to grill it and conduct a blind taste test. I used the same cut of meat, cut them into cubes (think meat ka-bobs - no veggies), marinated them all in the same concoction, and grilled them all at the same time. Everything was as identical as I could make it. The only variable was the meat itself. We had antelope, beef, whitetail deer, and elk.

Meanwhile, my wife busied herself with the chips and dip, veggie platter, fruit and cheese, and deserts. I iced down the beer and lined up the wine bottles. Then we sat back and waited for our guests to show up.

Evidently everyone else was ready for a party as well. We had about 30 people attend. They showed up early, stayed late, and ate and drank enthusiastically. That was fine with us. We had plenty of time, chow, and booze.

Unfortunately, as chief chef and host I was too busy to eat much. I did not, however, let those duties prevent me from sipping imbibing guzzling. I paid for it the next day. From what I understand, I wasn't the only one.

The results of the blind meat tasting were interesting. The antelope provoked the strongest responses. People either really liked it, or really didn't. It does have a strong flavor - not gamey, but more of a herb flavor. Since they graze quite a bit on sagebrush, I guess that makes sense.

The beef and the venison were middle of the pack. No strong reactions one way or the other - mostly a "pretty good" response, but not out-of-this-world raves.

The hands-down winner was the elk. Tender, flavorful, juicy - it was really, really good. And it disappeared in a hurry.

Anyway, a good time was had by all.And I (re)learned a valuable lesson. Eat first, then drink. And alternate drinks with glasses of water.

Sunday Funnies 2015.03.08

I hate Daylight Savings Time!

Twice a year, we change the clocks for daylight-savings time.

And twice a year, my normally punctual blonde assistant arrives late to work the Monday after we do so. I finally had to find out why.

"Do you have a problem remembering to spring forward or fall back?" I asked.

"Oh, no, " she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"What gets to me is staying up until 2 a.m. to change all my clocks."

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. That 'extra' hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

I think this is really a secret plot by "morning people" to get "night people" out of bed earlier.

The clock in my truck has the right time for the first time since last October.

I feel exhausted (and will for weeks) even though I missed only one hour’s sleep.

Half the office arrives an hour late, saying they forgot to change the clock. I wonder why they didn't arrive an hour early in October.

The timer is wrong on the DVR so I didn't get the last hour of the movie I was recording – but I didn't notice it until after I watched the first half.

On the other hand, I love having sex on Daylight Savings. It's the only time I can tell my wife we had sex for an hour and thirty seconds.

A Modest Proposal to Reform Daylight Savings Time

Instead of setting our clocks one hour forward, let us rather set them twenty-three hours back.

Think of all the advantages.

We will not lose an hour of sleep; we will gain almost an entire day of rest.

It will be Saturday all over again.

The perceptive among you will realize that, if this proposal is adopted, our calendars would require an adjustment. We would fall behind one day each year. There is a simple solution to this problem.

Every four years, instead of adding a day, we will subtract three days.

Furthermore, let these be Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, which according to polls are the least popular days.

If done in February, which seems reasonable considering what a miserable month it is, this would have the beneficial side effect of shortening the excruciating presidential primary season by an effective four days.

The advantages of this plan are clear.

Let us waste no time.

With a determined effort we can have Reformed Daylight Savings Time by Spring of next year.

Write your congresscritter today!

Pictures

... because it hurts too much to string words together...

Friday Follies Happy Hour 2015.03.06

179 years ago today the Battle of the Alamo ended.

Thirteen days of glory...

The More I Drink

My wife went on a Girl's Night Out last night. That's fine with me. She does a lot around here (and puts up with a lot...) so she deserves a night or two to kick up her heels and blow off a little steam.

The only problem is that it leaves me home alone, and I have no self-control.

The evening started off innocently enough. I shared a couple of beers with the dogs.

Hey, what can I say? They're Texas dogs. They like Shiner. I take a sip, give them a little sip, and then it's lather-rinse-repeat.

I am careful not to give them too much. We split one bottle between the three of us, then I cut them off. I don't want them to get in trouble for BWI (Barking While Intoxicated).

Next, I started prepping meat for this weekend. We're having a small get-together Friday night, and I'll be grilling. Just for fun, we'll have antelope, beef, elk, and venison. All the cuts of meat are the same, and I'm preparing them the same. It'll be a blind taste test to see if our guests can tell which meat comes from what animal.

