Visited the ER last night. Nothing serious, thankfully.
Speaking of the ER:
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.
"We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.
"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'”
One night in the Emergency Department, when a punk rocker entered complaining of severe abdominal pain and a fever.
The young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.
It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading, "Keep off the grass!"
After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.
"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent."
The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent."
Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"
The local EMS had an interesting call last week at the local upholstery shop... guy fell into an automatic slipcover machine.
Don't worry, though. The hospital said he's fully recovered.
The ER drug closet was burglarized overnight. Seems the thieves made off with several cases of Viagra. Police say they're looking for hardened criminals.
1 day ago