Sunday Funnies 2015.10.18

You may have seen this video of what has to be a liberal trying to reason with a bear. If not, invest 2 1/2 minutes of your time. It's a damn good illustration of how liberals see the world.


Speaking of bears:

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts. Finally, their request was granted.

They immediately flew to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals. They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented.

The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. There was no sign of the missing men.

They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists, because they feared an international incident. They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach and, sure enough, found the remains of the Russian. One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"

"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."

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How do you catch a polar bear?

First dig an ice hole. Then put a whole bunch of little green peas on the outside. When the polar bear comes to take a pee you kick him in the ice hole.

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One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole.  This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life.  By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.  The frog called for the two to stop.

The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes... Bear, you go first."

The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.  The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish.  "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine.  The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish that the bear was gay..."

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There once was a kingdom ruled by a giant bear named Shardik. The only way to become a knight in Shardik's empire was to apply for a personal interview with the bear.  This had its drawbacks.  If he liked your audition, you were knighted on the spot--but if you failed, Lord Shardik was quite likely to club your head off your shoulders with one mighty paw.

Even so, there were many applicants--for the peasantry were poor, and if a candidate failed for knighthood, his family received, as a booby-prize, a valuable sheepdog from the Royal Kennels.

This consoled them, for truly it is written, "For the mourning after a terrible knight, nothing beats the dog of the bear that hit you."