The marinade I'm using calls for red wine. The amount needed is less than a full bottle. However, I suffer from Blake Shelton disease ("The more I drink, the more I drink").

Somehow, the leftover wine that didn't go into the marinade turned into Rebecca Creek Whiskey (It's Texas in a glass).

It was fun while it lasted...

Finally!

We've had almost two weeks of dismal, dank weather. We've suffered through constant overcast and continuous drizzle. For the most part it's been cold as well. Even when we had a day or two of relatively mild temperatures, the clouds and drizzle hung around. It never rained hard, but there was always moisture in the air in the form of mist or drizzle. My windshield wipers have been permanently set on "Intermittent."

All that changed today. Late this morning the sun finally - FINALLY! - came out. I blew the cobwebs off my sunglasses, harnessed up the dogs, and went for a nice long walk. The temperature is still hovering near freezing and the wind is howling out of the north at around 25 MPH, but I don't care. It's sunny!!!

Now I know why so many people were sun worshipers. It is remarkable how much difference it makes.

Throw Back Thursday - Alamo Version

I started a Texas history version of TBT last week. This week's topic is the fall of the Alamo.

Technically, the Alamo didn't fall until March 6. However, the final assault began during the early morning hours of that day (around 4:00 a.m. or so). Since preparations for the attack began during the night of March 5, I am exercising editorial discretion and taking advantage of today's proximity to the 6th to kill two birds with one stone.

We tend to focus on the Alamo's defenders; the heroic Texians. There were, however, two armies involved in the battle. And like all battles - heck, like life in general - it is the common folks who suffer the most. Here's an overview of the Alamo's fall, along with eyewitness accounts from both sides.

Overview

At 4 o’clock on the morning of March 6, 1836, Santa Anna advanced his men to within 200 yards of the Alamo’s walls. Just as dawn was breaking, the Mexican bloodcurdling bugle call of the Deguello echoed the meaning of the scarlet flag above San Fernando: no quarter. It was Captain Juan Seguin’s Tejanos, the native-born Mexicans fighting in the Texan army, who interpreted the chilling music for the other defenders.

Santa Anna’s first charge was repulsed, as was the second, by the deadly fire of Travis’ artillery. At the third charge, one Mexican column attacked near a breach in the north wall, another in the area of the chapel, and a third, the Toluca Battalion, commenced to scale the walls. All suffered severely. Out of 800 men in the Toluca Battalion, only 130 were left alive. Fighting was hand to hand with knives, pistols, clubbed rifles, lances, pikes, knees and fists. The dead lay everywhere. Blood spilled in the convent, the barracks, the entrance to the church, and finally in the rubble-strewn church interior itself. Ninety minutes after it began, it was over.

Mexican Perspective

The following account is provided by a member of Santa Anna's army that besieged the Alamo.

On the morning of March 6, the Mexican troops were stationed at 4 o'clock, A.M., in accord with Santa Anna's instructions. The artillery, as appears from these same instructions, was to remain inactive, as it received no order; and furthermore, darkness and the disposition made of the troops which were to attack the four fronts at the same time, prevented its firing without mowing down our own ranks. Thus the enemy was not to suffer from our artillery during the attack. Their own artillery was in readiness. At the sound of the bugle they could no longer doubt that the time had come for them to conquer or to die. Had they still doubted, the imprudent shouts for Santa Anna given by our columns of attack must have opened their eyes.

As soon as our troops were in sight, a shower of grape and musket balls was poured upon them from the fort, the garrison of which at the sound of the bugle, had rushed to arms and to their posts. The three columns that attacked the west, the north, and the east fronts, fell back, or rather, wavered at the first discharge from the enemy, but the example and the efforts of the officers soon caused them to return to the attack. The columns of the western and eastern attacks, meeting with some difficulties in reaching the tops of the small houses which formed the walls of the fort, did, by a simultaneous movement to the right and to left, swing northward till the three columns formed one dense mass, which under the guidance of their officers, endeavored to climb the parapet on that side.

This obstacle was at length overcome, the gallant General Juan V Amador being among the foremost. Meantime the column attacking the southern front under Colonels Jose Vicente Minon and Jose Morales, availing themselves of a shelter, formed by some stone houses near the western salient of that front, boldly took the guns defending it, and penetrated through the embrasures into the square formed by the barracks. There they assisted General Amador, who having captured the enemy's pieces turned them against the doors of the interior houses where the rebels had sought shelter, and from which they fired upon our men in the act of jumping down onto the square or court of the fort. At last they were all destroyed by grape, musket shot and the bayonet.

