Sunday Funnies 2016.04.17

Income Tax Time - we laugh to keep from crying...

Ambition in America is still rewarded . . . with high taxes.

America is the land of opportunity. Everybody can become a taxpayer.

If my business gets much worse, I won't have to lie on my next tax return.

Congress has the job of getting the people to pay taxes they can't afford for services they don't need.

Golf is a lot like taxes. You drive hard to get to the green and then wind up in the hole.

 The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.

 I must admit I lied on my income-tax return. I listed myself as head of the household!

A harp is a piano after taxes.

You really can't beat the system. If you earn anything, it's minus taxes. If you buy anything it's plus taxes.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

TAXPAYER'S LAMENT

Tax his cow, Tax his goat;
Tax his pants, Tax his coat;
Tax his crop, Tax his work;
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt;

Tax his chew, Tax his smoke;
Teach him taxing is no joke.
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule;
Tell him, Taxing is the rule.

Tax his oil, Tax his gas;
Tax his notes, Tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know,
That after taxes, he has no dough.

If he hollers, Tax him more;
Tax him till he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, Tax his grave,
Tax his sod in which he's laid.

Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove him to his doom."
After he's gone, we won't relax,
We'll still collect inheritance tax.

A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on Psalms 51:2-4 and Psalms 52:3-4 (lies and deceit), a man wrote the following letter to the IRS:

I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150.00.

Sincerely,
A Guilty Taxpayer

P. S. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest.

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"