Sunday, May 29, 2016

Sunday Funnies 2016.05.29

Politics and random comics...

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?
Because all his other wives support Hilary.

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?
Juan by Juan.

What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?
Hair Force One!

Donald Trump, today, officially clinched the Republican nomination, which means he's one step closer to moving into the smallest house he's ever lived in.

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Q: How many Socialists does Bernie Sanders need to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it really gets screwed.

Q: What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?
A: The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance.

Q. Why do all of Bernie Sanders' campaign rallies have to finish no later than 5:30?
A. Because Matlock comes on at 6:00.

With the nomination of Hillary Clinton becoming increasingly certain, the campaign donations to socialist candidate Bernie Sanders have slowed to a trickle. Bernie has finally come face-to-face with what it means to be a socialist: You eventually run out of other people's money.

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Why does Hillary prefer dogs to Bill Clinton?
A dog chases his own tail.

If elected, Hillary promised she would do the work of three men.
Larry, Curly, and Moe.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky won’t be voting for Hillary Clinton this election.
She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Hillary Clinton and the Pope are sharing a huge stage at a gathering in New York, where thousands of people have come to see them speak.

The Pope leans in to Hillary and says, “Did you know that with just one wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd ecstatic with joy?  The joy will not be temporary, but instead will go deep into their hearts and be remembered for the rest of their lives.”

Hillary, looking at the Pope with skepticism, says “If you can really do that, then show me.”

The Pope reaches out and backhands Hillary, knocking her off the stage. The crowd roars while the Pope looks down at Hillary and says, “I told you I could do it!”

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