Rules For Conquering The Gym

Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal has some advice for people whose New Year's resolution is to lose weight. Jason set forth 27 rules for conquering the gym, but as a service to my busy readers I'm only reporting the Top 10. If you want to know the rest you'll have to visit the link.

1. A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a bar.

2. Give yourself a goal. Maybe you want to lose 10 pounds. Maybe you want to quarterback the New York Jets Dallas Cowboys into the playoffs. But be warned: Losing 10 pounds is hard.

12. Nope, that's not a "recovery energy bar with antioxidant dark chocolate." That's a chocolate bar.

15. If you're motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a "wooden coat rack." It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.

17. If you see an indoor rock climbing wall, you're either in a really cool gym or a romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson.

19. If a gym class is going to be effective, it's hard. If you're relaxed and enjoying yourself, you're at brunch.

22. Fancy gyms can be seductive, but once you get past the modern couches and fresh flowers and the water with lemon slices, you're basically paying for a boutique hotel with B.O.

25. Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.

26. A successful gym membership is like a marriage: If it's good, you show up committed and ready for hard work. If it's not good, you show up in sweatpants and watch a lot of bad TV.

27. There is no secret. Exercise and lay off the fries.

Jason overlooked my personal favorite:

Rehydrating with Shiners defeats the purpose of going to the gym in the first place.