Sunday Funnies 2016.01.31

My wife dragged me to a neighborhood function last night. It was a wine tasting affair. Fortunately, it tuned out to be a wine drinking affair instead. Much better...

“Beer is made by men, wine by God.”

― Martin Luther, circa 1500s

“Wine improves with age. The older I get, the better I like it.”

― Anonymous

“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”

― W.C. Fields, circa 1930’s

"I'm a wine enthusiast, the more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become."

― Anonymous

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as Pinot More!

I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine.

It's a Bordeaux collie.

Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have with dinner.

Father O'Reilly was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'

'Only water', replied Father O'Reilly.

The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'

The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'