Valentine's Day is just a few days away.
Men - duck and cover!
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or giving her helpful suggestions as she loads the dishwasher.
Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
"Yes," I replied, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."
"That was very thoughtful of you," my friend said. "I hope she appreciates them."
I smiled and replied, "So do I. The vacuum cleaner should work much better now."
A few years ago I wandered into a bar on February 14. After staring for some time at the only woman seated there, I walked up to her and gave her kiss in honor of Valentine's Day.
She jumped up and slapped me really hard. I immediately apologized and explained, "Look, I'm sorry, but you reminded me of my ex-wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed at the top of her voice.
"Funny," I muttered, shaking my head, "you even sound exactly like her."
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear.
Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A: Hogs and kisses.
Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
A: Ughs and kisses.
14 hours ago