Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, "What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one that killed my brother?' "
Nugent replied, "Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' "
When our kids were little my wife and I decided to serve them venison for dinner. However, since both kids were animal lovers (Disney movies...) we decided not to tell them what kind of meat it was. Instead, we'd give them little hints and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged for the first clue.
I said, "Well, it's what Mommy calls me sometimes."
Our son spit out a mouthful, turned to our daughter, and said "Don't eat it. It's an asshole!"
An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack.
The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER doctor appeared wearing his scrubs and a long face.
Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid Grandpa is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."
"Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock. "We've never had a democrat in the family before!"