Sunday Funnies 2015.10.25

The week from Hell continued yesterday. My wife was changing bulbs in the light fixture above our kitchen island. One of them broke off at the stem, leaving the metal screw-in base stuck in the socket. I tried everything I could think of - needle nose pliers, a piece of rubber hose, a potato - and nothing worked. That sucker is well and truly stuck. (The inside of the socket has corroded so badly it has fused itself with the bulb's base. I even tried spraying solvent on it. No joy.) It looks like we'll be calling an electrician Monday.

So much for do-it-yourself...

A dyslexic carpenter wrote a self-help book on carpentry. However, its main buyers were not apprentice carpenters, but aspiring pick-up artists.

It was titled The Beginner's Guide to Nailing Broads.

A man contracted to paint a church. He noticed that he had not bought enough paint, it was Friday and he couldn't possibly get the additional paint he needed before the big event at the church. He had promised it would be done, so he decided to thin the paint so it would spread further.

Sunday came and the membership was seriously disappointed with the paint job. There were places where it was so thin you could see right through it. There were other places where it ran and dripped on the sidewalks and steps. The congregation called an emergency meeting.

They decided to have the man come back and redo the paint. The job fell on the pastor to go tell the painter. He went to the man's home Monday morning and knocked on the door.

The painter opened the door, looking haggard and dishelved. His eyes were bloodshot, he was unshaven, and he reeked of stale alcohol. Shocked at the sight of the preacher, he blurted out "Excuse me preacher, I don't feel very well. This hangover is killing me."

The preacher immediately knew what to say:

"Repaint, and thin no more!"

I was at my local home improvement store yesterday. As I was looking at shutters and panes of glass, an employee came over and asked if I needed any help.

I responded "No thanks, I'm just window shopping."

“If only I had the right tool!”
That’s my DIY cry, as a rule,
I usually try a fix
Composed of my custom mix
Of chewing gum, tape, and some drool.

UPDATE:

I let it sit overnight, then tried again the next day. Evidently the solvent just needed some time to work, because I was able to get it out without too much trouble. Thank goodness!