Texian Accounts

Miraculously, at least fourteen people lived through the battle, and a few would later provide chilling eyewitness accounts of what happened.

Enrique Esparza

Enrique Esparza was the son of Alamo defender Gregorio Esparza and Ana Salazar Esparza. He, his mother, and two siblings survived the attack. In 1902 he told the story of his experiences to a reporter for the San Antonio Express:

On the last night my father was not out, but he and my mother were sleeping together in headquarters. About 2 o'clock in the morning there was a great shooting and firing at the northwest corner of the fort, and I heard my mother say:

"Gregorio, the soldiers have jumped the wall. The fight's begun."

He got up and picked up his arms and went into the fight. I never saw him again. My uncle told me afterwards that Santa Anna gave him permission to get my father's body and that he found it where the thick of the fight had been.

We could hear the Mexican officers shouting to the men to jump over, and the men were fighting so close that we could hear them strike each other. It was so dark that we couldn't see anything, and the families that were in the quarters just huddled up in the corners. My mother's children were near her. Finally they began shooting through the dark into the room where we were. A boy who was wrapped in a blanket in one corner was hit and killed. The Mexicans fired into the room for at least fifteen minutes. It was a miracle, but none of us children were touched.

Esparza grew up to become a farmer and the father of seven children.

Susanna Dickinson

Susanna Dickinson, the young wife of Alamo defender Lieutenant Almeron Dickinson, hid with their infant daughter Angelina in a small dark room inside the mission. The Dickinsons were relative newcomers, having arrived in Texas from Tennessee in 1831.

She remembered the siege and battle in an 1874 interview:

Under the cover of darkness (the Mexicans) approached the fortifications, and planting their scaling ladders against our walls just as light was approaching, they climbed to the tops of our walls and jumped down within, many of them to immediate death.

As fast as the front ranks were slain, they were filled up again by fresh troops.

The Mexicans numbered several thousands while there were only one hundred and eighty-two Texans.

The struggle lasted more than two hours when my husband rushed into the church where I was with my child, and exclaimed: "Great God, Sue, the Mexicans are inside our walls! All is lost! If they spare you, save my child."

Then, with a parting kiss, he drew his sword and plunged into the strife, then raging in different portions of the fortifications.

Soon after he left me, three unarmed gunners who abandoned their then useless guns came into the church where I was, and were shot down by my side. One of them was from Nacogdoches and named Walker. He spoke to me several times during the siege about his wife and four children with anxious tenderness. I saw four Mexicans toss him up in the sir (as you would a bundle of fodder) with their bayonets, and then shoot him. At this moment a Mexican officer came into the room, and, addressing me in English, asked: "Are you Mrs. Dickinson?" I answered "Yes." Then said he, "If you wish to save your life, follow me." I followed him, and although shot at and wounded, was spared.

As we passed through the enclosed ground in front of the church, I saw heaps of dead and dying...

I recognized Col. Crockett lying dead and mutilated between the church and the two story barrack building, and even remember seeing his peculiar cap lying by his side.

Juana Navarro Alsbury

Mrs. Juana Navarro Alsbury, sister-in-law of Colonel James Bowie and niece of José Antonio Navarro, hid in the Alamo, accompanied by her son and sister Gertrudis, for protection and to nurse Bowie, who was ill. Juana's husband, Dr. Horace Alsbury, had left the Alamo on February 23, the day the Mexicans arrived, probably seeking a safe place for his family. The couple reunited after the fall of the Alamo, though Horace would be killed during the Mexican-American War a little over a decade later.

Juana Navarro Alsbury shared her memories with Texas history enthusiast John S. Ford in the 1880s, and he subsequently recorded them in his memoirs:

Mrs. Alsbury and her sister were in a building not far from where the residence of Colonel Sam Maverick was afterwards erected. It was considered quite a safe locality. They saw very little of the fighting. While the final struggle was progressing she peeped out and saw the surging columns of Santa Anna assaulting the Alamo on every side, as she believed. She could hear the noise of the conflict -- the roar of the artillery, the rattle of the small arms, the shouts of the combatants, the groans of the dying, and the moans of the wounded.

