Sunday Funnies 2011.03.06

Unions have been in the news a lot lately. I'm working on a project with a colleague at the University of Wisconsin who honestly can't understand why so many people are upset with unions. Hopefully the following will help open his eyes.

 Did you know that the pyramids were built by union labor?

The original design was a cube, but each shift did a little less till the last one said "throw a rock on top and lets go home".

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Two managers and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat.

When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked humbly, "Jesus, I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam war...could you help me?"

"Of course, my son", Jesus said, and when he touched the man's back, he felt relief for the first time in years.

The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.

Jesus smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.

When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried defensively, "Don't touch me! I'm on long term disability."

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A dedicated union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madame, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80, and the girls get $20." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop.

His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madame responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

The Madame replied' " the girls get $80, and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunning attractive blond. "I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would sir," said the Madame, then, gesturing to an obese seventy-five year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."