Sunday, May 1, 2016

Sunday Funnies 2016.05.01

Random stuff...

I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in our town. I think it should be the goal of every American to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy," and the other, a topless bar, would be called "You Mecca Me Hot."

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called “Iraq of Ribs.

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret," with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods, and on the other side a liquor store called Morehammered.

All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us.

Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point... It is either past your bedtime, or its midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed.

Yesterday Ted Cruz, the man mathematically eliminated from becoming president, picked his vice president. Cruz chose Carly Fiorina as his running mate: The first woman ever to lose the Republican nomination twice in three months.

  - James Corden

During Donald Trump's foreign policy speech yesterday, he said when it comes to military action, we have to be unpredictable. Scary news for Iran, but terrifying news for Canada.

  - Seth Meyers

Congress passed a bill to declare the American bison national mammal of the United States. So finally Republicans and Democrats have managed to reach across the aisle to pass a meaningless piece of legislation.

  - Jimmy Kimmel

Never trust a man when he’s in love, drunk, or running for office.

  - Shirley Maclaine

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.

  - Theodore Roosevelt


Old NFO said...

Good ones, and it's nice to see that somebody else remembers Pogo! :-)

CenTexTim said...

A blast from the past...