The firing approximated where she was and she realized the fact that the brave Texians had been overwhelmed by numbers. She asked her sister to go to the door and request the Mexican soldiers not to fire into the room, as it contained women only. Senorita Gertrudis opened the door, she was greeted in offensive language by the soldiers. Her shawl was torn from her shoulders and she rushed back into the room. During this period Mrs. Alsbury was standing with her one-year-old son strained to her bosom, supposing he would be motherless soon. The soldiers then demanded of Senorita Gertrudis: "Your money or your husband." She replied: "I have neither money nor husband." About this time a sick man ran up to Mrs. Alsbury and attempted to protect her. The soldiers bayoneted him at her side.

After this tragic event a young Mexican, hotly pursued by soldiers, seized her by the arm and endeavored to keep her between himself and his assailants. His grasp was broken and four or five bayonets plunged into his body and nearly as many balls went through his lifeless corpse. The soldiers broke open her trunk and took her money and clothes, also the watch of Colonel Travis and other officers.

Afterword

All the Texans died. Santa Anna’s loss was 1,544 men. More than 500 Mexicans lay wounded, their groans mingling with the haunting strains of the distant bugle calls. Santa Anna airily dismissed the Alamo conquest as a small affair, but one of his officers commented, "Another such victory will ruin us".

Six weeks after the Alamo, while the Mexican wounded still languished in San Antonio, Santa Anna met his Waterloo at San Jacinto. The men who died inside the walls of the Alamo had bought with their lives the time needed for General Sam Houston to weld a force that won Texas its independence. The great sacrifice would not be forgotten by history...

The cry "Remember the Alamo" resonates to this day.

They're Coming To Take Me Away

I've been vaguely aware of various reports here and there that say the obama administration has categorized people as potential terrorists in what appears to be a move to intimidate anyone opposed to obama and his policies. For example:

...a Department of Homeland Security (DHS) program dubbed Operation Vigilant Eagle tracks military veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, and characterizes them as extremists and potential domestic terrorist threats because they may be “disgruntled, disillusioned or suffering from the psychological effects of war.” Since launching Operation Vigilant Eagle, the government has steadily ramped up its campaign to “silence” dissidents, especially those with military backgrounds. Coupled with the DHS’ dual reports on Rightwing and Leftwing “Extremism,” which broadly define extremists as individuals, military veterans and groups “that are mainly antigovernment, rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority, or rejecting government authority entirely,” these tactics have boded ill for anyone seen as opposing the government.

I plead guilty to not according such reports the serious attention they deserve. In my defense, I can only claim that I have been overwhelmed by the number and absurdity of the policies and actions taken by the federal government over the past six years to such an extent that I have become numb. It's incrementalism at its best - the 'frog in the boiling pot of water' theory.

But I recently ran across an article that opened my eyes to a shocking realization. It dramatically illustrates the extent to which Big Brother, in the guise of the federal government, views ordinary citizens like you and me as potential terrorists.

The 72 Types Of Americans That Are Considered “Potential Terrorists” In Official Government Documents

Are you a conservative, a libertarian, a Christian or a gun owner?  Are you opposed to abortion, globalism, Communism, illegal immigration, the United Nations or the New World Order?  Do you believe in conspiracy theories, do you believe that we are living in the “end times” or do you ever visit alternative news websites (such as this one)?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you are a “potential terrorist” according to official U.S. government documents.

Also included on the list is anyone concerned about illegal immigration, anyone who believes in the right to keep and bear arms, and those that display the Gadsden Flag ("Don't Tread On Me").

Conspicuously missing is the phrase "Islamic extremist."

Here's the list. Go to the linked article article for the source document for each one.

