Sunday, March 8, 2015

Sunday Funnies 2015.03.08

I hate Daylight Savings Time!

Twice a year, we change the clocks for daylight-savings time.

And twice a year, my normally punctual blonde assistant arrives late to work the Monday after we do so. I finally had to find out why.

"Do you have a problem remembering to spring forward or fall back?" I asked.

"Oh, no, " she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"What gets to me is staying up until 2 a.m. to change all my clocks."

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. That 'extra' hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

I think this is really a secret plot by "morning people" to get "night people" out of bed earlier.

The clock in my truck has the right time for the first time since last October.

I feel exhausted (and will for weeks) even though I missed only one hour’s sleep.

Half the office arrives an hour late, saying they forgot to change the clock. I wonder why they didn't arrive an hour early in October.

The timer is wrong on the DVR so I didn't get the last hour of the movie I was recording – but I didn't notice it until after I watched the first half.

On the other hand, I love having sex on Daylight Savings. It's the only time I can tell my wife we had sex for an hour and thirty seconds.

A Modest Proposal to Reform Daylight Savings Time
Instead of setting our clocks one hour forward, let us rather set them twenty-three hours back.

Think of all the advantages.

We will not lose an hour of sleep; we will gain almost an entire day of rest.

It will be Saturday all over again.

The perceptive among you will realize that, if this proposal is adopted, our calendars would require an adjustment. We would fall behind one day each year. There is a simple solution to this problem.

Every four years, instead of adding a day, we will subtract three days.

Furthermore, let these be Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, which according to polls are the least popular days.

If done in February, which seems reasonable considering what a miserable month it is, this would have the beneficial side effect of shortening the excruciating presidential primary season by an effective four days.

The advantages of this plan are clear.

Let us waste no time.

With a determined effort we can have Reformed Daylight Savings Time by Spring of next year.

Write your congresscritter today!


Old NFO said...

I actually LIKE the last one! :-)

Bear said...

Moonlighting at the bar makes the time change extra awful, because regardless of whether we're springing forward or falling back, there's still a handful of jackass drunks trying to explain to us why we should still serve them more beer after close.

That, and after dealing with several hours of fuckery and closing at 2am (3am?), we don't get home until 5am.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

It means twice a year my wall clock gets dusted.

Anonymous said...

I like daylight savings time because my garden flowers need all the sunlight they can get.


CenTexTim said...

NFO - Friday afternoon makes a lot more sense than 2:00 Sunday morning.

Bear - In my younger days I loved the 'fall back' time change because it meant the bars were open for an extra hour.

WSF - You sound like a fastidious housekeeper... :-)

Scottie - LOL! Now if we could just train the dogs, birds etc. to adjust their internal clocks as well.