Watch Out For Splinters

A few days ago I posted something about a woman who pleasured herself in a MRI tube. Today I came across this story detailing the theft of implements she might have found handy.

Thief Steals 7 Wooden Penises

German police say a thief was in for a surprise after making off with a red plastic box from the back of a station wagon.

Inside were seven wooden penises of varying sizes, 100 condoms, and instructional material for sex education classes at a local counseling center.

Police in Goettingen said in a statement that the material is worth about $260...

Let's do the math. At the Discount Condom King 100 condoms sell for $24.95, with free shipping and a free vibrating ring tossed in for good measure. That leaves $235 worth of seven wooden penises, or around $33 per woodcock (sorry, all you bird lovers). That seems a little steep. Plus there's all those splinters to worry about.

Alternatively, you can purchase a Frisky Fingers personal massager for $ 9.95 (plus shipping).

I'm not an expert on the subject, but the Frisky Finger seems to be a clear winner...