1. Those that talk about “individual liberties”
2. Those that advocate for states’ rights
3. Those that want “to make the world a better place”
4. “The colonists who sought to free themselves from British rule”
5. Those that are interested in “defeating the Communists”
6. Those that believe “that the interests of one’s own nation are separate from the interests of other nations or the common interest of all nations”
7. Anyone that holds a “political ideology that considers the state to be unnecessary, harmful,or undesirable”
8. Anyone that possesses an “intolerance toward other religions”
9. Those that “take action to fight against the exploitation of the environment and/or animals”
10. “Anti-Gay”
11. “Anti-Immigrant”
12. “Anti-Muslim”
13. “The Patriot Movement”
14. “Opposition to equal rights for gays and lesbians”
15. Members of the Family Research Council
16. Members of the American Family Association
17. Those that believe that Mexico, Canada and the United States “are secretly planning to merge into a European Union-like entity that will be known as the ‘North American Union’”
18. Members of the American Border Patrol/American Patrol
19. Members of the Federation for American Immigration Reform
20. Members of the Tennessee Freedom Coalition
21. Members of the Christian Action Network
22. Anyone that is “opposed to the New World Order”
23. Anyone that is engaged in “conspiracy theorizing”
24. Anyone that is opposed to Agenda 21
25. Anyone that is concerned about FEMA camps
26. Anyone that “fears impending gun control or weapons confiscations”
27. The militia movement
28. The sovereign citizen movement
29. Those that “don’t think they should have to pay taxes”
30. Anyone that “complains about bias”
31. Anyone that “believes in government conspiracies to the point of paranoia”
32. Anyone that “is frustrated with mainstream ideologies”
33. Anyone that “visits extremist websites/blogs”
34. Anyone that “establishes website/blog to display extremist views”
35. Anyone that “attends rallies for extremist causes”
36. Anyone that “exhibits extreme religious intolerance”
37. Anyone that “is personally connected with a grievance”
38. Anyone that “suddenly acquires weapons”
39. Anyone that “organizes protests inspired by extremist ideology”
40. “Militia or unorganized militia”
41. “General right-wing extremist”
42. Citizens that have “bumper stickers” that are patriotic or anti-U.N.
43. Those that refer to an “Army of God”
44. Those that are “fiercely nationalistic (as opposed to universal and international in orientation)”
45. Those that are “anti-global”
46. Those that are “suspicious of centralized federal authority”
47. Those that are “reverent of individual liberty”
48. Those that “believe in conspiracy theories”
49. Those that have “a belief that one’s personal and/or national ‘way of life’ is under attack”
50. Those that possess “a belief in the need to be prepared for an attack either by participating in paramilitary preparations and training or survivalism”
51. Those that would “impose strict religious tenets or laws on society (fundamentalists)”
52. Those that would “insert religion into the political sphere”
53. Anyone that would “seek to politicize religion”
54. Those that have “supported political movements for autonomy”
55. Anyone that is “anti-abortion”
56. Anyone that is “anti-Catholic”
57. Anyone that is “anti-nuclear”
58. “Rightwing extremists”
59. “Returning veterans”
60. Those concerned about “illegal immigration”
61. Those that “believe in the right to bear arms”
62. Anyone that is engaged in “ammunition stockpiling”
63. Anyone that exhibits “fear of Communist regimes”
64. “Anti-abortion activists”
65. Those that are against illegal immigration
66. Those that talk about “the New World Order” in a “derogatory” manner
67. Those that have a negative view of the United Nations
68. Those that are opposed “to the collection of federal income taxes”
69. Those that supported former presidential candidates Ron Paul, Chuck Baldwin and Bob Barr
70. Those that display the Gadsden Flag (“Don’t Tread On Me”)
71. Those that believe in “end times” prophecies
72. Evangelical Christians

For the record, I scored 29 out of 72.

The black helicopters are circling overhead...

For Lou And Mel

Don't know if y'all saw this or not, but I thought you'd like to know...

Cheatham Street Warehouse Owner Kent Finlay Dies at 77

Kent Finlay, a voice for Texas Music and owner of the famed Cheatham Street Warehouse where many artists got their start, died on Monday. He was 77.

Finlay has often been seen as one of Texas Music’s best friends and premier mentors to songwriters and bands alike. His songwriter’s circle on Wednesday nights has a staple at Cheatham Street Warehouse for decades.

Finlay helped launch the careers for many famed artists, including Stevie Ray Vaughan and George Strait, among others. He was a songwriting mentor to many, having co-written songs with names such as Randy Rogers, William Clark Green, Slaid Cleaves and Walt Wilkins.

“Country music — and just music in general really — lost a great friend today,” George Strait said in a statement. “His legend will live forever in Texas, though. We’ll never forget our friend Kent Finlay. Sad day.”

Strait played his first-ever show at Cheatham Street with his Ace in the Hole Band on Oct. 13, 1975.

Superstar after superstar has graced the stage at Cheatham Street Warehouse, the famous venue by the railroad tracks in San Marcos. Willie Nelson, Guy Clark, Ray Wylie Hubbard, Townes Van Zandt and nearly every Texas country star has graced Cheatham Street.

...he died on Texas Independence Day. “You know he would have loved that,” his daughter, Jenni, said.

You can’t make up stories like that. It’ll probably even make a great song.