Sunday, February 10, 2013

Sunday Funnies 2013.02.10

Valentine's Day is just a few days away.

Men - duck and cover!

I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or giving her helpful suggestions as she loads the dishwasher.

Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.

I was talking with a friend at work the other day. He asked me whether I'd bought my wife anything for Valentine's Day.

"Yes," I replied, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."

"That was very thoughtful of you," my friend said. "I hope she appreciates them."

I smiled and replied, "So do I. The vacuum cleaner should work much better now."

A few years ago I wandered into a bar on February 14. After staring for some time at the only woman seated there, I walked up to her and gave her kiss in honor of Valentine's Day.

She jumped up and slapped me really hard. I immediately apologized and explained, "Look, I'm sorry, but you reminded me of my ex-wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed at the top of her voice.

 "Funny," I muttered, shaking my head, "you even sound exactly like her."

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear.

Q: What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A: Hogs and kisses.

Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
A: Ughs and kisses.


Old NFO said...

LOL, good ones and you had WAY too much time on your hands to go dig all these out!!!

Toejam said...

Cut him some slack, NFO.

Like me he's retired from the work-force and is now a successful blogger.

CenTexTim said...

NFO - I did ignore a few honey-do's to find those.

Toejam - not retired yet, although I hope to be soon. (On second thought, I am a university professor. That's the next best thing to being retired...).

And not so sure about the 'successful blogger' thing, although I appreciate the compliment.