Sunday, April 3, 2016

Sunday Funnies 2016.04.03

Puns - you either love 'em or hate 'em.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

A group of nuns are touring the White House in Washington D.C.

As the tour ends, they are waiting in line to sign the visitors' registry, followed by a family with a young son named Sheldon. As they near the registry, young Sheldon loses patience and runs ahead to sign the book. However, his mother stops him and admonishes him, saying:

"Wait till the nun signs Shelly!"

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bellringers job. The bishop was incredulous, "You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo.

Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."


(but wait, there's more...)

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bellringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy,rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother.


John in Philly said...

Timekeeping was imprecise during the middle ages. And yet, exactly at noon, the bells of Notre Dame rang out. When the bishop was asked how Quasimodo knew when to ring the bells, the bishop replied, "He has a hunch."

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Look forward to your blog but..........

Old NFO said...

ROTF, those are truly baaaaddddd....

CenTexTim said...

John - groan... Good one!

WSF - it's an acquired taste.

NFO - someone told me that a really good pun makes the listener groan, and then walk away and tell it to someone else.